35+ TTC #1

[elisev]

Hi all,

Just wanted to start a thread for all of us over 35 just starting out.

I am: 36 (37 in Nov)
Cycle #1 CD 22

I've been 'prepping' my body for this for a year, lost weight, increased my fitness levels and been taking vitamins etc so I feel like I've been mentally preparing for this for AGES, as a result I'm finding the waiting game torturous! I've been tracking my cycles, 27 days average, and using OPK's - just started that this month. We dtd the day before getting a smiley face and then twice on the day we got one.

Are there others who feel impatient/worried like me because you feel time is not on our sides? So bloody stressful!

I'm off out to buy some new underwear - I'll be pulling out all the stops! I'm looking forward to it, I just hope he hasn't changed his mind...

@79andnotout - I always found a bit of wine with dinner (not too much) and "I've put nice underwear on" worked well .

@JaneFx40 - wishing you well for your test results. Even if your AMH is a bit low, it doesn't mean you can't get pregnant.

Went to GP this morning and he said I'm "doing everything right", my symptoms are normal and a good sign (fatigue has now joined low level nausea, sore boobs and acne) and there's nothing for me to do except wait until 7 week scan (and hope it's OK). He even said I could run (short steady runs) if I wanted to and that I could have more than one decaf tea per day without any danger .

Coastal, I'm so sorry to hear your news. Big hugs to you.

Phoebe, really sorry to hear your news too. Hugs your way.

I'm thinking of you both.

Blueberry - I am thrilled for you! Wow, wonderful news. I think it's a good step for myself that I feel teary but it's because I'm happy for you (rather than jealousy!) x

Well, that was spectacularly unsuccessful. I'm beginning to think turkey basting is the only option here. Or we break up. OH is in his early thirties with no health issues, I'm beginning to suspect we're just incompatible long term and have made it so long together out of sheer belligerence. Let's see what mr therapist says later...

Glad to hear everything is going well for you Blueberry!

@79andnotout I'm sorry it didn't work out last night. I had meant to say, not to get too stressed if things don't go to plan straight away. It was unlikely that it could spring back to normal after one attempt if things have been tricky for a while.

I don't know anything about your relationship so can't say if you are compatible or not. But I do know how sensitive a subject sex can be and how awful one can feel when it goes wrong in some way. See what happens at the therapist and try not to feel that it's impossible after the first attempt.

Yeah I definitely got my hopes up too high. One step at a time. It's hard not to take it personally though, even though it's not about 'me' it's about 'us' (or possibly even him). I feel better after my exercise class. Let's see how this afternoon goes. I finally got my peak reading on the monitor this morning which just made me feel more sad. Thanks for the advice, Jane. Are you still staying clear of the test results?

Anyway, I'm hogging this thread. Hope you are all having nice weekends! Despite this horrible rain.

@79andnotout sometimes people are very present in a particular part of the thread. It's all good. I think that everyone is wishing you well, and wants to hear about how you are getting on. 🙂

@79andnotout definitely agree with what @Spargle said. This isn't a thread with lots of people so there is space to focus on each one of us when we need it.

My AMH is 13.3. A good result but I've been rationed by OH from googling too much so can't explore what this means too much. I am sure it's a positive tho. Phew x

Thank you both for the support. The first session was good, I like him. I think we'll both benefit a lot from this. I suspect TTC will take a bit of a backburner for a couple of months though. I'm okay with that, I'll use the time to understand my cycle as much as I can, and do lots of sport. I've been waiting years already so a few more months wont hurt i guess.

Jane, your OH is right, don't Google! Although those results are great. Hurray!

@Janefx40 glad to hear that you've had a good result. Very promising!

@79andnotout it's great that you like your therapist. Getting to know your cycles sounds like a positive thing. Do you ever listen to podcasts? I've just started (well, a few weeks ago), and there are several episodes of one podcast in particular I would recommend to help to understand your fertility. It's the Fertility Friday Podcast, and I'd recommend listening to all of the first episode (I think it's in three parts), episode 5, and episode 20 in particular.

My basal body temperature chart suggests that I have ovulated now, which is a positive sign. Alas, I didn't get the slightest bit of anything which would genuinely count as fertile mucus this month (there were two incidents where I had the tiniest bit of slightly stretchy mucus, one of which was at the right time, but I had to search very hard, and it wasn't nearly as stretchy as it should have been), meaning there was nothing to keep the sperm alive (although I did use the pre-conceive lubricant, or whatever it's called). I think that it was therefore not possible for me to conceive this month. That is a problem. Don't know if now is the time to see the doctor (well, in two weeks, when I confirm this), or if I should wait the extra two months. Ugh.

Also, we were staying in a small apartment with a new friend, so didn't DTD for a couple of days when we probably should have done, but there is an actual contraceptive method which says that no fertile mucus means you are not fertile, so there didn't seem much point (we started as soon as the not-completely-infertile mucus started, and probably stopped last night). It will just look bad to whichever doctor to see those two days of abstinence at what the calendar suggests is a crucial time.

@Spargle I think my CM is out of sync - often comes too long before or after ovulation. Could be a problem but probably isn't - one thing you learn from these sites is that although any one thing going wrong could cause infertility - loads of people have less than perfect set up and get preggers.

Squirt the stuff up you and hope for the best! Mind you, now OH is complaining he can't feel anything cos there's too much lub up there!

Yes DTD didn't go quite to plan this month. Still technically you only need one sperm so anything is possible

Xxx

@Janefx40 - that's a much better AMH than me & I was your age when I had it done. Average at 40 is apparently 5, so at 6.5, I was just above average, but you're in better shape

@79andnotout - glad you liked the therapist. The fact you're going means you have both recognised there are problems and that you want to solve them, which is half the battle. Hope things work out

@Spargle - I almost always had fertile CM (egg white stretchy) from 2-3 days before ovulation. However it often lasted past day of ovulation.

My life now = constant low level nausea & fatigue & sore boobs. I think boobs are already slightly bigger (wtf?) and being quite busty; I don't really need extra cleavage!

Have 7 week scan a week on Friday and keep worrying about it. Must stop reading articles about chances of s-t going wrong in early stages of pregnancy when you're over 40; it's largely out of my hands & causing some stress .

Ahhh, try to relax, Blueberry, although I know that's easier said than done! I know plenty of people who have had children at 40 and over, don't let the horror stories worry you!

Spargle, are you checking cm internally or just going by discharge? If the latter, just because you haven't seen any doesn't mean it's not there. Lots of people swear by preseed so good to use that.

Fingers crossed to you all! Tww here but terrible timing last week so little hope. On the positive side of things, I am beginning to make tentative enquiries about adoption which is scary but so nice to feel there might be options. I also plan to make an appointment with a fertility doctor (private) and make an acupuncture appointment. Got to stay positive!

@Blueberry1 must be so hard to relax and it's only natural to be aware that things can go wrong. We will be keeping everything crossed for Friday.

I'm someone who always prepares for the worst - I think it helps me to manage the disappointment. But the reality is that if this does go wrong, I will feel shit whether or not I have mentally prepared myself. Now I allow myself (just occasionally) to imagine things going right!

@79andnotout good that you like the sexpert. It may feel like you are putting TTC on the back burner but this is an essential step towards sorting out the issues and having a baby. The CBFM looks super fancy and hi tec. Have fun!

@SoozC exciting to find more about adoption. Let us know how you get on x

Hi all! I'm abroad this week so not been on here much. Hope everyone is doing ok.

Blueberry, good luck for tomorrow. Another milestone reached, fx.

Spargle, thanks for the link to the podcasts, I had a listen to a couple in the bath. I don't get much in the way of cervical mucus either, and don't think I ever did. Although I did get pregnant once before (termination) so I know it is possible. How much is normal? If I dig around quite deep I can just about get enough to stretch a few millimetres between my finger tips around ovulation.

I discarded a couple of points on my chart this month and now it follows a pattern, and fertility friend gave me my ovulation cross. All seems pretty textbook this month so far, which is nice.

Yep definitely need to sort out some emotional stuff with the therapist - he said we're already miles ahead of most couples he sees as we trust and love each other, and are very open and honest about how we feel. He said an early impression is we want the same things but say and interpret things differently and it's creating a communication misalignment. This is all emotional stuff first, the sex therapy comes in after. We've already had a better week. I love therapy, I've had loads in the past, but my partner hates talking about himself so I appreciate he's doing this for us.

Sooz, great to have options. It helps relieve the pressure at least. And adoption is such a noble thing to do.

Jane it's good to celebrate the minor victories! No harm in it, it won't set you up for a fall. Just help reassure you that it's all still possible.

My cousin turned forty and decided she wanted kids so had two at 41 and 43, naturally, easy birth, no problems, so she is the standard our family now reference for fertility. It's not a very helpful reference for the rest of us but I guess it at least inspires hope.

@79andnotout have a good holiday! So glad the therapy was good. I think every couple should do therapy really - always helpful (if you have a good therapist). It's really encouraging what he said about the love and trust you have. Look forward to hearing more about how you get on.

Hope everyone else is good

X

@79andnotout I understand that the most appropriate way to check for mucus is when wiping before and after using the toilet. Apparently an internal check can give the wrong results: that is to say, sometimes what might be thought of as cervical mucus is, in fact, vaginal discharge, which is not the same thing. Only taking external readings (as it were) is supposed to stop this from happening.

I understand that a normal amount of mucus is enough that you do notice it on your toilet paper for at least one and up to six days per month (maybe more days if your body has a few goes before it manages to ovulate, although that in itself is not exactly a good sign per se). It is apparently not a good sign if you don't even manage to record half a day in this manner.

That said, I had to dig quite deep to find any for me. I think I got up to about 8mm of stretch at most. I gather that an inch is normal on a peak day. Maybe I just have metric mucus?

I always used to have more, but this was many years ago.

Mother had her last baby at, I think, 45. She's starting to pressure me a little. Fun times.

Sorry for silence. I had nice weekend away with my Mum while DP took teenager & belongings back to university.

Nothing really to report. Constant low level nausea, sore boobs & fatigue continue. Lemon & ginger tea is a godsend for quelling nausea! My Mum said my boobs look slightly bigger, but as I'm fairly busty, no-one will notice the extra cleavage .

7 week scan is on Friday morning. No signs that anything has gone wrong, but there aren't always signs . If that is OK then next week I should book myself into local hospital maternity services.

@Spargle - I always found fertile CM by wiping, but think my body was quite efficient at producing it. It was usually egg white-esque, but sometimes more jelly-like (sorry for TMI!).

hi guys!
Hmm okay, interesting mucus comments. Yeah definitely thin on the ground in these parts then, if you're not allowed to go exploring. Apart from the month before last when I had huge reams of the stuff with brown spotting in it (that has never happened before so I have no idea what was going on then). I definitely have a tart vagina as I bleach all my knickers in the groin area. Sperm no welcome here.

Must be a few AF due around this time? I'm having a longer cycle again this month it seems. Even though there was no chance of pregnancy I still did a test, just for the hell of it.

Blueberry hope all goes well this week.

Had the most god awful nausea on the bus home from work tonight. I thought I was going to have to get off the bus before my stop to throw up . Think my mistake was not having crisps or crackers late afternoon. Will not do that tomorrow! #horrid

@Blueberry1 sorry about the nausea. I thought your scan was last Friday - hence the concern! Hope it all goes well.

@79andnotout I can be light on the CM too. Not sure that's a comfort as my body is still stubbornly refusing to get pregnant.

Stupidly pre-menstrual today which then made me even sadder because of it meaning I'm not pregnant again! Migraine due tomorrow. Argh.

I really thought I was more chilled and zen this month but turns out not!

Aw Jane, hope you were wrong and thew migraine didn't arrive today :(

My cramps have started so AF is imminent. Overall I'm pretty happy with this cycle though, everything seemed normal.

How's the TWW going Sooz and Spargle?

Thanks @79andnotout I'd love to be wrong but headache is here. On the plus side it's not too painful this month. But it does mean my progesterone has plummeted :(

Glad you had a normal cycle. So important. Hope the rest of you are doing ok.

X

Hi all, would like to join you guys if that's ok.

I am 37, DP 42, TTC for the first time. This is our second proper month of trying although last month we had relatives staying and this month I was ill so we probably haven't been dtd enough at the right times. I only had my mirena out at the end of June so still getting used to my cycle pattern as well which makes it harder, seems to be around 31-33 days so far. AF due 4th Oct, not much hope for a BFP this month so focusing more on getting to grips with my cycle so that we're maximising our chances.

DP has a son (11) already, he's very supportive and happy to ttc again with me although I think he worries that I'll focus too much on it and be devastated if it doesn't happen. I was fine until we actually started trying and then found myself constantly thinking about cycles, dates, apps etc. and driving myself crazy with stats about pregnancy chances in over-35s! Don't really like to talk to DP about it too much as I don't want him to worry about me but then I saw this thread and found it really reassuring and helpful seeing that I'm not the only one that finds this all a bit crazy, and that for lots of you guys it hasn't happened straight away either but many of you have had success eventually. So thank you to everyone who has shared their experiences here.

Not doing temperature monitoring, OPK etc. at the moment cos I think it will make me more crazy but will consider it in the new year if still no success.

Looking forward to getting to know you guys over the next few months

@Darkstar4855 welcome to the thread.

I think you are sensible to try and avoid the crazy! I use OPKs but don't temp for the same reason. I want to stop with OPKs too but DP likes to know.

Personally I avoid all the scary stats about age. It may be true but it doesn't tell any of us how likely we are to conceive anyway ! Some people struggle at 25, some get a BFP first time at 40. None of us is a statistic.

Have lots of sex and enjoy the ride (literally) if you can.

(I am a hypocrite as I got myself super stressed and obsessed with hormone levels etc but hey, don't end up like me!)