TTC after miscarriage - new thread

[InsufficientlyCaffeinated]

I just spotted that the old thread was now closed to new messages so thought I'd start another. The old thread for reference: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2457787-TTC-1-after-miscarriage-looking-for-some-buddies

Not having a good day today. Today I should be ovulating but I don't think I am. Feel like it happened early and while I was ill so know we have missed this months window.

Had a bit of a row with DH last night as he went straight to sleep and I mentioned that we should probably dtd as I'm meant to ovulate today. He said it was too much pressure. We haven't had sex since my last fertile window (both of us tired/work commitments/travel) so if I didn't mention it we would probably have gone another week. Should I have said nothing and let it slide?

I don't know what to do - last month we made a big deal of it and he said t was too much so to just mention it was "the week" so I do that, no sex. Mention its ovulation to remind him and it's too much pressure.

It's only cycle 2. I hate that this seems to be consuming my thoughts and putting pressure on us both. But we both want this, and we don't have regular sex so how else is it going to happen?

Why couldn't I just stay pregnant with my first? I should be on maternity leave with a 4 month old baby now not working through all this.

Hi All

I'm so sorry for everyone's loss. It really is such a testing time and one that can be so isolating. The grief for what could have been is so hard to translate to other people.

I wanted to ask you all a couple of q's as I'm having some physical discomfort post ERPC and wanted to see if others had had the same.

This is my back story. I've recently had a mc after conceiving for the first time through IVF last year. It was our first cycle after 2 years of ttc naturally as I have been diagnosed with blocked tubes because of endometriosis. I'm 35.

We discovered we had had a missed miscarriage at a scan at 10 weeks and the baby had stopped developing at 8.5 weeks. A hard day. I waited to mc naturally but ended up having an ERPC last Friday when I would have been 12 weeks. For the first 3 days I actually felt good physically as up to the ERPC I still had quite pronounced preg symptoms and honestly i felt a relief to not have them. Yesterday the bleeding stopped suddenly and hasn't returned but what I have now is a very strong headache and very bloated tummy with sharp wind like pain. I feel like this could be all 'normal' and the body returning to hormonal balance and feeling knocked about a bit inside. But wondered if anyone had/has the same?

I'm really keen to not visit the gp as after months of IVF treatment and recent hospital visits I need a break from a clinical environment.

The saddest part is now knowing what it would take to try again.

Didn't want to read and run Running although I'm not sure how helpful I can be.

I think the pain sounds normal based on my experience but coupled with the headache and being less than a week since your ERPC I think I'd be heading to the GP as much as you don't want to do that.

I'm sure it's nothing but I think in these situations it's better to be safe than sorry as there is always the possibility it could be an infection/retained tissue.

What advice did the hospital give you afterwards? Perhaps give them a ring?

I hope everything is ok.

Fed up , that doesn't sound too good. Hope your day gets better. I think it can be easy to fall into that trap of feeling constantly pressured. From your dh's point of view he prob feels like he 'has' to perform and that can be a turn off. It becomes mechanical. Remember the body will not conceive if you and DH are stressed too. Could you try getting some more intimacy in your relationship without focusing on the fertile week/getting pregnant? If you both enjoy being together intimately then your focus won't be on falling pregnant and will perhaps bring you closer together too. Not sure what else to suggest sorry. It must be so tough seeing pregnant ladies and new babies. I feel the same but try to seperate their situation from mine.

Running for gold - I'm sorry about your miscarriage. It must be so tough knowing what you went through to get there. Don't lose hope though and give yourself time to 'be'. Allow yourself to feel the emotions. I think the worst thing is locking them up (talking from past experience).

I had a missed miscarriage discovered on a scan and went for the medical management option. They didn't recommend the ERPC because I was in Hosp recovering from sepsis at the time. I'm not sure whether the after effects are similar but I've also had a few really strong headaches. The cramping was quite bad (taking codeine) for two weeks and once they explained that the uterus had to contract to shrink back to its normal size it made sense. Try make yourself as comfortable as possible. I actually had a splitting headache yesterday (and the miscarriage took place on 5/1). I think until the first period/hormones settling, things will feel a bit out of sorts. Drink loads of water and take painkillers when you need them. It's more exhausting for the body to fight pain than it is to recover whilst on painkillers.

Runningforgold sorry if this is an overly personal question but have you been going to the toilet regularly? I only ask because I was terribly constipated for days after my mc and had that same bloated feeling and sharp pain. Took some laxatives which eventually relieved it
I second seeing a dr though as there is a small risk of infection. Or perhaps give the hospital a call. My EPAU gave me their direct line and said that no matter what time of day or night or how silly the question might seem, to call them and they will help.

Fedup that does sound difficult. Perhaps you could have a chat with your DH when you're not both tired. Melvali has some good advice - it can feel difficult when your sex life becomes all about TTC although I know all too well how conceiving again feels like the answer.

I'm dealing with scan photos/seeing pregnant women out and about/beautiful babies by reminding myself that nobody knows I've miscarried besides DP and so I don't know what it has taken them to get to that stage of being able to share a scan photo or take a baby home. My SIL recently told me she was having IVF. If she'd announced a pregnancy without me knowing that I think I would be a bit jealous and find it difficult but now I know just how hard it is for her and so many of us I'm trying to take it my stride and be happy for those who do get their success story. I have to believe for the sake of my sanity that I'll get it too!

Getting same cm that I normally get just after the end of my fertile period so now I'm fairly sure that I did ovulate recently and so hopefully I'm about 2 weeks from AF and then I can officially declare TTC cycle one (again)

I would never advocate telling your dh you are ovulating because, in my experience, it leads to everything you have described. I never talk about when im ovulating. I just make my move regularly and day it's because I'm horny. I often lie and say ovulation happened the previous week if he asks. Once we have dtd once I tell him that I keep thinking about the first time. In all honesty, the more we dtd the more I want to dtd anyway. I go into full on secrative seduction mode. My dh wants a baby, I just know he feels the pressure if the sex is all about a baby. I've been pregnant twice - with dd and the baby I lost. Both times we struggled when I shared info about ovulation. The month I made it all about the sex, it happened. Twice. Hopefully, it will again.

FedUp I don't really have any good advice. I am trying to make sure we DTD outside of the fertile window as well, just so that DH doesn't feel under pressure. Last month he kept turning me down after I had ovulated, which made me feel even more like an incubator combined with the whole not travelling etc. So we appear to be the opposite way round. He asked to have my Ovia on his phone too and I think he checks it regularly so that he knows when to ramp things up.

Welcome Running. I think you should at least give the people who did the EPRC a ring and check with them. Hopefully they say it is normal. I definitely had headaches as part of the changing hormones. I would keep an eye on your temperature too. Just in case it is an infection.

Good luck IC.

Hi all, having a rough day. My miscarriage happened naturally staring from the 10th of this month with spotting. I said in a previous post I didn't actually know I was pregnant until 5 days into bleeding as hadn't had af since my depo injection ran out in July. I've been having the beta hcg bloods drawn and my hormone levels aren't halving as they should. They're going down by only 100 every 48hours. Levels started very low at 378 but had already been bleeding for 10 days previous to the bloods, on Monday they had dropped to 274 and today they're at 174! Don't know if anyone else has experienced this slow drop with their mc/s?
The EPU have advised weekly bloods until the levels are under 50 which hopefully will be in another week.
The dr has put me on antibiotics too. Tmi coming up; im having brown stringy bits coming out still, no blood just brown and old.
Fed up now and worried my cycle will never return to normal. 7 months counting my mc as a non cycle month.
Trying to chill and not get stressed but I can feel the rage building in my stomach

AmyB I am having similar symptoms. 8 days since heavy bleeding (Unsure if it was a complete miscarriage) and still getting old, brown blood with small stringy black bits. Ugh. Positive preg tests still too. I just want my body back. Haven't had sex in bloody (literally!) weeks!

Missclarke86 me too! DH keeps touching me lol I want to but keep saying I can't because it might not be all gone and don't want to risk it until my hcg returns to 0!
Pregnancy tests are still positive, feint but there.
One good thing is; I know from this batch of IC's that these must be the most sensitive tests I've ever bought!
Getting mad because I just think if you're gunna go just go don't keep hanging on swimming around, know that probably sounds awful but that's how I feel

Have the same stringy black bits as you too! Horrible you're going through it but glad we're not alone. Don't think DH quite understands how exhausting it is

Me too!!!! I am now 26 days since surgery (11 weeks) and I've just just got a negative pregnancy test and I've had strange brown CM for the past 3 days!!! I had an infection after surgery so I wondered whether that caused it? I'm dying to start trying again too! Xx

Could be the infection you had causing the odd CM. Did read somewhere though that when your cycle kicks back in you can get a lot of odd CM. It's a sign your body is readjusting your hormones ready to start again and that you might have an odd period in response too.
I know mine isn't that because my hcg is still there my cycle can't kick back in and that's what's annoying.
Desperate to be close to my hubby intimately again not just to start trying but feel he's being neglected as I think I'm pushing him away in fear!
Come on hormones sort it out

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

MissClarke and Amy, hopefully things will settle soon. I found that limbo period before my first period really frustrating.

I've had an awful day, spent 40 minutes crying in the toilets at work about everything which is so far removed from my usual self I was really unnerved but it did mean my DH really listened to what I was saying this evening so every cloud. I think we have resolved a lot which feels really good.

Loki I think your advice is actually the best way for me at this point, not telling him at all and just generally upping it all the time and perhaps fibbing about ovulation.

According to my app I should have ovulated today but I feel it happened earlier and DH knows this so maybe this is a good lead in to "I'm not sure it's very accurate"

So I assume I'm now in the 2ww which is daft as I've definitely missed it this month. Come on AF so we can move on.

Thanks for kind words and advice. Headache easing now. But will still check with hospital.

Hey ladies,

I'm looking for a little bit if help I'm so confused.

I had a Silent MC I had a D&C in the 23rd December I bled for literally a week and after 10 days the HGC hormone was nothing as my pregnancy test came back negative. We were so desperate to try again.

So, I started using ovulation tests and used the day of my D&C as my fist day of my cycle as advised on here. Ovulation tests were showing negative then 18 days after the D&C the ovulation test came up as positive.

6 days past ovulation I had pink discharge, I was devastated thinking it was my period but it wasn't like a period, it was in and off and pink I didn't even need to wear a sanitary towel as (sorry to be graphic) but it was only showing when I wiped (sorry) so in off for 5 days and end of day 5 it didn't come back. I read this as implantation bleeding as I'm convinced it was.

My period was due last Friday so 5 days ago and still no period. I did a test today and it was negative. What do you think? Too early?

Sorry for the long one I just thought best to out all the detail in.

Yesterday I felt so sick, but today not, I've had horrible taste in mouth, clear discharge, boobs feel heavy (I think) but not sore. (First time around they were so sore) and the last 4 days I've felt so tired its unreal.

I know I'm so silly messing with my dates and trying before my period but I just could wait.

Has anyone had this, could it be too early to test and could it all be in my head?

Thanks so much in advance xx

Hi.

How does everyone cope with ttc? My MMC was December, I had retained product, haemorrhaging then infections so I've had 5x anti biotics over the last 7 weeks. The last lot I was allergic to so now I'm on steroids and countless antihistamines. My body feels broken but I just want to be pregnant. I know it hasn't happened this month and I'm devastated. I've had one AF exactly when due since the surgery so this was our second cycle but only first trying.

Does it get any easier? I know it is early days but I don't know if I can deal with much more heartache.

MrsBevo I think you still may have a chance. Did you keep opk testing once you got a positive? So it's been about 17 days since +opk, you could have ovulated 2-3 days later so still 13-14 dpo so may still be in. So difficult to know though-sorry, not much help!

Sorry for the tmi but does anyone know if the 2nd AF after MC is as horrible as the first? Can you use tampons now? Sorry again for tmi!

MrsBevo I think the first cycles after mc are a bit all over the place so it's hard to say but you are in with a chance. A negative could still be false if you ovulated later than usual so perhaps hold off a few days and test again if AF doesn't show up

JoMalones I don't know how anybody copes with TTC after mc. It's stressful and anxiety-inducing, especially not knowing where your cycles or at or when things will become normal. Just try to be kind to yourself and know that your body has been through a difficult thing so it will take some time to recover.
Not sure about tampons but I thought that once you've passed all the pregnancy tissue you can wear tampons again but you might find you're heavier than normal so see how your flow goes and what feels comfortable at the time. I normally use a mooncup which I think I feel more comfortable using than a tampon as it catches rather than absorbs so heavier flow shouldn't make a difference but it's all such an unknown that it's hard to know! I do not deal well with unknowns!

Hello everyone. Hope you are having good days...

Can I ask your advice please? I am very confused.

I had surgery for my MMC 24 days ago. Had negative p tests yesterday and the day before so thought I was getting back to normal... Got quite bad bloating so thought AF was on its way..., but today I've had three positive pregnancy tests. What the hell is that about? I tested first thing in the morning when I got the negatives, and the positives. I'm going to go back to the EPU tomorrow but has anyone had anything similar? I have no bleeding or pain so had ruled out leftover tissue but could I be wrong?

X

I've name changed from melvali

Hopeful - if you haven't been TTC could it be that you have used a different brand of preg test?

Mrsbevo- think you have a chance but don't want to get your hopes up. From what I hear first periods can be strange. I'm still waiting on mine...

Jo- big hugs X you have been through the mill! Give yourself credit and let your emotions catch up with what's happened. I know you (like the rest of us) desperately want to be preg again but remember your body won't conceive if it's under stress. I've got some strong thoughts on antibiotics being in the body and transferring to the baby as well but like you I've been on them recently(first week of Jan) and I know I won't be able to hold off after my first period. Try use this time to strengthen your body. Xxx

"remember your body won't conceive if it's under stress"

I've just got back from seeing my GP and she said exactly the same thing. She said to not only take the time to physically recover but also emotionally so I'm in the best condition to conceive physically, mentally, and also hormonally as mood affects hormone. Wise words I thought. Take it easy on yourself

Thank you both. I just know that wheat could help me emotionally is to be pregnant. I couldn't believe the pain at seeing a bfn. I do lack patience I know! My body does need to recover to give the baby true best chance possible so I'm just going to have to focus on that.

KATE - are you ttc this month?

cheeky - love the new name!!

We DTD twice about two weeks after the MC and about 3 days after I stopped bleeding but was still getting positive p tests at that moment so didn't think it counted as TTC. I'm going to the EPU tomorrow to have my bloods done so I'll see what they say.

Hope everyone is good today & have relaxing weekends planned.