35+ TTC #1

[elisev]

Hi all,

Just wanted to start a thread for all of us over 35 just starting out.

I am: 36 (37 in Nov)
Cycle #1 CD 22

I've been 'prepping' my body for this for a year, lost weight, increased my fitness levels and been taking vitamins etc so I feel like I've been mentally preparing for this for AGES, as a result I'm finding the waiting game torturous! I've been tracking my cycles, 27 days average, and using OPK's - just started that this month. We dtd the day before getting a smiley face and then twice on the day we got one.

Are there others who feel impatient/worried like me because you feel time is not on our sides? So bloody stressful!

Blueberry, enjoy Portugal! When's the next appointment? So exciting to hear you've got a wonderful selection and 40% odds are better than the 20% for a normal cycle so it's looking good!

@Blueberry1 amazing news! And I hope you're having an awesome holiday!

@miraflores81 thank you for explaining about all the tests, we will have a proper read up before we go to the GP and keep clued up about what we should be having.

@SoozC I'm in the dreaded TWW now too. Fingers crossed for us both!

@Sooz not 40% odds unfortunately, but 40% of the embryos should make it to day 5/blastocyst stage. That would be 2-3. Then they'll be genetically screened and after that (if any get through screening), we can move to embryo transfer. So still a long way to go...

@Phoebe - lovely day at the beach. I managed not to get sunburnt.

Well I'm officially back in the tww.

One the one hand ovarian adhesions are really useful for pinpointing ovulation. I feel like someone is simultaneously trying to pull out my womb whilst pummelling my lower back with hammers. On the flip side it's not sex.

Oops, Blueberry, sorry. Well you have 7 great embryos so I have my fingers crossed for you that you get a good percentage of blastocysts. Have a wonderful holiday (totally jealous!) and I look forward to more news from you soon!

Vics, sorry you're suffering

Phoebe, what dpo are you? Good luck with the tww!

Hello! I just turned 36 (DH is 38), and we started trying for our first on Sunday. I'm using the Clue app, which reckons I might ovulate today, so fingers crossed.

I've never tried making babies before, but DH failed many years ago with a girlfriend who then went on to have a baby with someone else. He also had mumps as a child. It could just be that DH's DNA was not compatible with that of his then-girlfriend...

DH is working away a lot at the moment, so that's our shot at the FW finished. Now I start the 2ww. You can probably guess my general level of patience by the length of time it has taken me to sign up on here (4 hours after first being in the house on my own today).

I have, of course, been having symptoms. I felt quite rough this morning, and my tummy has been cramping weirdly in the general area of where I believe my uterus to be. I've also been feeling a bit more emotional than usual. There is no way these symptoms could be psychosomatic! (I know that these symptoms are completely psychosomatic, but that doesn't fit in well with my narrative style.)

I don't really want to concieve this month (I'd love to conceive in August or September, if this were the sort of thing one could choose) - we've just started now because it is the first month it wouldn't be wildly inappropriate, and these things take time. But now that we've started trying, it suddenly seems very important. I pressured DH into having another go last night, which surprised and pleased him. If he's going to say that we are TTC, he is jolly well going to give it his best shot!

Anyway, good luck everyone!

@SoozC I don't know how to properly work out my ovulation day! I've not tried using any kits as I was worried about how accurate they were and also how obsessed I am likely to get. According to my app, it should be 11 dpo but whether that is actually what happened I am not sure! I normally have a 27 day cycle there abouts, so expecting AF on Friday (the day I go on holiday - great!). Fingers crossed it won't turn up and i have tests at the ready just in case! Thank you - good luck to you too!

Welcome @Spargle and good luck with your TWW! from my limited knowledge, I don't think mumps as a child should affect fertility but it can if you have it as an adult. It could be worth asking the GP for a test if you're worried.

Enjoy Portugal @Blueberry1 can you bring the sun back with you?

Sorry things have been sucky @SoozC How are you feeling today. X

You're about where I am, Phoebe! I reckon I'm 11dpo today too, although since I stopped temping and doing opks (for my sanity) I'm not entirely sure. I have my fingers crossed for you for Friday!

I'm feeling much the same, Vics, but thank you for asking! Starting af is always the same - down for a couple of days then I spring back again.

Although I haven't actually started af yet, some brown spotting today and such bad cramps I was awake in the night. So it can't be far off, I'm guessing. I don't have brown spotting a few days before but I guess it could be early af. As always I refuse to read anything into anything that happens in the tww and just expect af as usual!

I hope everyone's okay and plodding along nicely. I'm so pleased to have this thread to help me through!

@Soozc AF appears to have arrived 2 days early for me I hope you will have better luck! I was hoping I'd be able to cancel our GP appointment we've got booked, but we have that coming up in a couple of weeks so I can feel like I'm doing something!

And at least I won't be waiting for af to start whilst I'm on holiday now and I know I am safe to indulge in the wine and cocktails so there is always a plus side!

Welcome @Spargle. Glad you're enjoying your TTCing . Cross fingers you won't be doing it for long!

@Phoebemouse bad luck. I swear my cycle started getting more unpredictable as we began TTC; it varied from 23 (!) days to 32, whereas it had usually been 29-31. Enjoy those holiday drinks !

@Sooz - not over yet crosses fingers

My 5 day update: 1 embryo is good blastocyst & 2 more should be at that stage tomorrow, so 3 in total (could be fewer, highly unlikely to be more). This is not bad at all from only 7 eggs given we're oldies.

Clinic asked if we wanted to do the PGS as blastocyst 1 would have to be biopsied today for that. We thought about it & then decided no. If there had been 4 or more, it could have been worth it (it costs an additional £2.5k & takes 2-3 weeks to get results).

So we may be able to do 3 frozen embryo transfers, but won't know if any are destined to fail. Statistically 1/5 embryos would be euploid (chromosomally normal) at my age, so they could all be duff .

Hi Its been a while but I'm back. You may recall that OH and I were going to start trying when we moved into our new house mid-april but after we moved in he got a bit overwhelmed as he's not great at coping with too much big change at once. So I just laid off talking about it at all. We went on the 3 holidays we'd booked and I said no more even though I was panicking like mad as am 39 in sept (he has just turned 34). Anyway, I had some friends and their little ones round last fri and one of them is pregnant again with her second. So think it was sunday I mentioned to him I was feeling a bit sad as I was happy with life but they had their little families and thats what I wanted and was slightly envious. No drama or tears, just a statement and no more. Anyway, he's now agreed we can start trying again! Only fly in ointment is that if my due date falls before 16 may 2018 I won't get contractual maternity pay and I want to take 6 months off. We could just about cope if we started saving now (though its hard as we only bought the new house 2 months ago) so part of me toying with waiting until sept but we are both away (separately) in my most fertile time in sept and so then realistically it would be oct. Plus, if I waited 2 months and there was a problem conceiving or miscarriage, it could really screw things up given my age so think we should just go for it. What do you think?

@Blueberry so how many embryos will you have transferred, assuming all three are good to go? It sounds like all three would be the safest bet to me (I did some maths!). Could you cope with triplets? ;-) That does sound very exciting. (One baby sounds most exciting, tbh.) Wishing you so very much good luck with it all!

@coastalchick I'm in a similar position, except that I'd just really like to have a baby in May or June, so there are no real consequences if I conceive early. (I am going freelance in October, so no maternity leave for me, other than what the government will give me.) We've started trying, and I'm giving it two cycles of not really taking it very seriously. If it doesn't happen by then, DH is getting his semen examined because of previous possible infertility. (He doesn't know this yet. No point in telling him just yet - no need to upset him. Last time he tried to give a sample, everything went very wrong and he was upset.) I wonder if a nice compromise for you might be to not try to get pregnant, but not try not to get pregnant, until it's time to try. (Did that sentence make sense?) I don't know what I'd do. I would worry about not having maternity pay, but that is nothing compared to not having a baby! Oh, for a crystal ball.

@Phoebe I am not impressed that AF arrived two days early. It is nice not to have the suspense, but I am indignant on your behalf.

My boobs suddenly became very uncomfortable when I started typing on here. I think they know what's up and want to mess with my head. My tummy also feels weird, and I expect that's just long-term wind, or Pilates aches, or something. Isn't it fun, reading things into every little twinge which would normally be ignored? My boobs have calmed down again now they've had their fun, which is probably a good thing...

Af arrived today. I knew it was coming but it's hit me hard. So upset today, I feel like I'm on the verge of tears the whole time. Why me? Why is it me who can't conceive?

@Blueberry1 @Spargle Arg I know, my AFs have only just started to settle down after coming off the pill in September - which I had taken since i was 19. As a teen my cycles were always long, from about 29-35 days, and quite heavy and painful. When I stopped the pill they started off averaging 29 days and have got shorter and now around 24-28! My mum said hers were always short so perhaps these are just my adult cycles! It makes it hard to know when I might be ovulating, but we're just keeping things simple and following the NHS website advice of every 2-3 days!

The pilates comment made me laugh - i keep doing this too every month, wondering if I'm feeling something in there or if it's my abs! my pre-AF symptoms keep being slightly different every month since coming off the pill too which doesn't help!

@SoozC I'm so sorry to hear that! Please don't feel that it is only you though. I felt awful yesterday too when mine arrived. I keep reminding myself that the NHS website (again, not that i'm obsessed with it or anything!) says that 80-something% (i can't find the page again now gah) of women 35-39 get pregnant within 1 year and 90something% within 2, so there is every chance that there is nothing wrong and it will just take time. It is just horrible to have to keep waiting whilst not knowing what is going on in your body.

@spargle - yes that made sense! But feel I am already a bit obsessed with checking Clue app and the ovulation sticks (because I had got them in anticipation of trying in April) and I also have a skin condition which makes sex painful sometimes so we will probs have to plan it round most fertile time which sucks. But agree that should not try but not not try - argghhhh! And also agree that 6 months without pay would be nothing compared to not having a baby.

@coastalchick @spargle, unless you're going to struggle to feed yourself/the baby, then get on TTCing. There are worse things than a slightly inconveniently timed baby!

@Sooz, I have literally cried when AF arrived & I had hoped differently . Sending you .

Clinic confirmed today that (as expected) there were 2 more blastocysts good enough to freeze, so 3 in total. This is not bad from 7 eggs . However, at my age only 1 in 5 embryos will be chromosomally normal, so it's possible all 3 are duff, but as we decided not to screen we won't know.

@Spargle When we signed up for IVF we agreed to only do single transfer as don't want to risk multiple birth and anyway transferring more than 1 barely improves chances. Now have to wait until Consultant is happy that cycle is normal again to do transfer. This could take a couple of weeks or 2 months. I now have no idea when AF is due

so am def not in fertile mode at the mo as just after my period - will be in fertile mode (at least according to clue) next week. When do you reckon we should start having sex? this weekend? I am just conscious that I suffer for a few days after (and have had all this under review from gynae but nothing works!) due to skin condition and my OH is quite big! So am sort of loathe to do it and then be too sore next week, but know to have best chances of conceiving need regular sex - arghhhhhh!

Clue tells you when to have sex, doesn't it? Any day which is marked as fertile is fair game. I think that a standard sperm is supposed to be able to last up to 5 days, with girl sperm likely to survive longer than boy sperm. I think that an egg probably lasts a day. So you need to have sex during those six days. Assuming my schoolgirl biology (plus additional research) is both accurate and properly-remembered...

yeah it does but just hoping it's not wrong - suppose I can only try on those days and if it isn't working after a couple of tries maybe try earlier or later as some on here say Clue is a bit out. I guess I also don't want to make OH think I only want jiggy for a baby - not sure he will feel very desirable!!!!

It's based on general population statistics, so I think that you are more likely to ovulate when it says than any other given day, but you won't necessarily do so. You should be able to get more accurate results with taking your temperature or using ovulation sticks (I know nothing about how to do either of these to predict ovulation - just that it can be done!).

If I were you, I would do what I am planning to do - have two or three months assuming that Clue is giving good advice, and then throw everything at it in September. I will be learning about temperature charting and the cost of ovulation predictor sticks in home bargains myself if it doesn't work fast enough, so we might be able to learn together...

Welcome spargle and welcome back coastal! Sorry, I was too self-obsessed to say that earlier.

Feeling better now! Or a bit happier at least. I am going to start taking vitamin B complex so feel like I'm doing something and hopefully I won't have another odd, brown period. Might re-start taking my BBT and opks so I feel more in control.

I am hoping the universe sees the irony in letting me get pregnant in the next few months when I won't be eligible for SMP due to starting new job in September. All I can say is - I would gladly do with less money for a few months if it meant I had a baby!

@SoozC don't worry - I understand completely. I'm so sorry your conception plan is not going well. Right now, I feel as though there is an abyss nearby, but that I don't need to concern myself with such things for at least a few more days. (I might be being a bit over-dramatic?) So I've not been there with you yet, and can only imagine how hard it is.

I bet you conceive a few days before you're eligible for maternity pay. That would be nicely ironic. (Hoping you conceive sooner, of course!)

@coastalchick Fertility Consultant said TTC every other day starting before fertile window until you're sure ovulation has happened. So as at the time I was ovulating around day 16-17, he said TTC on day 12, 14, 16 & 18.

It can help to track your cycle at least for a few months using ovulation predictor kits and possibly doing BBT. This will give you an idea of when you ovulate and your luteal phase length (time from ovulation to Af).

Early on, I wasn't doing this and I thought I must be pregnant as my period was 5 days late and got very excited. When I then tracked my cycle, I realised I'd just ovulated later that month and luteal phase was same length, ie period wasn't late at all.