10+ months TTC

[Kookie88]

I've just reached cycle 10 and I'm despairing. I've tried to stay focused and positive all this time but it's all gotten a bit much. Each month I've tried something new but nothing seems to be working. (This month is acupuncture month, last month was fertilitea month)!

I guess I just needed to vent I don't want to sound like a total debbie downer but today's been tough!

I've not heard of the yoga nidra Cola, I looked it up and is it something to do with sleep and meditation? That's brilliant that you're still feeling physically good as that's such an important part in all of this, positive physical energy etc. The photography does sound interesting and like something I would enjoy. Have you ever thought about doing it as a sideline? I've been really looking into the fashion thing this week and have found a couple of leads and it's been nice to have a bit of passion and excitement back.

Reflexology today was really really good. Very different to anything that I've ever tried before but I found that quite refreshing in a way and it felt good to go out of my comfort zone a little bit. The lady who I went to see is also trained in lots of other areas - chinese medicine/reiki/hypnotherapy - so she was just generally very interesting to talk to. She gave me some CD's to listen to and some remedies to take for the next couple of weeks and some visualisations to work on so I'm going to remain open minded and give it a go. Who knew that I would end up a yoga loving, holistic seeking self help nut?? Ha ha.

London - I think an HSG is routine once you start doing further fertility investigations? A lot of people do seem to get pg after having one done as I guess it clears everything out so to speak. It seems like the morphology isn't a problem if all other factors are good but it does freak you out when you start googling it doesn't it. I guess we just have to trust the doctors if they are not concerned but easier said than done I know. I always go away and start googling and trying to find out my own analysis or information BUT I think that is part of my problem, I over think everything and analyse and drive myself mad which probably isn't helping the situ!

The reflexology lady today said she often sees the same type of ladies with these problems who are normally successful but control freaks who are used to being high achievers and getting what they aim for. I was like hmmm, I can definitely relate to that! Something she said actually struck a bit of a chord with me. It was about people who drink a lot of water but still remain dehydrated and I said that makes me think of myself at the moment because I feel like I'm ticking all the boxes and doing everything I should be but obviously still something's not working and the dots are not quite connecting but she said that you've just got to go with it and trust in yourself and your body and release the control and go with it. Quite hard to explain on here but hopefully you get the gist of it.

PS - not saying that everyone on this forum is like that! xx

I have made a gp appointment for us in a couple of weeks time, you're right London it has made me feel a bit more in control. We haven't quite hit the 12 month mark yet but I am hoping she will agree to some initial tests at least. I have been tracking my cycles and I know I have a short luteal phase (around 8 days) which I think isn't helping so I would like to have some blood tests done.

I have been trying to cheer myself up with holiday planning - finding it frustrating that so many places I want to go have the zika virus though! I am going to try to stop putting my life on hold 'just in case' which I feel like I have been, but it's hard to avoid with some things. Fed up with my job too and would like a change but I get really good maternity benefits so sticking it out for now!

Chloe I definitely agree with you on being one of those people who are used to getting what they aim for - it is so tough not being able to control this!

Hi all. Even though the pressure is slightly off us now because we have identified the problem, we are going for IVF and now have only one or two chances to get pg naturally before that starts so am holding out this ridiculous hope for a natural conception to save us all a lot of money and heartache!!
chlo you may find - as I did- that IVF initially felt like an absolute last resort, sledgehammer to crack a nut type thing, particularly in our case where everything is fine except DH's sperm count - but that when you find out more about it, 1) it's the option with the best odds for us and 2) you might get used to the idea quicker than you thought. With us there is definitely a ticking clock as we have one DC and want as close an age gap as possible.
Another MNer recommended a book which was really helpful 'Get a life - His & Hers survival guide to IVF' which goes through the realities of it.

ANYWAY I mainly came on here to have another massive moan. Had HSG in December and apparently that can improve chances of pg for 3 months after. Dec cycle was a no-go, and current one I still haven't seen a positive OPK and I'm on cycle day 16! My cycle is usually really regular except one freak one where I was one week late, and I'd ovulated on cd17. Wouldn't be such a big deal except.... DH has to travel abroad next month and managed to alter the dates to fit in with predicted cycle which is now going to be way out of whack and he'll be abroad during most of fertile week, in what will be our last-ditch natural attempt. Quite gutted that my ovaries are letting me down, just release that egg girls!

chlo and sunshine yes us too, we usually plan for what we want to make sure we get it so this is throwing us a bit. Doing all the tests etc definitely feels more in control but there are still tons of annoying unknowns like whether we can get the NHS to provide blood tests or if we need to pay privately. Whole thing isn't too joined up and costs an arm and a leg and still not massive chances of success so gearing up for more than one round :(

Hey Cherries,
Can totally understand your frustration. Have you had your positive OPK yet? It might just be this one cycle that's out of sync and the next one might go back to normal. I think you should be able to get the blood tests paid for by the NHS? Are there any forums on here where you can get a bit more info or can you go back to see the consultant or even ask their medical secretary? Thank you for the book recommendation, I'm carrying on as normal for the moment and will see what happens by the end of March. It still gives us a bit of time but it's not too far away where I feel like it's just open ended.
Sunshine - did you decide on a holiday destination? We were going to go to Vietnam this January but decided not to because of the zika but then obviously it would have been ok. Hard to know what is best to do really as you don't want to keep putting your life on hold.

Have to say ladies I feel so much better after doing the reflexology. I used to be able to imagine having a baby but in the last 6 months or so I just couldn't envisage it anymore and perhaps wasn't letting myself as obviously I've been feeling very anxious and worried and uptight about it all but I've started imagining it again so I'm taking that as a massive positive as I feel much more in the right frame of mind.

Hope everyone is doing well xx

No positive opk yet and it's now cd19!! Wondering if it happened before day 9 when I started testing, which would be very odd.
Funny you mention Zika, just had a massive bombshell/scare in that the clinic told us that if the male partner goes to a zika area then you can't ttc or start fertility treatmeat for 6 months! There was some confusion about where was affected but luckily no risk with OH's travel so worry over now but worth bearing in mind.
NHS won't do the blood tests (these ones are for Hepatitis, HIV etc), can't believe it.

Hey girls, been away for a few days on a last minute trip to banish the Jan blues with a visit to my best friend so been off the grid. Was lovely!

Blackcherries I didn't ov til cd22 this cycle so maybe you're going to find the same, it felt like forever - I was getting very impatient by the end!

So this month I just got so stressed with the late ov I thought fck it. I've gone out and partied and just done fun silly things to get through January. It's made me so happy and feel a bit foolish to have gotten so worked up! It sounds so trite but i just realised this week I Have been so focused on what I don't have and overlooked all the wonderful things that I do. So I celebrated them and I plan to continue because life is happening right here, right now.

Hey cola,
Totally get what you mean, so glad you had a good trip and had some fun! That's what life is all about isn't it and it's exhausting constantly being sad and anxious and upset over this whole thing isn't it! I've been trying to do the same and just enjoy life and be happy as I don't want to be getting myself into a state like I was the other week. Life's just too short and as much as we want this, I don't want to live a miserable, depressed life!

I also think you've got to be in the right frame of mind for it to happen anyway and being so worked up just isn't right for your body or your mind. Easier said than done though of course.
I haven't used the OPK this month and that's also been a huge pressure off. Perhaps sometimes you just need a little break from it all as it so easily consumes you and becomes your life.
Cherries - that's bad isn't it that the NHS won't do the blood tests for you. Are they expensive to get done privately? Glad your husband's not going anywhere affected by the virus, I had no idea that you couldn't have treatment if you'd been to an affected country! xx

Yes the blood tests are £200 a time. I've already paid for one - hormone levels etc- and now it's another one each!

cola thanks for sharing, that's interesting! Going to keep testing til I run out of sticks! Had a few aches that felt a bit like ovulation really early, like just after my period had ended, so perhaps I missed it... Given up worrying about it even though everything hinges on when I start my next cycle which is now impossible to guess.

Glad you've had a break, it definitely helps to do something 'real' and stop thinking about ttc all the time.

So having bit of a day here...was very tired so slept in, when I got up cos my daughter was crying in her room I got up quick and rushed to her but started to feel woozy as I got to her room and fainted, fell over and burst a bannister railing of the landing with my head. Not good.

So fainting isn't normal and I'd text my friends and one asked are you preg and I said def not coz I'd done a pg test this morn with my fmu cos I'm 12 dpo (and enjoy torturing myself!) and it was bfn. But after fainting I went and dug it out of bin and there's a faint second line.

Now I'm like is it an Evap Line or a (whisper it) bfp?? I retested with another IC preg test but no second line. Now I'd drank a full glass of water shortly before that test. (I wasn't expecting to be testing again!)

Argh!! And my husband can't see the line.
Argh!! tries not to think about it or hope

Ouch, I hope you're ok after your fall, Cola!

I can see something on that picture but I'm not sure if it could be an evap line to be honest. Think you will have to test again tomorrow really. I soooooo hope you retest and get a clear BFP. Sending you a squillion positive thoughts!

I'm playing the waiting game at 7dpo so doing the whole trying not to hope but obviously internally hoping cos that's what humans do thing. Meh. Had a nice bike ride today and got another planned for tomorrow so keeping busy. Good luck to all others in the tww - hope you're feeling ok.

I had a bit of an emotional week cos some friends had their baby girl but she is very ill and may not survive for long (v rare genetic condition) so just an absolutely awful situation for them. Made me feel guilty that I've felt quite envious of them lately. Am trying to keep my own worries in proportion by thinking of theirs.

cola oh no! hope you're ok and get your BFP. Have to say I can't see a line though. It's impossible not to think or hope so recently I've just been enjoying the daydream while acknowledging it is a daydream...
trying hope your friend's lg is ok. One of my biggest fears. My friend's DS was in NICU for ages and it was terrible - he's absolutely fine now though.

turns out my blood tests are only £50 each if I get them from a different centre; wish someone had mentioned this initially as would've saved us weeks of hassle.

blackcherries great news re blood tests, glad at least that is a bit better for you :-)

Did a FR and not got diddly squat on it so going to just see about a retest with FMU in morning.

I'm sure there is a line there but maybe I'm just going stir crazy!! My head doesn't hurt but hubby did need to cable tie the old side of the cot to the broker rails on the landing!!

Got everything crossed for you Cola. We really need a few more graduates on this board don't we! Hope you're ok after your fall and have got your feet up this evening! Keep us posted! FX xx
Cherries, that's good news about the blood tests. Bit frustrating though!
xx

Well nothing on my test this morning so no good news to report here yet. No AF either. My head hurts way worse today, ouch!! I feel exhausted, thought I might faint again. Maybe I'm just run down after my trip. Come on body, work with me here!

Sorry cola, probably a good idea to make yourself get some rest for a bit if you can!

Hi everyone, mind if I join this thread? I'm on my 10th cycle of ttc now, and accepting this is going to be a long journey for us. Little bit of info:
Age: 29
Cycle: 10
CD: 1

Had blood tests and ultrasound, all normal, plus hubby had SA, which is mostly normal. Looking forward to getting to know you all x

Fingers crossed for you cola and hope you feel better soon!

Hi mishy I am also 29 and on cycle 10. If you don't mind me asking did you have bloods and SA on the NHS? We are going to the GP next week to discuss the problems we're having TTC and I am worried they will fob us off because it hasn't been a year yet and I am under 35. Maybe there isn't anything wrong and it's just taking its time but I don't want to waste any more time if there is a problem!

Hi sunshine. Our tests were on the NHS. I don't know why our GP let us have them before the 1 year. I think my family history may have been a factor, as there's a lot of type 2 diabetes, so she wanted to rule out PCOS/insulin problems. She's also has a special interest in fertility and sexual health, so she is the best person at the practice to see about this. It also doesn't delay things when it's time to refer, so that's good at least. Good luck with your appointment, will keep my fingers crossed for you.

My update ; AF turned up today - was one of those times where it's almost a relief cos I was a few days over and going mad. Don't get me wrong, it's hugely disappointing & it hurts like mad but at least I'm not waiting which is just torture. The line that I'm sure I saw must have been an evap so binning those tests. Ffs!

Off to doc to get results of SA tomorrow evening. Trying to stay positive. Finding it bloody hard.

Hope all are well today xx

Sorry to hear that Cola, those few days of going mad are just absolute torture and I know what you mean about almost breathing a sigh of relief because it kind of puts you out of your misery doesn't it. Hope you get on ok with the doctor tomorrow xx

I hope you don't mind me sharing but you ladies have helped me so much through this TTC journey and I can't quite believe it but I've done two tests today after holding out as long as possible (3 days!) and got two BFP's! Feels absolutely surreal at the moment and I keep checking the test to make sure I've not imagined it or made a mistake!

Obviously very early days and will have to keep everything crossed it sticks but wanted to come and tell you ladies xx I had pretty much given up all hope before Christmas but perhaps 2017 is going to be a good year after all. xx

Aw chlo I'm delighted for you!!!
Congratulations!!

And it's the shot in the arm of positivity I needed!

Sorry about AF, Cola - its such a kick in the guts I find, but as you say at least it's something certain instead of the wondering

Chlo I'm so happy for you, it's so great to hear good news and especially after you said how much you were struggling as well. Hope all goes wonderfully well for you, and all the tough times make this even sweeter for you and your partner

Chlo that is fantastic news! Gives us all some hope that it can happen eventually! Did you feel any different at all this month or was it a total surprise? x

Thanks so much ladies. It was a total surprise as I haven't had and I have had stomach cramps, so I kept thinking my period would be arriving soon but then had a google and found out that that can actually be a symptom but I didn't want to test until I was a few days late as I have been making a conscious effort to try to chill out about the whole thing. Every other month I've literally started symptom spotting as soon as I've ovulated and have felt like I've had nausea, sore boobs, tiredness, you name it.

I also didn't use any ovulations kits this month as they were stressing me out and obviously I've been doing the yoga and reflexology and have been trying to adopt the whole PMA attitude approach so it does seem as though that has helped and for the first time in ages I just started thinking about it actually happening again xx