Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

Hi all. Been a busy week, sorting out our house and car purchases, dosing myself up on IVF drugs, starting the Christmas shopping and even managing to do some work.
Had our team Xmas meal last night- very odd to be stone cold sober throughout (not to mention having to inject myself in the restaurant loos). My colleagues were by no means wasted, but I must say that you really feel the time dragging on when you are not boozing- I was ready to go home by about 10 and they were still going strong. Still, was actually pretty cool to have no hangover today. (Not that I gloated). Told main boss and various in the team the truth about why I was not drinking, was actually quite a weight off to admit it publicly. Lots of good luck wishes of course.

Had a scan today to see how the follicles are getting in- slight worry when the nurse said she couldn't find one of my ovaries and said it might be hard to see as it had not stimulated at all. Fortunately they sent me to the sonographer who was able to find it hiding round the back somewhere and said all looked on track. Egg collection will most likely be weds or Thurs next week.

I impressed myself by multi tasking and writing a presentation in the waiting room, which was absolutely packed full of couples and lone women of all ages and ethnicities. I often wonder what their stories are.

I still have that bloody positive pregnancy test kicking around my handbag- kept glaring at it but I can't seem to throw it away.

Hey Jessie! Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment. Fx that everything goes ok.

I think its better to be honest about whats going on in your life. The majority of people will be supportive which can only be a positive. Well done for being brave enough to vocalise. I have yet another xmas do today which is lasting allllll day. Im known to like a drink or two so it will be difficult to be sober. Thinking just the one won't hurt?!

Hey all....
Wee success story here, mellymoo aged (a couple of weeks off) 41, DH 56 (married previously with 3 grown up kids).

Started TTC in Feb 13, BFP Nov 13 and MMC a couple of days before Christmas :(
Took until Feb 14 for me to get an ERPC (long story but awful care from local hospital resulting in formal complaint). Cycle never really got back to normal so went to see my GP in Oct thinking I was going through early menopause, found out I was B12 deficient (which can affect fertility) so had lots of jabs to sort that out

Turned 40 last December and found out the following day that I was pregnant

Had fairly normal pregnancy until 29 weeks when my waters broke, managed to hang on until 31 weeks when my little girl was born, she was really sick (thread in premature birth) but after 13 weeks in hospital we got home and loving every minute of motherhood but due to the trauma of birth she will be my first and last!

I wish you all much success and hope you all go on to have successful pregnancies

XX

Wow! Thanks and congrats Melly! A wonderful story. How is the little one and you going now?

Big sucess story from me to cheer you all up and wish you well.

Aged 42 got pregnant but had MMC at 10 weeks. 3 months later pg again and an easy pregnancy ended with a lovely baby girl.

Aged 46. Yes 46. Pregnant again. That one took longer. 12 months in fact but had DS at 47! Again not problem pregnancy apart from grappling with whether to do amnio or not. I didn't btw.

I plotted my temps using Fertility Friend, used OPKs and DTD every day from day 10 until period. Also used Preseed but don't know if it helped. I approached it with military strategy and planning. No time at my age for romance and waiting to see what happened. It worked though!

It CAN be done ladies. I wish you all the very best.

Thanks Citybumpkin!
She's doing well, home on oxygen but on the smallest amount, just waiting to get another oxygen study done to see if she can come off it during the day to start with, it certainly would make going out of the house a little easier! Apart from that she's growing well and sleeping well, she's our little miracle

Great stories, mellymoo22 and Madelinehatter. Thanks so much for popping in and encouraging us. We love these sorts of stories around here, although I feel like no amount of military planning is working for me! Still spurs me on to hear that it can and does happen though. Mellymoo22, wish you and the little one all the best ... sounds as if she's getting stronger day by day xx

Hi to all you other girlies. I've been a bit MIA over this last week as I was on my hols. Had a wonderful relaxing time but realised when I got there that I didn't have any of my passwords with me. Have been following along with the thread, just couldn't add my two-penneth ;-)

Knew from about day 21 this cycle that I was probably out. My 2ww seems to be following an all-too-familiar pattern lately ... first twinges of af, then full-on cramps, feeling crap and then eventually af arrives right on time. Despite the lovely relaxing holiday we were having, the arrival of this af felt like a bit of a biggie for me as it meant I had to call the IVF clinic to book in. So ... had my usual 2-hour pity party, then made 'the call' while walking around castle grounds and looking out over the sea ... surreal, but at least DH and I had ditched our friends for a few hours so I could get my head around everything.

Anyway, long story short, I am beginning with the drugs for the 'long protocol' IVF on day 21 of this cycle, which should fall on around the 22nd/23rd Dec. Trying not to think about it too much and take it step by step, but the two things that are bothering me are a. finding out that the process is going to take virtually 2 months rather than the 1 that others I know seem to have done b. finding out that we can't have the last natural try I thought we would get this month as the nurse has said not to have unprotected sex from now (apparently the down regging drugs and embies don't go too well together). Still, I suppose I should just trust the process - chances are this last try wouldn't have yielded anything anyway, but it's just a psychological thing ...

Last thing I wanted to mention to you all is this .... the nurse I spoke to called me back and told me to look into something called an 'endometrial scratch' and then let them know if I wanted to go ahead with it. Apparently there's some evidence to suggest that it 'can' help embryos to implant. It's a bit like a smear test - they go into your uterus with a brush-type thing and scratch some grooves in the lining. The thinking is that it can then become easier for the embies to implant in the 'grooves'. Your body can also realease some healing chemicals or hormones or whatever which can sort of kick start your body into knowing what it's supposed to do and holding on the embryos. I'm sure I've explained this horribly but that's the general gist. Done a bit of research and think I'm going to go ahead with it. Means another bit of time off for another procedure, but I figure I might as well give it a try. It's £300, which isn't cheap, but as we're not paying for this IVF that wouldn't be the end of the world.

Anyone else tried/heard of this?

Right, this post is getting a bit long so I'll stop now, but all the best to everyone else ... city, annie jessie (good luck with your IVF too! Wish we could be IVF buddies ... mine is going to drag on soooo long!) and all you other lovely girlies xxx

Oh, and Jessie, interesting that you've come clean at work. I'm still thinking of keeping it vague and just telling them I've got a small procedure that I have to have done and it's going to require going to a few appointments. But I'm going to see how it goes. If it gets awkward at any point I might tell one of my direct line managers, who is super nice.

Somehow it just feels like it's all less serious and something I can totally cope with if no one else really knows. A weird psychological thing again, I guess ... ;-)

Loueeza, I am going to to Greece, Serum for a hysteroscopy and at the same time they do the scratch thing. They actually advise to try naturally for 2 months after as it can be so successful. They are one of the only places that treat and not just look and diagnose during hysteroscopy. Also having hidden infections tests at the same time. I am doing this in 2 weeks, so I'll let you know how it goes.

Interesting, Daisy. Will definitely be interested to hear how that goes. Let's hope you get a little mood-enhancing sunshine while you're there as well ... it's a great country!

The nurse did tell me on the phone that the effects of the scratch thingy last for 3 months, so although she didn't directly say it, I thought that might just bode well for trying afterwards if our IVF fails :-)

It's a flying visit. Only there for 2 days, then home for Xmas. Going the day I land in the uk so family don't know.
First time there so hoping for a day exploring
IVF starts Feb 2, so scratch should still help. Flying to Cyprus for that. Defo sunshine and rest!!

Interesting that you are going to Serum Daisy - I've read a lot about them on various websites and they do seem to have a different approach to lots of other clinics.

Loueeza I can appreciate your frustration about the IVF taking 2 months; I would have felt the same and I simply can't imagine how it would feel to use contraception again when we all have that deep desire just to get pregnant naturally. However they must have good clinical reasons to insist that you do the down regging first - suggests that your system is in better shape than mine since my doc was adamant that there was not enough going on with me to bother suppressing it.

I have heard of the scratch but it's never been mentioned by my clinic. I had actually meant to ask the consultant about it at my debrief but forgot. It's probably too far down the line for me to ask about and get it now, but I will ask if we end up having to do this a third time.

All fine at the ovary checking scan today, egg collection will be on Wednesday which is conveniently the day I don't work. Though last time the pain only kicked in the day after so Thursday at my desk could be uncomfortable. They saw 8 mature follicles which is I think more than they did last time so I am hoping we'll get a few more eggs this time. Trying to be calm and Que Sera about it though.

I'm just fed up waiting! I've fallen into the habit of sniffing DH's beer and now and again taking a micro-sip just to get the taste. It works not too badly actually.

Hopefully you might get a bit of R&R in Greece Loueeeza? I have to say all of your comments are painful and I'm not going through them. You have my every support. I actually am a bit lost for words which is really unlike me! 7DPO here. Xmas do on Saturday which was a bit chaotic and yep, I fell off the wagon. Now have extremely bad indigestion...

Well, Jessie ... we actually 'cheated' last night and didn't use any protection. Naughty, I know, but I figured it's way too early in my cycle to worry about. No naughties from now on though, as hard as it will be, especially when I start to feel the ovulation pains I always seem to get these days. ;-)

The nurse told me that the scratch thingy has to be done between days 21 and 28 of your cycle - you are probably too late to look into it for this cycle as I think the whole point is for your body to have a bit of time to start healing the 'scratches' - which is apparently how it can help. Definitely ask about it next time though, if there is a next time (let's hope not).

Good news about the follicles ... keep us updated!

Daisy, good luck to you too ... surely statistically at least one of us should get somewhere by early next year??!!

Lovely to hear encouraging stories from mellymoo22 and Madelinehatter.

Sounds like there will be a a lot of poking and prodding going on over the Christmas period! Good luck to you all Loueeza, Jessie and Daisy, I will be keeping my fingers crossed for positive outcomes.

Never heard of the scratch thing before, will ask consultant about it if/when we go down IVF route.

Have a lovely mini trip to Athens Daisy, if you only have the one day to sightsee then I would suggest just to wander around Plaka and the Acropolis. I used to live there in 2003/4 and miss it a lot , especially the long summers.

Nothing exciting to report here. We are meant to be in the fertile window (not doing any tests to check though), so dtd every other day. To be honest though I've kind of given up on the idea of getting pregnant naturally. It's been so many months now with no luck that I'm quite sure we will be making appointments in the New Year for IVF consultations.

Oh my gosh ... girls, I need your help.

I'm super stressing here tonight over the fact that DH and I had unprotected sex on Sunday night (day 4 of my cycle). I called the IVF clinic today to tell them I'd like to do the endometrial scratch later this month and she told me they'd have to confirm I haven't had any sex this cycle (I assume that means we'll have to sign a consent). I didn't say we had, but when I got home and told DH he said I absolutely couldn't lie - I would have to come clean and tell them.

I know there is absolutely NO chance I'll get preggers from that as I don't ovulate until day 13 at the earliest, which is why I really didn't think anything of it on Sunday, but now I feel so STUPID for doing that.

I won't be able to have the endometrial scratch thingy, but now I'm also worried they'll even tell me we can't do the IVF this month.

I really don't want to have to wait yet another month because of this one stupid mistake.

Am I overreacting here? Anyone else done long protocol and been told absolutely no sex in the month before? To be honest I wasn't really told that categorically. It was only mentioned almost casually when I asked what would happen if I (by some miracle) got pregnant this month.

What shall I do, girls? Freaking out a bit here! :-(

I suppose it depends whether the only reason they ask is to make sure you are not pregnant and therefore the scratch is at risk of causing miscarriage. If that is it then I'd say fine to lie. But if there is some other medical reason then you might unwittingly age to your IVF outcome. Seems very unlikely! I am in a cab with dying battery but maybe try a specific post on the infertility boards, or fertility friend website to ese if anyone has had specific instructions re sex and scratches?

It would be bloody crazy if an infinitesimal risk of pregnancy were allowed to derail fertility treatment for a couple who have been trying for as long as you.

Age to = affect.

Thanks for the soothing words, Jessie. I'm pretty sure it's just because of the risk of miscarriage.

I would bet my life on there being no chance of pregnancy from that one time on day 4 (10 whole days before ov.) ... but now that DH knows he won't let me NOT tell them. Aaaargh ... should have known better a. to do it in the first place b. to tell DH about them mentioning it on the phone.

Anyway, I'm still feeling bad about it, but I've resigned myself now to the fact that they're going to say I can't do the scratch thing this month. Just can't decide now whether to go ahead anyway with the IVF this month without it, or to delay for another month (annoying, but only another few weeks, after all ...)

Good idea to check on the FF website :-)

Thanks again for the support. DH won't listen to me going on about it any more, so needed to vent here!

Poor you Loueeza. I agree with Jessie if it''s just risk of miscarrige then I'd risk it. I think I'd be tempted not to tell them but your husband is probably right - you never know you may tell them and they decide it's not a big risk, so you'll proceed feeling reassured - and if you can't proceed then it will give you the one more try before Christmas that you wanted - so could all still happen.

It's interesting reading your post about your cycle - it sounds so similar to me, and we're similar age - from day 21 I know I'm out then rumblings and af arrives bang on scheduled date. Not a snifter in the 8 months I've been trying. Really annoying as even tried the clomid this month. Have also started getting a really bad pain after dtd about 4 days before af comes. It's right in the lower abdomen and is really overwhelming for about 15 mins, then fine. Am thinking I should get a laparoscopy to see if I've got blocked tubes or endometriosis or something.

Good luck Jessie and Daisy with your IVF and you too Loueeza if you do decide to go with it. Be nice to have some good news in the new year.

I like the new name for the thread - seems to cover all our bases 40 and over trying (as in over it, so yesterday, move on - which is where I'm nearly at) - 40 and over trying (as in trying too hard, which I definitely am) and 40 and over trying (as in passed 40, which I'm getting further and further from). Sorry but of a long post from me. Been a tough couple of weeks. Ready to rock it in December.

Hi loueesa

Sorry I didn't read this earlier. I hope you got some answers. I was told to abstain the month before treatment ( seemed like such a waste of a month). They don't want to risk it if there is any chance you could be pregnant. I was on Yasmin contraceptive as well as abstaining.

There is a real possibility they would cancel your IVF this cycle if you tell them.

My DH is annoyingly honest too!

It's understandable that we all want a last minute pre-IVF miracle. Loads of people do it.

Thanks so much everyone for saying nice things and calming me down last night.

Looks like I was in fact making a mountain out of a molehill because I phoned the clinic today and they hardly blinked an eye. Apparently they are more worried about whether you could be pregnant from the previous month (having had a lighter period than normal, for instance). She did write down on my record though that we'd had unprotected sex on day 4. We had a giggle when she described me as a naughty school girl!

So ... looks like no harm done and we'll be going ahead as planned.

On the not so good side, DH and I ended up having a HUGE argument last night at bedtime. He accused me of conducting 'operation baby' as if he wasn't even a part of it etc. etc. etc. We've had this discussion several times before and he always ends up saying loads of hurtful things and I dissolve into floods of tears.

Pretty unpleasant night, but all seems relatively calm again now. One positive outcome of our discussion was DH's admission that he's got used to the whole idea now and actually really likes the idea of having a child. Nice to hear him actually say it.

I suspect we're going to run into more challenges though if this first IVF doesn't work. I know he won't let us try again and again. I might be able to get him to agree to one more, but even that's not a certainty.

Anyway, step by step ...

That is funny, wotsitsmaltesters, that we have a similar experience during the 2ww. I hate it. I would much rather just find out when af arrives rather than suspecting for ages but still holding onto that little bit of hope. Somehow seems more cruel. I've worried about the possibility of endometriosis too. I don't get much pain during period or after sex or anything, but I get pains during ovulation, sometimes over quite a few days. Plus the cramps during the 2ww. Not sure I could put myself through a laparoscopy though ...

Hello All! Best wishes to all those IVF-ers. I admit to spitting my tea out Loueeeza re the "naughty school girl" comment. Reading your individual posts... I never knew so much was involved with IVF. You see the news and kind of take it for granted that stuff happens in a lab and then BING a baby appears. I take my santa hat off to all you lovely ladies. You are wonderous.

Re DHs... Humph to them. My DP has been hmming and ahhing. I've said to myself if that's the case then I shall damned well do this alone. Not my life plan but who on earth has one of those thess days anyway?!