TTC #1 after miscarriage - looking for some buddies

[Clareinthemiddle]

I have been ttc for 10 months. I'm 34.
Took it very easy the first few months and then went for it with OPKs, no caffeine, reduced alcohol and got my BFP in May, but sadly mmc at 12 weeks (a few days before my scan). The little thing had not made it past 5.5 weeks :(
Took July off to recover and then back on it again in August. Heard/read a lot about increased fertility the few months after a miscarriage so was really convinced August would be my month, but af arrived yesterday. Absolutely devastated.
Can feel a very lonely place, especially as I either have friends who conceived within 1-3 months, or those who always knew they would have issues so started with IVF a few years back and have thankfully all been successful. I guess I just thought I would have an easy ride, as my sisters did, but no such luck.
Thought it would be nice to share the journey with others dealing with similar situations or with success stories after a miscarriage. Please say hello :)

LondonGirl82 the only links I have found relate to other womens’ experiences. For example, see this link to a forum & Rhysanna’s post: community.babycenter.com/post/a33358756/pregnancy_symptoms_return_4_weeks_after_miscarriage.

AprilShowers16 I know exactly what you mean. I miscarried end of July & a couple of friends got married end August & said they were going to get straight down to TTC. As awful as it sounds, I am dreading the prospect that they may fall pregnant before we do.

IrisPurple1 Re the colleague's comment...I was in shock & said nothing! She said something equally odd a few weeks later & when I gently told her I wasn’t in a position to joke about my miscarriage (well, ever actually) she reprimanded me for being ‘over sensitive’. Needless to say, I won’t be sharing matters of the heart with her again.

I agree, your MIL was possibly trying to say something along the lines of, ‘you’ve had a good year/not everything has gone wrong’ but really there is no positive spin you can put on it. My Chinese MIL can be tactless &I couldn’t bring myself to call her after the ERPC in case I said something in retaliation to a well-meant comment. Eventually, she called my sister who outlined all the things she should & shouldn’t say! I really feel your desperation for a baby and am sending virtual hugs.

Another thing, don’t be too hard on yourself for symptom spotting. We’re all guilty of it! I’m 6dpo & en route to work I had huge waves of nausea. I looked at my records on my app Ovia & low & behold, I started to feel sick at the exact same point last month so probably nothing to get excited about.

Feeling low today & wondering if I’ll ever fall pregnant again . Saw a friend & her beautiful baby girl Maddie last week. Someone gave the Mum some tea & said, ‘for when you’re drinking caffeine again’. Mum said, ‘Oh, I drank caffeine all the way through my pregnancy’. When we left I collapsed in tears. I did everything by the book – no caffeine, booze, wrong cheeses, raw eggs, pâté… had spirulina, maca & bea pollen smoothies (don't ask ), took zinc supplements which are supposed to reduce the risk of miscarriage, took expensive Omega 3s, folic acid, etc. & I still lost my babies. I am not condoning anyone who does drink tea, btw – I’m just amazed that four months down the line a harmless comment can have such an effect.

Cycle Day 25 here - no AF! Cramping I had earlier in the week that felt like she was on her way has gone; my boobs are bigger and I feel a bit sick. Cycle before MC was 26 days, last cycle was 22 days.

Sorry you're feeling so low Turi Some days it's harder than others, isn't it? You will get through this xx

Sophia and Clare any news re testing or are you holding out a bit longer?

Great that you haven't bled for a few days iris. Hopefully this is a positive sign that you are healing physically.

Turi I believe the reason we feel more preg symptoms after mc is because we are hyper aware of everything our body is doing. I know that sounds like its "all in the mind" but I definitely notice my own body more. BTW my friends have started ttc in sept and I cannot bear the thought of them announcing a pregnancy.

I think I've got my ov dates wrong (rookie mistake!) as I've had dark lines yesterday and this morning so think I'd better get dtd! Are we in sync mascara?

I got my peak today DH is back tonight so I think we are. Cd20, what about you Sunday? Good luck Sophia, sounds very positive, hope AF stays away!

Hi everyone, Turi I'm feeling low too. I'm visiting my mum for the weekend and my db and sil came to join us. My db told me I'm going to be an auntie again (other db has got kids). It didn't sink in at first as they've been having some issues so it didn't even occur to me that they were ttc. I then realised what he was telling me and I managed to sound excited I think (but later I realised that I didn't congratulate them....). My sil told me there had been a bit of panic so she'd had an early scan yesterday and she's only 6 weeks but they saw a strong heart beat so they decided tell me. My mum already knew and she knows about my mc and desire to have a baby, luckily she wasn't in the room when they told me as I wouldn't have been able to keep the tears away. I had to disappear to the bathroom and had a cry and later when they'd gone I burst into tears, in fact my mum joined me as she's upset for me too... obviously I'm very happy for them and they don't know I'm ttc and mc'd so they were not at fault in any way but the whole thing is affecting me a lot more than I thought. Ive dealt a lot better with friends announcing they're pg than this. I've eve had a cry this morning, I feel bad about it and I really want the feeling to go away... I want to feeling positive again about my own prospects of having a baby and be able to feel happy for db and sil.

Hi Sakura Sorry you're feeling low. I haven't had to deal with anyone else announcing since I miscarried - it must be so hard being told in person as well when you cant prepare a reaction. I'm glad you have your mum to look after you and support you - she sounds lovely. One way I have found to be positive about other people's pregnancies is that I don't know what they have been through to get there - they might have had problems conceiving, they might even have had early losses. All we ever see on Facebook etc are happy pictures of babies, but we rarely get the true picture of what has sometimes happened in order to get there. I found that on Baby Loss Awareness Day a lot of people I was 'jealous' of for having perfect families were posting messages that they had suffered miscarriages too. How recent was your loss? Would you like to tell us about it?

Turi - I've had a few friends recently married too and one of them said to me 'it's so strange to be thinking about looking at good schools in the area'(they're moving house) implying that they'll be having a baby soon. The cynical/angry part of me since my mc made me just think 'well you think it's going to be easy but it won't be'

Sophia - I've only had a couple of proper cycles since mc but they were both bang on 28 days so using that as a guide. Without being weird, when am I looking for mucus and what does it tell me?

Good luck to everyone TTC this month :) Sophia when will you test?

You can feel and look at your mucus throughout the month. Before you ovulate there is normally a lot of it and it is the texture of egg-white, so people call it 'eggwhite cervical mucus' shortened to ewcm. Apparently you ovulate on the last day of having this mucus so you should be having sex every other day when you have it.

Am at end of Day 26 today. Will try to hold out till Day 30. I'm kind of scared of finding out I'm pregnant in case I miscarry again :(

I know what you means Sophia - I know if I get pregnant again I'll be terrified. I guess just try to take it one step at a time, first step is getting the positive test :)

So it's a BFP for me girls!!!!! Tested earlier today (day 35 of a normal 29/30 day cycle). Only had cheap tests at home so will buy a digital tomorrow, but did 2 and both had that beautiful double line.
In complete shock!! So excited of course, but really, really nervous. Last time it only grew to 5.5 weeks, although I didn't find out until 12. Reckon I'm around 5 weeks on Monday so praying it burrows in properly and grows nice and big.

Sakura - sorry you're feeling low. It really is so hard when people announce they're pregnant, or give birth, when we're so desperate to be in the same boat. But all our times will come!!! And like Sophia said we don't always know the struggles they may have been through to get there.

Mascaraisamust and Sundayraspberry - enjoy the baby-making! Hoping this is the month for you both.

Sophia - have you tested????

Sending positive baby dust to everyone!!!

Hurray! Huge congratulations Clare and well done for holding out till day 35 :-)

Excellent news clare! Especially as you thought you'd not be in with a chance this month? Did you suspect bfp before you tested?

Had my positive opks on cd20/21 mascara and noticed cm for this first time too. Not sure if we were a bit late dtd tho. Thanks for the info regarding ewcm Sophia.

How is everyone else? I've lost track a bit!

If I ovulated when my opp said I did AF is due today which would have my first cycle post mc at 22 days ( usual cycle is 25-26 days).

Clare thats such good news, congratulations!! hope you're feeling ok and sending lots of sticky baby dust your way!
and sophia you haven't tested yet? I can't remember what CD you are on, sorry, but think you're nearing test day?! I know I'll aim to be strong like you both and hold out, but I'll be peeing on sticks galore! Best get on go eBay and stock up!
Sakura hope you're ok, I know how you're feeling. I had my mc just under 6 weeks ago and have found out about 4 (and a possible 5th) pregnancies. its true about not knowing what others have been thru, my friend text last night to let me know she'd had her 12 week scan and wanted me to know before she announced, she comforted me when I had my mc as she'd also been through the same (but hers found at her 12 week scan) and I can't help thinking now how it must have brought it all back as she would have been about 7 weeks herself then. I was on a night out when she text and must admit to going to the loos for a cry and it kinda put a dampner on my night cos I kept thinking of how many weeks I should be etc and how we should be sharing this journey - we also have little ones the same age and would have been so good to go through this with her. But she's been through what I have and proves that there's light at the end of the tunnel!

CD16 for me and I'm being overly dramatic in already thinking I'm out. 5 days of flashing smileys and I want to punch it's little face in! still dtd every other day (2 days in a row as well) but I've not had alot of cm and usually have a 28 day cycle with ov bang in the middle. I also felt weird AF cramps yest and today and I wouldn't be surprised if she turned up early this month. hate not knowing what's going on indside!
sorry for the pity post, just getting told of 2 pregnancies last night has set me back a little and I just feel that this month it isn't going to happen, I can't possibly be lucky enough to get pregnant on cycle 1

xxx

Congrats Clare!!!

Sunday, peaks cd20/21 too now for the progesterone and the 7 day wait for AF (fingers croased she doesn't appear)!

Day 27 today. Just don't feel like it's going to be my month so don't want to test and get BFN. I know that's silly.

Gave in and got a BFN :-( it was with my third wee of the day though so not sure if that would have affected it.

Hi MM, Iris and Turi.

Iris MIL was very insensitive. If it is any consolation my own Mum phoned me to console me and basically told me I had killed my own baby. In her words "I think you should go and get surgery to get a good clean out inside. You were on the pill and that is bound to have furred up your insides and made you miscarry". 1. I was so upset as it was only 3 days since I found out the baby had died. 2. I have been off the pill for 12 years! 3. If my insides were furred up I would have had trouble conceiving, which took 2 months, not keeping the baby and 4. There is no evidence that being on the pill does any such thing. It was a few days before I could speak to her again. She has moderated her opinions since then, I suspect my sister may have told her off.

Sophia, your partner is lucky you haven't remodeled your frying pan to the shape of his face!

Sakura my bro and SIL are 10 weeks ahead of where we should be. We saw them last weekend and I cried all the way back from Glasgow to Dundee, it was so hard as we should have been discussing all the things we were going to do together. They knew and were very sensitive and didn't mention their pregnancy once, except when I asked them about how it was going, but it just killed me the whole day. It doesn't stop me being happy for them but my heart was so broken for us.

Clare I am over the moon for you. Sending all the strongest growth thoughts I can muster.

I have started tracking temps and ovulation kits for the first time. :( Not enjoying this one bit but I need to start some time.

Partner was surprisingly sensitive today as he knew I would be upset by BFN. I think he just hates seeing me stressed out and upset and he now associates TTC with that. Going to try and chill out for next few months x

Thanks for all the lovely comments!

I know Sundayraspberry I totally thought I had no chance this month with DH being away, so I was devastated in September when it didn't work. We did manage to dtd on the days I ovulated, but not before as they always suggest. I did relax a bit more this month though, as I think I thought my chance was so slim, so maybe that helped. It was birthday, so I drank a fair bit, as I really thought I would be on to ttc the next month.
And yes I did think I might be, but only once I was late by 2-3 days. I had usual cramping the 2-3 days before af was due so was convinced I was out, but when the pains eased off, rather than getting worse, then I started to wonder. I do have lots of jabbing pains even now, but hopefully that's normal.

Have doctors tomorrow morning so am going to ask about an early scan. I really want to have one asap, but I know they suggest waiting until 7 weeks to properly pick-up a heart beat, so maybe I should try and wait.

Sophia - gutted you got your bfn, but until af shows you're still very much in. I was a full 5 days late before I tested, so maybe try again in 2-3 days.

Thanks Clare. You've given me a bit of hope as I don't think we tried as much as we should have this month but I guess it only takes the one time! Sitting feeling sorry for myself though as partner is away tonight and I could do with a cuddle! Finding it hard to give a shit about work tomorrow too!

My niece messaged me about an hour ago to tell me she is pregnant. I am so happy for her. i also just spent an hour crying. My SIL is due mid feb, I was due 7th may and niece will be due early July. It would have been so lovely for all of us to be meeting up together. I just spent an hour crying and cuddling the box my baby is in instead.

Sophia1984 thank you for your encouragement – yes some days are definitely harder than others. I’m so sorry about your BFN.

sundayraspberry I know what you mean – I have definitely been more acutely away of what’s going on in my body than I was before.

mascaraisamust great news re the peak! Hope you managed to make the most of it!

sakura03 So sorry to hear you’re feeling so down. I can completely understand why the news made you tearful. Don’t beat yourself up too much – if it’s any consolation, I think I’d react in exactly the same way.

AprilShowers16 I think a lot of people feel that their life will follow a succinct sequence of events: meet partner, move in together, get married, have 2.4 children! The reality isn’t quite as simple. I’ve been quite open about my miscarriage with people and have been amazed at how many of our acquaintances had their own stories of IVF, miscarriage, months and months of trying. Sophia explained the EWCM well – basically, our gynaecologist told us to try to have sex every other day from the end of my period to after ovulation day.

clareinthemiddle What fantastic news – you must be delighted! If your doctor declines the early scan, go directly to the EPAU – but yes, if you could hold out for 7/8 weeks. Such a long time to wait, I know.

LondonGirl83 any news?

frankiepants1 the first cycle after my ERPC, I had flashing faces for 11 days. I thought I was going nuts! I hope you get some clarity soon.

Brenna24 Miscarriage is, for the most part, a completely random event. NOTHING you did would have been able to change the outcome. I have never heard of the pill increasing your chance of miscarriage. I’m relieved for you that your sister stepped in.

I am 9 dpo, CD 21 of 25. My temperature went through the roof this morning, but I may have just been hot – who knows! The ‘symptoms’ I experienced this time last month have definitely diminished but I still have the odd niggly cramp or warm feeling in my uterus. Oh, and I have thrush again - JOY. Emotionally, I am all over the place. Saturday night and we had hordes of gorgeous trick or treaters including a beautiful Down Syndrome girl, who must have been three or four years’ old. When I closed the door, I was so moved by her positive smiley little face I burst out crying.

aw Turi bless you. I've been feeling quite emotional too this weekend, going from being happy from having a good time, to crying when finding out about pregnancies - hormones, meh!
Brenna I too am thinking of the people I could have shared my pregnancy with and then newborns, makes me sad at just how many there are close to me! Our time will come, hugs to you.

Sophia, so sorry about your bfn, but as I always heat you're not out until AF comes! maybe hold out and test in another day or so?

so, after my self pitying post yest I spent most of the day googling ovulation pain (as it was mainly on one side) (and I know, Google is baaaaaad!) and then had a sudden burst of ewcm...............and I got my solid smiley today! After having a mmc it's given me some confidence in knowing my body back. it's later than I expected but at CD16 of a 28 day cycle it's not super late.

so, I feel a little more relaxed today, and we dtd last night too (and will tonight) so I'm hoping we have it covered this month! although before last night we last did it Fri morning so I'm hoping that's enough!

so, 2ww anyone?!

Clare how are you feeling today? xxx

Well I'm out this month- spotting and cramping this morning. Bit of a relief as I was wondering what was going on. Also pleased I had a 27 day cycle as last time was only 22 days and I was worried it was too short. Had a BBT drop yesterday so interesting to see that too. My Ovulation app is telling me to pamper myself today!

Brenna and Frankie: 3 of my cousins and my best school friend are due in March and I should have been due in April- expecting it to be tough when they all start giving birth!