TTC after miscarriage thread #4

[InsufficientlyCaffeinated]

Hello ladies. I noticed the last thread filled up, seemed to happen all of a sudden! Hoping you find your way here (prepares for tumbleweed)

For reference here's thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2593041-TTC-after-miscarriage-lucky-thread-number-3

All those we are trying to conceive a child after miscarriage are welcome here, whether it's your first or you already have DC

Good luck ladies. Let's have some BFPs, we've earned it

That is lovely Bertie. Where do you live at the moment (if you don't mind me asking)?

That sounds hopeful Kate. I really hope it is just early days.

Hope it's just early days for you hopeful. The waiting game is the hardest so keep talking to us.

The Hosp will call this afternoon with results.

Will catch up inabit but just wanted to say my levels dropped to 45. It's a 65% drop and their cut off is 66% so they will check once more on Friday xx

Defo a miscarriage obviously

I'm in Germany Brenna.

So sorry Cheeky

So sorry Cheeky. It is so unfair. Be kind to yourself.

Ooh, Germany is lovely. I used to live in Austria.

So sorry Cheeky have some and from me.

Oh and I have broken DH with his anniversary present. I bought him a huge leg of serrano ham as he always casts it longing looks in lidl. He pretty much shot out of bed through to the kitchen to make breakfast with it when I gave it to him. But he put his back out slicing it and can now barely move. I really hope it eases off quickly but I did find it kind of funny too (as did he). We both had the giggles at the ridiculousness of the injusry. He said he is in for a lot of tesing at work today.

Hi everyone... Lots of messages to catch up on... Hope I don't miss anyone out!

kate I am so hopeful that it's good news in 10 days for your next scan. Fingers X for you and it sounds like good news is still a possibility.

cheeky I'm so sorry the MC was confirmed. I think you're amazingly strong to even get the bus there. I was a mess and could barely function for a whole week. Make sure you look after yourself

insufficiently I'll have my fingers x for you tomorrow! I'm now 8dpo, temps shot back up today to highest they have been all cycle. But I also feel really really afy like spotty and crampy so I'm not very hopeful.

amy I'm sorry af got you... You are so positive though so I'm sure this month is the one for you!

mrs... Crying is good! I think it really helps to properly grieve even if it's for short bursts before we put on a positive face again!

brenna... Great gift!!! My boyfriend would love that!

Cheeky I am so so so so very sorry, from the bottom of my heart. I really hope you find some comfort over the next few days and weeks and things look brighter soon. Thankgod for such an amazing bunch of women on here.

I know in my heart that this pg isn't viable. I have these glimmers of hope but then they are dashed again by the reality of it all. The pain will ease though when it does happen I am sure, and the future will simply take a different shape.

Good luck for all those testing and all those fighting through these testing times.

xxxx

Sorry to all with sad news today. Such a shame. Kate try to stay hopeful. It ain't over until AF comes.
I have attached my chart, I wondered if anyone who temps could shed any light on it. This is my first chart since mc. I thought I ovulated on Friday due to high temp, but things all seem very level and quite low at around 36.4 since then!!
I really doubt I will conceive this cycle, just want to try and map my cycle getting back into action if that makes sense. I would really like to be able to judge when next ovulation might be as DH is away so much it stresses me out not knowing........

miami I am certainly no expert as this is my second month temping and first full cycle since MC... But I would say it doesn't look like you have ovulated yet as you need 3 consecutive high temp/temp rises to confirm. However... I didn't ov this month until cd26 so don't give up yet!!

Thanks JPEG. Great information.

Just catching up now. Sorry for my short post earlier it was because work was extremely busy. It kept my mind busy which was good.

Thanks for your kind words. I think I feel better now that I know. I've also started bleeding properly so at least there is progress. It feels better knowing that I am moving forward albeit in this manner. The midwife I spoke to was nice. I asked if she thought there was a common factor between my miscarriages and expected her to say no, she did sort of but then said that its quite unusual to miscarry at 9/10 weeks but people that miscarry later in their first trimester often experience an early miscarriage because early miscarriages are very common. She didn't promise me it would be fine next time and didn't minimise the anxiety I said I would prob face. So I liked that. It's important , for me at least, to remember that the journey to a baby might not be straight forward. It might happen again, it might not. I've got every chance of it going well though. She said I can get an early scan next time at whichever point I feel best so that was also reassuring. I'll be going to me GP for weekly bloods as well next time, like they promised me now. It won't change the outcome but at least will help my anxiety.

Hopeful I've got my fingers crossed for you. You really deserve this as does everyone on this thread. Is this your third pregnancy? The waiting is definitely the hardest though.

Bertie that sounds good - reconnecting or even just connecting with friends is great.

Insufficiently I drove to the Hosp but this is bus driver just smiled at me when I was turning. It felt like someone was understanding my pain, in a weird way.

Mrs - I was hoping for a baby this year too but we could still be heavily pregnant by the end of the year. There is hope! Don't lose it.

I've decided I would like to temp but I often wake up during the night so not sure if that messes it up?

I don't think I want to POAS so OPKs can do one.

What do you guys do to relax? Any suggestions? Also has anyone read any books on miscarriage?

Yes indeed Mrs. That's the spirit. Every cycle is a new chance. Eat well exercise well and sleep well. When we do have a baby we won't remember these times. It'll all be worth it.

Definitely the way to think about it mrs... I need to try and relax more! For me it sounds stupid but cleaning sometimes relaxes me... Weird!

cheeky I wake in the night loads, I get up at least once and I toss and turn from about 3am... I still temp every day at 5.45 and think it does affect my temps slightly, in that they are a bit rocky, but I can still see overall rises and falls. I use fertility friend which I really like. You are so strong and positive! Glad they were nice to you and gave you hope... Next time it could be completely fine, having the MC doesn't necessarily mean it will affect next time. And that's great they will take weekly bloods.

I was SO STUPID today and took a pg test... I'm only 8dpo but I almost wanted to see a BFN so I would stop fantasising about being pregnant. My boobs are like lead balloons... Could be af though!

Lead balloons lol!!

That's useful to know jpeg. What thermometer should I use?

Next time it could be fine. It's like a job or a partner. You only need one. One perfect conception. One healthy baby.

I'm planning a massage once the miscarriage is over. Hoping to go for a night away soon aswell. Change of scenery and all that. The month of Ramadan is fast approaching so that will also keep me busy. My first due date is 19 July and I'm planning a day of pampering to remember my baby. I've booked the day off work. I figured it would be best to tackle it head on. On a personal level I have strong faith and in my religion it says that miscarried babies will drag its parents to heaven and I love that thought. We believe we will go to heaven or hell based on our deeds. Also believe that when something is taken off you, you are granted better in its place. It's these thoughts that keep me going. At the end of July we have a family wedding and in my head if I've had period by then and feel ok, I can start to think about TTC again. By then should also have an idea of what's going on with work/promotion. I also want to start the 5:2 diet again and eat clean. Would like to lose some body fat as well because although my bmi is now in healthy range, my body fat % is really high. I've not really exercised much since my op 5 years ago. I've got a rebounder at my mums but made space in my bedroom for where I thought a cot would go (sold my chaise longue on gum tree!) so I might bring the rebounder up and use that in the meantime. It's meant to have such great health benefits.

I know the journey will be an emotional roller coaster and I'll have good and bad days but I need the above to give me some focus otherwise I'll just go nuts.

so sorry cheeky is this your 2nd mc? such a horrible time so go easy on yourself

I'm still feeling hopeful for you kate and hope you can get +ve news soon, glad they're monitoring you

happy thoughts and positive vibes to everyone else too - hope that's right mrs that we're all on here talking about our pregnancies at christmas

brenna my bf would love that too...it's a potential bday pressie idea, thanks!!

xx

ps...sorry for think question but what does 'dpo' stand for?

No AF yet for me so testing tomorrow morning if no show by then. I am a bit crampy and nauseous, but that could mean either PMT or pregnancy.

Relaxation-wise I recommend mindfulness if you haven't already tried it. The idea is to learn to notice what's going on in the present moment without getting all caught up in it automatically, and that this helps resist the trap to feel sad about the past or worry about the future. It helps me. You could look up the headspace or smiling mind app if you have an iphone for some exercises to try.

The other things that work for me are getting lost in a good book and exercise - hill walking in particular calms me, running helps me let off steam. It also helps me to meet up with friends who don't talk about pregnancy and babies, and the occasional spa day helps. I also like having regular pleasurable events planned, like holidays, going to people's weddings, city breaks etc so there's always a non-pregnancy contingent good time just round the corner.

I've not read any books on miscarriage cheeky, I've found the best info is this thread so far, and elsewhere on mumsnet in the info sections. You sound like you're being very strong and brave in the face of a rubbish situation xx

Jodie yeah this is my second miscarriage. First was in January discovered at 12 weeks (stopped growing at around 9 weeks)

Dpo is days post ovulation! I never know when I ovulate though.

Jodie DPO = Days Post Ovulation

Thanks for the ideas lucky. I think I'll get stuck into a book soon. Been watching Luther on Netflix and that's been a good distraction.

Cheeky it's fine to temp if you wake often at night. I just started this month and I'm not getting much fluctuation which is good (at this stage) I was worried that I'd mess it up by wearing pyjamas/not wearing them/it being hot outside/hanging out of the duvet/cuddling DH etc and I wasn't sure if it would be worth it but I've tried and it seems okay.

I just use a cheap digital thermometer orally (Think I got one from Boots in the UK) which shows down to 0.1 of a degree. I've then used that same one on DS if he's ill under the armpit. The proper BBT thermometers show it to 0.01 but they are really expensive and I am not that bothered about it to want to invest the money, it's just curiosity really. The only thing I'd do differently is I'd buy one with an illuminated display as it's a pain trying to get my phone as a light to read it when I'm half asleep.

I've also been thinking that I'm hoping/expecting to be pregnant at new year (stage of pregnancy as yet unknown!) which will be nice when we meet up with our friends. Friend said she doesn't like drinking while she's breastfeeding so she will probably abstain with me, will be nice. We always used to be very naughty and encourage each other to smoke that won't be happening this time!

On that note, does anybody have any thoughts on vaping? I don't use one as I prefer the real thing (but have given those up too) but DH uses an e-cig fairly often at home. I don't really worry about it but do you think it's a risk for SIDS etc? I think he said he is planning to stop using it at home but not sure whether I should be asking him to clarify. He is already running around insisting that I eat and hydrate so I think he'd take my wishes into consideration. I know there isn't really any research on it yet.