TTC #1 after miscarriage - looking for some buddies

[Clareinthemiddle]

I have been ttc for 10 months. I'm 34.
Took it very easy the first few months and then went for it with OPKs, no caffeine, reduced alcohol and got my BFP in May, but sadly mmc at 12 weeks (a few days before my scan). The little thing had not made it past 5.5 weeks :(
Took July off to recover and then back on it again in August. Heard/read a lot about increased fertility the few months after a miscarriage so was really convinced August would be my month, but af arrived yesterday. Absolutely devastated.
Can feel a very lonely place, especially as I either have friends who conceived within 1-3 months, or those who always knew they would have issues so started with IVF a few years back and have thankfully all been successful. I guess I just thought I would have an easy ride, as my sisters did, but no such luck.
Thought it would be nice to share the journey with others dealing with similar situations or with success stories after a miscarriage. Please say hello :)

Hi Frankie I'm on Day 22 so hoping AF holds out for a few days at least. I've got cramps and back ache and swollen boobs so am still a bit hopeful. Didn't test last time till Day 30 so am trying not to. Also don't want to test and then have early miscarriage/chemical pregnancy :(

Hi there

Can I join this thread too? I am so sorry to read about your losses and painful TTC journeys.

I turned 32 in June. I started trying in March. Not successful the first month then I fell and tore my ACL so needed surgery and was told to give TTC a break.

I fell pregnant end May - the second month of trying after my knee surgery – extremely lucky, I know. However, in July we were devastated when I had spotting week 9 due to a missed miscarriage. I had an ERPC the following week. I was carrying MCMA twins which we were told are a high-risk pregnancy.

We were told we could start trying again immediately. Cycles since the ERPC:

My 1st period started after 30 days – no idea when I ovulated as I had a positive pregnancy test for at least 2 weeks after the ERPC.

My 2nd period started after 27 days – I ovulated around cycle day 15.

My 3rd period started after 25 days, my regular cycle length.

My 4th period (this month) started after 25 days and was horrendous – I was convinced I was having another miscarriage as I also had crippling pain in my lower back. My doctor referred me to a private gynaecologist who did a scan on Friday and discovered that I have fibroids – what type I won’t know unless I have further testing. The doctor said the heavy bleeding was probably the very end of the miscarriage in July (seems awfully late down the line to me) OR a result of the fibroids.

I don’t know much about fibroids but the doctor said my chance of another miscarriage is unfortunately higher. On a positive note, he said my egg reserve is good and he was able to tell me that I would ovulate on Saturday. So… I am now a few days post ovulation and in that torturous two week wait.

I often feel so depressed as I’d desperately hoped I would be pregnant again by now especially after seeing so many threads on here about how fertile one is after a miscarriage. What is worse is that since the miscarriage I get pregnancy symptoms in the lead-up to my period – cramps, pelvic pain, constipation, gas, back ache, nausea, lots of cm and, last month thrush. I feel like my body is taunting me and if I’m honest, I think I’m going a bit bonkers. I had no idea a miscarriage would be so hard. I find it hard to let myself cry because sometimes I think I might lose control completely.

I have started using the app Ovia and temping too but it’s all a bit new to me and it’s crossed my mind it’s making me over-analyse everything... Does anyone else feel their life is ‘in limbo’ until they conceive again? I have never gained so much weight in such a short period of time from comfort eating.

X

P.S. For anyone interested, this is a snapshot of Ovia, the fertility app that I downloaded FOC.

Blue shaded = luteal phase
Pink shaded = period
Green shaded = fertile period
Orange line = fertility ‘score’ (based on cycle lengh/OPKs)
Pink line = basal temp
Pink hearts = BD
Blue icons at the bottom = Cervical mucus (water/egg white/school glue)

hi Turi, what a time of it you've had. I'm only 5 weeks post erpc however also holding out hope that I'm 'more fertile' after, I know I'm going to get my hopes up too high when it's my 2ww and yes, I will analyse everything overly so and convince myself km pregnant again, and I know it will only make it harder when AF arrives! why do we do it to ourselves?
I feel like a kind of limbo like your say, and I hate wishing the time away, but I wish it was 2 weeks from now and I could test on Saturday! bonkers.

Sophia very sensible of you not to test, im hoping I can do the same when it's me. I think I would find a chemical very hard to think about as seeing the 2 lines will be hard enough, if I know I'm past 'normal' cycle day then might have a bit more hope, although when it happens I don't think I'll be able to relax for 9 months!

Thank you frankiepants1 - I am sorry you have been through this too.

I asked the gynaecologist if one is more fertile after a miscarriage - he said it depends from person to person. Not meaning to dash anybody's hopes - if anything, reassure them that it's apparently completely normal not to conceive in the months directly after a miscarriage.

Sophia1984 I take my hat off to you - I have spent a small fortune on pregnancy tests in the last four cycles!

Can't believe Mil said something so insensitive iris! I think people often don't know what to say so come out with stupid stuff.

Sophia I also think it is very sensible not to test too soon. Just come on here when you feel tempted and we'll see you don't!

Glad you found us turi. I've also been taunted with pg symptoms since mc, my friend said she did too. I found a small cry in the shower helpful as it sets a time limit each day. Honestly it does get a bit better gradually x

No line on opk today, hoping I've ovulated but gonna keep going, might amuse myself with some phantom symptom spotting seeing as I could be in 2ww, if anyone wants to join me

Oh that sounds so tough turi Sorry you've been through all that. I used to get really painful periods before I was on the pill, and quite painful even on it, so find it hard to know what's normal. Have you tried heating pads for the pain? Sounds like you have a great doctor though :)

Symptoms today are indigestion, fuller boobs, pulling twinges all over abdomen and nausea... Looking back on my app, I had these last time I was pregnant, but not last month when I got my period. So hard not to get my hopes up ... Had tea with my lovely friend today who is super understanding even though she doesn't have kids and isn't planning any soon so that was nice :-)

I have a flashing smiley! and bang on schedule, 1st cycle since mc, its good to know I'm 'normal' (although will wait for my solid smiley before I get super excited!)

how is everyone today?

Hi all, nothing to report, cd18 here. Flashing smiley for 5 days now, it's 2 more days until DHs return! Hoping tomorrow is my last flashing smiley. This would be bang on with my cycle before mc, as I usually ovulate cd19/20.

Frankie that's reassuring to know! Fingers crossed for your static too.

Thank you for all the welcomes.

Turi it sounds like you're having such a hard time, our bodies do seem to do some very bizarre, and cruel, things. The very day before I started bleeding at 11w I bloated so badly I looked like I had a proper bump. I was proudly showing this off to my MiL and texting photos of it to my mum. However our baby had stopped growing at 6w.

Are you able to set some private time aside where it is OK to lose control? It sounds like you need a really good cry.

Londongirl I was advised to wait for one AF so that I would have a better lining. I just want to give it the best shot I can. I am not trying to give anyone on here any advice, this was just the best decision for us. I haven't even stopped bleeding yet though

Yes, I know the 'limbo' feeling!

One thing I've learnt is that everyone is different! You really can't predict anything based on statistics or other people's stories.

Good luck to those in the 2ww.

Partner is being a right dick today as he has depression and insomnia and hasn't slept. I spend a few minutes every day on miscarriage messageboards because giving advice to other people helps me. He said today that I didn't even really have a miscarriage as it was just a sperm and an egg that didn't grow (I had a blighted ovum), so I'm not in a position to give advice and it's weird that I do :-( I understand that he never bonded with baby but I don't see why he has to be so cruel.

Sundayraspberry thank you for lightening the tone . I’ll join you with some phantom symptom spotting… 4 dpo, I have RH pelvic pain and cramps. You?

Sophia1984 thank you for your message. I will definitely try heated pads. Weird thing was, I didn’t have usual cramps but awful waves of pain in my lower back. Going back to you though, you have lots of symptoms – I’ll keep everything crossed for you. I’m sorry to hear your partner has said things that have upset you. I think you’re right – gents can be quite ‘divorced’ from it all in the early stages of pregnancy.

frankiepants1 fantastic news regarding the flashing smiley faces – you must be so relieved that your cycle is going back to normal.

Mascaraisamust I also had lots of flashing smiley faces… up to 10 at one point. And then the next cycle I went straight onto a solid smiley face. So frustrating isn't it?

IrisPurple1 Hearing that you’d started showing makes me feel so sad for you . I’m sorry to hear you’re still bleeding… how long has it been?

I think in the weeks post-ERPC, I was totally traumatised. I had a horrible time at Chelsea & Westminster… www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2442247-SMM-ERPC-D-C-at-Chelsea-Westminster-London (excuse the v long post… was in the height of deep depression)

Sundayraspberry Today I've found myself googling 'joint pain early pregnancy' when I think I just had achey knee from sitting on sofa all day! I have also been cupping my boobs in front of mirror to try and assess if they've grown!

Thanks Turi1983 I've been reading some infidelity threads on the Relationships board so he seems like an angel in comparison. I think he just hated seeing me so distraught after the miscarriage so he thinks that downplaying it will make me less upset about it.

frankie Great that your cycle appears to be normalised so soon after, gotta be a good start for ttc again!

Thank you for sharing your post turi , did you find writing it all down a little cathartic? Did they ever reply? Seems like you were treated v well at epau, it all falls apart at the surgical side of things. Unbelievable that you were separated from oh, just wrong. I think miscarriage assoc, and royal college of gynaecologists are working to improve care in this field at the mo.

On a lighter note, my symptoms today 2dpo are headache (could be hormones, could be tiredness) and cold toes (can I claim this as pg sign? , surely somewhere on Google will back me up!)

Sophia I have accepted that my oh feels differently and its fine by me. Men just do, please don't take it to heart.

Sophia I'm sorry your partner is being unhelpful today. Anyone who has similar experience or even kind words to say can give support, and it's not as if you're trying to give medical advice, so you have every right to post here, share your stories and encourage others. It sounds like that's his depression talking. I hope he gets better soon.

A couple of people have mentioned experiencing pg symptoms before AF - thanks for the warning, I won't get excited if it happens to me.

Bloating was one of the few symptoms during my brief pregnancy, which had stopped at 9w corresponding to when our baby stopped growing. However it came back with a vengeance that day giving me false hope that I was still pg.

I started spotting 20 days ago and MC naturally 15 days ago. It's now just the lightest of spotting - to be blunt there's more coming out of my nose at the moment - bit it's still there. Thanks for asking.

I know my MiL was trying to think of something positive to say. The most unhelpful thing was people who kept asking us outright if I was pg when they saw me not drinking, despite us being explicit that we wouldn't tell anyone before 12w. I still haven't quite forgiven one of my friends for this.

Anyway, to end on a positive, I went for my first run since before I fell pg. I'm seeing my best friend on Friday after she's returned from 3 weeks' holiday. I've been desperate for someone outside the family to talk you and I am so excited about seeing her.

And don't test too soon girls!!

Evening ladies,

Hi Iris - Sorry for your loss and for the MiL's delightful comment. It's amazing the comments people come out. My friend is about to give birth with number 2 and likes to remind people at every opportunity how she got preggers both times on month one, even when she knows people in our group have/are struggling!

Frankiepants - great news about the flashey smiley!!! Good luck for the 2ww and never mind if you over analyze every symptom!! :)

Hi Turi - sorry for your loss and for the dreadful time you're having. I don't know anything about fibroids. Are they treatable?
I use Ovia too. Great little app.
It's good that you brought up the depression side of things on here as I think we've all been through it either at the time of the mc or each month when af shows up again. Talking helps, so always know you can come on here and vent.

Sophia - have you decided when you'll test? I'm like you and wait it out, as I find the not knowing/still hoping easier than a negative test result. Symptoms sound really positive (well maybe not the achey knee )!! So everything crossed XXX.

Mascara - Hopefully timings are going to work out perfectly with DH returning this weekend. You'll have to pounce on him the minute he comes through the door :)

So I'm on 16/17 dpo and no sign of af as yet. I should just test really, but I'll wait to the weekend. Last time I got my bfp on day cd 34, which will be this Friday, so that's D-Day girls!!!

The hpt in the bathroom cabinet is calling out for me! So hard to resist. My last cycle was 22 days and I'm on Day 23 now, but my pre-miscarriage cycle was 26 days so I don't know. I'm scared of finding out I'm pregnant because then I know I'm just going to worry about miscarrying again. Last time I thought I was pregnant for 7 weeks and had morning sickness and sore boobs, but there wasn't anything growing there - just a cosy womb - so I don't trust my body at all!
That's brilliant that you are nearly at D-Day. Fingers crossed!

ooooh Claire exciting, you all stocked up with HPTS?! got everything crossed for you!

Sophia you are doing so well holding out, especially if there's one there! do you have a D Day in mind too?
I get what you mean about not trusting your body, I found out at 8+4 that my baby only measured 7+4, but for that whole week I felt the most pregnancy symptoms I've ever had, including when I was pregnant with my son. never suspected a thing was wrong and know I'll worry so much next time. (which includes the 2ww which I will completely over analyse and should really apologise now!) xxx

Good luck both, you're so good not testing! Finfers crossed for you guys xx

sundayraspberry yes I did find it cathartic. C&W did reply to say they would investigate. Nothing since then… But yes, you’re right. EPAU were amazing, it was the treatment centre that was shocking.

Cold toes… YES, that could definitely be a pregnancy symptom ! 5 dpo RH pelvic pain has continued, now uterus cramps, thick CM (TMI) and lower back ache. All the same ‘symptoms’ as last month…

IrisPurple1 I do hope the spotting comes to an end soon. Well done for going for a run – I’ve found that exercise really clears my mind especially since miscarrying. It was naughty of your friends to ask – puts you in a situation where you have to lie/share what you’re not ready to share.

sophia1984 keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you! I know what you mean about being worried about worrying even once you have conceived. If and when I conceive again I think I’ll try to take up something like pregnancy yoga/mindfulness (to replace the wine I currently guzzle!)

With regards to general insensitiveness (warning, rant coming), I don’t know what goes through people’s heads sometimes. A colleague who accidentally fell pregnant and was then relieved when she miscarried said she could always surrogate a child for me as she seems to fall pregnant easily. A friend, who I love to bits but seemed to have temporary brain block, said ‘I’m not normally superstitious but next time if you don’t tell anyone until the 12 week mark’. Even my sister, who was devastated that I miscarried said, ‘gosh, I didn’t realise how complicated TTC can be. I just jumped on hubby when I felt amorous and fell pregnant that one time’.

I forgot to ask, has anyone had a medical explanation about the body changes that seem to be caused by miscarrying? i.e. ovary pain during ovulation and after/mock-pregnancy symptoms between ovulation and period?

I understand that these mock-pregnancy symptoms can be caused by the increase in progesterone released by the empty egg follicle but why are our bodies more sensitive to the progesterone post-miscarriage?

I asked the EPAU, the GP and the gynaecologist and no one seemed to be able to provide an answer. All a big mystery it seems

I've never heard anything about mock pregnancy symptoms between ovulation and period post miscarriage. Do you have any links to that?

Hello just an update from me, think I'm ovulating today (we're not using any tests or anything as trying not to stress myself out about it). I'm new to TTC intentionally as fell pregnant really quickly before my first miscarriage so would love to hear your tactics/timings/advice (sorry I get a bit confused with all the lingo and acronyms).

I've been quite open with friends about my first miscarriage as found it helpful to talk about but it's hard not to feel resentful when hearing about friends getting pregnant and thinking 'but I was supposed to have my baby first' :(

Hi April I'm sort of in the same situation - I feel pregnant within a few cycles of coming off the pill, so it was a bit of a surprise! Being aware of your cervical mucus is a way to track your cycle/timings without using tests. Do you know how long your cycle is?

Claire & Turi how did you manage not to slap these people? Especially that first comment!

My MiL was just trying to think of something positive to say. I know how lucky I am to have a MiL who has welcomed me in to her family, and she was overjoyed when we told her I was pg. My moods are still a bit up and down so sometimes I feel wound up and resentful because she already has 2 grandkids so it's OK for her to spread her good news out over the years, but my parents have none. I'm an only child, my stepdad has two older children but his daughter MC at 40 after unplanned pregnancy, his son has 2 kids but won't let him see them. I so desperately want to give them the grandchild they deserve before they get too old.

I'm in similar situation to April & Sophia I conceived on my 3rd cycle. My first 2 were 28d and 27d. Before the pill I was irregular and around 30+ days! I tracked symptoms since coming off the pill, but it seems that our bodies are totally unpredictable, and neither other people's stories or even our own past experience can truly predict what's going to happen. I never knew exactly when I would ovulate so just dtd regularly and looked after my health.

Having said that - I've not bled for 2 days - sore boobs last night so perhaps I'm ovulating!!!! (slaps self for obsessing over symptoms)