It'll never happen, and even if it does, something will go wrong. Hut of Doom part deux

[duchesse]

There wasn't any more room for moaning with all those grinny smilies's eyes following me around the room.

Suspected (my own self-diagnosis) perimenopause, anyone?

Hi Readyand waiting

I've got a bottle of red wine - do you want a glass, or two?

My little sis (28 so not that little) got pg straight after coming off pill - bit of a surprise for her as she thought it would take ages like it did for our other sister due to PCOS! You want to be happy for them, but you can't help feeling a teeny bit

Hi, my first ever post and feel like a fraud as I don't have any children (given that it's mumsnet) - yet.
I'm very low at the moment as I've been told after almost 2 years of TTC (with all the wee-stix etc) that a natural conception is now almost out of the question and I have 6 months to try IVF as my eggs will be 43 then and considered too old.
I'm angry! I've been hoping to have a child since I was in my late 20s. I've tried to do things right and now I'm in a place to do it, I'm almost timed out and with a 10% chance.
AND I have had 2 x m/c over the years.
Ye gods. I am definitely Sore-hearted this week. I can feel it physically today.

I'm a bit f*cked off today... I spoke to a close friend over the weekend, SAHM of two who has (I suspect) been waiting for the rest of her friends to get pg and join her in motherhood... I told her and one other friend about the first m/c, but didn't mention the second because I was so upset, I didn't want to deal with her sympathy - I just think it makes it worse sometimes when you're trying to be strong. Anyway, she asked "So are you pg yet with no. 2 then?" I just thought it was really insensitive as she might have hazarded a guess that things might not be going smoothly.

She's a really good friend (and godmother to ds) and I'm not seriously offended, but just a bit p*ssed off at the moment... It's irritating enough being asked by people who don't know about the m/c, but I would have expected a bit more sensitivity from someone who does know... Mind you, there was a "pregnant pause" afterwards so I wonder if she realised that her question might not be completely appropriate...

Anyway, rant over...

Hi Soreheart... Don't think MN is exclusively for people who are mums already. You will (sadly) find quite a few people on here who are experiencing difficulties ttc...

Sounds like a "smug kidded" to me, Mumpbump. People fail to empathise- that's what causes a lot of hurtful remarks. Also they may not have experienced infertility themselves so may not realise what a big deal it is.

And oh god, Soreheart, welcome to the Hut. MN conception thread is defo not just for people with kids already. I am sorry to hear about your miscarriages. It must be unnerving to get that far. Were these pregnancies recent, if you don't mind my asking? (don't answer if you do mind)

Hi all... I need to let out a big SCREAM>>>

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG

Friend number one has had her baby today.. She is really nice and am so glad her baby is safe and well...but I hate my life!
Got SIL baby to arrive on Friday (and I don't even like her) so will have a lot more to say come then.

This is such a bloody crap week... I can't even enjoy other peoples babies anymore!

LIFE F'ING SUCKS

too - WHAT A CRAP DAY!! - seems that way for everyone.

I am feeling completely hopeless- should be in my 2ww now but my body must obviously think thats way too much possible hoping so I only get a 1ww - I can already feel those joyful, telltale sighns that AF is coming (due by md-end next week.

I hate it as it just make the depression even longer and days like today I almost feel like just giving up - I guess the world is overpopulated anyway (said with huffy self pity)

My dad keeps pestering asking me whats up,,, whats bloody up?? Does he really need to ask! Yesterday I was delusional being slightly positive... there is nothing positive about this bloody situation... I know the doctor said we should be able to concieve in the next 6-18months... but I should have a baby now! It took me 18 months to conceive him another 6 months carrying him... 3 months crying for him and now here we are today today, 27 months down the line, no baby and a life of not enjoying anything...whats bloody wrong!OMG!Does anyone really need to ask?

Sorry.. I am getting so angry today I need to vent it somewhere... and that is what the hut is for I suppose.. and sod the virtual drink... Im having a large one in RL..

I sense storm clouds gathering over hut of doom....so sneaking in for shelter and good old moan..... Seaside not only do I think your dH is mine too but sounds like hormones on the same level as mine too ... It was suposed to be Blue Monday and I sense it is really blue Wednesday - this week is soooo long its unreal.(thanks for the drink btw)
RR - good to hear clinic went well, and yep know what you say about other people's babies - I can't even pick one up now cos it hurts so much
Soreheart - I feel for you too - I'm 44 (nearly 45 so you will hear a scream when that happens) and still TTC for no. 1 - so lets hit the bottle together! Duchesse is pretty good at rolling the virtual spliff - so do your stuff Duchesse
Im in sorry state cos saga with DH bollocks continues and now hes going back to docs tomorrow cos he can see the panic on my face. He rang to say he can only get a lady doc... I think he was asking permission to wait - but oh no - very cross today and let him know a second opinion might be a good idea... but what happens if they are out of order...god doesnt bear thinking about Another top up please...

Thanks for the support
M/cs are now 6 years ago (with previous partner) and then 20 months ago (at 13 weeks - ha! I was so close to telling people - how cruel is that?). So, can't seem to conceive and can't seem to hang on when I have. Now have DP 'poor swimmers' issue as well. Sometimes I feel very stoic about it all and sometimes like having an outrageous tantrum (ideally this would not be at work but I reserve the right to change my mind!).

I guess I must now spend an eternity on the web learning about IVF so I can be adult about making this decision, too. For goodness sake. I do wonder why I have bothered being so blumin' sensible all this time about when and how and with whom. It doesn't seem very sensible now. Just a distraction from the action!

If there's any lesson here for others, it's push on and make sure you don't hesitate to go for it.

hi squillosmum - will def help you finish that wine... if you have any left by now

know what you mean about friends saying the wrong thing mumbump - none of my friends have children or to my knowledge are ttc and if one more of them says 'it'll happen when it happens' and 'try not to think about it' will have to stop myself hurting them

i am f**ked off too! same old, same old i am afraid....my crappy body and crappy long cycle!
one of my 'friends' asked me 2 weeks ago if i was pg and i explained my whole 'long cycle' thing to her and then TODAY only 14 days later she asked me again! IT PISSES ME OFF HOW DENSE SOME PEOPLE ARE!!!!!!!!! she knew last time she asked that i had missed my opportunity this month so why ask again? she KNOWS that if i were to get pg now it would NEXT cycle and i wouldn't find out till MARCH! she will no doubt ask me again in a few weeks and i am highly likely to kill her if she does! (you will see it on the news!.........crazy woman from hertfordshire stabs her lifelong friend for no apparent reason!)........

laughing at Greedy

I know I shouldn't. Sorry, Greedy.

HOW DARE YOU DUCHESSE!!!!!!!!!! i will come round to yours and .....and...and ......pull your hair really hard!
i get aggressive when i drink and i have had none of this VIRTUAL stuff tonight!

WOMAN IN DEVON HAS HAIR PULLED AGGRESSIVELY FOR NO REASON!

I see it now.

passes Greedy a virtual vodka bottle with straw in neck

Oh- and LateNightOwl- it's very amusing that you should think me a jointmeister, as the closest I've ever been to one off them IRL is watching "Withnail and I"... I have led a very sedate life. Maybe too sedate.

takes enormous drag on passing spliff, inhales, and passes out

That's it, I've had enough...My SIL was due today and guess what she is in labour... talk about perfect pregnancies!! My bother just called to tell me she is 1cm dilated...something I really need to know! He said he will call back when the baby is born..I think we might suddenly be going out!

This is going to be a heavy night of drinking..I think!

By the way.. for those that don't know it LIFE SUCKS and is so bloody unfair!

Just had the call to tell me the news that my cousin and his wife are expecting their 2nd - after telling everyone they would start trying at Xmas - Argghhhh - how easy is it for some people?- I am bitter and twisted!!

Usually DH makes me feel awful as he is always so magnaminously happy for everyones baby news - but even he had a bit of a sombre reaction to this one.

A friend called me last week to tell me "news" and I was dreading it but when she said she was getting married - I was over the top happy because it was finally news I could really genuinely be happy about instead of having to fake it.

I feel like the most mean, wicked person ever - can only ever admit these feelings on MN

Hello - can I join in too?

My prob is not so much getting pg but staying pg; so I can empathise with all of the feelings of despair, bitterness and frustration here. I have a balanced translocation - which means bits of two of my chromosomes have swapped over. As a result, when I get pg there is a very high chance that my egg contained too much or too little genetic information and thus is destined to miscarry. Or continue.. with the outcome of bearing a child with profound disabilities (one scenario being 'incompatible with life').

I have a dd who is 20mo. She has the unbalanced form of my translocation and thus does have health and developmental problems. I am desperate for another child. I would have prenatal testing and would not continue the pg if 'unbalanced'. My DH would also like a child but is very wary of the whole genetic complications / heartache.

Can completely relate to all the posts about vile feelings about other people and their pg and baby joy... avoided the call from my cousin re her 'news' (had already been 'warned' by my mom!). That was in nov - also avoided all family xmas do's and have failed to even text a congratulation. I just don't have it in me to pretend anymore. I know I'm being a bit of an arse but hey ho

Hi ejb1976 - welcome to the Hut - sounds like you have good reason to want in. (seaside pulls over the drinks trolley) - help yourself to a virtual drink - anything goes in here - I might have a mojito to kick off the evening

I am s sorry to hear about your balanced translocation - as if this whole baby lark isnt enough - you are on a whole other level .

Did you know about the condition before conceiving your first?

Welcome ejb1976 - So sorry to hear that you are having so many problems. My friend had a genetic problem, I don't know all the ins and outs but they had some treatment to conceive DS, they lost 2 children to the genetic problem before hand, I think they had the sperm and egg washed beforehand.. Is there no treatment available for the condition you have?

I'm in an awful mood today..I'm sure plenty of my relatives will be phoning to see if i'm ok with everything that is happening... Well no I'm not! Bertie's not here and everyone else around me seems to be popping them out no problem! I suppose I'm just , which really does nothing for my self esteem.. considering my SIL is an annoying American git!- sorry to any other Americans - but this one is beyond a joke!

Welcome ejb- I am sorry to hear about your translocation. It must make you feel very hopeless. Do you the "Here be Hippogriffs" blog? Her husband carries the translocation, and they are struggling to get second child- their first child is mercifully free of the translocation. They are trying many different assisted methods to conceive an unaffected child. Plus, she writes superlatively well and is very funny. passes ejb a tray of cocktails