10+ months TTC

[Kookie88]

I've just reached cycle 10 and I'm despairing. I've tried to stay focused and positive all this time but it's all gotten a bit much. Each month I've tried something new but nothing seems to be working. (This month is acupuncture month, last month was fertilitea month)!

I guess I just needed to vent I don't want to sound like a total debbie downer but today's been tough!

Just found out my 20yo immature student brother has gotten his on/off gf pregnant.
PASS. THE. WINE. Speechless. Seems so unfair to want it so much and know that in their instance it's a bit of a crisis. Rah Feeling guilty that I'm feeling so shite about it but like bloody hell. End of rant/outpouring!

Oh Cola, what a nightmare! Hope you got your wine. It's so galling when stuff like that happens. Don't feel bad, I'd feel the same I'm sure

Thanks trying. Feeling better about it now, just that initial stab of shock / jealousy / anger / guilt / finally acceptance when baby-bombed sucks.

Had my fertility consultation this morning - so all looks normal in terms of ovulation, the cysts I have shouldn't be an issue and next step is scan to check for blockages in Fallopian tubes so going to book that. That's the last test really before a diasgnosis of "unexplained fertility". Kind of what I expected but helpful to have it clear. My AFC and AMH are on the low side of normal, but that shouldn't be any obstacle right now & is more an indicator for future / ivf response. Gonna book in the tube scan after next cycle as annoyingly I'm away all the recommended scan window in terms of cycle days 6-12.

I asked him about timing and his response was interesting. He said after a first positive OPK the most important timings to hit are the next 2 days, not that night. Ov is more likely 42 hours later and he said even though it can last longer sperm typically lives 24 hours. I was maybe misinterpreting that or leaning more earlier, probably wearing us out 4-6 days before ov. Had a chat to hubby and he said he'd like me to explain in more detail and he thinks if he has reasonable idea in advance then it's less stress than me announcing "today's the day" out of the blue....which makes sense and makes me realise I need to work on my communication!

So I feel like it's progress. Given tests we've had, we've ruled out about 50% of causes and this next test knocks out another 20-25% so woop woop. Stocking up on my opks now. Think we will do this test and if all is good keep trying with a Sept deadline before moving into fertility treatment.

Hope all are well xxx

Hi all. I have defo ovulated this month and got a good score on all my apps for timing so fingers crossed. Testing around the end of the month now.

Good stuff Bertie, curious about which apps you are using that give a score? Gamifying conception is something I hadn't realised apps had moved into, ever so interested to find out more

Fertility Friend, it's supposed to be a premium feature but I just never update my app so I find that sometimes the VIP features randomly work! The button is labelled pregnancy monitor and it does a bit of symptom spotting for you which is probably a load of rubbish.

Then I use an online one countdowntopregnancy.com, it's a bit of a pain, as you have to convert your temperatures to farenheit but you could also just stick ovulation date in manually, that one told me "Very good"

Sounds like a positive appointment cola, good that you have a plan. Interesting about the opk timing too.

I use fertility friend too and am also too mean to pay for the VIP version - keep thinking well I might be pregnant this month and then I will have wasted £20!

I am just waiting for my appointment with the GP to discuss my scan results, have to wait a couple of weeks though which is frustrating. So much waiting around! I just want to know what was in the report and what we do next.

Pregnant colleague has just been complaining about how she is worried about morning sickness because she hates being sick and can't think of anything worse than being sick everyday... So hard to bite my tongue not to say I can think of something worse - not being able to get pregnant?! I would happily throw up every day for the next 9 months if it meant I could finally have my baby! Feel like this is turning me into a very bitter person and it's not nice!

Hi all,
Hope you're all good. I've been lurking on some of the other boards but none quite like this one so wanted to come back.
It sounds like all your tests went well cola. I think it always help to feel like you're being proactive and taking control of things and getting a bit of plan in work. Are opks different to the clear blue digital? with those, you get a flashing face prior to ovulation and then the solid face which means go go go so that's how I've always done it and then maybe a day or so after.
Sunshine which scans did you have? Annoying you have to wait, you just want to know straight away to cut out all the hanging about don't you.
Totally feeling the same about this taking over your life. That's what I'm struggling with again at the moment. Everyone elsss lives seem to move forward and I feel stuck, waiting for this to happen so we can move on to the next stage. It would be great if we could wake up and think actually we're not that bothered but we are. I'm going to have to get back on track at some point and distract myself and carry on with business idea but still, I feel like this is a long time now waiting for life to turn out how you would like it to. Just makes me feel sad that I don't really feel I can get on and enjoy life. On top of that, I really feel like we are going to have to take a step back from friends because so many of them are expecting and I just don't have it in me at the moment. We have a dinner planned next weekend with my dh two best friends and wife's who are both pg. My mum keeps saying don't cut yourself off but I don't want to put myself through that. I know that sounds harsh but I just don't. Have made an appointment with the counsellor for Monday to try to talk through everything. Hoping that will help xx

Sorry been lying low so am a bit behind. Sounds positive Bertie and Cola. Def heading in the right direction. Sunshine gosh yeah that must be annoying - I have had a few situations like that with people moaning about being pregnant and it's really hard, especially if it catches you at a difficult time. I'm sure nobody means to do it and sickness really is hideous of course, but yeah it sticks in your throat when you feel sick from anxiety and sadness instead!

Chlo it must be so hard for you at the moment, I'm sorry you can't be part of the group of pregnant friends yourself. It's so unfortunate that the timing is as it is. I'm lucky that my friends have pretty much had all their kids now so at least I don't have that to face on top of feeling shit about it already! Are they aware of your situation? I can see your mum's point that cutting yourself off may be a bad move, but I can also see it is awkward. Could you have a heart to heart with them and explain that it's just a really emotional time for you and you want to be there with them but sometimes it can be hard? Counselling sounds like a really positive thing to do, hope it makes you feel a bit better about things.

I'm going through the premenstrual shit phase where I'm pretty sure it's another BFN but I just never know and I hang on to the hope and overthink etc etc. I've cried twice so far today and I don't really know why, am just feeling generally a bit rubbish about it all and half want to crawl under a blanket and sob for a while. Am stupidly stressed about my hospital appointment, which is on 28th, even though I know I should be pleased to even have an appointment and I know I need to get checked out in order to move forward. I hate being so irrational, it's so not how I want to be at all! Keep reminding myself it's the hormones making me lose the plot and in a few days AF will arrive and I'll get myself together again!

Sorry to those I missed, hope you're all hanging in there ok and if anyone has some good news please please share it cos I'll be so bloody happy for you! X

Hi all. I guess I'd better join this board... been ttc for coming up to a year. Currently going through my second known chemical in that time. Felt ridiculously dizzy, nauseous and ill yesterday.

Ringing my gp on Monday to make the 'been trying for a year' appt. would love to learn more about what to expect and where to go from here.

I'm 33 and ttc #1. Started trying April 2016, but was not trying not preventing for about four months before that... hope our visit to this board is short lived!!!!

Hi all

chlo I know exactly what you mean about life not moving forward. We've done marriage, house, travelling, got to a good point career wise, and now we are so ready for this but it's not happening! I have always had a plan for the next stage in my life and I just feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I try to focus on the positive things, plan nice things to do, and some days are easier than others but it's always hanging over me. We are at that age where all our friends are having babies and I just feel left behind.

Its hard being with pregnant friends for sure. Do they know about your struggles? I'm sure they would be really understanding of why you might not be yourself around them.

trying the pms emotional stage is the worst! Hope she doesn't show but if she does at least you know you have the appointment on 28th and you can focus on that and getting the help you need.

Hi physicskate sorry to hear about your chemicals - must be so upetting to finally see that BFP and then have it taken away. We are trying for #1 and have been TTC since last April too. We went to the GP in Jan as I was getting so upset about it all and she referred us for tests even though I'm only 29. She asked us a bit about our medical history, then referred me for day 3 and day 21 blood tests (which I have to do 3 times) and I had to have an internal scan. DH has to do 2 SAs a month apart. So it will take a few months to get through all of those. I've had the scan and it looks like there might be an issue with me (possible endo was all the sonographer would tell me) so I am just waiting for an appointment with the GP to go through the results. Although it's shit to be at this stage I'm glad we're in the system and if there is a problem then we will find out about it and try to sort it, although I am anxious about where this journey will take us as I really have no idea at the moment!

That's really helpful sunshine!!! I too went to the GP in Jan because it all got a bit too much (and I had a thyroid issue in the past which though might be an issue, but that was dismissed by the GP. And my job at the time was really stressful, and so I have since switched to a new employer). The GP fobbed me off with some anti-depressants (which I have decided not to pursue). I feel like I can be a bit pushier now that we are going to be passing the one year mark of literally trying everything!!!

It has put some strain on my relationship, but I actually think we are a lot more communicative a stronger for it!

Sorry they might have found endo - but at least that might be something that can be treated!

Hey chlo, you know what, it can be isolating and hurt like hell to be in a really different place to your friends and see everyone have what you want - also you need to Be able to let steam off during this process and do things that make you happy & have fun & take your mind off the hellish looping cycle of ttc that we all seem stuck in. you need time with your very best friends for that every now and then. Are there a small few you can be open about it with, and maybe steer clear of the others in the short term? I think focus on the business and anything else you enjoy is essential to keep feeling connected to life. It's unreal how ttc shrinks the whole world down to one thing. Hopefully your counselling helps too, I've set some up recently to help me deal with how much I feel it's taking over my whole life & making me really unhappy.

On the opks I use the clear blue ones with smiley faces too, what was interesting to me is he said day after you get static smiley AND the day after that one are the two most important to hit and I've certainly not managed both those in any cycles as we were more focused on the day of the static smiley. So will be interesting to try it out that way for a few months & see. I'm trying to set a timeframe in my head to stop trying naturally and commence some form of fertility treatment later this year but I'm very up and down on it. Another one for the counselling.

PhysicsKate - good move on the GP. It seems each moves at their own pace but I'd expect first appointment to end with blood tests to check hormone levels and confirm ovulation and sperm analysis as recommendations. Sorry to have you in this club but hopefully not for long xxx

Trying - damn those PMS hormones & hope you feel better soon. It's so frustrating to know you're going through the ringer emotionally down to hormones. feel that exact way every month too. Nothing seems to help except AF coming so I'm almost willing it on by the end.

Sunshine sorry about the wait. It's pants but somehow the time will pass!! It was two weeks from scan to apt for me even private.

As everyone gets checked out now, and some get diagnosis and others move into "unexplained" where I just feel we are headed, do you feel confused about what next? I do. I think about IUI/IVF etc as something I never expected to need and now wondering how do you know when enough is enough and it's time to go that route. Like I should conceive naturally and if tube test is clear there's no reason we are not other than potentially not timing sex optimally but by end of this year you have to think we wil have done it in every possible permutation....argh! I think I just really wanted a reason & this is all very grey.

Welcome physicskate, hope you soon get the ball rolling with your GP

Cola obviously hope it doesn't come to it for you, but I had a good chat with a friend who has an ivf baby (and a happy surprise baby too after!) and she said she felt for ages that IVF sounded scary and not for them, but that over time their feelings changed and she felt they gradually became more ready for it and eventually reached a point where they both felt they needed to go ahead with it. Obviously it helps that they had a positive outcome, but she was upbeat about it and made me feel better. They both had results at the lower end of normal and ended up having ICSI.

cola yeah I never in a million years envisaged having IVF, I only went to a clinic to get tested and see what was wrong. Yet here I am a few months later! I thought it was a super-sci-fi extreme option and was a bit resistant but actually once I understood what was involved it seemed like the best shot we have. It's far less scary than I thought and in some ways at least you know you're 'doing something'.

My circs are a bit different from some others as I have a DC1 and have really wanted a small age gap so did feel although we're not "infertile" we just have reduced fertility (male factor) we could be trying naturally for years without any joy.

Hey cola, sunshine, rational. You ladies have summed up exactly how I've been feeling. I've spoken to quite a few of my friends about it and they've all been amazing, so I'm lucky to have such a good group of people around me but talking to you ladies is the first time I feel like I'm talking to people who understand exactly how I feel about everything. It's not just about a baby, it's about your whole future and moving forward with life to the stage you want and long to be at. You do feel scared about being left behind and it does hurt like hell and you don't know when things will change or what the rest of the journey will involve which is scary. I got upset talking to DH yesterday because I was saying how I used to be such a positive person and always loved making plans for the future but now the future scares me. He has been amazing and so strong but obviously he doesn't want me to get stuck in a rut and depressed so he's trying to push me forward and get us back to a positive place. I know that's what we've got to do but I know I need a bit of help to get there so that's why I booked to go and talk to the counsellor tomorrow. Have you started your sessions yet cola or just set them up? I've found it really good talking to someone whose not emotionally attached as they really help you get perspective.

I didn't know that about the OPKs. I thought the important bit was the days leading up to the solid face. Maybe that's where I've been going wrong lol. I've read so many different things on the internet though and been told different things by people, I think it's just a bit of a bloody lottery! I've had months where I've massively stressed out at DH when using them because we weren't timing it exactly right and thought surely we are not going to have to end up having IVF just because we can't have sex at the right time! But then how many times do you hear people saying 'oh the month I got pg we only had sex once.' I'm not sure if I will go back to using them as they've never actually worked for me but then I've got friends who swear by them so I think they're good if they're not stressing you out too much.

Totally get where you're coming from with being unsure about when to go down the IVF route. Although people keep telling me that all of this is a good sign we can get pregnant (which they mean well but I feel like saying yeah but it's not good if it doesn't actually last is it!), I kind of wish it hadn't happened as we had a plan at the start of the year that we would wait until March and then start the IVF process. Now I don't know if we would be able to do that or not, guess we'll find out tomorrow when we see the consultant. I think it's really hard though to make that decision when things are just left as unexplained, as you say it's such a grey area and you can't help thinking at the back of your mind but do I really need this?? Shouldn't I just give it a bit longer? It feels like you're being a bit impatient as you don't have an actual 'problem' that justifies it, so to speak. When I went to speak to the consultant back in January though, she basically said one of DH's SA results was borderline which she assured us was actually completely normal and she saw people who had children with that result all the time BUT it did give her a reason to refer us if we wanted to and she said it depends on how desperate you feel about the whole thing. She was of the mindset it's up to you if you want to wait a bit longer but you don't have to wait around for years if you don't feel like you want to which made me feel like I had a bit of control of the situation and as blackcherries says, like I would be able to actually do something about it. The majority of people who have fertility treatment are unexplained so there's absolutely no reason not to go down that road as and when you feel ready to. I know my MIL doesn't really agree with it, she told me at xmas about her neighbour who was offered it but chose not to as she decided to 'settle with her lot' and be happy and content with her husband and then lo and behold, a year later she had her son. I really felt like saying well I'm sure she would've regretted her choice if he'd never turned up, wouldn't she! I think just do what you've got to do xx

blackcherries in all of this I've forgotten to ask how the ivf is going and if you are well into the first cycle now? Hope you are well and let's hope it's a win first time round! I had been hoping to manage a gap too & I think that's the time bounding factor for us moving to ivf if no luck by Aug/sept. It's great to hear someone say it's not as scary as expected...I've probably built it up a bit much in my head. How did you go about choosing the clinic? Xxx

trying i am definitely warming up to the idea of ivf as time ticks by. Not sure I was born with a great deal of patience & think I've sapped it all!

chlo every time I read people's descriptions of how they're feeling I'm like "I could have written that" - definitely only ladies in the same position really truly understand. I know I hadn't a clue before this. I have my first telephone session next week - really looking forward to it. I want that help focusing on the positive and joy in life and breaking the cycle of ttc obsession! I get why you have put away the ov kits as they increase awareness and put more focus on it. I'm finding I'm so tired with my DD (who has started waking for the day at 5 for past month ) that they are a godsend. I took a break when I got too obsessive on them but this cycle wasn't bad. I'm kinda looking forward to next cycle trying the "new" pattern for variety... sad have to take thrills where you can get them in ttc eh!
What you were saying about "do I really need this" is exactly what wrecks my head about the IVF go/no-go but I guess I have to make peace with it at some point.
God you must have felt like slapping your MIL. I know people don't mean to be upsetting but it doesn't stop them anyway does it!
Hope you are physically on the mend since the mmc and getting lots of love and support. Xxx

Can I join? We're coming up to cycle 15. Already feeling sad when a close friend told me she's pregnant. Obviously I'm so excited for her but I'm slightly heartbroken for me.
Does anyone else ever get the "it's my turn!!" thing? People have got pregnant and had their babies in the time we've been trying. Seriously, it's got to be my turn by now!

Welcome cakes. I think everyone here has felt the 'its my turn thing.' It's just not fair is it. People also love to say 'it'll be your turn soon' which is v patronising and hard to stomach when you've been waiting patiently for your turn for quite a while. And it's also a horrible feeling when someone else's happy news makes you feel sad but every single person who is struggling to conceive feels exactly the same way I think, I think it would be impossible not to.

black I also forgot to ask how it was all going, I hope it's going ok for you.

cola That's good you've got the session coming up soon. I hope you find it helpful. I think it will probably help you a lot with the choices and decisions that you're thinking about atm. The lady we went to cut through all of the chaos and uncertainty in my head and asked the questions that I really needed to ask myself. Totally with you on finding joy in trying something new. Like you say, you've got to get it somewhere haven't you lol.

I'm feeling nearly back to normal physically thank you, everything seems to have happened as it should and I just feel tired now, no other pains or anything. Obviously the emotional aspect hit me hard this weekend but I think I've been very lucky physically which I'm relieved about as lots of people I've spoken to have ended up in hospital and had to have surgery which I really didn't want to have to do. Fingers crossed I still don't, but I think it's a good sign that I feel back to normal health more or less. One good thing is that it's made me appreciate my DH so much as he's been absolutely amazing as there have definitely been times during this whole TTC journey that it's really tested our marriage and I know I've been guilty of pushing him away so I'm grateful for that and how good friends have been etc. I haven't really wanted to see people apart from my mum and dad yet as I felt like a failure TBH and felt really crap about myself but I've made plans to see some of my close mates this week as I know staying indoors and avoiding people won't do me any good. Won't see the MIL for a while as I know she'll say something like 'everything happens for a reason and it wasn't meant to be' and I'll probably want to punch her lol. xx

Hi all, could I join? I came off the pill in April 2016, and jumped into ttc straight away. I'm 33 and trying for #1.

Fast forward 6 months to October and I finally get my first proper post pill period. Unfortunately since then my cycles have been all over the place.

We have seen the GP multiple times, a consultant gynaecologist and have recently visited a private fertility clinic who have prescribed clomid to regulate my cycles, providing my DHs SA is OK (getting results tomorrow hopefully).

So yeah, 11 months, only 4 periods, numerous doctors, scans and blood tests and no Bfp.

Have been lurking on the post pill boards but struggling with the usual BFPs from people who came off the pill only months ago.

Would love some support on this shitty rollercoaster.

Welcome cakes - every few weeks I go through a massive "it's not fair!" rant because it just isn't fair is it! I know friends with 5 & 6 month old babies since we started. i just find having the rant helps get it out of my head - builds up like a head of steam that needs to get out regularly!

And welcome purple it must be so frustrating to find your cycles are all over the place, have you started the clomid yet? Heres hoping it helps sort out your cycles as all that waiting for chances to conceive is tough xx

chlo relieved to hear at least physically things are well, it's one less thing to have to deal with. enjoy the time with friends and definitely avoid the MIL!!! Did you do counselling with your other half? I'm wondering if that might be a good idea for us, to do a session together. Hubs never talks about feelings on ttc really, I can see he finds it hard at times but I think struggles to put into words. X

I'm having a massive "it's not fair day". So I'm still feeling dizzy and nauseous from my chemical. Went to the gp and he said a) that's normal (so I guess that bits ok) but b) they won't run any tests for another 12 months unless I have ANOTHER chemical. I'm spitting I'm so mad!!! I wish I'd never had those fucking positive tests!!!!

Hey cola, yes we went together. We started going because DH was going out and getting drunk quite a lot with work colleagues and it was causing arguments but the underlying issue was the stress of TTC so it quickly turned from that into a couple's session. I think it's v hard for men to talk about and they want to be strong for us all the time but it's definitely helped us both to go and talk it through.

We went to see consultant today and unlike the NHS, she said she would recommend we have some tests done as she said it's 3 unsuccessful pregnancies and it's not really fair to just say wait and see so that was a big relief. She said it will more than likely come back that everything's ok as it often is just one of those things and bad luck but she's testing for killer cells, blood clotting, chromosome and thyroid. Also, she has written me a prescription today for the tablets and injections you'd take for killer cells and blood clot in case we do get pg again quickly which she said is common. She said often the tests come back negative but it's very hard to actually detect some of these problems, it might be very underlying or your levels can be very low so it shows as everything being ok when it's not. Doesn't sound v conclusive and quite grey in one sense but she said it won't harm you to take the medication if you do get pregnant again even if your tests come back all ok so guess it feels like we're covering the bases.
We felt quite positive afterwards as feels like someone's taking it seriously and we don't just have to leave it to chance and also that there are things you can do if something does show up. I was v concerned as I have a heart shaped womb and went on other forums on here and people scared the life out of me but she said today it's very slight and that's the least of our worries lol think she meant in a good way!

kate is that the first one you've had? The NHS do seem v reluctant to do any tests because obviously it is so common which I totally get but when you've been trying for a while, you really don't want to leave things to chance do you. Can you push for the thyroid test? That was something she said I should get checked for today so there must be a reason for that. x

Hi chlo. I had a chemical back in July too (that I know about - I didn't always test early as sometimes seeing AF was just easier). So this is the second in 12 months.

I had a my TSH done in Jan. I took thyroxine at uni. Came back at 2.3. Nice guidelines say under 2.5 during first trimester. As much as I would love to be under 2.0, even I can't blame my thyroid for this one.

I know the next time I get pregnant it's going to be chemical too. I just know it.

Ignore me. Throwing my toys out of the pram with the bad news of 'wait and see for another 12 months or after yet another miscarriage.' I feel like I may as well give up and what the hell was the point of the last year!? Just a really bad day. Have not really had any good news in a long time with this stuff... or ever.

chlo thanks - I am going to talk to DH about counselling tonight as I think it would help us overcome the difficulty he has talking about it. Like it's weird we can talk about anything to each other but maybe as this feels so out of our control it's been more challenging to talk about. The consultant sounds great - it's important to feel you are doing everything you can isn't it? That matters so much to me. Consultant sounds like she will make that happen

On the case of thyroid, I didn't want to mention it as everyone is so different but I have a friend who had a MMC at 8 weeks and she went to a consultant endocrinologist a few months later who said even though her thyroid levels were fine when she had conceived, she should have had her dose of thyroxine massively increased (like trebled) right after conceiving in order to sustain the pregnancy. So when she conceived again a year later she contacted the endo straight away and had a textbook pregnancy & now has a beautiful DD. So not to say that's answer for anyone here, just maybe heartening to know people do get good answers and those beautiful rainbow babies

kate there are days like that and in my experience the hormones make them a million times worse. Let it out, smash some plates in the kitchen or punch some pads in the gym, scream and shout or have a cry, write - just get it out. That will let you move on to next cycle. Tests starting now will help on the journey xxx