TTC after miscarriage thread #6

[jodiebee664]

New thread for all navigating the bewildering world of trying to conceive after a miscarriage. Whether you have dc or are ttc your first, all are welcome here. We share the positive, the negative and the down right confusing.

Here's link to previous thread...www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2657346-TTC-after-miscarriage-thread-5?noti=1#62460035

I am definitely going to ask! I have said to OH that I would like to pay for tests privately if we can't get them through NHS. Thanks for the info bertie I think being armed with information can only help! X

Haz - so glad you're feeling better today and that's great news nothing is left behind. With my 2nd mc, the physical side was over a lot quicker and it made it much easier to deal with.

I finally had a letter through yesterday (after seeing the GP several weeks ago and him telling me I'd 'only' had 2 mc's and should wait til 3 etc etc) about an appointment for tests in a few weeks time so ask your GP first (be prepared for them to say the criteria is 3mc's but just say you don't want to wait and how it's affecting you etc).

Glad you are getting some help from your GP jbee a sympathetic GP can make such a difference! I agree it was a lot easier physically it made me wary but after the scan confirmed it I feel so relieved the worst is over! If every miscarriage was like this one I could understand why some people have kind of a...brusque 'get on with it' kind of attitude to miscarriage.
I just can't wait to have some time of not symptom checking and just having normal periods as I haven't for the best part of a decade!
Do you think there is an underlying cause for your mc's jbee? I sometimes think gut instincts are right and you can tell if something isn't right. Xx

I really don't know if any cause Haz (other than potentially age as I'm 37 but a lot have said this isn't too much of an issue) so will have to see what the tests say.
I'm hoping it was just bad luck (but it feels like really real bad luck when it happens more than once) A fellow mumsnetter told me how a doctor had said to her that more often than not it is just bad luck - like rolling a dice twice and getting the same number you don't want both times!

I like the dice analogy, it takes away any blame or responsibility! Because of course you try and blame yourself or find a reason.
It does feel so shit to be happening to you, but I am just thinking when our time comes it will be so much more worth it and appreciated.
In a low ebb very late the other night I sent off for adoption info from my county council, they sent the info through the door today and have left me voicemails, and I do actually think we should look in to it, I want biological children but I do seriously want to give another child a loving home and a chance at a happy childhood xx

Glad your feeling a bit better after your scan haz I can totally understand your decision to have a few months of ttc, I've been wondering the same over the past week but really not sure what to do.

I'm seeing my GP this afternoon to ask for tests so good to know some do agree after 2 mc jbee I'll take your advice and really stress how hard I've found it. Did you ask for specific tests for just for a referral? I was hoping the GP could do some simple ones like thyroid whilst waiting for a referral.

I like that rolling the dice analogy too, maybe two in a row really is just bad luck.

Good luck with your GP Mrs, fingers crossed they run some tests for you!
One positive I am taking from this second miscarriage, and you may or may not agree, but I am one miscarriage closer to having thorough tests carried out and if I don't miscarry again I get a baby, so I don't have much to lose by trying again next year. If you don't feel ready to try yet just give yourself time to heal, you'll know when it's the right time xx

That's a really good outlook Haz

Reading 2 chapters of It Starts With The Egg and it's certainly interesting. I normally avoid any 'eat this for fertility' or 'just cut this out' type advice unless it is researched and backed up, which this book is. But I am worried about my tendency to obsess! First chapters after the introduction are about BPA and Phthalates and have got me paranoid about everything plastic in my house! Already bought a new kettle as my old one was plastic, and some glass tubs for food storage. But I use heat printed labels a lot in my business which apparently contain BPA which I can't avoid (might get some gloves). It's really interesting and I like that she backs up her claims but I might end up being completely paranoid!

That should be read not reading at the beginning!

I hear ya insufficiently! It is so easy to become obsessed!! I am one of those paranoid obsessive people but I kept a little diary after my last miscarriage of how I felt and one thing I wrote down was that no amount of worrying saved my baby last time...I have just purchased a book called The Worry Cure, it may be worth a read if you are feeling anxious? I'll let you know what it's like. I am also going to buy It Starts With The Egg, it sounds an interesting read especially if it is all backed up xx

I have the book IC but I can't read it as I had to sterilise it and stick it in storage as we have had a nightmare few months after finding we had brought bedbugs back from Romania. We have had to wash and tumble dry all our clothes and stick them in storage and all the book I had by the bed had to go in the oven and go in storage. Not to mneiton throwing out our bed, two matresses and our sofa and armchair. I had just started de-plasticing the kitchen and planning a stress free few months when instead I found myself demolishing my house, doing a massive amount of work and covering the place in toxic insecticide. It feels like someone REALLY does not want me pregnant. I am exhausted and the house is still a bomb site. The end is in sight now though. All the sprays are over and we are starting to get the house put back together. I am looking forward to getting a real mattress again rather than an inflatible one on the spare bed.

MrsY and Haz - I'm glad you liked the dice analogy, it really helped me rationalise when a friend from here said it to me.

I've heard of that book but have been dubious about reading it and getting too paranoid - will wait and see what you say IC :)

MrsY I just asked for a referral but I have heard that some GP's will do inital blood tests - mine was so vile about it all though that I was suprised get the referral - in fact I had to phone back and ask if it had been sent and it hadn't but then the lovely receptionist said she would make sure he did it!

Oh Brenna that's rubbish, sorry you're going through all of that, what a nightmare!!

Haz that is exactly my mentality, part of me wants to try again straight away to potentially get the mc over and done with so I can get tests done for certain, and as you say it might not end in mc and you get a baby so nothing to loose.

Interestingly I was just chatting to a mum at playgroup with my DD about juggling work and children and she said quit her stressful city job after she had 5 mc in a row after having had two DC and was pg within a few months. It gave me hope that two mc isn't the end, I have a stressful job and keep thinking how much easier life would be if I took something more local and potentially lower paid than being on a corporate career ladder, anyway gave me something to think about and whether 'having it all' is really possible.

The book sounds interesting, may look into it, although i can already feel that I am getting obsessed so it may not be the best idea for me.

Brenna that sounds like a nightmare! Hope it all gets sorted for you soon.

Thanks jbee it's such a gamble depending on which GP you see, fingers crossed mine is understanding today.

That sounds extremely stressful Brenna! I hope you at least get a decent bed sorted soon. I think I could cope with most things except not having a good bed!

I'm happy to filter through any of the useful things from the book to prevent us all becoming obsessed! I've decided I'm going to read it really slowly so going to stop at these two chapters, get to work on removing plastic and not pick it again until that's done rather than have lots of things to obsess over (that also gives me a little while longer with coffee as I'm fairly sure later chapters suggest cutting out caffeine )

It has been absolute hell. I feel quite offended that after the hellish year we have had we are getting more heaped on us. But onwards and upwards. Hopefully by the end of this weekend we will have the furniture back in its place in various rooms anad can get on with bringing clothes back. The thing that I am missing most is socks. 2 months ago I wasn't wearing them at all, but the last couple of weeks I have been starting to miss them. It is the reason why I haven't been here much as I just haven't had time to do anything other than de-bug the house and go to work, my italian lessons and the clb we run for disabled kids.

IC I weaned myself on to decaff for all except my first cup by the time we got married. When I found out I was pregnant 3 months later I dropped the morning cup as well. There are actually some decent decaff's out there - at home I use a Mokka pot on the stove and Illy's decaff is great for that. My in-laws have also taken to posting me out nice decaff from Italy to use in it. At work I use the Millicano decaff and that is quite drinkable too. My Dh has even done it too after I found a scientific article which suggested that men drinking caffeine also leads to a higher rate of miscarriage. He quit completely until we went to Italy as he was convinced that it would be rank. In Italy my MIL drank it in solidarity with me and commented that it tasted quite good actually, then DH joined in too.

Hello there! Am just posting on here as a placemarker really, am patiently waiting for my second period after I miscarried at the start of Aug. Promised myself I'd wait to have three periods and start TTC end Dec.

We already have one awesome DD who is eight months and we are totally gagging to give her some brothers and sisters. The goal is to have three more (yes I am mental). I suppose I'm just on here to look at the experiences of others as losing our baby just before the 12 week scan really shook us to our foundations.

I've said it before and I'll say it again; anyone who is trying for another baby after the shock of a m/c is super brave...I suppose I'm just here to try and pick up some bravery from you guys!

Big love xxx

Hello all.

Haz, I think your break sounds like a brilliant idea. I hope you can relax and enjoy not being on the TTC merry go round for a few months.

Brenna, that sounds awful! I hope you get your house back functioning soon.

I've read about half of it starts in an egg. It is interesting, but I have to say I haven't actually followed any of it yet! Part of me feels that millions of women have had successful pregnancies without changing their tupperware and stopping painting their nails that is it really going to make that much difference? I feel like TTC and MCs have taken over my life enough already without me giving up all of life's little pleasures or having to spend loads of money on new kitchen equipment!

Sorry your here too legend. I think everyone is different when it comes to trying again and you'll just know when you are ready but the fear will never go however long you wait. Both my mc have been at about 6 weeks and fairly pain free so I don't know if that has made it easier for me to think about trying again quickly or whether it is just because I so just want another child.

Just back from my GP, she was great, didn't do a referral but has done me a form for all sorts of blood tests inc 21 day prog, clotting, thyroid, liver etc etc so feel like it was worth the visit and it's a step in the right direction.

That's great Mrs - same tests as what I'll probably get from the referral. Very glad they're helping you.

Sorry you're here legend.

Hi Legend. Sorry you are here. A break is a good plan sometimes (not an option for me as I am nearly 39 now and have to get my skates on).

emily The way I am seeing it is that lots of women do manage. I used to work with addicts and I have seen what they do to their bodies while pregnant and still have babies fine. I think that maybe I am in a category where I have some problem that means I am less likely to carry to term and that maybe by papering myself, reducing stress and reducing chemicals in my life that I can avoid, that I will be lucky enough to tip the balance in our favour. Very different to my first pregnancy when I was cycling to and from work, working in a lab and generally carrying on as normal for as long as possible. All of which was fine. It seems it was flying that did it for me that pregnancy.

Hello, just checking in, still pg over here for now, around 4 weeks 4 days. I stopped sulking at the doctor and got a blood test done on Thursday and the level was 191 which I'm worried is a little low, but there's no repeat test so nothing to compare it too.

mrs glad your GP has been some help.

brenna that sounds so so stressful with your house! I hope things are back to normal soon

haz I hope your feeling better. We did the same with adoption and we're going to an open evening about it next month, it's not the right time for us just now but after everything we've been through we thought it was deff worth at least looking into for the future

Hope everyone else is ok, sorry I've missed so many people, my phone is being a pain with the site at the min and won't let me look back

Brenna to be honest, I think I'm just in a bit of a cross, rebellion about my useless reproductive system phase! However, I have been thinking of buying some CoQ10.

Have also decided to start accupuncture in the new year if I haven't managed a BFP by then.

Alb still keeping my fingers crossed for you. Can you self refer to your EPU for a scan?

Hi guys, I am new to Mumsnet and found this thread very helpful in making me feel a little bit better about my current situation, knowing I am not the only one going through this. I am 35 years old and suffered a MMC at 17 weeks in late July (first pregnancy). Horrific thing to have to go through but received so much support from family and friends. My boyfriend and I started trying again last month after spending the last couple of months trying to get my health back on track (low iron, anemic) and were hoping that we could get pregnant straight away (high hopes I know). I have just taken a pregnancy test and it has come back negative. Even though it's our first try, I must confess that my heart sank a little bit.
Emotionally I feel that I need to be pregnant before what would have been my due date (23rd December).
At the moment I am suffering with anxiety, I don't think it's much about what has happened but more about self doubting if I will be able to get pregnant again, when it will happen and if I will have the same issue.
Has anyone been through the same situation and felt this way?

Everything crossed for you Alb. 191 doesn't sound too bad for 4+4. No real way of telling unless they repeat it. Scans are no use this early either. You can't see anything until between 5 and 7 weeks, it seems to depend a lot on the pregnancy. I really hope this is the one.

Hi Julia. So sorry you are here. I think most of us feel the same way. I was desperate to be pregnant again by my due date and also terrified. In the end I miscarried twice more before my due date, the last one 2 weeks before my due date and by the time I got there I was just totally defeated by it and preparing to start testing, so the due date itself wasn't as bad as I thought and yet worse at the same time. All our tests have come back showing no problems though, so it is likely a combination of my age (38) and bad luck. Or something for which we do not yet have a test. I am so sorry you have to go through this too and I really hope you have an easier time of it than I have.