10+ months TTC

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I've just reached cycle 10 and I'm despairing. I've tried to stay focused and positive all this time but it's all gotten a bit much. Each month I've tried something new but nothing seems to be working. (This month is acupuncture month, last month was fertilitea month)!

I guess I just needed to vent I don't want to sound like a total debbie downer but today's been tough!

Nope, AF turned up with a vegneance so onto cycle 13 :( We'll be lucky if we manage anything this month as DS and I are going away on the 10th. I could ovulate anywhere from the 9th to the 14th. Argh! I definitely identify with thinking we could have had a baby by now. Actually we could have had two :( Two miscarriages and we're coming up to the second potential due date (I never had an actual date so I am not feeling too weird about it). Actually DH is really struggling with his new job so he doesn't want to rush into testing when we get back. I am just going to wait and talk about it then. I see his point but I also think it might be worth asking what our next steps are, in case it takes a while to get referred.

Blackcherries when can you test to see if the transfer was successful? Are you getting any symptoms or anything?

Hi guys, just me checking in. One more cycle on our 4-month break, been ttc #1 for 10 months but started a break last December. I've been much more relaxed so that feels good, although I do still have those moments where I realise I could have had a baby by now. I can't wait to start trying again but am determined not to obsess over it. Hoping to get DP to have an SA over the next couple of weeks and then we'll know more. My cd3 + 21 bloods have shown I'm ovulating.

Good to catch up on all of your news, although I'm sorry there haven't been any bfps. Got my fingers crossed for you all for this next cycle.

I mean 10 months ttc before the break. It's actually been 14 cycles altogether.

Sorry bout AF Bertie Hope you ovulate earlyish so you can get a couple of shots in before going away maybe?

Hey Sooz, glad you're feeling more relaxed thanks to your break and had good blood results. Hope SA is good too.

Just starting this month's shagathon. Seem to alternate between hideous stressful month and then a better one, and this one feels better so far - yay!

Love to all in the tww, hope to hear some good news soon :-) x

Oo forgot to mention I'm trying Headspace app for meditation and finding it good so far. I think I need to dedicate more time to relaxation as I am definitely feeling the strain lately and am very wound up about my tests so am trying to meditate at least every other day. It's only 10 mins a session so not long at all but I do feel it helps me. You can try it free for 10 sessions and then subscribe if you want - I found a discount code and signed up for a year to try to encourage myself to stick with it.

Hi everyone, just wanted to check in and see how you are all doing?

I am currently in 2ww at 7dpo, starting to get anxious now as I sometimes start spotting from around now. Had my 2nd day 21 blood test this week. We saw the doctor last week who went through all our results so far, all ok apart from possible (unconfirmed ) endo. But she can't refer us to the fertility clinic until we've done all the tests so a bit longer to wait. DH was relieved his sample was good, I hadn't really realised how worried he was.

Surrounded by pregnancies at work at the moment, there are 4 ladies around my age expecting their 1st - when will it be my turn?!

Anyway hope you are all doing ok xx

Hey Sunshine, good to hear from you! 7dpo is usually about the time I start to climb the walls and lose the plot slightly, so I hope you're feeling ok and the spotting stays away. Hang in there!

I'm feeling super relieved as I had my first blood test this morning and managed not to faint or cry. I was shaking like a leaf and the sweat was dripping from my hands but the healthcare assistant was really lovely and managed to put me as much at ease as she could. I know it's ridiculous but this was my first ever blood test outside a therapy session so for me it was a really big challenge. I bought myself a Cadbury's creme egg as a treat after and am feeling much better about my next one on Weds. At least this process will help me deal with needles better!

If my monitor is correct I'm ovulating today, so shag time tonight and then the dratted wait. I'm actually not feeling too bad about next AF arriving (I'm just assuming she will cos I've got so used to that happening) as it means I can book my HSG and day 3 blood test and get nearer to understanding what's going on. I think I'm gradually accepting that maybe this won't happen by itself and we do need help.

How is everyone else doing? Hope you're ok and enjoying some sunshine xxx

hi all. Somewhere along the line this thread fell off my 'active' ones so have missed a bit!
Anyway, my ivf didn't end up working. Had a chemical pg and bleeding on test day. Still a bit all over the place and panicking yet trying not to as it won't help!! really need a break from day-to-day life. Might try that Headspace app! I'm beginning to turn into one of those people who feels really upset/angry/frustrated when I see ppl expecting their second.

Oh no sorry to hear that cherries. Was that the first go? Can they give any indication why it didn't work or just one of those things? (Sorry hate that expression but you know what I mean.) hope you're ok.

Glad you managed to get through the blood test rational. its not silly if it's how you feel. It's pretty crap full stop to have to be pulled and prodded about!

We've had our recurrent mc tests back and all came back negative which is good but apparently you can still have these things slightly so consultant has given us prednisolone to take from ovulation and also prescribed clexane in case we do fall pg again soon. She said they won't harm you to take short term. We're going to give it two cycles then book a private ivf consultation and go from there x

Yes it was first go. Not had follow-up appt yet so don't know what happened!

Sounds like you have a plan, chlo!

Oh no Cherries so sorry x I know the feeling. There was an event at DS's school on Thursday and seeing all the younger siblings running around hit me harder than it usually does. Well, DH and I are trying to hit every opportunity before leaving on Monday. Then I can just relax with DS and be distracted from the TWW by visiting everyone :)

Really sorry, cherries - hope you're feeling a bit better by now and follow up is/was helpful. I've found Headspace really good and also I've found listening to music for a little while each evening has helped me to feel calmer. Sounds silly but I'd forgotten the joy of just listening to a few good tunes on my headphones!

Glad it sounds like you have a plan Chlo and that there were no major issues identified.

Had first set of bloods back and all apparently within normal range, but I won't know more detail til I speak to doc about it. I noticed progesterone was 5 but I expected that as it was taken cd17 which for me I think was ov day. Blood taken today (cd23) should hopefully show whether I actually ovulated or not. Managed much better with my blood test today, only sweated a bit and didn't feel totally panicky, so at least I'm getting better at that. Also have ultrasound appt through for 5th May so it's all progress.

Hope everyone in tww is ok, it blimmin sucks but it's Easter soon so maybe chocolate will help! Xxx

Just checking in and saying hi, back from a lovely holiday so lots less trc stressed - long may that last! Hope you're all well and that the two week wait is being kind to all those on it.

How are you cherries? Have you gotten dates on when you can try again? Xx

Hope you're well chlo and the plan sounds like a good way to take the pressure off xx

Well done on the tests trying - I do first nhs fertility consult tmw so I'll let you know what they sign me up for!

Hope your appointment goes well, Cola - my experience so far has been really positive, everyone has just been very kind and caring, so I hope it is the same for you. Definitely a step in the right direction

Had my consult today and it was with a nurse not consultant, hadn't expected that when it was called a fertility consultation but hey ho. It was just another info gather really and blood test for chlamydia. Next appointment in 6 weeks (disappointing) where they will scan internally and decide then to schedule either a laparoscopy or hsg depending on the scan.

Found it all a bit underwhelming, really hoped the appointment today would involve scanning me and setting up a hsg or lap...but now need another appointment just to make that appointment.

Like it's all grand, not a disaster or anything - just meh! Currently 8th in queue for bloods where I'm #43.... 🙈

Hi everyone

blackcherries really sorry to hear the 1st go at IVF didn't work, that sucks. The emotional side of IVF sounds like the worst thing about the whole process.

We are on to cycle 13... so we've officially passed the 12 month mark which feels shit obviously! I really had my hopes up last cycle that we would just make it into the "85% of couples conceive within a year" statistic I keep seeing, but nope. I got to 10dpo with no spotting and was even thinking about buying a pregnancy test but then AF turned up. I'm just not feeling positive about this at all anymore, feel like there's no point being positive when faced with failure every.single.month. It just feels like it's never going to happen and it's better to expect AF to turn up than get my hopes up.

I just wish I knew WHY - if only there was some way we could know why any particular month fails - maybe there have been different reasons on different cycles but it makes no sense to me! We now know that I'm ovulating, DH has good swimmers, we are both relatively young, we're fit and healthy, not over-weight, non-smokers, don't drink that much, no family history of fertility issues... so on paper it seems like this should have happened by now!

Anyway this cycle I am ditching the opks, the temping, I'm just sick of it all. We are going away on hol in a couple of weeks so hoping that we give me a bit of head space. Part of me is obviously hoping we wil be one of those couples who "give up and stop trying" and then it happens but I don't think I really believe that either!

I have one more blood test to do before we can be referred to fertility unit but it would need to be the afternoon we get back from holiday and my GP surgery has no appointments available so that's another month added in to all the waiting time :(

Anyway sorry for the rant - I feel like such a moaner these days but I know you ladies understand! At least it's a bank holiday weekend coming up!

sunshine I could have written this myself - getting over the 12 month mark is hard as you begin to realise that it's probably more liklely now to happen easily. Hugs

Hope the holiday refreshes you and a break sounds like a good idea. Definitely ditching opks for a cycle has helped me previously & my holiday chilled me out a lot and gave me a bit more resilience!

Awww sorry you're feeling underwhelmed, Cola. I know it is more waiting but you're definitely getting there. I'm in the same boat, lots of tests to do before seeing consultant, but hopefully once we do see her with a full list of results she will have a clue what's going on!

Welcome Harry, you're among friends so feel free to vent/rant/ask questions any time!

Sunshine I found the 12 month mark hard too. I think until then I kept thinking "it hasn't been 12 months yet so there's no reason to freak out" and then.... I freaked out a bit! But now I at least feel justified in my freaking out, so am allowing myself to acknowledge this is all a bit crap really and oddly that makes me feel a bit better. Obvs still have plenty of freak out and rant moments tho!

Hope you have a good break. I'm not sure I believe in the "stop trying and it happens" idea either, but I'm pretty sure that relaxation and fun is good for all humans, ttc or not, so hope you get a good dose of both and feel much better for it.

cola the waiting is a real pain in the arse! We spent ages getting all the tests done and even now I don't feel any sense of urgency at the clinic (but that's possibly because we're really impatient). Once the tests have all been done though you don't really have to go through it all again, before you can get going with any ivf etc.

We're going straight away to a frozen emb transfer so going to start down-regging soon for transfer next month. In the back of my mind I'm wondering if being impatient isn't so great and we should wait a couple of cycles. It doesn't look like I'm ovulating this cycle (poss due to CP) so didn't do a 'natural' one and the drugs should sort it all out, I hope! If this doesn't work then will take a break I think.

Hey ladies,
Hope everyone's well. Nice to hear from you again cola, know what you mean about there being no sense of urgency. It's very frustrating.
Totally with you ladies saying you feel like it's nothing to worry about then freak out. So hard to keep your cool and not to worry. It's a constant bloody battle isn't it.
After feeling very positive and in a good place, I feel really shit again. Ive just come home from a hen do and it was constant baby talk which made me feel completely left out and really helpless again. Lots of the girls are new mums and the ones who aren't have all just started trying and were talking about baby names etc etc. Eurgh just so hard and I found it really upsetting and a real struggle when it should've been fun and enjoyable and I feel upset this is my life :(

Awww Chlo that must have been horrible for you. I know people are just being excited but fertility problems and miscarriage are really common so I think some folk could be a bit more aware and sensitive.

It's so hard when you're feeling a bit crap about it all, even the smallest thing can be a trigger. The other day I was in a public loo and heard someone moaning about their due date being close to their older child's birthday and the person they were with moaning about having another girl when they wanted a boy, and I just wanted to scream "FFS some of us can't even get pregnant!". Maybe I should have done!

Hope you soon feel better and have something fun and not involving baby talk planned soon xxx

Thanks rational. I don't begrudge people and can totally understand them wanting to talk about their babies or baby plans but just so hard when you're struggling to have a baby. The effort of sitting there smiling whilst you're dying inside is just awful. I came home and had a good cry which helped and had a chat with my mum about it. Going round to hers shortly for a nice roast and going to relax and do nothing for rest of the day. I definitely think this is one of the worst things a woman can ever go through and some people just don't get it. I remember 'planning' when I was going to have a baby too though so I do get it. Let's hope we all have some luck soon, we all bloody deserve it x

chlo your experience reminded me of a hen weekend I went on last year with lots of new mums. I was feeling really down and hadn't told many of my friends at that point, I got my period on the Sunday and spent the whole train journey home trying not to cry and then bawled my eyes out when I got home. I've since found out another girl who was on the same hen do has struggled with infertility for years and is now having IVF so it just made me realise there are so many people in similar positions also suffering in silence!

Xx

It's tough isn't it sunshine. I just don't have any excitement about trying to get pg at all so I'm in a very different place to everyone who was there. Even hearing the girls all talk about what baby names they'd have was painful because I did all that and then obviously had the mmc. Coming home and having a good cry really did help. I just hate that this makes you feel this way. I've never been that kind of person and I really don't like being unhappy. I've booked a counselling session this week as don't want to get stuck in a rut again. Hope everyone's ok x