Thread for the down at heart and lacking in optimism

[duchesse]

I probably shouldn't do this, but...lovely though the ladies on my current ttc threads are, there are times when I feel I need a break from the upbeat atmosphere.

My story- 38, going on 39, three children easily conceived in my 20s, ttc number 4 for 3 years before finally achieving a pregnancy that ended in foetal death at 12 weeks and miscarriage at 13 weeks (Oct 2006).

Frequent lapses of hope. I simply can no longer believe that it will all be OK, that this month will be the one.

Now contemplating stopping trying.

Lissie- it sounds as though that doctor was talking codswallop- my sister had eating problems throughout her teens, yet has carried one son to 44 weeks (he was induced, and was just about done- no signs of postmaturity), the other to 42 weeks (induced, but definitely still underdone- even had vernix still on him). Doctors just love an easy explanation- their workload is so enormous they don't really want to delve deeper into a problem.

made me really quite angry. i just feel like everyones trying to blame me for my mcs and for how ill i was after ds. i just want a doctor to say "sorry weve messed up. well take better care of you next time"

I'm sure you didn't have anorexia just for the hell of it, so this seems a particularly poor display of human sensitivity. The stupid sod.

i remember asking the mw in our labour room if she had any kids, she recoiled with a "good god no"

found this best 1 ive seen so far

I'm sorry, Lissie, I really don't think we can allow anything like that in here.

Even the web address has the word "hope" in it. Yuck!!

This is the Hut of Doom, for Pete's sake! None of us is ever going to have anything good happen to us ever again. So we'll have none of that optimistic claptrap in here, thankyouverymuch.

passes Lissie the vodka bottle

And about 30% of my teaching colleagues were and very decidedly intended to remain childless. I don't know if that says more about other people's children's behaviour, or the naivety of their parents in having them in the first place...

sorry, i stand corrected. do i just swig from the bottle then?

Yep. You can have a straw if you prefer.

can i have aswirly one please?

hi all, i'll get my own drink......
((((pusscat pours v. large virtual red wine)))
At the risk of sounding pleased - Thank God Its Friday!!!!!!!!!!
Crappy crappy awful soul destroying first week back at work.
After Christmas food since Dec 1st, I am now no longer the correct shape for any pair of jeans to be found in Next/Debenhams/MarksandSpencers/TKmax/oasis or Principles. Not a pair to fit in the whole world....
I am on cd20. Instead of inspiring me with hope for a bfp at the end of the month, I am waiting for the inevitable, despite shagging so much i am pretty immune to the fact that it was once for Pleasure Only.
I think I am the only woman in the world who never has any effing ewcm. None. All month. Ever.
I have spent god knows how much on pre-seed- dh hates it.
I have drunk god knows how much grapefruit juice. ~ Crap. No ewcm.
I have tortured myself for not eating breakfast as my sis-in-law declared this was the cause of me not being able to get pregnant..........Not the bloody PCOS then, eh love?
My sister has been through 4 goes of ivf, had an ectopic, lost her tubes, and has just started drugs for the 5th go. I feel as if I dont even deserve to be pregnant.
Woe is me, please give me an extra comfy chair in the hut
xxxx

Here you are pussycat (drags virtual squiggy soft armchair over to corner of hut) curl up in that - bottle and glasses are on the coffee table! Pour one for me as well. Agree TGIF - feel crappy today - temps are all over the place this month so another wasted month of BDing - waiting for AF next Wednesday. Sadly my DP likes the Preseed - means less time working on me and it can be a quicky - which quite frankly at the moment is all I can manage cos Im all shagged out . littlestar is right - Ive learnt more in 6 months looking at these threads than over the last 8 years TTC - thank god for the Internet - eh - power to us women to give those unsympathetic GPs a real Q and A session when we see them and test their knowledge . I think "must try harder" is their favorite phrase - so when in a few months time I call them out cos DP has had a heart attack whilst BDing wonder what they will say then (hope he's not reading this ) - pass the gin pussycat!

what is ewcm?

egg white cervical mucus

am trying not to loiter too long in here, but i feel so at home!!
just off for shag number 425 this month......
you never know, one day we all may get lucky, either that or else we will become twisted miss-havisham types stuck in a dusty room with pushchairs and empty moses baskets.

(((((pusscat curls up in corner, thinking "thats so gonna be me....")))))

right, fucking dh, twas the start of my fertile period yesterday, got into bed, HE WASNT IN THE FUCKING MOOD!!!!! but when hes feeling frisky..,...

are we allowed to moan about anything on here??.......... cos the only thing i am fed up with is how amazingly CRAP my body is! i have such long stupid cycles that i only get about 8 chances to concieve a year. i am currently on day 29 and i still havent ovulated.....most people are expecting af/bfp by now. i am SICK of BDing ( no offence dh!) and the worst thing is that dh is going away tomorrow for 10 days so that will be my chance over for this month.....how can i will myself to ovulate?

hello perve by the way!....i should have known you be in here!

can i have a drink too?....or is it too early? pint of lager and lime for me please and a menthol ciggie! havent had a spliff since glastonbury 4 years ago.....not sure i could take it anymore!

Hi Greedy, the Hut is open for moaning of any ilk. Have a sit down...erm, no not that one- looks like someone spilt something nasty in it.

Time to drink? The sun's over the yardarm, isn't it?

Hi there Greedy my old chum!

Somewhere in the world, anyway... Wikipedia tells me the sun crosses the yardarm about 11am in the North Atlantic.

What is Pre-Seed?

I have flu and feel like crap!!! I have not stopped crying from last night., as I feel so sorry for myself...

The bereavement midwife came round on Thursday and told me that I need to try and come to terms with everything and relax. She is worried that I am concentrating to much on pregnancy that I will not become pregnant. She also told me that you can become so anxious in pregnancy that you can develop serious mental health issues... WHAT FUN!!

To top it all off I've just looked out my window and our neighbours opposite are walking around their living room with their new born..it makes me cry everytime I see them with the baby... Help I think I might be insane already!

Being ill's not going to improve your mood much Rahrah. Get better from this bout and we'll see later where you are with the insanity...

As to neighbour's newborn making you cry- what could be more understandable, after what you've been through?

*sits Rahrah down in squishy, wrecked armchair with hot lemon, honey and generous splash of brandy and pile of tissues."

And- some bereavement midwife! Did she come with a bag of stiff upper lips and carpets to sweep things under?

Thanks duchesse - The drink went down nicely...

OK, we will wait for the insanity test for when I'm better...

In regards to the bereavement midwife it is quite clear she comes to see me because she is doing her job... and boy does she like to tell you how good she is at it! I don't think she was listening in the counselling workshops..

The height of irony in counselling, I'd imagine...