Thread for the down at heart and lacking in optimism

[duchesse]

I probably shouldn't do this, but...lovely though the ladies on my current ttc threads are, there are times when I feel I need a break from the upbeat atmosphere.

My story- 38, going on 39, three children easily conceived in my 20s, ttc number 4 for 3 years before finally achieving a pregnancy that ended in foetal death at 12 weeks and miscarriage at 13 weeks (Oct 2006).

Frequent lapses of hope. I simply can no longer believe that it will all be OK, that this month will be the one.

Now contemplating stopping trying.

lol

In fact she is quite annoying.... I feel like I'm entertaining her in the fact that she is helping me.. I don't know why I continue with the appointments.. I think it's because at least she is someone that I can speak about my baby too, without feeling guilty that I'm upsetting some else because I'm speaking about him. I might call my work and arrange some counselling through them, as I do feel better when I have talked things through... (hence all my posts)..

I should imagine you'd be better off with a private counsellor (have you got a private health plan through work?) because at least you part ways easily if they turn out to be boorish and disagreeable. Plus you could just ask bereavement midwife not to show her sorry face at your house again.

ps: if you ever wanted to email me, here's an email address you can use: purpledotpenatgmaildotcom

and what a sorry arsed face she has (hope she does not read these sites to keep herself 'updated' on people's feelings)..

Yep have a private health scheme, so will give them a call. I only have 3 months left at work, as been made redundant...

I have only taken 2 months maternity leave and from next week they are serving my notice... so will have to get in quick.

It was a perfect scenario for when I was having the baby, as would of had full maternity rights, my notice period and a big fat payoff.

Now I've got the motivation of a 'nat', not to sure of my prospects. I'm in the process of starting a business with a partner, but very much lacking in focus and inspiration.
That's why I think the insanity path is more appealing...

I shouldn't be here, but I took a peek in and am utterly drawn to your Hut of Glum. We are utterly happy still with our two year old DD, conceived after five years of watching every other bump in the street with despair, friends deciding to and just getting pregnant, MIL suggesting that she didn't like sex either but nowadays you can do something about it. She reckons she only had sex five times in eight years, the five times she conceived. Of course you shouldn't tell an eighty year old how much you love sex, but she so infuriated me that I was compelled to use the O word as an illustration.
During the five years we lost three very, very early on, weeks 5-6. The third time happened just before DSIL announced she was pregnant with their second child. Reading your stories brings back such memories of hope and then no hope... and forever watching other pregnant women and being jolly welcoming in hospitals to friends' babies and going home feeling so, so low.
We finally got DD, joy of joys, after IVF, first time. I'm sorry, am I allowed to be here?
On a more glum note, we have been TTC again for the last year, and I suspect things aren't going to be easy. DH of thirteen years is 40, I'm 35, we don't seem to try on the correct days anymore. Colds, hangovers, tiredness account for at least half of our ovulation missed opportunities... I feel that this time we've mentally decided that it probably won't work and that's easier to deal with if we haven't bothered to try...
People really don't know what to say do they? Our doctor when we moved to a beautiful remote part of Scotland, said of our troubles, 'I've never really had anything like that before here...' And the other doctor there shouted out through the door one time 'Have you got the infertility results for Mrs Calmontheoutside?' Small town/large village, open door to the waiting room...
I'm not downhearted this time, we have, as I said, had our very very good luck with DD. If it doesn't happen again, I won't be in the same sad place as last time. Don't get me wrong, I'll be looking out for AF until menopause (Don't want to think about that). And getting upset about it every month. But it just isn't the same as the feelings before DD.
Anyway, really, I hope so much that you get what you want. Too early for wine, but I raise my glass to the House of Glum tonight.

Sorry, Hut of Glum. Although - just how many are you??

Rahrah1 - I wouldn't worry about your midwife's feelings....I don't think she has any!! Talk about being as subtle as a sledgehammer. Do you think you are gaining anything from her sessions? Can she not put you in contact with other ladies who have experienced what you have gone through? Perhaps there is a support group related to the NCT? Just a thought....

Hi calmontheoutside I think i just crossed with you. Welcome to the page. I have only recently joined this thread as I'm feeling a bit sensitive and pitiful following my ectopic last week. It was our first pregnancy and we were so excited after 8 month of TTC. We are the same age as you and DH and at the moment I am wondering if having children is ever going to happen at all now. My life feels like its on hold until the summer when we can start TTC again. Good luck to you both.

Hi calmontheoutside

You obviously can relate to what is being said on this thread and seem to be lack in adequate optimism for another pregnancy...So welcome to the hut.

I'm 31 and husband is 30, have been trying to conceive for 1year and half and then fell pregnant, but we lost the pregnancy at 24 weeks. (8.11.06 - had lots of heavy bleeding from 10 weeks), we are back to conceiving pretty fast, as panicking that it will take us years again to conceive and then been told we have a higher risk of M/C - they cant find anything wrong with me, but had another pregnancy that ended at 9 weeks with a previous partner. Really feel like children are a distant dream and lack the whole process has been taken away from us... it should be an enjoyable experience, but it has been truly testing for us...

Hi PinkElephant

The midwife has suggested Sands, I have been on their forum and website, but I think it had a bit of a detrimental effect, as there are some people that have had multiple losses of different natures or their experience has just got worse....basically I read some stories and feel like there is absolutely no hope of ever having a live child. I think I just focus on the worse case scenario, because there are lots of women that belong to sands that have gone on to conceive and have healthy children.

I know sands have support meetings, but I think I would just find it too emotional. I am crying all the time at the moment and could not bare doing it in front of people I don't know.

What is NCT?

Another support group that they have suggested is CRUSE, that is a bereavement organisation.

Sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy, it must be very hard to have to wait....life sucks! (my favourite phase at the moment)

HI duchesse - thanks for your email address....are you sure you want me mailing you....lol

Hi Pinkelephant and Rahrah,
I know this really won't help, and I remember reading about other baby-after- giving-up stories, and not feeling they were at all beneficial to me. But here's another one anyway - When I was going to antenatal classes there was a woman there who was pregnant after 16 years of trying and several miscarriages. Not much help, and I can't offer any advice. But I can tell you that when it does happen, you forget all those crap years that went before. So very crappy...
DH has poured two wines, cheers.

Bloody hell, there's a September 2007 antenatal thread already. I was on the the April one. What the eff happened to the five months in between?

I was due on the Feb one, for torture and a step closure to my insanity move, I was looking through the thread.... Keep off those threads!!

Plus I need to catch soon, as don't want to risk getting pregnant and being due in November (as that's Bertie's month)... So would have to stop trying in March for a month. How quick has that come round! It's sod's law, when your not pregnant time flies and when you are it is so slow as you need to hang on to the pregnancy and be further gone than you are.

wow! nobody gloomy today? just me hey! my dh has gone away for work and left me for 10 days. really pissed off cos i still havent ovulated and i would have thought by day 30 i should have done! AAAARRRGGGHHH! feel like a fraud being in her but i AM miserable and gloomy and i fancied a rant!

Nope always gloomy...

Some people do not ovulate every month. Do you normally ovulate? I am not sure if I've ovulated as the ovulation sticks that I used (cost me bloody £20 for 5) did not show a surge. I had a bit of side ache and mucus around cd13, but have had a pain in my side again today and some more of that mucus and on cd18. How much mucus is a good sign, I've hardly been getting any?

Anyway highlight of my weekend is that I went and brought a new iron and ironing board. I was quite excited by the new board,,it has good height, an extension lead and two racks for cloths.....wow life is exciting when your wishing away the days in between periods...

oh rahrah! ironing boards! sounds like fun!
i am sitting here crapping myself everytime i hear a noise cos i am on my own and convinced that someone is going to break in and rape/kill/attack me or maybe just steal everything in our house. i am no good on my own!
i normally ov around cd25, i think its just later this month which is typical when i dont want it to be.
oh well....always next month! AAAAARRRGGGHHHH! I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY THAT TO ME!!!!

its quality not quantity of mucus by the way! so as long as its the right stuff i think youre ok!

What a bummer... It's horrid when you feel like you have wasted a month!

God you sound like me.... I hate being in the house by myself.. I poo my pants... I normally have loads of phones strapped to me and take a knife to bed... I hate it..

a knife to bed? i would probably forget all about it and accidently stab my ds when he got into bed with me in the morning!

thanks for reassuring me there is nothing to be scared of by the way!!!! you are as bad as my friends i was talking earlier!......i was telling them how scared i was of someone breaking in, expecting them to say "dont be daft, you will be fine!" and instead they just agreed with me and started telling me horrible stories! i am really shitting my pants now!

Sorry... LOL...

Some reassurance - although I poo my pants and obviously insanely paranoid, I have never been attacked, raped or murdered...

Hope that helps...

Least you have you son there, how old is he?

Bloody hell- have just come from GP, where I reported the following:

Painful lower abdomen radiating down legs (like ongoing period pain for the last weeks)
Very low body temperatures (around 35.5C) (except today is was up to 36.6C- I may actually and finally have ovulated (CD 18))
Nausea and heartburn
Very heavy period two weeks ago
Frequent need to pee

And...she could find nothing wrong.

She's going to redo some thyroid level tests I last had done in April 2005, but other than that, I'm obviously making it all up. Or I'm delusional. Or both probably. Hysterical, anyway.

I hate doctors!

Just did another bloody pregancy suprise suprise negative again. Trying for 2 years had an ectopic in this time though. Its feels like it will never happen. Only have one tube and did ovulation test last month and had no surge so not sure why i did test thought i might have done them wrong. Just broke my diet to and ate a packet of dd chocolate buttons. She is 3 1/2 and really wants a little sister, she keeps asking me to get her one.