You are not a robot and the ovary whisperer's chanting for you in the viroid commune with our carved cock relics- don't panic about the acid foof! It's JS 58!!!

[Ain626]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
   
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
   
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
   
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
   
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.
   

JSing lingo
~~~~~~~~~

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like 'something' = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 57 is HERE

The current Grads Fred is HERE

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is HERE

Stats sheet is HERE

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is HERE

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

[FuzzyOwl]

Just for you just. . I dug out the IC I tested with yesterday and a faint line has dried on there as well, so I could have known a whole 24 hours sooner if I hadn't quickly binned it!

[justtheonethen]

Amazing lines fuzzy!!

Glad you had a good time angel

[Kwick709]

Way to go fuzzy!!!! I am so happy for you

[stumblymonkey]

Yay!!! Congrats fuzzy!

We are definitely on a roll now!

Gx this is a sticky little bean...like other viroids have said...different womb lining, different bean.

AF is finished today for me so time to get my cape back on. Except DP is stressed at the mo so I will have to see whether he is up to it. We're housesitting at his parents this weekend and don't exactly want to leave a wet patch so might pack a towel?

Is that too contrived? --

[NameChange30]

stumbly
"We're housesitting at his parents this weekend and don't exactly want to leave a wet patch so might pack a towel?"
This made me chuckle Yes pack a towel and don that cape! You could always offer him a massage, to de-stress of course, no strings attached (!) and see what happens

just Thanks for the Bad period pains today so I self-medicated with nurofen and !

[justtheonethen]

You need name

stumbly you will be washing the sheets anyway won't you? do it in the shower

[NameChange30]

This is true just, but we don't have a bottle open and we wouldn't drink a whole one (I'm a lightweight and DH is avoiding alcohol for various reasons). I will make up for it with a cocktail or two over the weekend!

[Ain626]

just I know none of those are positive, I was hoping that the day I didn't do one would be the positive.. (day before the darkest one in the pic which is darker in real life) it would coincide with pains on right side, and the massive amounts of ewcm. Though of course I could be talking complete bollocks and just trying to symptom spot, in which case hooyah is definitely needed. Hopefully af will show up in around 14 days which would suggest soy has helped to shorten my cycle.. maybe... lol.

stumbly

Glad you had a great time angel

I successfully received jizz .. been feeling a tad horny so messaged DH on my way home asking how easily I would be able to seduce him. Got home and he was in bed naked. Good times.

[NameChange30]

Excellent work Ain!

[ScottishLady7]

Fantastic lines, fuzzy, you get a !!

At risk of sounding too AIBU...
I feel a bit like I'm trying to have my cake and eat it too. DH has certain positions which work best for him but which don't necessarily do it for me. I hadn't raised it but it got to the point today where I felt I should raise it because I didn't want our baby-makin' to be purely jizz-orientated, maybe mix it up sometimes too with what works for me...
I raised it with him tonight and DH became understandably defensive. I now feel like I have added to the pressure he must feel to perform...
Should I not have said anything? Advice please!

[coribeth]

Haha ain men are so easy! Congrats fuzzy
London

[justtheonethen]

I think you could have done ain, missed that part of post. Sorry! Very feasible especially with your signs too. I would assume you have iced then as mine can look like that either side of a positive but keep testing just in case.

scottish do you mean he wouldn't jizz in other positions? I think you are totally right to mention it. Sex should be fun...for both of you! Sorry if too personal but before ttc did you do positions you liked? Is it just now he wants to guarantee jizz? Is he defensive because he's worried he won't perform? Or because he thinks you're saying you don't enjoy the sex?
If it's just the performing factor can you not go for the guaranteed positions during fertile time then mix it up in the twot? Then he might get to like mixing it up and it might filter into the whole month?
Sorry though, it's horrid when you feel you have a conversation that leaves you feeling you haven't said what you really mean.

[justtheonethen]

Excellent cape donning by the way ain!

[NameChange30]

Scottish
I wrote a reply and then lost it (hit post, screen wouldn't load) - so annoying but will try and remember what I wanted to say!
Basically, my approach would be to try and have fun. Which means both partners having fun! Obviously TTC adds pressure and I found it much better when we took the pressure off ourselves. It's a bit of a mind game but we definitely felt more in the mood and enjoyed it more when we told ourselves we didn't HAVE to have sex, and he didn't HAVE to come during PIV. So if there are positions you both enjoy, or if you would usually swap positions to make sure you're both having fun, then carry on doing that. I guess it's a sensitive subject to discuss... Rather than saying you didn't enjoy it, maybe you could say "I love it when you do x" or "I'd love to try y". And surely it would turn him on to know that he's turning you on?
Yikes, this post is longer and more rambly than my first one... Really hope I don't lose this one too!

[NameChange30]

Just wanted to add, if he's not normally a selfish lover it's probably just because he's focusing on giving you what you want, ie jizz!

But it does feel weird to have sex with jizz as the only goal. I have definitely noticed that it changes sex, in my mind if nothing else.

Anyway, I think I read that female orgasm helps conception (something to do with the cervix opening, maybe?!) so we can justify it

[ScottishLady7]

Thanks guys, it's good to talk it through!

Basically there are a couple of guaranteed jizz positions which aren't really my faves. Since ttc he goes straight for those and my gentle attempts to redirect or suggest mixing it up have been unsuccessful. He sees me bringing it up as coming from out of the blue but for me it has been coming for a while.

I don't think there is a clear answer. I want the process to be fun for us both but equally I want us to make a baby and his contribution is essential. He doesn't seem to quite get the difference between the different times of the month so maybe I just need to try and explain that to him again...

Sigh, feeling a bit deflated by this. It's horrible bringing something up to try and help the situation but coming away thinking it has made someone upset...

[ScottishLady7]

We are going away skiing for the week next week and I should be ovulating so we'll see whether being away from it all relaxes things a bit.
I think DH will be so knackered thought that he'll be more jizz-focused than ever so avoid expending extra energy.

I won't complain though- if we're successful this cycle we can get back to dtd the fun way!

[NameChange30]

"He doesn't seem to quite get the difference between the different times of the month so maybe I just need to try and explain that to him agaIn"

Do you mean that he's going straight for his favourite positions all month long? Is he using TTC as a free pass to be a selfish lover?! Even though you've already told him that jizz is only essential during your fertile window - the rest of the time should be orgasms for you business as usual?

[justtheonethen]

He probably did just feel it was out of the blue, talk to him again. Sex for jizz has made sex for us trickier as dp has always had problems jizzing during sex. Didn't bother me before but obviously became an issue! We tend to go for the positions that are guaranteed at prime times but luckily I like them too. Although to be honest it takes sooo long I'm over it well before he comes!

It will be fine, maybe explain that you want to conceive by having sex you both enjoy rather than sex that's in a position that's just because it's guaranteed iyswim? I'm not putting it very well sorry.
Hugs for you though

[justtheonethen]

Do you mean that he's going straight for his favourite positions all month long? Is he using TTC as a free pass to be a selfish lover?! Even though you've already told him that jizz is only essential during your fertile window - the rest of the time should be orgasms for you business as usual?

This^

Also as name said if we orgasm the cervix "sucks" up the jizz. I watched a video of at uni!

[NameChange30]

Giving him the benefit of the doubt here... But maybe he's treating it as a chore. Doing the bare minimum because he's not in the mood for sex but feels he has to do it. If that's the case I suggest saying to him that you don't want either of you to feel that sex has become a chore, so have a little break from scheduled TTC sex, and just have sex when you're in the mood. Of course you can just happen to be "in the mood" on a couple of crucial days, but he doesn't have to know that! And taking the duty / on demand element away might help to rekindle things naturally.

[ScottishLady7]

Thanks guys!

I think you're both right- he has become lazy in a way since ttc and although he enjoys it, he very much just wants to get the jizzing out of the way romantic as he is expected to perform more than usual. My sex drive has always been higher and it has been a minor issue on and off so I suspect that he feels he is doing his duty by doing it more often than he might otherwise be inclined to.

I don't think I'll remind him that I'm ovulating while we're away, I'll just encourage and see how we go!

Sorry for offloading!

[ScottishLady7]

And thanks for listening

[NameChange30]

No need to apologise at all! I basically joined this thread because I was feeling frustrated and upset about the sex. Really appreciated the support I got, so I'm happy to reciprocate. (I'll probably be in a similar boat in about er 10-20 days!)

Sounds like a good plan for your trip away - good luck!

[justtheonethen]

Stealth cape donning scottish, like it