35+ TTC #1

[elisev]

Hi all,

Just wanted to start a thread for all of us over 35 just starting out.

I am: 36 (37 in Nov)
Cycle #1 CD 22

I've been 'prepping' my body for this for a year, lost weight, increased my fitness levels and been taking vitamins etc so I feel like I've been mentally preparing for this for AGES, as a result I'm finding the waiting game torturous! I've been tracking my cycles, 27 days average, and using OPK's - just started that this month. We dtd the day before getting a smiley face and then twice on the day we got one.

Are there others who feel impatient/worried like me because you feel time is not on our sides? So bloody stressful!

Congratulations @LynseyLou1982! I must admit I am very grateful that my boyfriend is similarly 'if it happens, it happens. if not, it's also cool!', i honestly don't know what i would be like if he was putting on stress as I am naturally quite an easily stressed person and that is meant to be bad for getting pregnant! I tend to be fine most of the month until a few days before AF is due and then I ramp up the pressure on myself and get upset when it starts. This month it is due the day we go on holiday too, so extra reason to not want it to start! (but then again, a sober holiday if pregnant!!)

@Vicsteur81 I know the feeling I'm easily stressed too and I like to research the hell out of everything, looking into what should be happening and when and constant googling. This process is so hard as I have absolutely no control over it, will have to just try and relax a bit :-)

@LynseyLou1982 @Vicsteur81 welcome to this thread. I have researched everything to hell and working in a university I have access to ALL the journals going, which has good & bad sides!

Stick to the information in reputable journals/websites and try not to get sucked in by the oodles of dubious information/magic solutions out there. It's really an industry of selling false hope.

I'm now doing IVF and am finding it less stressful than trying to conceive naturally (after we'd tried over 9 months with no result), although not as fun obviously . Egg collection due Friday; looks like they'll be 7-9 eggs (good for a 41 year old!).

@Blueberry1 I too work in a University. Small world. Going to try and force myself not to Google every little thing. I really hope IVF works for you.

@Blueberry1 ah the joy of journal access, I have to hit up my brother for those. I'm usually greeted with "why are you reading about THAT?"
Good luck Friday!

Blueberry, 7-9 eggs sounds great! Fx they grab them on Friday. Why was it moved from tomorrow? Really hoping this is a lucky cycle for you! x

Congrats, Lynsey and welcome! I'm getting married in 62 days! Don't let the planning stress you out!

I'm another '81 baby. There was someone else on here the same year (mira) but she got a bfp naturally after 20 cycles so there's hope for us all yet!

@LynseyLou1982 @Blueberry1 I also work in a university! Not one that has medical research though, so perhaps that's a good thing! I am addicted to Googling everything too.

I wondered, at what point has anyone gone for help at the doctors? I read on the NHS website to go after 6 months of trying if over 35, but when I had an unrelated doctors appointment and asked, she said to come in after a year. We've been trying about 7 months now so I wondered if i'm doing the right thing hanging on a bit longer or not. She was incredibly helpful though, and did book me the 7 day hormone test which came back fine.

oops i mean 21 day hormone test. i have end of work day brain!

Hello, still loitering over here! Think I'll be wearing infertility war wounds for a while...
Just wanted to delurk to say to phoebemouse get a hold of your ccg guidelines, if a quick google doesn't ferret them out email the ccg directly and ask for them. Forewarned is forearmed many gps don't know much about infertility and the standard response seems to be to fob you off. After 6 months you should at least be referred to a specialist. I saw a registrar at the hospital about my infertility and he didn't seem to know that I would be eligible for ivf by my next birthday! So know your rights! I would also advise maybe considering some private tests if nhs are being really slow you could save months of waiting. If you are unexplained I would advise hsg (as that is what worked for me, even though my tubes were clear!)
Good luck

@miraflores81 Thank you, I will get looking into these and get back to my docs. I was surprised when she said a year, and picked her deliberately as the doctors' website showed she had worked in obstetrics and gynaecology so assumed she would be up on these things! She was quite helpful so wonder if she might refer me anyway if I went back and asked.
Is an HSG the first thing they would do? I'm so confused by the list of tests suggested on the NHS website! Although I suppose my partner should also get checked out before we do any further tests on me!

@PhoebeMouse - when we begun TTC, my GP said try for 6 months, then come back for tests on NHS (I was already 40). I actually decided (on advice of friend who'd had fertility problems) to pay privately to get tests done earlier. If you're under 40, that's probably unnecessary.

Clinic did AMH (anti-mullerin hormone) and AFC (antral follicle count), both of which give an idea of ovarian reserve plus ultrasound scan to make sure everything in good working order. Some clinics also measure FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) levels as well, but mine didn't, not sure why.

I found out I was in good shape, ovulating normally and my AMH at 6.5 and AFC at 8 were above average for 40, but that still meant low fertility (range of values for 40+ women is huge from same fertility as late 30s to no chance of conceiving even with IVF). I was told I could conceive naturally, but chances were low i.e. 5-10%.

After no luck 6 months later, DP had semen analysis, which found everything good, except motility a bit sub-optimal. HyCoSy (that Mira mentioned which checks fallopian tubes for blockages) was proposed at one point, but didn't happen as we decided to move onto IVF (where tubes don't matter).

Clinic wouldn't have done HyCoSy before checking out DP. This is because it's a very low but not zero risk procedure, and if it turned out your OH had some problems, then HyCoSy might not be relevant and they would have subjected you to a procedure unnecessarily.

Update on me? Nine (!) follicles have developed (might not all contain mature eggs) and retrieval due for Friday morning. Strangely enough, I'm not stressed, but was getting a bit fed up of injecting myself (and Gonal F cost was bankrupting me ). There is nothing I can do now anyway; there either will be some good enough quality eggs that develop into 5 day blastocysts or there won't be.

If there are enough good embryos (more than 3?), the clinic will do pre-implantation genetic screening (the type that checks embryos are chromosomally normal) to find the best one(s). If there were to be 2 or 3 "best" ones, I'll be very happy .

@Blueberry1 Thank you so much for this, the internet is so confusing for trying to find out information about what actually happens when you go for help! I think we will look at going to the GP together soon, if the current TWW doesn't work out in our favour.

I will keep everything crossed for you for Friday! I think keeping your stress down is really important and it sounds like you have the best attitude towards everything. Lots of positive thoughts to you!

Quick update: 7 eggs retrieved (maximum expected was 8). Now at home in bed with a hot water bottle on my tummy feeling groggy & bloated.

DP did sample in advance to avoid the "go into a room & produce a sample now!!" stress, so he just looked after my handbag and read a newspaper while I was in theatre. We both got and afterwards and as I was nil by mouth since midnight on Thursday, it was best cup of tea ever!

Clinic will call us tomorrow to tell us how many eggs got fertilised, then grow as many as possible to 5 day blastocyst. If enough make it that far (please let us be lucky!), then genetic screening can take place. Frozen embryo transfer wouldn't be til late July at earliest.

Fantastic! @Blueberry1 Sending you positive vibes for the next stages!
I've taken everyone's advice and booked a joint GPs appointment for DP and I next month so will see what happens this cycle and if not, hopefully they can get us started on some NHS tests.

Do they do all of those tests you mentioned in one visit or do you have to go several times? Already panicking about how to explain this to my work!

@phoebemouse In the private clinic I went to they did all the tests (ultrasound scan, AMH & AFC) in one visit. Maybe with NHS they have to "order" the tests, so you may need to have a consultation and then an appointment for tests.

Doctors won't do HyCoSy at the same time as that would require semen analysis to be done first & depending on outcomes of other tests it might not be appropriate.

@miraflores81 did tests with NHS so she may have more precise info.

Hi
Thought I would say hello after reading through your posts. Pretty typical story. I have just turned 35 and TTC since the start of 2016 after taking ages to convince other half to have a baby. 21 day progesterone and other blood tests all normal. Have light but regular periods (lighter than when younger but had been on pill for long time) with a good length luteal phase. Have been using ovulation sticks.

It is getting me down, even though it's been ages every month get very hopeful but not even a hint of a BFP so far. After much tears and tribulations other half has tentatively agreed to get tested but I know he would find IVF an ordeal. Really want a baby and finding it difficult not to calendar-watch, feeling very much in limbo :-( All the regular supplements including aspirin and evening prim in 1st 2 weeks of cycle).

@Blueberry1 fingers crossed for you

Congrats @Blueberry1 sounds like things are positive so far. Look forward to hearing your updates. Hope your DP is plying you with TLC and cups of tea.

Hope the GP is useful @PhoebeMouse.

Sorry you've been struggling @Holzgolightly, hope things start to look up for you.

Fingers and toes crossed for you all.

Just popping in to say hi.

Blueberry, sounds exciting, keep us updated please! Fingers crossed for you x

Phoebe, I've only had day 3 and 21 bloods and DP has had sperm analysis so I can't be of much help, sorry. It is stressful to try and get time off work isn't it? I start a new job soon and, being a teacher, it can be really hard to get even an hour off as you need cover. Not thinking about that yet though!

Holz, we've been trying as long as you. I know how you feel completely. I'm coming up to 36 soon and DP hates hospitals and tests. He's already had one SA and that was stressful enough, let alone anything else he might have to do in the future. I'd say try to stay positive but I know it's not easy!

I went to see my new colleagues this week and two were talking about their kids. One asked if I had any, fair enough question. Then she asked if I wanted children in the future - all I could think of was how patronising it felt, having a 30-year-old mum who got pregnant "unexpectedly" ask me that.

I hate that I feel like a failure and I hate that people feel like it's okay to ask these questions when they have no idea what's going on in someone's life. Argh. Just having a down moment, sorry!

Welcome @holzgolightly. We can all sympathise with your experience. It's so frustrating when you just want one simple thing and it doesn't work then all around you people are falling pregnant left, right & centre and helpfully telling you "just relax & it will happen" .

I had to do a lot of persuading to get DP on board with TTC. Due to his age (now 50) & already being a Dad, he didn't feel same way as me; his view was if it happens it's a bonus, if not oh well. It was even harder to persuade him on IVF; he dithered & said no before agreeing. It's been a long haul & I spent a lot if time crying .

But good (amazing?) news this morning from clinic is that all 7 eggs fertilised . This is not typical; embryologist said they usually lose some eggs at this stage. Feel better today; not groggy anymore, although still tender/bloated around the middle. Also feeling more positive now that at the end of this there just might be a baby .

Whoo! Great news Blueberry!

So exciting blueberry you could be pupo soon!

phoebemouse spent ages writing you a reply that thought I had posted but not there! We initially had day 21 and sperm tests on NHS via the doctor but we had to try 2 drs to get that far and they only did it after we had been trying a year (I'd turned 35 part way through that year) we had to wait months after the referral to the specialist who just ordered 3 more day 21s and hsg. Although we were able to pass on results we had done privately as during the waiting OH and I considered our options and prepared to possibly going abroad for ivf.
We had fsh lh tsh and amh as well as a further SA done privately along with antral follicle count and endometrial thickness. We finally got my hsg done a month previous to my bfp. During which time we also paid for infectious disease screening which the clinic we were looking at wanted before starting ivf.
We were very fortunate to get a natural bfp at the last minute. So as you can see we kind of ran nhs and private tests concurrently as you tend to feel like doing something while you're doing all the waiting and I think it does help to move things along especially as you have to wait for the right part of your cycle for some tests. You do need to educate yourself as you can't really trust the NHS to give you everything you need when you need it. It was my experience that they kind of expect you to know everything. But my trust farms out ivf to a private clinic so that might have affected things. I wish you Good luck with it anyway

About 10dpo here and just had some watery red/pink. Feel so fed up. Af is on its way again. I'm honestly getting so depressed about this, I'm not sure what to do anymore.

I'm sorry @SoozC that sucks. What cycle are you on? Did you say you are an '81 girl? Me too.

I'm just about hitting my 2nd tww. I think I ovulated yesterday.

@Sooz sorry to hear AF seems to be coming. Not over yet, but I guess you know your cycle well enough.

Am on a beach in Portugal sunbathing; nice way to recover from egg retrieval, although can't go in sea for a few more days.

Astonishingly, all 7 embryos have made it to day 3 with 5 graded "excellent" and 2 "very good" . Next update is day 5 (blastocyst). On average 40% progress that far, occasionally more crosses fingers .

Hi Vics, yep I'm an '81 baby too! This is cycle 17, I think. And it depresses me more to say that, argh!