Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

Hi all. They got 7 eggs today, 3 more than they did last time, which is encouraging. Feeling OK for now but last time the real discomfort hit the following day. Am taking it easy now, DH waiting on me hand and foot.

So glad all sorted loueeza. Hopefully the argument with your DH was just stress, and good that he is really on board generally now.

Great news, Jessie. Enjoy being waited on and all the best for the putting-back-in part.

I wonder if the DHEA helped this time? ;-)

Excellent work jessie . Hope you feel ok tomorrow. Very exciting x

loueesa phew! All is good. My DH would get like that sometimes, really wound me up saying I was treating it like a military operation. I can't remember the exact phrase he used but it made me blow up!

How's it going, Jessie? Are you feeling OK? Any news?

We went to the clinic today for our 'consents' appointment. The nurse was amazing. I must say, I've been VERY impressed so far by the staff there. Very down-to-earth and friendly - always have time for you. Very reassuringly talked a lot about how the clinic is the best in the region and improving all the time as they have very experienced staff. I must say her generally cheerful attitude cheered me up a lot. Went in there scared I'd dissolve into tears once she started talking about all the drugs, but I'm happy to say I didn't!

Still dreading the whole thing, especially injecting myself and 'going into menopause' for 2 weeks, as they keep describing it!

Still, I'm starting to see the whole thing as more of a process rather than a make-it-or-break-it sort of thing. The nurse also told us that sometimes the whole thing seems to get your system kick-started into action and you're more fertile for the months AFTER the IVF. She insisted that the DHEA and COQ10 are a really good thing, too - apparently the director of the clinic swears by them.

So, all good ... not feeling too bad about it all, really. DH has calmed down and cheered up a bit, too.

The nurse even said it was fine to have a drink or two over Christmas. So after I left the clinic I went to a work Christmas 'do' and had a big glass of wine! ;-)

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Realised I wrote 'the whole thing' about five times in my post above. Hahaha ... must be the wine!

Morning all. Glad your IVF appointment went so well Loueeza, though I still a bit about them using "the menopause" as a way to describe the down regging. Are you booked in for your scratch now?

Some good news at this end too- 6 of the 7 eggs fertilised and embryologist just called this morning to say they are all doing fine- 2 8 cells, a 9, a 10 and a 6. So they are recommending waiting till Monday so they can pick out the best ones. From what I read, day 5 transfers have much better success rates (I had day 3 last time) so feeling much more optimistic. Though this morning was having a horrendous dream where they called to say come straight in as only 3 left and in the dream I was married to a very old white haired man whom I suddenly realised I hated, and had to give a presentation to a client before going to the hospital! Real life was a massive relief after that!

Other good news is that last time round I was in serious discomfort for about 4 days after the egg collection. This time barely a twinge, have not even had to take paracetamol, yet they got more eggs. Perhaps surgeon was just more skilled, I don't know. I am hoping that a body that doesn't feel so traumatised might be a bit more receptive to the embryos....

So my current dilemma is this- TMI alert! As am not sore, feeling quite up to some DTD this weekend. But if sperm can live in there for up to 5 days, do I really want them floating about in there for embryo transfer? I suppose the answer is to use a condom - that will be a blast from the past!

Hope you all have nice weekends. Christmas is getting so close now, rather crept up on me.

Really great news Jessie. Sounds as if things are going absolutely as well as they could.

As far as DTD goes, I've got a feeling it's OK at this stage? Would it matter if sperm's in there? If you think about it, how is it any different to a normal month if you've conceived naturally? Or are you just worried about the doc finding some in there? ;-)

Yes I'm sure that there is no real reason to avoid DTD (otherwise you'd get strict instructions) but, that said, I don't have a great record with "normal" months so I think I am just feeling like I want to be super- careful about everything even if no rational basis for it! Anyway we dealt with the problem OK .

It's good to go with your instinct, I think, because there doesn't seem to be any absolute consensus. I did have a quick google and it sounds like some believe sperm can help once the embryos have been put back in, but others think it's better to abstain for a while just in case. I know you're not at that stage yet. At our appointment yesterday the nurse said just do what you feel is best. She said once the embryos are in there nothing you do can harm them, but if you feel like taking it easy then go with that because you don't want to be wondering afterwards.

Great news Jessie!
Looking forward to hearing about what happens today!

So, last night I dreamed I had gone to New Zealand and forgotten until too late that I was having embryo transfer today. Woke up sweating, and fortunately very much in London .
Embryologist was wearing a protective hairnet and Christmas tree earrings; was quite surreal. They had selected one "full" blastocyst, one that was just newly at blast stage and one morula, which is the immediately pre- blast stage. All 3 went in, with no particular discussion of multiples risk, not that I would have changed my mind if they had raised it. Once again, pretty painless and over very quickly so just have to cross everything from here on in.

Would you believe, my "official test day" is Christmas Day?! Good or bad, I can't decide. Obviously a lovely story if we do end up with a baby, but if we get a negative...? and we'll be at PIL at the time.

I am definitely not testing earlier, could not cope again with an early positive that doesn't stick.
Anyway cracked my iPhone screen yesterday so typing is a bit dangerous, hope everyone doing OK xxx

Sounds like it went really well, Jessie, Christmas tree earrings and all! (that would have cracked me up)

If I was you, I think I might wait to test until Boxing Day. At least if the news is disappointing, Boxing Day is a bit of an anti-climax sort of day anyway. If it's good news, then you'll be partying for much longer than everyone else!

Interesting that they put 3 back in. I think my clinic only puts a max of 2 in. I wonder why ...

We took delivery of our mountain of drugs on Saturday. I went away for the weekend, so left instructions with DH. So what should I discover when I got back on Sunday night but the box labelled 'keep in fridge' in the middle of the bedroom floor. We're really not doing very well so far. One naughty DDT early cycle and now drugs left out of the fridge.

To top it all off, we have one of those tiny fridges so can hardly fit anything else in it now the drugs are in there. I've already got bacon and cheese balancing around the edges ;-)

Good luck, Jessie. You really deserve some luck this time ...

My understanding is that the HFEA approve 3 for all women over 40- basically the risk of multiple pregnancy is balanced out by the high likelihood that an older woman's eggs will be chromosomally abnormal so the embryos will not survive. My clinic firmly believe 3 will give me the best chance so I sense that they don't see many over 40s have twins or triplets.

If your clinic only does 2 then they must have their own particular policy about how many they will transfer, driven by a desire to avoid multiple pregnancy. You should ask them why they reject the HFEA position. I wonder if NHS- funded IVF creates restraints, on the basis that a multiple would drain public funds?

Can't believe your DH was such a divvy about the drugs. I don't mean to be alarmist but did you check that they'd still be OK after 24 hours at room temperature? I was warned by the van driver very sternly to refrigerate immediately. I used to deal a lot with air cargo shipments of drugs and they were very strict about declaring pharma clinically spoiled if it was exposed to conditions outside the recommended range even for a very short time. The pharmacy can hopefully confirm.

Congrats on the transfer Jessie, I think 25/12 as a test date is really exciting especially if it's a positive result!!

AF paid her visit today, 14 days after my HyCoSy so now we're on our way to a (hopefully) extra fertile chance of success. DH is not well (think tonsillitis) so has a few days to recover before its time to dtd!!

We also have lots of celebrations planned for later this week as its my birthday at the weekend so off to see Star Wars on opening day then out to a local Turkish restaurant for dinner with 8 family and friends.

Clinic called to say none of the 3 embryos left over were good enough to freeze. wasn't really expecting any to be, so not too disappointed, although I am now letting my mind wander and worrying if it means the ones that went back in are also more likely to be duds? But they did pick the best 3 so hopefully doesn't mean anything.

Hi Rememberallball! Sounds like you're well and happy - good luck for DTD this month!

Jessie, our clinic told us that only 25 to 30% get any to freeze, at any age. I would try not to let your thoughts carry it any further - the doc told you he'd put at least one good one back in, so focus on that. :-)

I'm actually not too worried about the drugs left out of fridge thing. I will ask them when I next go to the clinic, just in case, but after a bit of googling about the specific drugs I think it's OK. They were inside a polystyrene cool box with 2 ice packs and still felt very cool, so I don't think they ever got warm.

What a drip he is, though. He said he was concentrating so much on actually taking the delivery, he totally forgot about the fridge.

Oh, and I can feel myself ovulating as I type. I know it's all in a good cause, but I hate that we can't try this month!!!

Sounds so positive jessie fingers crossed for you. loueesa I share your pain. I'm sure I've just ovulated early on day 9 not dtd since Tuesday and that was after five days so quality won't be good and one night tonight that I can't see partner. Have timed it all wrong this month. Feeling so sad. Sorry needed a rant.

Hey all! Trying to stay away and be chilled about TTC. Hope you're all doing as well as can be expected. Despite all the signs of implantation AF appeared today so I'm a little bit down. Only month 3 of TTC so nowhere near as long as you guys but still feeling pretty shitty. Hey ho... Onwards and all that. Take care .

City - I actually remember feeling just as shitty after only 3 months trying. I never believed I'd still be feeling it a year on, though. I really hope you're luckier.

Thanks for the nice words, wotsitmaltesters. As for you, well, you never know ... I know chances don't seem good, but I've tried at what seems like exactly the right time and still, nothing. Wouldn't be surprised if it eventually does happen on a month I thought I must be out!

Found myself feeling jealous yesterday of my husband's boss who told him yesterday she was resigning at age 36.5 to focus on having a baby. Couldn't help thinking 'If only I was 36.5...'

Sometimes I think this ttc business is turning me into a not so nice person :-(

Loueeza, you're not the only person who's feeling bad about the thoughts they have towards other people. DSS (26 and lone parent to a gorgeous - but horrendously behaved - 3 year old DD) has a girlfriend who, as well as going on all the freaking time about being a 'parent', is not shy about being desperate to get pregnant as it will mean she doesn't have to get a job and will get more benefit money than at present (what a good reason to get pregnant!!). DSS at the same time has told his sister that he's not sure they'd still be a couple (going out just a year) if she didn't babysit his DD while he's at work.
I dread hearing that she's expecting but think it's inevitable and she's constantly encouraged on Fb by her mother telling her how she's a wonderful mother and how 'another' baby wouldake their family complete!!
Sometimes I just wish they'd go their separate ways before a vulnerable little one appears on the scene as part of her life plan. Which is wicked of me when we're so desperate to become parents!!

Rant over - and it feels good to say that out loud!!

As I count down the days to Christmas and my official test date I have been trawling the internet a bit and came across this blog which really struck a chord with me.

This woman got together with her DH in her late 30s and then had problems conceiving - when it starts out she's about 37 so a little outside our bracket but her story feels very familiar. After over 2 years and 3 IVFs she finally has a baby, then she miraculously gets pregnant with a second when her son is three. She's American but she has a very dry and self-deprecating sense of humour and I think she'd have fit in well here...

Eurgh Remember I can see why that would be annoying. Sound like your DSS needs to man up and stop stringing her along though.

At a team Christmas party this week one of my colleagues told us his brother has NINE children by six different women. Colleague is a lawyer, his parents are a doctor and accountant. All very middle class, with some sort of ridiculous Jeremy Kyle-ready cuckoo in the nest.

Interesting that your DH's collegaue feels the need to resign to focus on a not-yet-conceived baby loueeza - that's the antithesis of the Lean In philosophy. To be honest I am so glad that I did not stop working for my firm completely when we moved back here (which was my original plan) - I'd have driven myself mental with no job to distract me.

And odd that she's so open about it - has she had problems TTC do you think?

Sorry your timings are all off this month wotsit. Day 9 is very early indeed to ovulate.

Thanks for the blog link, Jessie. Love it so far. I enjoyed this post: the2weekwait.blogspot.co.uk/p/what-i-did-on-my-successful-ivf.html

I actually have a feeling I've come across this blog before. Brilliantly written, isn't it?

I think my DH's colleague is resigning partly because she's been suffering from proper stress. She had a few months off fairly recently because of it. So I got the impression she wants to recuperate for a while, and then hopefully that will help them as they start trying. I can see the logic, although I agree with you - personally I find work a good distraction, but it isn't overly stretching right now. If it was (like it was for me last year), I might feel differently ...

Somehow it's therapeutic talking about other people's situations ... gets my mind off my own! Remember - that's a crazy story. Could definitely imagine it turning up on Jeremy Kyle!

Had a bit of a bad day today. Not sure what was wrong with me, but started to feel a bit down - and then of course my mind started wandering onto all this. Felt like I imagine I might feel when I start taking all the drugs!

Jessie, did you get any side effects from the drugs? I'm dreading starting to take them (start next week). Did you find injecting yourself OK in the end?

I had no side effects from the drugs and found injecting myself really easy- genuinely painless in my experience, although I know poor Daisy had a few problems with skin reactions to hers. Have they given you Gonal-f and cetrotide ( that kept autocorrecting to "certitude"- oh to get that on prescription! ) or something else?

I didn't have to take the cycle-suppressing drugs that they have given you so can't speak for their potential side effects. The progesterone pessaries that I'm on now are meant to be the worst for side effects but I can't say I am feeling any in particular.

Glad your drugs had a polystyrene cool box by the way- mine had no ice or insulation at all, hence the driver ordering them straight to the fridge.