10+ months TTC

[Kookie88]

I've just reached cycle 10 and I'm despairing. I've tried to stay focused and positive all this time but it's all gotten a bit much. Each month I've tried something new but nothing seems to be working. (This month is acupuncture month, last month was fertilitea month)!

I guess I just needed to vent I don't want to sound like a total debbie downer but today's been tough!

So sorry daddysgirl. I can't really offer any wisdom on how to feel better. I tend to find it's best to just be as busy as possible so you don't think about it.
Luckily my job helps with that that while I don't love it it's fairly all consuming. Really sorry you're struggling with that too.

I have been very down about this at points daddysgirl and it got to the point where I felt so miserable every day about it - counselling sessions weekly for two months and a week off really helped. Im feeling much more calm and resilient now through this process, and positive that we will get there eventually.

I think the main things that were impacting me were it being my whole focus and as a result I was overlooking every good thing in my life and only seeing what I wanted but didn't have and couldn't control. And also doing things that over egged my focus on it like too much googling, early testing, reading the boards too frequently. Plus not talking about it with my hubby, friends etc - it was this whole cycle going on alone in my head. it's such an emotive, heartfelt yearning - to want be pregnant - and it it really easy to become fully focused on it to the exclusion of everything else. I feel better about it now than I did months ago and I'm no more pregnant now than I was then so even though it's hard to believe, there is hope of finding it easier to cope with.

could you take a few days off work and perhaps consider counselling? X

cola you've summed up how it feels really well!

Thanks ladies.

Cola - I had counselling after my miscarriage. I wanted it to help but it didn't. I just pretended I was okay & let her sign me off when I felt no better. To be fair to her, I just didn't want to see things in another way & felt too much like I was just box ticking to make her feel better so I just agreed.

I've however referred myself to our occ health dept & booked a GP appt to try & sort this out as I cannot go on living in this wallowing pit. I'm embarrassed at the amount of times I'm crying & need to stop. How will I cope if IVF fails for godsake. I need to be stronger!

daddysgirl trust me, hard as it all is now, once you seek and get help feeling better comes relatively quick. Maybe you'll find a different treatment works for you. I know it's really hard to open up and share feelings - this was my fifth set of counselling which I've had over the years for depression, post natal anxiety and now ttc stress. I've gotten better at it - I think with my first counsellor I just cried for the first three sessions, I was morto!! Great that you've taken first steps now. How are you feeling today? Xxx

Hi everyone,
Hope you're all doing ok. Haven't posted since my last outburst about DH as have been trying to chill out, focus on my business and not stress/obsess before our appt with fertility clinic.
I wanted to come on and share about it as it was such a good experience. We went to the Lister in London and it was just different class as soon as we got there. So many things were explained to us that I never really understood before and the dr we saw really understood on a personal level.

We need to have a few more tests done but all the recurrent mc tests have come back ok so it's just been a case of bad luck, but at least someone has finally confirmed that for me, rather than wondering constantly and googling or obsessively looking on the forums.
I only have one tube because of previous ectopic years ago and DH has low morphology so he has recommended ICSI. He broke it down in very simple terms that if he didn't know any of my history and just met me at the bus stop, our chances would be 7-9% each month. If you have ICSI, it goes up to 52%. Think that was good for DH to hear as well because he understand things in terms of numbers and stats.

He said obviously we've got pg twice but it's taken a long time each time so it's not impossible by any means but if we don't want to wait then that's what he'd recommend so we're going back in 3 weeks after the other tests to decide.
Just to add to the head* that is TTC I'm 6 days late now which never happens but tests are negative so it may be the stress of the appt or stressing out at DH? who knows. Would be amazing if we didn't need to go down that route after all but have to say, going to that appointment has made me feel 100 times better than any other appointments I've been to so would definitely recommend.
In terms of the drinking, he said anything between 6-10 units is fine and said the only supplement that you actually need is folic acid because it helps with the receptivity of the embryo.

Hope that helps anyone thinking of going down that route. I was absolutely petrified and really anxious about it but I came away feeling totally reassured xx

chlo thanks so much for sharing that! I also felt much better after all the not-knowing and speculation. Ivf/icsi is much less scary once you know what it entails, I think.

Great news about the appointment helping provide some answers and reassurance chlo - sounds like some progress and a decision afoot! Flipping AF being late is a pain if testing negative, that always makes me very impatient! Sounds like this has reduced stress a lot which is fantastic

blackcherries how are you getting on, have you had your next round? Hoping for great news for you xxx

I saw my GP today Cola & had a meeting with my boss. So I'm feeling a bit happier knowing I have a support network in place. It's reassuring to know that you went through numerous counsellors on your journey as I felt like I should be okay after my stint. Your story makes me realise that I may need it again & shouldn't feel weird about it. I've stopped crying for the moment though. I think this point in the cycle (pre-ov) is always a determined, brave & stronger person than pre & post AD - aren't we all?

Chlo - Thanks so much for sharing your experience. You make a massive point about specialists explaining properly. I haven't had that & it's made my anxiety & depression worse. I only have one tube too but no explanation for why or why it couldn't be fixed. Hopefully I'll get answers next week

*AF

Thanks ladies. I feel bad posting on here from time to time these days as I know it's normally when I feel crappy or to have a rant about DH (!) but I really value the support on here and wanted to share the experience in case it helps anyone. Glad to hear you're feeling a lot more positive cola. It's so hard to get that perspective and I don't think any of us have it all the time but I think as long as you're feeling in a good place for the majority of the time then that's fine. Think we've all been there when you just feel like you're constantly upset and depressed and it's horrible. Counselling definitely helps with dealing with those feelings.

daddysgirl - when did you find out you had one tube? You should absolutely be given an explanation why. But to reassure you, if you do have to have help, it completely bypasses the tubes anyway so it's not going to stop you from having a baby. I didn't understand how having one tube affected things at all and he explained that it just means the remaining tube has to work harder on the months when the egg is released from opposite ovary, somewhat like a wicket keeper trying to catch the ball! Obviously it doesn't mean it's impossible by any means but it's so important to understand what's actually going on with your body. When you don't, you come on here, you google constantly, you convince yourself it's your fault and that it's never going to happen based on what you read online, which is often the worst case scenario and end up feeling depressed, anxious and completely at a loss with it all (which in turn really doesn't help!!!). Definitely push for answers next week and great that you're feeling like you're getting a bit more support.

Hi All, sorry I've been quiet but I had my hen weekend! Was such great fun!

I've caught up on everyone's news, seems people are a bit down at the mo which I can completely understand! Fingers crossed for you all.

No idea if doc recommended DP anything to improve morphology as he went alone. I think the advice was just to keep trying as it's still possible. sigh No idea when I ov'd last week (think I'm 8 or 9dpo) but had some af-type cramps yesterday and today a small wet pink when I wiped once. But I am so not reading anything into it, af will turn up next week I don't doubt. I've gone past the phase of symptom-spotting and trying to read things into it all. Had a tooth out yesterday and dentist asked if I was pregnant. I said no because the tooth was so painful and I didn't want to have to wait only for af to turn up. How I would love to be proved wrong next week but oh well!

Oh that's interesting about folic acid helping receptivity. I had bought a 4 month supply but it's lasted me a year I think I just forgot for most of the intermittent months but maybe it will help so I've ordered another box.

Also worth saying that folic acid is an absolute must in case you do get pregnant. My bf lost her baby to spina bifida (she was actually taking folic so was unlucky but it is far far less likely if you are taking it. Xx

Yes I know that part but I didn't realise it actually had a function in conception too :) Sorry about your friend's baby :(

hi cola and all. Yes, have had my second transfer! Just in the 2ww. Last time round it all seemed to fall apart around 8 days post transfer (bleeding, increased progesterone etc), so bracing myself for that.

sooz glad you had a great hen, congratulations on getting married soon and hope your plans are coming together well!

blackcherries I'm guessing the 2ww is even more "fun" post transfer, I would need some serious distraction tactics!! Fingers crossed and everything crossed this round works xxx

Thanks, cola, the wedding is 3 months away but I have a very pregnant bridesmaid so we celebrated early so she could come along.

blackcherries good luck with the 2ww - fingers crossed for you!

I am totally imagining symptoms so trying to ignore it all by catching up on Twin Peaks season 2!

Hello may I join in please? And I need advice too! So abit of background- I'm 27, I've had four pregnancies,one living son. We've been ttc since he was two weeks old (now 22 months old) were still not pregnant. Had 1 chemical pregnancy during this time - I'm a poas addict tbh and always test early. I'm starting to feel very fed up of family/friends falling pregnant - one of the mums I met on the antenatal course announced this week they're expecting number 3 (they had number two four months after having their first) I'd love to know what the secret is to a baby! Anyways I went to the gp a few months back as my cycles are irregular and I'm not getting anywhere- she offered to do a blood test on day 21 and six (?) but I choose to keep waiting and seeing if It'd happen naturally. Has anyone been down the fertility route for number 2? Is there any help for those with a child/ren already? I'm so nervous & worried they'll find the issue/problem but we can't solve it as we have ds- I am so greatful we have him but I am desperate for another. Nice to meet you all ellie x

Hi Ellie, sorry you've been having a hard time.

Struggling to conceive a child when you already have one is called Secondary Infertility. There is a thread for that somewhere around here if you want, or it's just a helpful google term.

Do you mind me asking, is there history of miscarriage or infertility in either yours or your partner's family at all?

I would go for the blood tests if I were you, your choice, but more information on what's happening has to be a good thing, and you don't have to go ahead with anything invasive if you don't want to.

ttc two weeks after giving birth?! - that's dedication!
I got impatient ttc no.2 and started tests etc after about 9 months, it feels like it's been a long journey but I have had one fresh cycle of IVF and one frozen transfer. I never ever thought I'd be at this point - dc1 was conceived easily - but I'm happy to say today I got a bfp. It's very early days so cautious - and after all the other stages it does feel slightly like the latest hurdle I've successfully jumped over rather than an 'end result' - but I'm very happy.

I'd go for the blood tests. information is power and it shouldn't affect you trying at the moment?? (Not sure as I didn't have those bloods done!) Take whatever the GPs offer - I wasn't offered diddly squat and had to pay for every test.

blackcherries congratulations!!! So so happy for you, can understand the caution but still this is fantastic and hopefully smooth sailing ahead! great great news xxx

ellie I was like woah, I couldn't contemplate sex for like two months after birth so fair play to you!!
The NHS will do tests so at least that will help you understand more and can do some things that may help but ivf etc need to be self funded.
Worth going and finding out more

Great news blackcherries, congratulations, hope everything goes ok!

Been super busy and will post properly when I have time, but just wanted to say congrats blackcherries and sending you every good wish I can muster! X

Yay, blackcherries! Fingers crossed for a happy and healthy pregnancy.