10+ months TTC

[Kookie88]

I've just reached cycle 10 and I'm despairing. I've tried to stay focused and positive all this time but it's all gotten a bit much. Each month I've tried something new but nothing seems to be working. (This month is acupuncture month, last month was fertilitea month)!

I guess I just needed to vent I don't want to sound like a total debbie downer but today's been tough!

Yes you'd think so! But on the other hand they are very proactive with tests and scans etc once you get pregnant. I think I had more scans in the single week I was pregnant than I did in the whole time with DS And they take blood all the time so they can see your hCG progression which is nice except I felt a bit like a pin cushion. Perhaps people don't really mind waiting until their period is due when they know they can get a scan at 4 or 5 weeks??

Hello everyone, I've been reading all your updates over the last week.

Sorry AF got you Trying and Cola.

Welcome contentedcat - and sorry you find yourself here too but it seems there are plenty of us in the same boat which does make this journey a little less lonely!

Bertie fingers crossed for you

I got my day 3 blood test results last week and everything came back normal, which is reassuring although I was sort of hoping they would find something to fix! So on to scan and day 21 test next. My cycles seem to be getting less regular though so timing the next blood test might be difficult if I can't predict when my period is due!

Hey sunshine. Good news on day 3s, best of luck with next tests. I know what you mean on timing "day 21" - I'm going back on opks this month purely to time them. Got them wrong 3 cycles now, my bruised left arm is pissed with me!!

Scan isn't a biggie so hopefully you'll find it goes grand for you too x

Hey all - just a quick hello to everyone to check in and hope ye are all well. Hopefully some more bfps to come now we are getting into Spring, days getting brighter and milder and longer, gardens waking up again and all the spring blooms out in force - hopefully all that positivity and growth will be catching xxx

AF defo turned up in the end which is a bit annoying. That means we are officially in cycle 12.

Hoping for a nice early ovulation this month as I'm due to be away from DH over my April fertile week! I think we'll try eod dtd from cycle day 8 until confirmed o this time.

Sorry to hear AF arrived Bertie

Something about spring just making me feel more optimistic this week!

Again had such a weird rollercoaster of things happening again! But finished the week on good news. DH got promoted so we are trying extra hard this month. Every other day until I get confirmed O Let's give this one last shot, then I'll go to England with DS, and when I get back make the appointment :/

Hi ladies

So I had my scan today. The scan itself wasn't too bad. I was really expecting the sonographer to say everything was normal, but she didn't... Apparently I have some symptons that suggest endometriosis. It wasn't something I had really considered before but would explain the awful period pain I've had that seems to have got worse over the last 11 months since coming off the pill. I just thought that's what 'normal' periods are like and I was just being a wuss! So I need to go back to the GP to discuss results and see what happens next.

After googling endometriosis all afternoon I'm now feeling pretty hopeless... anyone have any experience of this? xx

Hey sunshine, I have a friend who had very aggressive / bad endo but the good news is she conceived through IVF and has a little girl now. So good outcomes still possible. Dr Google can be a bit of a dick so hopefully you're not seeing awful messages from it. I had myself convinced I had pcos but no sign of it in my scan!

Xxx

Hey Sunshine, I know several people with endometriosis who have children so be assured it can happen. I don't know much about it but I think there is an endometriosis charity that may have reliable info that might help you. I hope you can soon see your GP and hopefully get some good info about what this means for you.

Hope everyone else is ok. I'm in the midst of shagathon. Had a horrible virus for the first half of my cycle but thankfully seems to have subsided now just in the nick of time. Last cycle before hosp appointment so would be nice if there was a miracle this time.

Love to all x

trying good luck with shagathon I got the biggest boldest OPK yesterday so we went for it too after quite a consistent EOD effort this month. I'm feeling optimistic, it's great to feel this month we really nailed it. Plus the BDing has been great - all this practise is making perfect lol

So in general I had loads of ewcm this cycle and ovulation on day 15 which is much better than last cycles. Only had 3 acupuncture sessions but I'm feeling it is really making a difference on that front. There is definitely something to it!

Consult on Monday for scan feedback so that will enlighten us further. And sunshine another friend with endo announced she's 12 weeks gone yesterday so exciting times for her and I don't feel the usual pangs as she has had a long wait for this bfp xxx

Hi ladies,
Unfortunately, I went for a private scan today as had some brown bleeding and they couldn't find a heartbeat so think it stopped at 8 weeks, just after I had the early scan at hospital and they confirmed everything was ok. It doesn't even feel real to be honest. I just didn't think life could be that unfair after waiting so long for it to finally happen :( now wish it never did to be honest and feel like giving up. X

Oh chlo I'm so so sorry.... there are no words and there is no reason when things like this happen.... thinking of you and feeling so sad for you xxx

I'm so very sorry, Chlo. Can only imagine how difficult that must be. I hope that you are ok physically and have good friends and loved ones around to support you. Thinking of you xxx

Chlo I'm so so sorry to hear that. Absolutely gutted for you. Be kind to yourself and I hope you and your partner are getting lots of support from loved ones. Infertility is an awful awful thing and completely unfair xxx

Thanks for your reassurances cola and trying. Have had brown spotting today, which is how AF always starts for me (another sign of endo I've learnt), despite only being 6 or 7 dpo so looks like another short luteal phase. And I know we had perfect timing this month! Feel silly for getting my hopes up. Looks like it's onto month 12 for us too Bertie

Hugs to all xx

Sorry to hear that sunshine. Bloody give us all a break fertility gods! I want to say "maybe implantation bleeding" but I don't know if i even believe in that anymore as every time for me it's proved period related

Thinking of you chlo. You will get through this incredibly tough time & there will be better days ahead xxx

cola there is always a part of me that thinks 'maybe implantation bleeding' too, but like you say it never is! AF arrived today. Which means this month was a 26 day cycle after last month was 35? I have no idea what is going on with my body.

Had a horrible day yesterday, was feeling really low about everything and a colleague decided to tell me she's just found out she's pregnant. They have only been TTC a few months. I'm pleased for her that she won't have to go through this shit but it just feels so unfair. I tried to say the right things but I'm sure my face gave me away and I had to go and have a cry afterwards. I just know I will have to hear about this and see her every day, and will probably have to take on extra work to cover her mat leave when I should be on mat leave by now. Feel like such a misery at the moment, just want to get AF out the way and feel a bit better again! Sorry for the rant but I know you all understand! Everyone I know TTC in RL seems to get a BFP and I am just left behind. Infertility sucks!

So sorry to hear your news, Chlo

Thank you for your support xx just feels so unfair and upsetting. So many people around us are pregnant and I can't help but think why does it have to go wrong for us again? I'm so tired of being sad and miserable and was so happy to move on from all of that and start feeling like my old self again. Feels horrible to be back there and feeling even worse. Guess it will get better with time. Just not sure where to go from here. I feel like I'll have to shut myself off again and just hurts :( dh was meant to be going on a work trip for 2 weeks but luckily his work said he doesn't have to so that's one positive. What a shit journey this has been :(

sunshine sorry about AF & about the pregnant colleague bomb. It's super difficult and upsetting & then there's extra guilt about feeling bad because of it, ugh! If it feels unfair then it's because it definitely is! Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me getting so stressed and upset by all this and going mad but i felt I could have written every word in your post

I've had mad cycles too in last few months. Started opks again this month so can time the "day 21" bloods as failed four cycles running to time it well! This cycle ov'ed day 16 which is much more where I feel I should be. It had been creeping out to day 22/23 & all I can think is the acupuncture is helping my hormones be a bit more sorted this cycle.

That said I don't feel optimistic this cycle anymore as even though we did so well in the build up, we dtd Eod up to and including day before ov but then hubby had sick stomach day I ov'ed and was too tired next day. Thinking about it, I think it's true for most cycles that we are only getting day before ov or on day of but not both so really one shot per cycle. I feel like we really should be making more of the fertile window, but DH is not good with the pressure. I just get annoyed thinking what if nothing is wrong and we simply aren't shagging enough at the right time. Are we really going to have to end up doing ivf later this year because we can't bloody shag when we need to. Ugh! I feel so confused about whether to talk hubby through the fertile window again and how crucial it is or try keep it relaxed. But I feel so uncomfortable about just relaxing it for six months then having to do ivf. Want to feel we're doing all we can. Ah ttc mindfuck!!

Hey sooz hope you're well

chlo it is so unfair. good DH is not gone away cos you need each other together now. Are doctors helping? Xxx

Sorry about AF sunshine

Cola I'm so with you on the whole shagging thing. We did every other day this time and one of the times fell on ov day, but DP basically couldn't manage it (we did try but he couldn't keep it up) so that was just hideous. I was in tears cos I just felt really frustrated and sort of rejected and also this is our last attempt before hospital appt so I guess I'm clinging to that hope quite hard. And of course he must have felt crap and he just rolled over and went to sleep (wish I could do that!)which is his coping mechanism. That doesn't normally happen so am hoping it won't be a regular thing, but it is always me who has to initiate things and his response is almost always "can't we do it tomorrow instead" which drives me slightly crazy. I've tried explaining the whole thing many times but he just says "you just tell me what we need to do". I feel like we rarely make a decent effort tbh but I can't get him to do any more. So exhausted with it all. I'm starting to doubt my ability to cope with a child and relationship and all sorts at times - the stress of it really does make you think daft things.

Trying right with you on those stresses & ttc becomes very consuming for us as women. Sounds like you had a stressful cycle and it just makes everything feel shite! I felt very deflated to have missed ov day and feel he's too casual about it but then I find it hard to talk about cos I don't want to add pressure and he openly acknowledges the pressure is a major challenge for him. This goes round and round in my head. I think infertility is incredibly tough on a marriage.

This is all just invading all my life, I feel my focus drawn back to it constantly through each day and it's draining. I'm getting a few counselling sessions to try get back some perspective. I have too much emotion I can't handle at the moment & the ups and downs are too tough.

cola and trying I completely understand what you mean. Long term TTC is a guaranteed passion killer! We always start off the month really well because we've had a break whilst AF goes on and on, but by the time OV come around we are both a bit fed up with it and I feel like I'm putting pressure on him to get the timing right. Some months we've thought 'oh we'll leave it until tomorrow' and then missed OV day or day before and then it's frustrating because you feel like you've not given it your best shot.

It's completely invading my life too cola I am just so fed up with thinking about it all the time. I don't know how to stop though! The emotional ups and downs are just awful and it's changed me as a person. I can't believe I've been doing this for nearly a year now. This time last year we delayed starting TTC to avoid a Christmas baby, that just seems ridiculous now!

Counselling sessions sound like a good idea cola. It's really hard to process the emotions this brings up and to handle the stress it puts on relationships. I'm not sure I'm doing a great job of it but talking definitely helps.

chlo thinking of you and hope you are doing ok xx