10+ months TTC

[Kookie88]

I've just reached cycle 10 and I'm despairing. I've tried to stay focused and positive all this time but it's all gotten a bit much. Each month I've tried something new but nothing seems to be working. (This month is acupuncture month, last month was fertilitea month)!

I guess I just needed to vent I don't want to sound like a total debbie downer but today's been tough!

Tests might help but they won't do any for another 12 months or after next mc. Having a proper pity party. I hate who this has turned me into!!!!

Ah flip, sorry Kate I misread. Waiting is the worst as we all seem to be stuck in a permanent never moving queue to get our babies... Is getting a private consult an option at all? X

thanks cola it's mostly been fine, just takes aaages. The few days since EC have been a bit uncomfortable but ok really. Probably having embryo transfer tomorrow! It's all a bit surreal.

welcome cakes and purplek1tty

Oh my goodness blackcherries good luck tomorrow!! Will be thinking of you x

Good luck, blackcherries!

AF got me today so at least I know. Cycle 16, here we go....

Sorry trying
do you know I've lost count of cycles?? I think I might be 16 too!

Thinking of you blackcherries xxx

I only know cos I checked my app in preparation for hospital appt next week - I've totally lost count as well!

cola how did you get on talking to DH about counselling? I can talk to mine about anything but he found it difficult to open up about any of this stuff which was causing problems but since going to see her, things are much better and she said in our session on Monday that we both seem like we're in it together now and both on the same page. Guess that's another positive to take from everything.

I don't think I have any symptoms of a thyroid problem but I guess it's good she's doing the test anyway. It's weird how all of these problems apparently effect such a small percentage of people yet it seems quite common? And that's without all the people who don't tell you about things/problems.

cherries how is everything going?

Hey chlo I didn't say it to him yet, had my first session for me yesterday. It was super tough, caught me off guard a bit. im two days before AF is due so I'm hormonal as hell and was so emotional but felt like I got a lot off my chest. It made me realise I've bottled up waaaay more than I thought. I recognise that I'm angry or sad a lot but I realised I'm also afraid which I'm burying - really afraid that I won't get pregnant again & that I can't cope with that. And that's what's sitting there at back of everything that I 100% don't want to face... It's so personal and horrible isn't it, putting your heart out there and wanting something so much & having no control. will talk to hubby later about us going together

Like it's so true the problems are more common that you'd realise - out of my circle of friends from uni of 7, one has bad ends and one has thyroid issues. Don't need to look far to find people living the stats!

Hey cola sounds like the session was quite cathartic, even though it was tough and it's so much better to get all of that bottled up stuff out. It's bloody hard carrying all those feelings all the time on your own. I was definitely scared when I first started going and think that's why I just couldn't envisage it anymore, it was too scary because it just felt impossible so it was easier to suppress it which was making me angry and sad but I think you then kind of put a block on yourself actually getting pregnant. Well that's what we discussed in reflexology and in counselling and it's amazing how much they interlink. You've got to be open to it and positive for it to happen but again easier said than done when you've been wanting it for so long.

Reflexologist has said about going gf and avoiding dairy. Anyone else tried that or got any thoughts on it?

chlo all is fine, feeling back to normal now and had blast transfer this week!! Surreal as it's so quick and not dramatic. Just going to try and put it all out of my mind for two weeks now... thanks for askign!

Good luck blackcherries, will keep fingers crossed for you.

I am symptom potting like crazy. Had temp dip on 7dpo and then some mucousy brown bleeding on 9dpo, too early for me for pre-AF spotting so could be implantation. Boobs sore, though that could mean anything at this point.

I have to have a tendon repair in my finger, might do it today so I think I'll mention possible pregnancy in case of any drugs being a risk. But it's all local anaesthetics so probably not. Going to try and wait to test because I'm really overdrawn :(

Bertie, fingers crossed for u xx

Blackcherries, hopefully that bfp is just on the horizon now - I'm sure it feels ages for you but it seems like the ivf has been quick! good luck with the 2ww xx

Chlo there's so much conflicting advice - some sources say whole milk is important for egg quality so I think you just have to make your own call. If you're generally good with dairy then I think it's grand. I did nothing special first time round as DD was an accident and didn't prevent us!

I got AF today so the crazy PMS will lift now YAY...At least I have a massive silver lining when I get AF these days. Also means I can book my tube test now so should have that next week. Another item off the list!

Glad all went ok cherries and hope the tww doesn't drag for you.

I'm fine with dairy cola so think I'll stick with it. The times when it's happened I've been healthy but not obsessively so, so that's the way I'll continue I think.

I find the hormones are always worst leading up to getting af so at least now you can enjoy your weekend. That's good that you can go ahead and get the tube test done. A lot of people have success after that so think it's a good one to get done x

Good news, they scheduled the surgery for next Wednesday, giving me plenty of time to find out :)

Was bleeding a little heavier yesterday so not sure if it's IB or not. But seems far too early to be pre-period spotting.

Late to the party but I'm cycle 22 now and tempted to just give up. 🤣 haven't read tft but keep the faith and it'll happen soon xxx

Hi rainbow, welcome to the thread. Where are you at in your TTC 'journey'? Have you had any tests done or investigations? xx

We have just started the testing stage as I had to wait till we were almost at 2yrs. I've had my bloods done and internal ultrasound done. Dh has had his test done and now waiting for swabs and hycosy.

I already have a dc so we aren't eligible for help just the tests.

Welcome rainbow - I'll do a refresh of my details to catch you up, esp as it seems we are in a similar situation; I'm trying for #2 also, onto cycle 17 now - 16 months trying - testing started, no issue so far, and also have hycosy and swabs and about 14 more flipping blood tests to come!

bertie what op? Sorry if you said, my heads like a sieve lately. Really hope it was an implantation bleed!

Had acupuncture last night - it was such a great relaxation session after being a massive pms rage monster all week...
So had a big chat with hubby about everything in my head, he's open to counselling so going to do that. Also we are setting timeframe for IVF for autumn if no progress by then, we decided on a clinic & going to do initial consult, line it up so ready to go in August if we need to start. Already did our registration today. It feels like a giant massive weight off to have made the decision tbh & I finally feel hopeful again. Went to my gp today - what a diamond of a guy, he is getting me referred to the fertility clinic in two weeks to get me the hycosy and he said he will do all screening tests we will need which will help so much financially.

I feel so happy to be posting something more positive for once as I feel like chief resident moaner 😂

I don't know if I said, sorry, I am all over the place with what threads I've posted on. I cut my little finger badly on Monday and have to have the tendon repaired. It's stopped hurting now - looks a bit gruesome with big stitches - but I can't move it which is preventing me from using my left hand properly, plus it feels horrible!

I was a bit worried about any drugs etc they might give me being unsafe for pregnancy but I'll know either way by Wednesday. When I initially cut it they gave me some painkiller I'd never heard of and I didn't think twice, just gulped it down but later found it's not recommended in pregnancy though it's only because it hasn't been tested rather than it actually being known to be dangerous.

I was bleeding a little more heavily yesterday and then a bit of spotting today, so I have no idea if it was implantation or not. Seems a bit too heavy, but FF reckons AF will start Monday or Tuesday. Confusing. You'd think I'd know what I'm doing after a year of this. We must have literally just passed the anniversary of when we started trying.

Hi everyone, have been reading your updates this week.

Good luck with the 2ww blackcherries

And fingers crossed for IB bertie, maybe it will be lucky cycle 12 for us both?! I can't believe it's been nearly a year for us now, it's just so rubbish when you think it's been such a long time that you could have actually had a baby by now and we're not even at the starting line! I find it hard when events come round that I had thought "I'll be pregnant / have a baby by then" and we're still in exactly the same position as when we started. I think I'm getting better at not planning my life around it and I've stopped working out potential due dates / scan dates every month as it's just too depressing when AF shows up.

I am in the hopeful 'waiting for ovulation' stage at the moment so not feeling too bad right now. And the sun is shining which helps! Next week we will get the results of DH test and my scan, so feeling quite apprehensive as I think there's going to be some bad news in there but at least we will have some answers and next steps.

Xx

We also had that chat this weekend cola. Everything really hit dh end of last week so we've had quite a tough weekend. Think we both felt positive after seeing consultant and getting tests done but then felt shit that we're still no closer when everyone around is which we're struggling with and now we're going down another road that could also be very shitty too! We're thinking about talking to consultant when we get test results about ivf. I know a lot of people would say keep trying, be patient etc but at what cost? We've felt sad and shit about this whole thing for way too long now.

chlo totally with you on the dilemma of do we wait or go down ivf route. On bad days im beating myself up for being impatient and a control freak, on good days I feel like it's positive action. I suppose it bothers me there's no black or white "right" answer and it involves soul searching and making a very personal decision - and ultimately whatever we decide is what's right for us. I had ivf as some awful last resort whereas now I'm trying to be more open minded. We are getting all the tests done anyway to diagnose or rule out anything else, and I know if we keep trying statistically it "should" happen but this is so important to us, should doesn't feel good enough. Setting the time frame has me feel better because I think it's a balance of having really given the old fashioned way a good try & doing our best but knowing we will be ready soon with options that give us a better chance. I'm feeling very optimistic about getting the hsg done too hopefully in may as that seems like logically something that will help ensure the pipes are clear!

Try not to be so hard on yourselves - you don't need to justify your decisions to anyone. If it works for you then it's the perfect choice. It sounds like you have a good consultant so see what they say xx

I'm really really working on stepping back from thinking about ttc all the time, so I might be here a little less often. I feel like I'm thinking about it 99% of the time several days a week which is doing no good for my mental health and is making me exhausted. I'm trying to accept the choices and plans we have made and leave it at that. I may I need to do that rubber band on my hand trick or something!!

sunshine that whole "I thought we would have a baby by now" goes through my head too. It sucks! Best of luck with test results and hope all go well xx

Hi All, sorry had a few days off as been super busy and stressed about my hospital appt. We went this morning.

They couldn't have been more lovely, I was so anxious and made my poor DP walk there (it's only a half hour walk but it is up quite a hill) to help ease my nerves but I still felt like a bit of a wreck. The only thing they actually did today was two swabs which was totally fine. I now need to have blood tests for CD17 (progesterone, prolactin, SHBG, free testosterone), CD23 (progesterone), CD2-4 next cycle rubella immunity, full blood count, thyroid, FSH and LH. I'll be amazed if they don't find something wrong with me among all that lot! Also will get an appt through soon for an ultrasound and need to call when I start next cycle to schedule my HSG. Then see consultant for results in early June.

Good news today was that DP has sperm, plenty of them and wriggling, but the morphology wasn't great and the volume was a bit low. So the nurse said it was enough to make a baby but it could be a bit better.

Feeling a mixture of relief that today is over, fear over the blood tests cos my needle phobia is still a massive thing for me unfortunately, and general kinda "eek where is this going to lead" feeling. I think I've almost lost sight of the whole point of this process in a way and am almost not daring to hope there will be some joy at the end of it.

I am going to try to do some meditation at least every other day to try to keep on top of my stress levels. I was told not to use my fertility monitor as it causes stress, which I kinda get but then for me as a scientist it gives me something to focus on and some reassurance. Argh. Also DP was told to do less exercise and not cycle. He runs most days but not huge distances and he's a bit overweight so I'm not sure about that advice tbh. It's all so confusing!

Sorry for blathering on. Hope you're all doing ok xxx

Sounds like you had a great appointment rational. It's a bit shit having to have loads of tests done and none of us would like to be in this position but I do find it reassuring at the same time, hope you do too. At least you know no stone has been left unturned with all those tests! Good news on DH's results too. I gave up on the monitors too as found them stressful but not sure whether to use again.

Totally get where you're coming from cola. I'm 100% with you on the whole on a bad day I'm beating myself up that I'm an impatient control freak. Then I also think is that why it's not happening but tbh, you can't change who you are. I've done all the reflexology/ yoga/ reading positive thoughts books. I'm still doing it but obviously it's very hard not to be upright and impatient. Hope you're doing ok xx