Strapping on our lady balls and going menkul because we HATE THIS SHIT!! The Berries: a lovely bunch of 30 something Ladybros TTC #1

[happylass]

The small print:

The Berries have strict entrance criteria: TTC #1 for 12 months+, over 30, NO instadiffers, must have a special pimping pot and absolutely no mention of baby dust/dancing. Not that we're fussy!

Current Ladybros:

Minx 35 - TTC 2.5 years. Stage 4 endometriosis, both tubes blocked, 1 buried ovary, IVF #1 started Aug '15 at Mustache Towers, if all goes well results due mid-Sept.

Smidge 39, TTC since Jan '13. Unexplained. Some high NK cell immune treatment. IVF#1 Short protocol Jul'14 BFN; IVF#2 Nov'14 and IVF#3 Feb'15 both Long protocol BFNs; Natural FET Jun'15 - Another BFN. Trying to work out what to do next.

Happylass, 37, TTC since Aug 2012. 2 failed ICSI cycles, 1 failed FET and 1 abandoned cycle due to poor response. Hoping to start antagonist cycle mid September. HATE THIS SHIT!!

Beaky 35, ttc 3 yrs, 2x failed iui 1 long protocol ivf cancelled, 1 short protocol IVF BFN, very low amh etc etc. In 2ww for 2nd sp IVF.

Tigerdog, 35, ttc since Jan 2013. Unexplained. IVF #1 chemical pregnancy. Currently redoing tests in preparation for IVF #2.

barkingtreefrog 36, ttc since Dec 2011. clomid bfp summer 2013 then mc @7 weeks, iui bfp summer 2014 then mc @6 weeks. Factor V leiden thrombophilia diagnosed at the repeat mc clinic. IUI bfn Jan 2015, IVF bfn April/May 2015. FET bfn August 2015, remaining frozen embryo perished. Pursuing private tests and then long protocol ivf in Oct/Nov.

Lumen, 35, ttc since Nov 2011, unexplained, two IVF cycles in 2014, both bfns, waiting for lap&dye and results of numerous bloods, aiming for one last IVF cycle.

Kuma - 40. TTC 2.9 years. Low AMH high FSH - DH antisperm ABs. Failed IVF June 14 and March 15, cancelled cycle June 15. Last try September 15

Lucieloos, 36, TTC 18 months, low AMH & sperm motility. ICSI#1, April 2015, Czech, 2xblasts transferred, BFN. Icsi#2, cancelled before EC. Icsi#3, 2 mature and fertilised, both to blast and frozen. Icsi#4 in October, embryo banking.

Rain, 34, ttc since March 2012. unexplained. Mystery bfp oct 13, MMC Nov 13. IVF#1 Aug 2015

Sesame, 40, ttc with no dp, on this road for 2 years, multiple failed IVFs, 3 ETs, 1 bfp then mc, poor responder with v low AMH, but still looking for the golden egg.

nolly, 33, TTC 3 years, 1 confirmed MC, 2 more suspected. still in limbo

Spare, 34, TTC 3 years, IVF#1 short protocol + ICSI August 14 BFP but pregnancy loss at 20+ weeks, 3 failed FET, IVF #2 short protocol + PICSI August 15

Funkymonk 33. Ttc since October 2012. Mc June 2013, Mmc dec 2013, mc June 2014. Factor v Leiden thrombophilia. Abandoned IVF Jan 2015 due to thin lining. Abandoned FET Aug 2015 due to thin lining. 4 embies on ice. Cycling again November time I think.

Clem, currently on 3rd Clomid Cycle

Pip - quite simply the Best In Show.

Sesame what drugs are you on this time? Good luck for this cycle, I've got my pom-poms out.

Lucie fx they develop to blastos like your last two. You might need to give yourself a break, how many rounds have you done so far?

Thanks beaky! Yes I'm giving myself a break now and not going again until January. I was wondering if that's why my response is nowhere near as good now as 6 months ago. I've done 3 full cycles and one which was cancelled before collection.

Out of interest how long does everyone else's clinics recommend waiting between cycles?

lucie I was told if our ivf failed we could go straight into the fer immediately. That's not another fresh cycle though. As we could only have one that was never discussed.
Fingers crossed and pom poms shaking for your embies.

beaky I agree this shit gets worse. After a year I thought it was taking a while and getting frustrated, but I wasn't without hope it could still happen. After two years I thought we were going to need ivf to get our win. After three years we still hadn't had the ivf but we had had two mc's and I was starting to go a little crazy. Four years is now in sight, and the last year has been just as shit as ever, and the accumulation of it all really gets to you. It's described very well in the conquering infertility book. It's like living on high alert with triggers all around you and your body never getting enough time between triggers to return to the relaxed state. We started TTC first among our friends, now the pg announcements are second babies.

sesame I deal with that shit by employing excessive oversharing but I know that's not a technique everyone is comfortable with!

My clinic appointment was very interesting. I was totally expecting to be told everything was clear. But no.
I was positive for mthfr heterozygous - I have the mother fucker gene! But just in one gene, not both. This means I need to take metafolin.
They found high nk activity - the killing capacity was elevated to 32% and there was also a modest rise in the levels. This means I'll be on prednisolone.
And if that wasn't enough, I also had significantly increased levels of Th1:Th2, which means I'll be on intralipid infusions.
Essentially my immune system is on high alert and kicking off at anything. Good for me, but not for any embryo.
I'll also be on clexane, but I can't remember which of the above prompted that as I was going to be taking it anyway for the factor V leiden so I wasn't listening too carefully to why as it was irrelevant.

Any of all of the above may have possibly been a factor in my miscarriages and failed treatments.
So in a way, this is good news, there's something to treat. I'm trying to ignore Robert Winston's voice in my head saying this is all unevidenced bollocks (I'm paraphrasing him) and a money making scheme by the clinics. There was one test (the antibodies) that came back negative, so it's not like they were all positive...

I've got a nurse appointment next Tuesday, I'm probably having the scratch on 22nd or 23rd Oct, and starting downregging on 23rd Oct. Off to Morocco for a week with my injections, then coming back for the 1st intralipid infusion. Stims should start around 6th Nov, EC predicted roughly 23rd Nov. They don't open weekends so I'm definitely going to need time off work (helpfully fell on a Saturday last time!)

Interestingly, he said try your gp, see if they will prescribe the fragmin/clexane. Worth a shot!

So, ivf + progesterone + prednisolone + clexane + intralipids + metafolin. And yet there's still a part of me that is worried we haven't done the hidden infection tests so there might still be something we don't know about .

smidge how was your AliG appointment? Can you still go ahead with the cycle? Hope you're being kind to yourself

Wow that's interesting to hear about your tests barking! At least you have some answers now and different things to try.

Smidge, hope you are holding up, thinking of you.

Has anyone taken dhea before and noticed that they have got a poorer response? I'm just trying to work out what is going on with my follicles. 4 months ago I had 12 follicles during stimulation and around 7 or 8 good sized ones but in the last two attempts when I have been taking dhea I've been lucky to have 4 decent sized ones. Could my ovarian reserve have diminished this much in such a sort space of time or could dhea have had an adverse effect?

Afternoon Ladybros.
Smidge I hope you're doing ok - been thinking of you
Barking I'm glad you got some answers at your appointment. Whilst it's not nice when issues arise I always think it's better knowing something is wrong than falling in to the awful unexplained category. Fx that this will be it for you.
Sesame good luck with your cycle. I've done a half hearted attempt at temping. I didn't start until cd5 then I missed out days 10 & 11 (when I suspect I might have actually OVd) as we stayed at MILs and I forgot my thermometer. I'm going to persevere with it but there's not enough data on the chart at the moment to see a clear pattern
Lucie I took DHEA leading up to the cycle that was cancelled. I had 7 and 11 eggs on my previous cycles with 5 going to blast both times. Womble was also great. The DHEA was the only variable (except for an extra 0.2 in my Buserelin dose which the Consultant dismissed as negligible), so I'm pretty convinced that may have affected things. I guess I won't know for certain until I start my next cycle if that ever bloody happens

Hope everyone else is ok and hanging on in there.

Will be interesting to see if you have a better response in your next cycle happy. I've decided that I'm going to stop taking it as well. It's obviously not doing me any good with numbers. We did seem to have good quality last time getting both fertilised to blast but that could have been luck. I'm so nervous for the day 5 call tomorrow. I really don't think there is going to be anything left. Dh has said he will ring and text me the results so I can look when I'm ready.

smidge first time I've been on the boards in days, so so sorry hope you are holding up okay. sending you a big hug.

antonia how's are the distraction techniques going?

seasame sorry you are having to deal with family pressure. families can be a bloody nightmare like that...they mean well, but they really have no clue, and its none of their f*ing business...if only we could say that tho...

lucie hoping your holding up okay, waiting for your day 5 tomorrow.

hi to everyone else.

nothing to report on this side, other than I decided to give myself a month off the clomid...so at least side effects have gone this month.

and not sure if its just me being super aware at the moment, but I swear, other than seeing pregnant people everywhere I go, it seems every tv program/film I watch, there is some part of the story involving either a baby or a pregnancy (always an instadiff). don't get me started on sickly sweet baby related adverts I am shouting at the tv a lot lately, its driving me nuts.

Hi all

ditto been awol for ages - ran out of data on my phone, how lame is that.

smidge hope you're doing OK

clem even fricking Helen from the archers is diffed! ANd a terrible person

beaky and Barking I think i actually felt worst in the first year when i was starting to realise it wasn't going to be easy for us. Every now and then I get a massive kick in the stomach with milestones and that. But mainly I'm just in denial... Hope you're both doing OK.

sesame good luck with the stabbing!

tiger hope KBHvn is living up to its reputation!

Hi to everyone else!

sesame on the family front - my MiL keeps trying to give me advice about IVF. I just run away now! not very mature, but it's that or down enormous quantities of gin, so....

Nolly don't even get me started on my MIL. Her gems include "you need to make sure you tilt your pelvis after sex" (whilst preparing Xmas dinner a few years ago) and "I think you should eat sprouts - they will help"
Berries I need a wang. DH's cousin and his wife- who we bumped in to in the FC waiting room a while back - have just announced that they are diffed. Whilst on the one hand I am delighted for them as they have obviously been through the mill, there is a little bitch voice inside me screaming WTF?!? When will it be our turn?! I know I'm being unreasonable as they've been TTC longer than us but we started treatment well before them. So I've now even started to resent people who get diffed on their first (or maybe even second) IVF. I'm thinking how dare they have it so 'easy'. Feel like a complete moo as we aren't close and its not as if we even see them that often but I just feel it'll be a total reminder of our cycles not working. Plus MIL will be unbearable now (see above!). Thought I was coping really well at the moment but this has knocked me sideways and I don't really even know why

Let it all out happy. Totally understandable. You guys have had a hell of a ride. As ever i stand by the anticipation being worse than the event - you'll be fine if you ever see her and thank god sounds like you hardly ever will.

My MiL is batshit crazy. We've had the ever-popular "RELAX", the " i do hope we see YOUR children soon' (after we told them we'd been trying for 2.5 years)... She brings it up literalyl every time we see them, and we only told them so she'd stop making tactless remarks. when we told them we were struggling to conceive she said " i knew something was wrong because you used to talk about having a lovely big family and then you just stopped". Yes well why don't you just fuck right off.

At least Wales are going to win the WC. You better anyway cos i have some serious concerns about the Aussie scrum half. He looks like he'd rohypnol you as soon as look at you.

seriously tho guys. Am i the only Berry annoyed about Helen from the archers? (not just her being diffed, she's a fricking nightmare anyway).

come on guys - this IS a thread for the 30+ after all ;)

Oh I'm sorry happy it's awful isn't it. We have people all over the place getting pregnant at the moment and other friends who have recently had babies talking about them non stop to each other whilst i sit there like the odd one out. It's so hard, sometimes I think I'm doing ok but I think I'm constantly on the edge and the slightest thing will tip me over. I know I'm close to losing it and if my results tomorrow are as bad as I think they are going to be then I'm going to be devastated as on top of everything else it looks as though now all of a sudden I'm a poor responder as well. It just seems to be one thing after another and barely anything has gone right for us in this whole process. So sorry to rant I just don't know how much more of this I can take. Do you know when you are likely to start your next round happy?

AND not ONCE has she made me a cup of tea. Instead everyone has to sit down together and have tea together and make conversation. It's bloody purgatory i tell you

not helen from archers. MiL

Cup of tea Nolly? That's my in laws fave sometimes we can average 4/5 within a couple of hours, you're welcome to come round for one. I know it's not quite the same as if it's your own in laws like! I will happily get on the bandwagon re Helen from the Archers, but I have to be honest I don't listen.

Happy sorry lady. But here is the place to get the rahhhh out and I say go for it. It's difficult when it's anyone to be fair, especially when people by pass you and you're still trying, as Barking says. You will get there though, we all will

Sesame when is your first scan? I hope you get a good response this time, everything crossed for you. Sorry about the fam being eejits too, people are so thoughtless, I also think people think IVF is a magic wand. I get my test results this week sometime, eek.

clem are you back on the clomid next month?

lucie good luck for the call tomorrow. I've had a better response since taking dhea. Do you take coq10?

nolly afraid I don't listen to the archers (I have only fairly recently stopped listening to radio 1 (in denail that it was still aimed at me) so archers is a way off in my head. but helen sounds like a bitch regardless...I do now have a mental image of the bitch from the archers not making you a cuppa tea tho

happy I think it is totally understandable to feel the way you do. I know the rational parts of our brain make us think we shouldn't feel like this or that, but at the end of the day, you have these feelings and they effect you day in day out...so you have the right to shout and scream about all this as much as you want.

dh and I were out shopping a few weekends back, both in a place where we were cheesed off with this whole fertility crappiness, and we bitched and moaned in the general direction of all families/pregnant women who were out and about (albeit under our breath ), lots of talk about ankle kicking and punching, at one point I had a family with 5 little boys waltz past me... (how dare they we so bloody fertile.... fuckers )

beaky yes, planning to go back on clomid from the next cycle, just wanted a break, after 3 months on it...also lack of anything happening whilst being on it for the 3 months, made me feel like having a month off wouldn't matter much

Yea beaky I have been taking coq10 for a long while now.

Oh my god, we did it!! We got another hatching blastocyst which has been frozen today!!! The little 4 cell didn't make it this time but I am so relieved that we have something. So that's 3 in the freezer now. I'm having the rest of the year off and back in Jan to hopefully get a couple more. So happy! We are getting there slowly but surely!

lucie congratulations, that’s a great result! Enjoy your time off without treatment. Have you got any plans for a wee break somewhere while you’ve got the opportunity?

nolly much as I’m a fan of radio 4, I can't stand don't listen to the archers either, sorry! But to instadiffing radio soap stars… I usually do try to run away when I get these kinds of comments from family, but for some reason I couldn’t get away so quick this time.

happy Sprouts? Is that what I’ve been missing? Why didn’t you share this before…? I also get at people who succeed easily with IVF. It’s so totally irrational, especially given what people have to go through to get this far. When I was at the fc for my follow up, there was a same sex couple in the waiting room cooing over the baby pics, and I was so jealous of that sheer naïve optimism you get at the start. And I also saw someone from my office building at the fc, during my first cycle. When I saw her again, some months later sporting a massive bump, I was beside myself and had to go hide somewhere to control my tears. I even told my bestie about it, who replied that’s great news, it shows it works!

beaky Thanks, I’m on menopur and cetrotide this time. First scan is Monday. Fingers crossed your test results will help, what will your next steps be do you think?

barking really interesting feedback from your fc, and glad that you have your treatment route clear for the way forward. wild went down the immunes route for her successful cycle, I recall – fingers crossed that this works for you. Onwards to 23 October – eek, that’s next week!

clem hooray to a month free of nasty menopause side effects. I know what you mean about seeing babies and bumps everywhere. I walk through a big park every day and there are so many bloody prams and tots strolling through, it often makes me feel crappy by the time I get to work.

Thanks sesame I'm over the moon! Dh and I are going to bath for a night in December for Xmas shopping and a nice meal and drinks in the evening. We don't have much else planned at the moment although I would love a little break somewhere but it's hard as we are saving all our money for treatment. Good luck with your scan on Monday.

lucie really great news that you got a blastocyst

Thanks clem I replied to your pm, sorry I only just saw it today.

Morning all. I want to move to Copenhagen! Loved it. Had a perfect few days there with Mr T. Weirdly though I've just woken up from a nightmare where we split up - it was very real. Thankfully no truth in it!!

smidge how are you holding up? Have been thinking of you.

clem a month off clomid sounds like a good break. Have you got any further forward with your thinking about a clinic?

nolly I haven't listened to the archers in a while but I'm naffed off that there will be a pregnancy story line...is nowhere safe?! I agree with you, I also felt worse in the first year -18 months of ttc when it was becoming apparent that nothing was happening and we were outside of the normal timeframes. Now I've just settled into resigned misery but it isn't as raw day to day

happy it's perfectly normal to find it hard and to be upset at announcements, however hard won. Family ones are especially tough I think. We haven't told our in laws - they had four kids, first one an instadiff and they already think I'm too career minded so I can imagine what they might say.

Great news on the blast lucie what's your aim in terms of embryos in the bank?

beaky any news on the test results? Are you defintely going to be starting in Jan? I'm wondering again if I should do the NK biopsy. I wish my new FC wasn't so against it.

sesame good luck with your next cycle. I think some announcements just get us more than others. My brother's suprise instadiff was a shock despite being very happy for them. I sobbed on my acu lady as I took the call in the car in the way there.

barking all those tests sound very comprehensive - Evidenced or not, it clearly works for some people. Great to be starting soon.

I'm going to get myself healthy again - no booze, less sugar, exercise and lots of yoga/mediation. Will be dusting off the catching rainbows plan and re-reading a few books to get myself in the right place.

Any recommendations for a good pre IVF read? Want to prepare for Jan as best as I can.