Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

Hello all - another lurker rooting for you all.
I have been through only a tiny amount of what some of you have - but thought you might like to know my positive stories!
I had my DC at 39 and 41.
In my NCT group there were two first timers already post 40 (one of whom had her second at 42 v small age gap!)
I have another good friend who had both her kids post 40.
When I commented on my age at my second booking in appt my midwife couldn't have been less interested - and said she regularly meets first timers of 45.
Also know a friend of friend who had her IVF baby at 46.
Obviously I also know people who have struggled and infertility issues are quite common but it can and does happen.
Keep the faith.

So not sure whether to share this due to some having a crappy time?! My results are back. Still no guarantee that everything is wonderful down there...
Scan: 12 follicles on right; 9 on left
AMH: 26.66
FSH: 4.1
LH: 5.0
Everything looks active.
Tested on day 5.

Hi liveinthepresent fab story, just what we need- thanks for taking the time to post and encourage us!

citybumpkin great news on the follicles and the AMH. As to whether to post positive results, I think that we are all happy to see any positive news so you shouldn't worry about that. After all, if positive things were not posted we'd never tell the thread about our BFPs! My DH reminded me the other day when I said that I was finding it tough to be happy when other people made birth announcements that there is not a finite supply of luck in the world so our own luck is not diminished when things go well for someone else (in this context anyway; obviously a bit different if you are both racing to win the same Olympic gold!). That's my tuppence ha'penny anyway.

Thanks Jessie! Its hard when you see others who just seem to stroll through life and are lucky whether it be in terms of baby making, relationships or career. I know we should be happy for others and practice gratitude for what we aleady have but its difficult when you are so focussed on an end "goal". The results were good but the nurse did keep saying that I should be thinking of my age and further tests. Just spoke to DP and he seems a bit indifferent to this baby goal.

Another positive story (well sort of!). DP and I are both 46 (met late in life) started TTC early 2013, two pregnancies both ended in MC. Went the egg donation route and conceived twins in June 2014, lost 1 during the pregnancy but our son was born on Mothers day this year when I was 45.

He is amazing and I can honestly say that I or his dad could not love him any more if he were from my own egg and can I also say I was absolutely fine during my pregnancy and labour - fit as fiddle!

Good luck to you all

PS. There was a lady in my NCT class who had her first baby at 42 (IVF) and her 2nd at 47 naturally conceived ( a major surprise!)

Thanks greenlizard! Your story is wonderful and so happy to hear that all is lovely. I've not even considered my fitness levels in any of this as I think Im reasonably healthy. Concentrating on TTC and enjoying it

Hi ladies, don't know if you remember me; I posted a bit earlier in the year. Met dp at 38, ttc like a loon throughout being 39, decided to call it quits and not go for fertility treatment/investigations, then had natural bfp one month after 40th birthday. Well, currently sitting here with ten day old baby snuggled up to chest after very uneventful and healthy pregnancy and delivery. He doesn't sleep much but is great! This thread helped me through some dark moments when we were in the thick of ttc and I do pop back sometimes to cheer you all on. Pompom waving for you all; it can and does happen. Ignore the Daily Mail!

Awwww Eastendgirl! Thats absolutely lovely. Glad to hear of another wonderful story. Enjoy the snuggliness

Thank you for the cheer leading and positive stories!! Some names I recognised there of lovely ladies from other threads. Great to hear to give us some hope back.

jessie yes well one was technically a chemical so really 3 miscarriages (1 anembryonic pregnancy and 2 missed miscarriages). The chemical was just as painful though as it was my last little frozen embryo so that broke my heart. I think I am a bit guilty of showing off my battle scars on mn. Im hoping that I'll be a miracle mum like the lovely shellster over on the IVF thread . Few people know in real life what I've been through, I stopped telling people after the second. One thing I always get upset about is when people say " oh no how far on were you?" It's so bloody personal. As if they need to know that to judge how much pity to give or how bad it is. I want to explain to them how bad it still is even though it's before 12 weeks. Thinking back, I didn't understand early miscarriage myself until I'd gone through it so can forgive anyone for dismissing it because it's not far along enough. It's obvious that I am quite scarred from this. Its only in real life I've ever experienced that btw. Mn has been amaaazing I'm so glad I found the support. I've been quieter lately only because I'm running out of hope.

I was having a de-clutter today and threw out all my gynae / IVF/ fertility testing files and test results. Old scan photos. Goodbye! They make me sad so time to go. Only happy things in the house from now on

loueesa hello! Love the new name hs26 made me think of a postcode!

Hope you are all good tonight lovely ladies!! Lots to be thankful for xx

Sorry personal pity party for me last night! I'm always dragging everyone down!! Happy again. Good times ahead. Going to book a winter sun holiday later. Just Tenerife or somewhere easy. Will be nice to have something to look forward to.

Sounds lovely Annie. Lots of HK and Antipodean friends posting sunny outdoor activities on Facebook while we trek round damp grey second hand car forecourts in Essex this week, am definitely pining for the tropics! Though I have to admit also quite liking the Christmas music in the shops, sure that novelty will wear off soon .
Loving all the positive stories that this new thread is attracting but nobody should need to apologise for posting about feeling down either.
I'm back into the swing of nightly injections and trying to get used to being teetotal. The Starts with the Egg Book quotes a study from Yale that says that women who had more than 4 alcoholic drinks a week during IVF were a massive 16% less likely to get pregnant. Bloody hell. Our chance is only 20% to begin with! That certainly steels my resolve.

Annie big hug there! Reading these posts upsets me to know how much crap others are going through. All we can do is hang on in there and be supportive as best we can.

We should start a non-drinkers club. Day 14 of no drink here. Dreading the 4 week party season up to xmas. 3 xmas dos next week...arggghhhh!

Day 2 of not drinking here.
Not starting IVF injections til late january, but I at least want to cut down.
I'm also having hysteroscopy and hidden infections test late December, so want to be healthy for that.

Well I failed miserably . Flight delayed at Schilpol. DP left behind as he is working. Arse. Big arse on fire. OPK slight positive line this morning. DTD ermmm several times (TMI sorry). Shouldnt be ov until Tues but... Ffs. Sod it.

They stay up there for up to five days city it could be the right timing! Your results are great btw. AMH is way above average. Thanks for hugs too!

Plenty people drink and get pregnant it's so unfair!!

jessie excited for you in the IVF run up again, Feels good to be doing something. Yes I was advised zero alcohol and litres of water.

Thanks for the positive vibes annie. Unfortunately I can't stay any longer as I have to work.

Jessie everything is crossed for you. That will stop me drinking wine!

Oh my god!! We have indulged rather a lot today!! I had a bad experience on my hen do in August so the place gave 4 of us afternoon tea today.

Erm, champagne afternoon tea; champagne cocktails: bottle of champagne and normal cocktails!!

At least I'll not care how my HyCoSy goes in the morning!!

Oo sounds absolutely wonderful remember!! Hope it all goes well tomorrow!

city sorry if I'm not understanding right but you dtd up to night/morning before strong line on opk day and then had to catch flight is that right? If so then you are fine! Day before and 2days before strong line are optimum times so thats good!

Annie slight line on OPK. DTD in the am. Unfortunately I have to work tomorrow so couldn't linger. Oh well...

Hello All, I hope you're all okay? I feel a little bit on the periphery here as you've all been through quite a lot of heartache and I'm reasonably new to MN and TTC. I can't offer much worldly reproductive advice yet but will support as best I can.

FF says that I ovulated on Saturday whilst with DP, which is 3 days early. OPK showed a negative?! So this means the 2WW...

Okay. Where is everyone? Hope you are all okay

Hi City, I'm here. Been a busy week at work. DH on day 4 of 6 this week and offering to work about 7-8 extra between now and the end of the year!!

Monday went well. We're still waiting for official results but, as things stand, tubes looked clear so just got to hope things happen for us now, otherwise it's the end of the road.

Yeah re tubes Remember. Sounds a tad wrong but the sentiment is good. Busy is a must I suppose. Trying to mind occupy under the circumstances.

Never say never. I'm a firm believer in that. You can bend the universe.