35+ TTC #1

[elisev]

Hi all,

Just wanted to start a thread for all of us over 35 just starting out.

I am: 36 (37 in Nov)
Cycle #1 CD 22

I've been 'prepping' my body for this for a year, lost weight, increased my fitness levels and been taking vitamins etc so I feel like I've been mentally preparing for this for AGES, as a result I'm finding the waiting game torturous! I've been tracking my cycles, 27 days average, and using OPK's - just started that this month. We dtd the day before getting a smiley face and then twice on the day we got one.

Are there others who feel impatient/worried like me because you feel time is not on our sides? So bloody stressful!

@Janefx40 - love your typo (did guess you'd meant to write fate ). Usual advice is get fertility checked out if you've been trying for 6 months without success. Clinic should also be able to advise on how to optimise TTC naturally.

As for me, no sign of AF (TMI alert - usually some discoloured CM by now), but other than that I really can't tell. Seem to be going to the loo more often, but could be mistaken. Probably AF will come tomorrow like a bad penny, but until that moment, I can still have some hope . If no AF by Thursday (14DPO and 2 days late), then I'll do HPT.

@Blueberry1 @Spargle just checking in. How are you both doing?

@Blueberry1 are you still planning to test tomorrow morning?

Hope you are both ok x

I'm not very well, alas. Started feeling nauseated again yesterday afternoon, which got worse as the evening went on. Unfortunately, we were in London at a family gathering, and now they've all decided I'm pregnant, because I couldn't really eat or drink. It got worse overnight, and I was glad DH chose a hotel with a lovely, clean bathroom floor and fluffy towels and pillows.

This morning, DH decided to accompany me home on the train, instead of going to work, which made a very unpleasant trip slightly less bad. But now he's paid for two extra train tickets (he's working away, and is returning to work in about an hour), so I have been very expensive.

Now I still feel a bit rough, although I have actually had some sleep. Not been sick at all. Something resembling AF in all but the amount of pain (I normally need a combination of strong painkillers and paracetamol to subdue it, but I've been managing on paracetamol alone, which is not normal for me) arrived last night, and is still here. And I got a BFN this morning.

I had thought that the extra nausea was a sign of an impending BFP, and I have no idea what's going on. Still, if that is the amount of nausea I'd be required to cope with while pregnant, I'd be requiring medical attention. All I've been able to eat today is two slices of nectarine, and that's not a suitable diet for growing babies!

I hope that you're both doing better than I am!

@Spargle you poor thing. Sounds horrendous. Glad DH has been doing all the right things. I think you were due today. Maybe this is a weird period, maybe you are upduffed but too early for BFP and maybe your sickness is just a ghastly coincidence. Hoping this will pass for you soon xxx

Hi @JaneFx - I thought AF was due yesterday (CD30, DPO12), although fertility app says tomorrow . After no AF yesterday, I cracked, bought a test & did it this morning & got BFN . There's a minuscule chance I tested too early, but I don't think so.

I think AF is late due to Cyclogest. Am continuing it until clinic blood test on Friday (CD33, DPO15, 11dp5dt), but not expecting a miracle. So looks like another FET next month (2 more blastocysts left).

Poor @Spargle - sounds like you've had a rough time. Glad DH looked after you & had booked a comfortable hotel room. Sorry you got a BFN.

@Blueberry1 sorry about the BFN. That must have been really hard to see. Not surprised you bought a test - it must be impossible to wait. Roll on Friday. Just a day and a half and you will know for sure. Will be thinking of you x

@ Blueberry1 12 DPO is early for a standard pregnancy test to work, isn't it? I thought they were more reliable at 14 DPO. Sorry you got a BFN - disappointing is a very mild word to use for that situation. I am so glad that you have other chances, though. Still keeping my fingers crossed for you tomorrow.

Thank you both for your support. Today, Death's Sweet Embrace no longer feels like a top holiday destination, which is nice. Also, I can sleep on my tummy again, which I had to cut out about a week-and-a-half ago because it was too uncomfortable. Interesting. My plans today include feeling hungry enough to eat some food (I'll just give that a bit more time...) and getting rid of these cramps again.

I've ordered some more sensitive pregnancy tests and a basal thermometer (all quite cheap on eBay, although I obviously don't yet know how effective they are!), so I'll hit this month with a bit more information available to me.

Now I'd like to make some book recommendations. A lot of the conception and pregnancy books out there say things, but they don't really explain where they got their information. I don't find this entirely useful. I've had a couple of books out of the library which actually look at scientific studies, and give really useful information about the whole process.

The first book is "Expecting Better", by Emily Oster. She is American, and I reckon she wrote the book for an American market, but the version I'm reading is mostly UK-specific (what I'm saying is that if you buy it from Amazon USA, it might not be a UK-specific version). The book has loads of information about everything! Its conception and 2ww sections are particularly relevant to me now, and the whole thing has made me feel a lot better-informed.

The second book is "Bumpology", by Linda Geddes. This starts from after conception, and so isn't quite so useful for me right now, but it has put my mind at rest on a few aspects of the 2ww.

They are both definitely worth getting out of the library, particularly the first one. I might actually buy them for myself.

Yes @spargle 12DPO can be a bit early, but First Response test supposed to be very sensitive. Clinic said they implant 1-5 days after tranfer, so could have implanted as late as Saturday. I was getting cramps late last week, but not anymore, but could just be body getting used to Cyclogest. Blood test at clinic tomorrow will be definitive. Am expecting it to be negative, but of course I'll be ecstatic to be proved wrong!

@Blueberry1 some people find that the first response pregnancy test doesn't work for them, according to some reviews I read. You're probably right, but I'm hoping you are wrong, too!

@Blueberry1 when will you get the results of the blood test?

@Janefx40 - I seem to recall being told I'd get blood test results within half an hour, but that sounds quite quick, so I may have got it wrong.

That's great. So not long to wait. Must feel like forever to you tho. AF not arrived has to be a plus although I know you said it could be the effect of the meds.

My period seems healthy-ish. I'm pretty sure they are lighter than when I was younger but hard to know really especially as I used to use tampons and don't now so much. From everything I have read (which is a lot - have a tendency to read academic studies when I want to find stuff out!) my periods are still heavy enough not to be a worry. I really hope next cycle is our time.

I know the clinics all say to go after 6 months but I just feel at my age it may be worth going a little sooner. I certainly want to get all my bloods done next CD1/2/3 to be ready. So will look into how to do that. My GP at this stage wants me to wait and see so may need to pay for the extra ones.

@Janefx40 which studies are these? Mine are lighter and shorter than they used to be, and I've lost 2 or 3 days of cycle length since last time I remember thinking about it (the length sounds like it's ok for me - AF looks like it probably comes 14DPO). Please inform me!

How long have you been trying, again? I can see why you'd want to get a move on. For what it's worth, the first book I recommended says that fertility doesn't really decline that much at 35, meaning that when it starts to decline at 40 you're in a slightly better position than the statistics everyone else quotes.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3299419/

This is a good one and provides a tool for working out how heavy your periods are

@Janefx40 - some doctors advise getting fertility checked out after 3 months of on target TTC (ie you know when your fertile window was & activity took place at right time).

@Spargle - from what I've read (I work in a university so can access journals), fertility is more variable after 40. It can be measured through ovarian reserve (AMH & AFC), but that doesn't tell you anything about egg quality, which is crucial. So some women can conceive naturally in their 40s (eg an aunt had 1st child at 41 & 2nd at 43) and some can't even do IVF with their own eggs!

At 40, around 20% of your eggs are good enough. So even with the same fertility, you can be lucky (a friend was recently; his partner is 41 & they conceived naturally) and you can be unlucky. IVF has better success because they retrieve & fertilise more than 1 egg, so greater chance of an embryo being from high quality egg.

Embryologist told me that at 41, typically 1/5 embryos are viable ie chromosomally normal (euploid), so 4/5 are duff (anapleoid). We got 3 embryos, so it's possible they're all duff, but we decided to take a chance. Chromosome screening (very expensive) is only way to identify. And even with euploid embryos, 1/3 fails. This is why I'm not massively upset right now as I KNOW the science and it is what it is.

@Janefx40 thank you! Based ion that paper, it looks like maybe I recently had an anovulatory cycle. This isn't very pleasing! It looks like AF might be heavy enough not to be an indicator of problems, though, which is helpful.

@Blueberry1 you put it better than I did! I was referring to the population average, which is, of course, a less useful measure for the individual. Thank you for your clarification!

Mother had her last child at 44 or 45 (I forget), but failed to have a fifth after that. I'm hoping that I take after her... DH is the one I was worried about before I started reading about all of the potential problems with my fertility. Going to see the doctor after 3 on-target cycles which don't work sounds like an excellent idea. I think we'll do that if necessary.

@Spargle of course it's possible but personally I'd be careful about trying to diagnose anything based on a research study - there is so much variation in what is normal for each woman that it's hard to tell. I think it's good to give you a general baseline but I'd steer away from any specific conclusions meself.

Here's to lots of babies being born to ancient mothers (with possible occasional anovulatory cycles!)

@Blueberry1 good luck today x

Now on my way to clinic for blood test which will confirm BFN . Oh well at least I can stop taking Cyclogest for a few weeks & run again. Am not sad, just very fed up & annoyed.

Good luck anyway, @ Blueberry1.

BFN confirmed by clinic as expected . Have booked follow-up appointment next week to start planning 2nd natural cycle FET. No medical need to wait so we'll crack on (DP agrees). Oh well at least I can now run & drink although not at the same time .

Grr. Sorry to hear that. Hope that the next one works better. Enjoy your running and wine!

@Blueberry1 ah I'm so sorry. Was really hoping you were wrong. Well done for PMA and enjoy the boozing and running for a few days.

I may take myself off Mumsnet for a bit. I'm obsessing too much about it all and need to help myself relax a bit more. My stress levels are sky high. If you want to get in touch feel free to PM me xx

@Janefx40 that is probably a very good idea. I will miss you, though! I hope that you succeed with the relaxation thing, and are successful with the whole TTC thing. Probably very selfishly, I hope that you are able to come back on here, feeling less stressed, soon, but obviously I understand if you decide against that. Thank you for all of your support and advice!

@Spargle honestly PM me any time - it's just the chat feeds I need to leave be for a bit. I get to the point where I just check feeds on and off all day..like FB... Xxx