Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

Gingerchoc - I'm really sorry to hear about your early loss. It is so hard and you must be so disappointed. Take care of yourself as best you can and I really hope there is some good news for you soon.

Thanks for asking about my 2WW. I'm not due on until next Wed (23rd) but of course I am symptom spotting like mad. I already have sore boobs but I've come to realise that doesn't mean anything for me as I get that every month anyway! I'm feeling pretty scared today about starting the drugs next week but am trying to remain calm. I have been eating 2 brazil nuts a day over the last few days!!

Russkipsy - how are you getting on?

Thanks Cityzen. I was really upset - even though it was very early days I had strong symptoms and it felt very much like a loss. Still, I'm happy my body did something this month and hoping it will try again with more success soon. I've had some health issues recently and that's why my GP did the blood test, to rule pregnancy out, as we thought it was very unlikely yet there was definitely something odd happening with my cycle. Just wasn't my time. Buy yourself a pineapple while you wait! I had to google how to chop one up but it really wasn't the faff I thought. It was also delicious so I think I'll give it a try again this month.

Gingerchoc, so sorry to hear about your loss! Hope you're getting a bit better and stronger. had my first midwife appointment today which went well. Such a lovely lady who knows my mother-in-law, the former midwife herself. Made various appointments, got some freebies and left in good spirits. Insomnia is still killing me. Nausea is very bad in the evenings. Each week cutting down on progesterone intake and hopefully that will make some difference. Keep knitting baby stuff in different colours. Booties, hats, cardigans all in matching sets are done. Now I'm knitting my very first blanket.
Haven't even looked at maternity wear yet. And do not believe I'm showing yet. Today s 9+2.

Hi all
Just want to share that my babies were born last month, c section. A boy and a girl. 6 weeks on I am very happy and sleep deprived! Haha
Sorry for being a bit vague, but I have noticed a few Mumsnet threads being turned into 'stories' in the press, The Sun etc.
Just want to say don't' give up, explore options that science has given us.
And good luck to all you lovely ladies. Xxx

Congratulations Daisy - that is lovely news to hear about your twins. I am so pleased for you.

Russkispy - glad to hear your midwife appointment went well but sorry to hear about your nausea. I hope that gets better soon. Good luck with all your knitting too!

Gingerchoc - Hope you are OK? I haven't managed to buy a pineapple this cycle but perhaps next month after the IVF!

I'm waiting for AF to show up (due Wed) and then will start on my IVF treatment. I thought AF was going to come really early as I've been having really bad twinges since last Wed but think will probably come on this morning. I'm really scared but also excited to be getting started with my treatment.

Hope everyone else is well.

Hello all!
Massive congratulation to Daisy! Lovely, wonderful news. Hope you're recovering from your c section and enjoying your little ones.
Sorry to hear about the nausea and insomnia, Russkispy and hope that it calms down soon. V impressed with your knitting! That is one skill I really wish I'd persevered with. Would be so nice to be able to make cute baby clothes.
I'm OK, thanks for asking Citizyen. Am already on the pineapple and brazil nuts! Now a bit concerned I started the pineapple too soon as haven't had the temp rise yet, but dp had to leave for work overseas on the morning I got my peak on the opk (typical!), so I fear I stand little chance this month. Plus am still recovering with some health issues that I think were responsible for the early loss last cycle. Nevertheless. I will continue with all the old wives tale wisdom just in case! Has your af come yet? I guess this month you'll be excited about starting IVF if/when she does make her appearance, so something positive to focus the mind on. I tentatively joined the December bus thread, then immediately felt superstitious about it and imagined the disappointment ahead, so haven't ventured back on. Definitely not testing this month, not worth the heartbreak and probably need to concentrate on getting my health back anyway.
Hope everyone's having a good week xx

Did af come Cityzen? You doing ok? Thought of you as was just munching brazil nuts! X

Congratulations Daisyboo. I'd been waiting to hear an announcement from you.
Gingerchoc, hope your doing okay and your health issues are being resolved. I'm also munching on Brazil nuts but I can't stand pineapples so that ones going to be really tricky.

I'm okay. I turned 41 this month and hoping it's a year of great happenings. I'm just waiting now for the IVF to begin. It was something I kept putting off in the hope it might happen naturally. However, as I've not been ovulating (still having afs though) these last few cycles, I'm now at the point that I know I need help and can't wait to get things started in January. I've finally booked a consultation with an acupuncturist. I'll be discussing what treatment when I see her but it will either be acupuncture, a massage or both.

I hope everyone is doing well and having a relaxing weekend.

Hello all,

As soon as AF shows up, I'm starting my first IUI cycle, and I think I'll need some virtual handholding in the coming few weeks ...
I've previously posted in the TTC thread, then moved to the TTC for 10+ months thread and then stopped posting altogether because it. just. didn't.happen.for.me and I was getting increasingly despondent on reading the threads. :(

My stats: 40, have been trying to conceive since May last year. Tried to get treatment via the NHS but we're now going the private route in Germany, and at last things actually happen at speed.

Preliminary tests all done and looking good: hystersalpingogram showed everything was clear; sperm count is good; follicles looking good, hormones still in ok range. No obvious reason (other than age, of course) why pregnancy shouldn't happen, but it hasn't so far. So, the consultant suggested IVF or IUI and we're going for a couple of rounds of IUI first. I've already got the meds ordered, and I'm now just waiting for AF to show up so we can start. It'll be some time next week. Unless, of course, I'm getting a BFP this cycle. laughs a dry, hollow laugh

Welcome Cthulhoo - good luck with your IUI cycle. We will be here to hold your hand!

Thanks for thinking of me Gingerchoc when eating your brazil nuts!! AF didn't show up so did a test and it was positive. However this morning have had brown spotting just like I get before AF turns up. Should be 4 +5 so I think it's another chemical pregnancy. I feel really gutted and also really angry. I feel a bit daft for ttc the month before IVF because now I would imagine it will be at least 2 months before we can go again with the IVF and I had a lot of holidays etc in place to fit in with work etc. Now it's back to more waiting and who's to say even if the IVF works that I won't have yet another chemical pregnancy or miscarriage? I am thinking that I just can't carry a baby and it just won't happen for me. This is definitely the second chem preg (probably the third) and I also had a miscarriage at 6 weeks earlier this year. Sorry for the me me me post but I'm just feeling really down and I'm at work and I don't know how I am going to be able to concentrate today.

Hope everyone else is OK? Sorry for the rant!

Joey - sorry I didn't say hello to you. Good luck with the acupuncture and your treatment in the New Year.

Hello cityzen74, so sorry for this outcome. Are you sure this will delay IVF? I seem to remember that chances of conceiving (particularly with IVF) are usually higher after a miscarriage, perhaps that's also true for chemical pregnancies?
virtual hugs if you want them

Oh Cityzen, I'm so sorry to hear this. It's just so cruel that you're going through this again. Cthulhoo may be right, though, it doesn't necessarily have to mean delaying IVF and there does seem to be quite a bit of anecdotal evidence about CPs making you temporarily more fertile. Even if that's just a myth, if it's a very early loss, chances are your body will recover quickly. My ovulation this month after CP last month was only thrown out by 2-3 days. There doesn't seem to be any issue with trying again straight after - the only reason I've gathered that doctors may advise this is for dating purposes, rather than health reasons. Of course, this may be different where IVF is concerned, but could you call the clinic to ask and for reassurance? You could also try going to your GP to see if they will do blood tests to monitor the hcg closely and then at least you'll know more accurately how things are progressing, especially if you're unable to concentrate on anything else (I'd be the same). I know it seems like a poor consolation right now, but the fact that you are clearly able to conceive on your own is definitely something positive to hang onto (You're totally allowed to be me, me, me by the way, but that certainly wasn't what I was thinking when I read your post.)

Good luck with the IVF, Joey!
Welcome Cthulhoo and good luck with your first IUI cycle.

Thank you Cityzen. I'll keep you all posted with what's happening acupuncture wise (which I'm really looking forward to) and any IVF news. It's scary road ahead but it's time to go for it. As Gingerchoc was saying, I didn't think your post was me me me. You were just telling us how you were feeling and it's perfectly fine to write that. If I'm worried or upset about my upcoming treatment, I'll be inundating this thread with my posts.
Welcome Cthulhoo to our little group.

Hi,
I'm 44 ttc and overweight by about 1.5/2 stone. Been trying for ages now, and nothing. Any suggestions gratefully welcomed. I'm trying to lose weight, and its a real struggle.

Thankyou Gingerchoc and Joey and cthulhoo for your lovely posts. I really appreciate it.

I am going to the doctors in the morning and I think I will ask her if she can do a blood test. I was expecting full period flow today but is still brown blood on wiping. I'll do a test before I go so I know whether it has gone negative or not but I think if it is still positive she might agree to do blood tests and see what's happening.

I think you're right that there may not be any need to delay the IVF for too long if it isn't good news. I'll see what she says and also speak to my clinic. I have also heard that you are extra fertile after a chemical pregnancy so fingers crossed!

How is everyone else doing? Joey - looking forward to hearing all about acupuncture. I might try it out in the future. Yes if you go for treatment in the new year we might be cycle buddies so we can support each other.

Welcome libertysilk to our group. Sorry to hear you've been ttc for a long time - it is very hard isn't it? Have you been to the doctors for tests? I was really dreading going but actually once I started the process I felt a bit better. I find ovulation tests (like the clear blue digital) quite helpful but I know they are not for everyone. I've never taking my temperature or anything like that but some people find that very useful.

to everyone.

received my NIFTY/Harmony test results today and it's all clear/low risk! Thank god! What a relief! And I'm having a Babi girl!!!! Absolutely surreal!!

How's everyone else doing/feeling!? Sending you all 💐💐💐💐🤗🤗🤗🤗

So, AF is here as of today which means that tomorrow I'll start with the hormone treatment phrase of this IUI treatment. I assume that it makes more sense to do this at the same time of day every day, but is there any advice on whether it's better to do it in the morning or the evening?

First injection successfully done. Yay! Next up: blood test and scan this Friday morning to find the best time for the IUI.

Cthulhoo - well done for your first injection. Hopefully the next ones will be a breeze! Hope your blood test and scan goes OK this week so please keep us informed. My clinic told me to do the injections in the evening but I got the impression that as long as you do them at the same time every day then that's what is important (however of course I'm not a doctor - that's just what I've picked up from lots of reading. It seems that different clinics have different advice for the best time of the day but they all seem to say it should be at the same time.) I wish you all the best for the treatment and I hope that you have a positive result at the end.

Russkispy - gosh that's great news. Am really happy for you and congrats on your baby girl! Let us know how you are getting on.

I've been back in contact with my clinic and I'm allowed to start my IVF around the end of January now. I have to wait for one 'proper' period which should be at the end of December fingers crossed and then can start. I have to do another pregnancy test tomorrow to check that it has gone negative. If not have to ring Early Pregnancy Unit and get a scan. I've had loads of bleeding so I can't imagine that it will still be positive. Obviously I would love it if it turned out I was still pregnant and everything was OK but I realise this is highly unlikely and if this is to be another miscarriage I just hope it isn't complicated like the last one. Anyway, I'm not looking forward to doing that test but it has to be done I suppose.

Hope everyone else is OK?

Cityzen, second one went okay too except for DP cutting himself while opening the ampoule ... oops. This evening I'm going to try and do it myself so I know I can do it if he's away. I've set an alarm for 8 pm so we'll try and keep it to the same time.

I'm finding I'm much more relaxed and actually looking forward to the injections since at least now I feel I'm doing something other than waiting, trying and hoping.

Congratulation, Russkipsy, that's so great to hear.

Libertysilk, how are you getting on?

I had my first fertility acupuncture today. It involved my stomach being massaged first of all which was very nice. Although it really grumbled after. Then I had little needles put into my head, wrists, knees, ankles and stomach. I was told to eat foods rich in protein and over Christmas to take it really easy. I was told to lay on the sofa, have afternoon naps and go for gentle strolls so I'm stress free in time for my first IVF treatment. I think that something I can easily do.

I hope everyone is doing well. Cityzen, how are you? Yes, it would be lovely if our ivf cycles coincide so that we could offer each other tips and support.

We got through our week or so of injections fine, then - after blood test -- the trigger shot on Sunday evening and the insemination on Monday morning. And now we wait.

How is everyone else doing?

Had my 12 week scan yesterday (NHS dating scan). Babi was well behaved, did her measurements and as a result it put me at 13+4 and not 13+1. So new due date is 16/06/17. Babi was hiccuping a bit which was ironic since I'm not a drinker haha but otherwise she looked adorable! Off to keep knitting blankets and other little bits.

Hoo, good luck and hope you get your BFP! Will be thinking of you

Russkipsy That's fantastic, so pleased to hear it's going well.