Aged 35 or over TTC #2?

[RememberToSmile1980]

Hi ladies
I'm trying to conceive no. 2. My aim was to ttc from January of this year - however due to one thing or another (very stressful time at work!) I have not been giving it my all. I have now decided I need to focus on ttc no.2 as I am very conscious of the growing age gap! Please join for a friendly chat and to hopefully support each other!

Stats
Age - 35
Ttc - #2
CD - 21
DS - 3 years 10months!

Don't want to obsess about it! However I think it's inevitable!

Sorry ladies, realised I was a bit in danger of turning this into an ante-natal thread with my witterings so going into lurk mode as of now but keeping my pompoms in hand to cheer you all on.

Not at all penguin I'm really happy for you all. We need good news stories and we'll support each other in the good times and bad.

That's funny penguin, I thought I was doing the same thing!

Hey chaps.

Sorry for posting on a downer - I was really determined to stay stress free and positive this month. I know this is OTT - but I've just got back from DS's sports day at nursery (so seriously cute) and EVERYONE was pregnant. EVERYONE. At first I just felt like such a bloody loser (which I know is ridiculous). And then it really hit me how much I really want another child - not just for me - DS is an only grandchild on both sides, he has no cousins and doesn't look like he's going to have any. I know this is OTT but I am really upset at the thought that he will have no family (except that he makes) when me and DH eventually toddle off. I know this is completely unreasonably stupid to get worked up about this. But I can't help feeling so sad and worried that it's never going to happen.

I must address The Fear and move on. Really - I just want to go out to the pub and have a night boozing with girlfriends. There are of course a few problems with that:

1. I am - perhaps (if it indeed happened) - 2dpo or near ovulating. And I would always think it was the vino if I got my inevitable BFN.
2. I think I last went out to the pub a few years ago! I have no girlfriends who aren't mothers of 2 children under 4 - and they haven't been out for years. And the ones who aren't are away on holiday.

Sorry to bring the tone down. Really and want . Grrr.

best don't be sorry, we all feel your pain, and i think it is normal to think all those thoughts.
My two best friends and work colleague are all TTC, and I just know they will all be pregnant before me. I was asked AGAIN today, by a close friend, if I was pregnant, think I may have snapped at her but it is so easy for people with 2+ kids to ask!!!
Anyway got a big birthday, not my own, to celebrate this weekend so I am going to pickle my liver in bubbles.
Hope everyone else is ok. penguin and snuggle keep us updated, it's lovely to hear good news.

for best. I have been feeling like that all year so I know where you are coming from. 2 of my friends had babies in the spring and TEN others are pregnant. It's natural to feel like that.

Best Im with you 100%, we have exactly the same scenario (ds is an only grandchild to both sets of parents, I have 1 brother, dp has brother and sister, Out of all of them you'd expect ds to have at least 1 cousin between them, but no, nothing!)

My brother will 1 day I know, his brother is 36 and with a younger lovely girl whose only 21 and doesn't want kids for years, his sister sees her dog as her baby and if given the chance would probably try to breastfeed it. she has made it perfectly clear she doesn't want kids and will move back to spain soon to start her donkey sanctuary she so dreams of starting and eating only food shes foraged .

I feel so desperately sad for ds, Just days like today bring it home, in the park, having a fun time with dp & ds then I look up and suddenly all around me are families, with children his age and the mums pushing prams. Even people our age we knew who have kids for him to play with would be something but there's nothing, so Im feeling the pressure even more now.

We have absolutely no other people to socialise with who have children. The 1's we did have now moved away with work/ across country etc so it's basically just us 3, doing stuff together. ds adores being around children and I feel so sad, Then I keep thinking if I have 1 now there would be a 5 yr age gap (I was 6 between myself and my brother and always thought that was too big - we are close and always have been its just something stuck in my head that I cant shake off), so its going to be at least another 2 years before the baby would be walking and ready to play with ds. Just feel so ridiculously sad that I've messed up sometimes, so best I completely get where you are coming from, so rant away all you like!

Sorry that was a huge, rant, didn't mean it to be that long, just not having a great day today! dp's gone out, I have no1 to go out with, no babysitter even If i did anyway, Feeling like a complete loser.

About to eat my body weight in chocolate and have a good cry and normal service will resume tomorrow hopefully

Lots of my friends are currently pregnant, or have just had one. I have another friend who has just found out she is expecting her second set of twins, plus she was on the pill, plus she has two older children (she will have six kids under 5 when these twinnies come along ). How they even have the energy to be doing the naughty with four children I don't even know, but he also has super sperm. He just has to look at her nowadays and they're pregnant. But then I also know that they struggled massively to conceive their eldest, and they've always wanted a big family. So she's forgiven. But yes. Pregnant women everywhere. I swear they come out in the summer. I work in a big office, thousands of people. Half the women seem to be pregnant. Whenever I'm chatting with someone about children and families, they always ask if we're planning another. So then we have an awkward conversation about it, I talk about the miscarriage and always get the tilted head 'oh I'm sorry' response, and all the while I'm thinking 'yes I'd bloody love another one, I'll just pop to the shops and get one shall I?!'

Oooh sorry, that turned into a bit of a rant didn't it?! Maybe I am a bit pre-menstrual after all...

We'll have a 5 year age gap too buddah. DD will be 5 in Jan, if I conceive in the next few months, baby will be due April/May time. There would only have been a two year gap if I hadn't had the miscarriage. Does he start school in September? We don't really know any local families as DD attends a preschool five miles away as its easier to drop off there on my way to work, but I'm looking forward to her starting school and making friends who live locally.

Six kids under 5?? She needs a medal!
Hope you are both ok Buddah and Send

As for me, still no sign of AF! I may do a test in the morning but I'm 99.9% sure it'll be negative so I may save it. I picked up my Clearblue ov kit today so wil be using that this cycle. I just wish my period would start and get it over with. CD28 today. I never normally go beyond 27, and 25 is my average.

yes he does send but that's been a massive cock up by me too, i put him down for the school I went to, never went to look at it, all going on my own past experiences, well we went this week and it's a nightmare! long story he's on the waiting list for the school he was currently at nursery at. If only I could go back to last year and fill those forms in again!!!

It just feels since he was born theres always been something else going on, his 1st birthday (the actual day) I had my 2nd Mc. that was tough to get over, I stupidly assumed that once you'd had a baby you don't have to go through that anymore, as your body was used to being pregnant.

We left trying for a year after that, I then got pregnant within 3 months of trying, I was 7 weeks pg when admitted to hospital with meningitis and had my 3rd Mc, again I couldn't face doing anything with dp for a while so we left it again.

And then last year, I got pregnant in September, a week later I was given the news my nan was dying (this lady was like my surrogate mum to me), so I cared for her at home along with my uncle until she passed away, alongside this we found out fil was terminal aswell as my stepdad and dp was made redundant. I had my 4th Mc and I really do put it down to stress.

Finally thought i was getting somewhere and things were starting to get back to normal for us and then this week happened.

Im not one for moping, I usually have a little cry, eat some chocolate and go to bed, then wake up fine, but this week has really pushed me to all I can take and If I wasnt so desperate for ds to have a brother or sister Id give up and walk away right about now. Im going to bed now, sorry for boring you all and I promise I will be fine tomorrow, just need a little rant, I've not told anyone about this, My family don't know about my previous Mc's, I've told 1 friend but shes not a child person so doesn't really understand how im feeling.

Ahh bless you buddah, sounds like you really have been through it. Please don't ever think you're boring us. We're all here supporting each other, we all have our stories. Be kind to yourself, I hope you feel better tomorrow. And any time you need to talk, we're here. Xx

Sending lots of to you buddah.So sorry for all you have gone through. It must be so hard not to be able to off load all this with someone. This is the b st place to have a well deserved rant, hoped it has helped a little.

Best - completely get where you're coming from. Feel like everyone is getting pregnant apart from me, even though I know that some of them having been trying for a number of years. Haven't really given age gaps much thought but would ideally like to have baby no 2 before dd starts school in September 2017 (so there'll be a 4 1/2 year gap).
Have started getting stomach cramps so I think I'm gonna ovulate soon. Fw due to start in a weeks time so am gonna see what happens. Hubby's not been feeling well so not really been doing the baby dance much. Parents are coming up from London next weekend so not sure if we'll be getting down to it while they're around.

Flipping heck buddah - you're amazing! I can't believe how youve endured such crap and remained determined. to you for your courage - I think Mumsnet needs a hero emoticon (or whatever they're called). What you've described would floor most people and I sincerely admire how resilient you are. I need to woman up I think.

I'm sorry if I brought up bad feelings in everyone tonight. But at the same time good to know this is normal and a sane reaction to a crappy situation.

I'm going to pick up the pom-poms that Penguin had...C'mon Jenny...Gimme an O....

Have a good friday everyone.

Buddah

Lots of pregnant people here too. One of whom has a due date very near what mine would have been, had I not had MC. DH is a SAHP, so he's getting the third degree about his plans for September (when DD starts school). All fun.

Finally looks like AF is imminent... Browny pink cm starting to appear. Only CD29 I could do with it taking another day or two to start fully tbh now as potentially I could be ovulating next weekend and I'm away from DH for two nights!

Hope everyone is having a lovely day!

Happy Saturday everyone.

God buddah you have been through it, I hope for very good things for you soon.

I was going to test tomorrow before I fly but there's no point, I'm not due AF till the 30th/31st so it's just too early, and that's based on 32 days when my cycle was 35 days last month. Will just have to be sensible until I know I'm definitely out for another month.

To echo what someone else said - this sucks.

Thanks all, I dont think ive done anything that amazing to be honest But i suppose written down like that It's a bit like... err wow did that all actually happen!

Feeling a bit more positive today, Im even at work again (I make nursery/baby items for a living) so even the pregnant women popping in to the shop today arent giving me the rage as they have been the past few days. Must be all the wine & chocolate I ate last night

Im thinking of getting one of those ovulation kits though, a Proper one but have no clue. I've been using the cheap tests of ebay up to now but getting a bit sick of peeing in cups to use them!.

Any recommendations for tests?

Buddah speak to Penguin, she's offering a CB ov kit for free. Not sure if anyone's claimed it.

Her post from up thread ^^:

21/07/2016 12:17 Penguin13

You reminded me though - anyone want a free lucky unused CB digital dual hormone ov kit? Sorry I am too late for you Send - totally forgot blush Just yell anyone and I will send it.

Yes Buddha noone has claimed my ov tests so they are all yours if you want them. Sorry a lot of you are having a rough time. Buddha you have been through so much. I hope it is your time soon. Are you under a recurrent miscarriage clinic?

penguin that would be lovely if your sure, I can send money through paypal for it if you let me know how. thank you so much,

Im not under any clinic at the moment, My dr for some reason only accepts a Mc if it's got past 6 weeks, otherwise he puts it down to a blighted ovum. I made an appt for the 1st 2, but haven't been to see him at all since. I just get on with it all myself, waiting for it to just work! Hopefully it will do soon.

Don't be silly Buddha I absolutely won't accept payment! Just PM me your address

That is rubbish about your Doctor. I'm sorry he's not being helpful. Is there another doctor in the practice you can see?