TTC #1 after miscarriage - looking for some buddies

[Clareinthemiddle]

I have been ttc for 10 months. I'm 34.
Took it very easy the first few months and then went for it with OPKs, no caffeine, reduced alcohol and got my BFP in May, but sadly mmc at 12 weeks (a few days before my scan). The little thing had not made it past 5.5 weeks :(
Took July off to recover and then back on it again in August. Heard/read a lot about increased fertility the few months after a miscarriage so was really convinced August would be my month, but af arrived yesterday. Absolutely devastated.
Can feel a very lonely place, especially as I either have friends who conceived within 1-3 months, or those who always knew they would have issues so started with IVF a few years back and have thankfully all been successful. I guess I just thought I would have an easy ride, as my sisters did, but no such luck.
Thought it would be nice to share the journey with others dealing with similar situations or with success stories after a miscarriage. Please say hello :)

sophia I was reading about temping today and most people will get a dip the day af is due. I love that early warning sign. Can't wait to test the theory.
rhodes so pleased it has stopped. Let's hope it stays away.

Oooh interesting! I am quite geekily excited about them. Thinking of getting some opks too though - can anyone recommend which to use?

Feeling a bit sad that my friends who haven't had trouble getting pregnant or keeping a pregnancy can't really understand. Only recently told my best friend I had miscarried. Texted today to say I was driving myself mad with trying to interpret twinges and explained that we're not 'really, really trying' but I'm not going back on pill. She joked 'How is that not trying? ;)' and I know she was being friendly but it just made me see that she can't understand how painful TTC can be. I don't want to say I'm 'trying' because then I am also 'failing' and I know she didn't have to deal with that as she conceived straight away. I'm feeling so jealous of people who start a family without any pain :( I loved the film 'Up' so much because it didn't follow the typical thing of 'couple marry > couple have kids' which is in every film and series ever, and showed that for some of us it doesn't work like that. I feel like I can never have the fun of TTC or early pregnancy without the anxiety and that's just not fair :-( Doesn't help that my mum seems to have misinterpreted the miscarriage as being bittersweet as 'it wasn't the right time' in our lives, so that makes me feel like I'm being irresponsible trying again. Urgh. Sorry for rant. Sitting here with period pains on day 19 and feeling shit.

Oh Sophia, i totally get 'not really trying'. It's like pretending ttc isn't a massive deal. This was why I didn't tell friends about my mc, less pressure although l have to remember not to get too sensitive when they make innocent comments.

I've been using one step okps too Sakura, haven't had a positive yet, but don't think opks work as well with pcos so it could just be me! I'd be interested to know how dark it goes when you get a positive. My technique is to pee in an empy yoghurt pot and dip the strip (can't remember who asked this? Frankie?). I do wait until I get home tho

Rhodes, hope you are doing OK still. I have everything crossed that can be crossed for you.

Hello newbies, welcome and good luck all!

ah sophia, its hard isn't it? people doby understand and I think sometimes they don't think before they say something and it comes out wrong, I don't think until you've been in the same position you really know what you can say (although you can be sensitive to someone right enough!)

yes Sunday it was me who asked! glad you wait til youre home until you pee in a yogurt pot
CD9 for me and failed at smep already, meant to start dtd from day 8 and we didnt, haha! will do later as AF is most definitely away - yippeeeee!

sophia I can confirm the theory that your temp dips and af arrives the same day. Mine dipped below the cover line this morning and af arrived a few hours after.
Sorry about your friend being crap. I haven't told many people at all as I just can't handle the comments or questions.
So today marks month 27 of trying... Temping, 2 x types of opk and Dtd every day in the fertile window this month, twice if we can near the end - this is the plan for November. I'm away with work on the Monday night I an expected to ovulate which is a pile of crap! Leaving very early in the morning too, rubbish!

How is everyone else?

Sunday I'm feeling ok thanks. Had a few more spots but trying to just keep being positive.

Sophia I'm sorry your friend has been so insensitive. My brother told me it was my lifestyle choices. people just don't think.

Keeping everything crossed for everyone xx

Hi all, it's cd15 here. I've had two days of flashing smileys so hoping to get the static smily before DH goes away tomorrow but I doubt it as I usually ovulate around cd19/20 so I know how you feel vap about missing the window. Never had flashing smileys so early though, fingers crossed.

Sophia, Hope you're ok. Xx

Thanks everyone :-) Don't know what I'd do without you! Have just endured my mum 'joking' I need to stop spoiling my pets before I start a family- thanks Mum! Partner also thinks I am mental as he caught me with my bbt thermometer in mouth this morning! It does look quite comical I guess... :-)

Rhodes my experience was that I only had spotting for a day and then proper bleeding started pretty soon after so yours sounds much more like normal pregnancy spotting.

Vap and mascara try not to worry too much about missing OV day as couple of days before should be fine :-) Fingers crossed for you x

May I join in too, please? I had a scan at 6+6 when we were in Italy for bleeding and had a lovely healthy heartbeat. At 7+6 we had another scan when we got back and baby was right on target for growth and all looked well. I had another bleed at 10+1 and baby had stopped growing at the time of the last scan and no longer had a heartbeat. 9 days later I miscarried on the 17th of october. We were told not to start trying for a month after the MC but I have done a pregnancy test and the hormones are already back to normal, so this month we are 'not trying' (but I am not actively avoiding getting pregnant either) and next month we will be trying again. I am really scared this happens again or that I struggle to conceive this time. I am 37 and last time it only took 2 months. Fingers crossed it is quite quick again as I really don't want the worry that that was somehow our last chance gone.

Hi Brenna :-) Welcome. So sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you re getting all the care and support you need. I conceived within a couple of months last time too, so am completely new to TTC let alone TTC after MC. I don't even really know how long my cycle is meant to be as I'd just come off pill. It's completely natural to be worried about trying again, especially as it sounds like your loss was stressful because it was ongoing. You've got through this so you're strong enough to deal with trying again though :)

Morning all and welcome Brenna24. Sorry for your loss and fingers crossed it will be really quick again.

I'm feeling totally down. I know af is on her way. All achey below and been cramping for last 2 days which is normal for me before she arrives. I haven't bothered testing as would rather just wait it out.
This is my 3rd month of trying since my mmc and so desperate to conceive before my org due date in Jan.
I've been much more relaxed this month, well as much as you can, and looks like it hasn't made any difference.
My friend told me she went to the Fertility Show in London last Nov (apparently it's great by the way) where experts there said stress makes no difference at all, so it's hard to know what to believe?!

Mascara - any luck with static smile before DH left?

Welcome Brenna.

Nope, still flashing here and DH has gone now , FF predicts I'll ovulate Friday but he won't return until late that day. I think I'll get a static Thursday (law of sods) though. So I think I'm pretty much out of the game.

However, stranger things have happened (the month I got my BFP I must have ovulated late as I got a feint positive on 18dpo - I have a 8/9 day LP). So I can now chill for 5 days until DH returns and the pressure is off.

Clare sorry you're feeling down it's difficult when you feel you're racing against the clock, I think everyone has before xmas in mind and in reality I know that I probably won't achieve the bfp. I know that I have one more shot in November (hopefully with clomid) and then that's it for 2014 really but banking on drugs that aren't miracle cures isn't the best line of thinking.

I think stress can't help, especially if you have a LP issue as the adrenal glands and progesterone have close links. X

For 2014.... 2015!

Welcome Brenna sorry for your loss. I'm your age and certainly feel the clock's ticking away... you've come to the right place though but I hope you won't be staying long!
I was worried that I no longer ov as I had no positive opks the last 2 cycles. This cycle I started using one step opk strips and have have been testing twice a day, yesterday on Cd16 (which was the day I got a positive pre mc) I got a positive and had it confirmed by a clear blue digital ov test =smiley face. However we did on Cd15, couldn't get dh in the mood last night he was suffering from a cold (and has no idea that I monitor ov as he would freak and feel under pressure) so no bd last night but I'm hopeful for tonight. The question is, is it too late or still in with a chance? Well if dh is up for it we might as well.

The static smiley indicates you will ovulate in the next 24-36 hours so yes, you are still in with a chance!

Hi everyone,
Sorry for your losses.
Please may I join you? I had a mc at 9 weeks in July and waited one period and then got a bfp end of September and started bleeding 4 days later.
Went to a gynecologist this month and had thyroid and progesterone (1 and 3 days after ovulation) blood tests but they came back normal. Then Af got me yesterday.

Definitely agree with you - even the people we have told for support say things that are really hurtful.

I just wanted to join you all here and hoping for bfp soon for everyone.
MM

Hi MountainMouse - welcome and sorry for your losses. That must have been so hard to have them in quick succession. I think I would be comforted by the fact that it sounds like different kinds of miscarriage, so not a recurrent issue, if that makes sense? I think AF is lurking ready to pounce on me any day now - all I want from this month is a cycle longer than the last one, which was only 22 days, so fingers crossed for that! Take care of yourself xx

Although I have got tingling nipples, so am still secretly hoping...

Shame af seems to be on its way clare. Was worth trying this month even with oh being away. Interesting about the stress thing, I had been feeling worried that being a bit stressed might have impacted on my mc.

Congrats on the positive opk sakura. Take no excuses from dh tonight!

Hi to brenna and mountain mouse

I'm on cd17 today, had lines on opks over the weekend but def not dark enough for positive, but totally blank today. Could that have been it? Haven't got any previous cycles to compare to

Keep doing it sunday, what time are you doing them? If it's cheapies make sure you test in the evening when you've not had much to drink. It might be that the urine was too diluted or it could be that you've had a surge! With cheapies sometimes it's useful to do it twice a day. See what tomorrow's brings up!

Usually between half 6 and 8 on an evening depending on work and I don't drink for 2 hours before so think I'm doing it properly. Hoping it was a surge as dtd at right times. Thanks mascara, am gonna keep doing opks until I get AF get bored

Hi everyone,

Does anyone mind if I join? This thread is probably the most appropriate for me right now. Many people's stories here reflect mine.

We are getting ready to try again after MMC earlier this month. I never though I'd find myself here, I followed all the rules... I guess that's one of the first things you learn in our situation, there's nothing you could have done to prevent it and it can happen to anyone.

Like many of you, Xmas is looming, although as large as my husband turning 40 next month. It is a big thing psychologically for me that we are now looking at him being 40 when we conceive and me being 35 when I give birth (at the earliest!), whereas we would have been 39 and 34. We only met 3 years ago. Try telling that to the people on TV who say girls should conceive before 30 and men should freeze sperm at 25. And now we're not even back to square one - we've still got to wait for AF before wecan even recommence trying.

So it looks like the condoms - and the tampax just in case - are coming with us on our romantic weekend away for his birthday.

Unhelpful quote of the month had to come from my MiL - who I actually really get on with - "well you have had a good year, with your wedding and honeymoon..." I'd get that if I was looking for a new job, or a holiday had to be postponed, but we don't really have time to fanny about!

Still, we're trying to stay positive, we are looking to the future rather than what we have lost, and we're hoping to start trying again by Xmas.

I am looking forward to starting the TTC journey with everyone on here.

sundayraspberry please don't worry about stress - I asked the midwife 3 times and she said it had nothing to do with it.

Welcome Brenna, MM and Iris, sorry for you losses girls.

Sophia how are you feeling today? Are you due to test soon?

Sunday fc that was your surge that you caught and lines just weren't dark, always worth dtd anyway just incase!
Claire any sign of the dreaded AF? have you succumbed to a test yet?!

CD11 for me, excited to be in double figures! I read the cb digi pack and said for a 28 day cycle to start testing from day 8, thought it was a bit early but did it anyway and no surprise was blank! missed day 9 and got a blank yest too so I haven't used this morning either. I have zero cm and the test is bloody expensive so I'll wait and start from day 12 tomorrow instead I think.

from memory (I can't find my diary!) I think I ov'd about day 13/14 so I'm looking forward to the end of the week. and then the dreaded 2ww.

how is everyone doing today? xxx

iris sorry for your loss. Why are you waiting until December to start trying again? The EPU told me it was safe to start immediately but they advised waiting one cycle so it was easier to date the pregnancy by AF. To deal with the dating issue I just used opks this month so I could be sure of the date of conception.

Hopefully it won't take long for you two once you do start trying again!