TTC #1 after miscarriage - looking for some buddies

[Clareinthemiddle]

I have been ttc for 10 months. I'm 34.
Took it very easy the first few months and then went for it with OPKs, no caffeine, reduced alcohol and got my BFP in May, but sadly mmc at 12 weeks (a few days before my scan). The little thing had not made it past 5.5 weeks :(
Took July off to recover and then back on it again in August. Heard/read a lot about increased fertility the few months after a miscarriage so was really convinced August would be my month, but af arrived yesterday. Absolutely devastated.
Can feel a very lonely place, especially as I either have friends who conceived within 1-3 months, or those who always knew they would have issues so started with IVF a few years back and have thankfully all been successful. I guess I just thought I would have an easy ride, as my sisters did, but no such luck.
Thought it would be nice to share the journey with others dealing with similar situations or with success stories after a miscarriage. Please say hello :)

Very sorry Vap

I know how it feels - I had one mc at 5 weeks in Sept and another at 7+4 in November. It's horrible.

I don't know if this will reassure you or not, but the results of the big PROMISE trial into progesterone have just been published - they are v clear that there is no benefit to progesterone to prevent miscarriage.

I've been symptom spotting like a lunatic, even though I know it's v unlikely that I've conceived again so quickly. Was convinced I had implantation pains yesterday, and sore-ish boobs and tingly nipples as well. So I tested this morning - BFN. Trying not to get too obsessed!

Vap I'm so sorry. I know the frustration of not beig listened to. Take care xx

Oh Vap just so sorry to hear about the bleeding. Have everything crossed it will still all be ok. Your dr sounds completely awful, and not understanding.
I went to my dr in October after my mmc in July and she was happy to start me on fertility help/tests as I had been trying for almost a year.

I've been away all wk at a conference . Now in bed absolutely shattered!

Had a big freak out at wknd as my symptoms have started easing off so I'm going for another scan on Saturday. i just need the reassurance.

Congrats Sophia!!!

I hope everything is ok on Saturday Clare. How far are you now?

Thanks Brenna. I'm 10 weeks on Sunday, so creeping towards 12 week scan. I started spotting last time at 10.5 weeks and then miscarried a week later so just so worried it will happen again

Thanks Clare :-) Sounds like it could just be the normal symptoms wearing off as you come to end of first trimester?

Was wondering if anyone who had only had one early miscarriage had managed to get reassurance scans at EPU? When I had a scan after bleeding at 7 weeks there was just a tiny dot on the embryo, so baby either hadn't grown since implantation or had been reabsorbed. Feel a bit paranoid that the same is going to happen again! Doesn't help that they didn't explain whether it was a chemical pregnancy or a blighted ovum or what - almost seems like a 'missed' chemical to me, but is that a thing?

Hi sophia yes they probably will give you an early scan after 1mc. They were going to give me one but I'm not sure if that's because of the spotting or just because they would have done anyway.

claire best of luck for the 10.5 week mark. Everything crossed for you. I hope I have the same experience as you and get assistance from the fertility Dr. Will know more in Jan.

Hpt hasn't gone much lighter today which is annoying. I was hoping it would be a nice clear negative so I can have a drink this weekend. Bleeding has stopped totally now, so wonder if that was it yesterday? Last time I only had 2 days of bleeding and then a bit of spotting after. I'm thinking that all of the black/brown discharge that has been coming out for the past couple of weeks could have been the rest of it.
Does anyone know when their hpts went negative after mc? Mine went negative before mc last time so can't really compare my experiences.

vap, i'm heartbroken for you; so sorry you've been through so much misery. really hope you had someone at home to look after you, and hope you get some answers and clarity soon. so incredibly frustrating that no-one will scan you until 6 weeks, and there's nothing you can do but wait right now. in the meantime, please take the kindest care of yourself, ignore the world or throw yourself back into it, whichever you feel better about. i'm glad you've got the fertility dr to talk to in jan - make sure you get some answers and reassurance you need.

sophia i had an early scan with this pregnancy a week ago (and i've got another on monday) but that was because they suspected it was actually an incomplete MC that was giving me positive HPTs. i think it really depends on who you talk to and where you are, but i live in london and they told me they'd give me an early scan if i wanted anyway just to help with the anxiety of being PG after a MC. definitely ask your EPU if it's possible.

maud that's so interesting about the progesterone...

clare good luck with the scan, please keep us posted?

Vap im so sorry for you and OH. It's just shit, can't think of anything else to say to make you feel better. It's bollocks they've said that epau can't see you until 6weeks. If you can find out what hospital they are based at you can ring the main hospital phone number and ask to be put through, although probably closed until Monday. Surely they might want to scan you to see if everything has passed/check that it is actually a miscarriage? (Sorry for the language, I get a bit sweary when I'm angry) . BTW I didn't get a negative test until 2weeks after.

Sophia its not standard to get an early scan where I am, just for previous mc. Think they do for previous ectopic tho.

Evening ladies. I was thinking that whatever stage of our TTC journey we're at, we could all do with a bit of self-care. I thought we could share tips on how to look after ourselves.

I've just taken the time to cook myself a proper curry (full of ginger and garlic that OH hates cause he's not here!) I made coconut rice and it was absolutely gorgeous. Going to settle in for a night in front of the TV with my pet bird now :)

I had mackerel for dinner, thought the omega 3s would be nice and healthy for me.

run planned for the morning too.

Now just to try and not think of the chocolate in the kitchen!

4dpo for me, and I'm better than I was last month at this stage. I think having the tests hidden has taken alot of the obsessing away - yes I'm conscious of the cramps and my bbs feel 'different', but could just be the progesterone and all natural, not testing til AF due day is making me feel better.

vap I hope oh is there with you tonight? Take care of each other and cuddle in xxx

So sorry vap x

Sorry you're having such a crappy time vap so hard after all you've been through all ready. Try and relax and look after yourself (and get others to look after you!)

sophia I think looking after ourselves is a very good shout. I've been thinking of going to get a haircut as feeling pretty sick and crappy so would like to feel like I look slightly better than I feel! Good meal suggestions are very welcome here too! There is an amazing pork and peanut curry on bbc food that me and DH swear by :)

Well done for being more relaxed frankie hopefully the lead up to Xmas will keep you busy and distracted :)

6+6 here so definitely further than last time but feels like a long way to go. Yesterday I felt really rough and sick. It's so harsh that you feel your worst when no one knows you're pg so you don't get any sympathy. My colleague is 15 weeks pg and everyone was rushing around to help her and there was me trying to help but feeling like I might throw up any moment :)

Best of luck today Clare.

How are you doing Vap?

Poor you April. I am glad things are looking good though.

We managed to DTD and finish last night after 2 unsuccessful nights. Last chance tonight before DH leaves in the morning. I am going to miss him this week.

Great news Brenna. And hopefully you'll get one more in!

So scan went fine. It had grown and had a strong heart beat
Was a bit concerned as I know I was 9.6 yesterday but it only measured 9.1. Apparently this can happen if the bean is bent over rather than stretched out, so I'm trying not to worry.

Poor you April. I know exactly what you mean!? I had to rush out of my office to the loos a couple of weeks ago as felt so sick and you have to try and keep it from everyone. I told a colleague last week who is 23 weeks pregnant, so in a way it's nice that someone knows now. Office Xmas Party on Thursday so not sure how I'll hide it then!?

Frankie how many dpo will you be testing?

april your morning sickness is a really good sign even though it probably doesn't feel like it. That 15 week pregnant person will be you in not too long.

brenna great news about managing to dtd. Have you ovulated? Hope you caught it.

claire exciting times with your sting heartbeat. Were they happy enough at the scan? Will they be scanning you again soon?

Does anyone have a link to any opks that they have used and actually work? Only interested in ones people have actually has positives with. Or any suggestions if where I can buy some in town? Has anyone used the super drug ones?

Update
Hpt was negative this morning. Bleeding has slowed a lot. Think it's coming to an end.
Scan on Tuesday which is a bit of a waste of time but you never know I think it will give me peace of mind knowing there is nothing untoward going on.
This 2nd time seems to be easier than the 1st. Don't get me wrong it's still very sad and I have waves of dark moods but I think that knowing it only took 3 months to get caught again after the 1st mc has eased the pain a little. The 1st time it had taken 24 months to get that bfp so of course that was total devistation when that one was lost. Anyway, moving on, we are now 28 months ttc..... Let's hope we are lucky soon.

Good luck to everyone!

Whose next up testing?

P.s. Thank you for all of your kind words ladies! It really helps knowing I'm not going through this alone.

We managed to DTD again last night before sleep. Then I dropped SH off at the station a bit before 7 this morning. I haven't ovulated yet but the line on the opk was a bit darker last night and I had copious quantities of ewcm so fingers crossed.

Glad the scan went well Clare. Don't worry about the measurements. They aren't that accurate before 12w.

Hugs Vap. Glad you are coping.

I use these opks

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B001G7STT0?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00

I thought it was a good idea to tell my two best friends (who have babies) that I am pregnant again, so that I have people to talk to about morning sickness etc and so I have their support if I miscarry again. Not a good idea. Neither of them seemed particularly excited for me, and one expressed shock. I'm left feeling like they don't think I'm ready, maybe because me and my partner don't own our house or earn as much as them :-( I'm probably being oversensitive but I feel like I'm immature and stupid for doing this.

sophia I'm so sorry about your "friends" reactions. I for one am thrilled that you're pregnant! I don't understand why they wouldn't be jumping for joy for you. Ignore them and their responses.

I am sorry about your friend's reactions Sophia . That sucks. Nobody is ever 'ready' and very few people can buy their own house or have stable jobs these days. I am stupidly irresponsible by their standards. I have married a man who works in the same field as me. Thus we are both on contract work in a very unstable environment. Plus we are both getting a bit older.

Positive on the OPK today. I am expecting another positive tomorrow if this month is the same as last month.

Vap I am due to test on christmas eve

Todays OPK for Vap

That opk looks great brenna! I second the vote for one-step okps from amazon Vap, they worked for me even though opks are notoriously unreliable for pcos sufferers like me. Cheap too which helps .

I hope your friends reactions were just surprised rather than disapproval Sophia. Fyi I am also not in a 'perfect' situation, I'm the main earner at home (possibly the only earner soon ) so not sure how maternity leave/pay might work yet. Will leave the number crunching to him!

Thanks everyone. Yeah, they don't mean it. It just doesn't help when you're feeling anxious to have someone say 'Holy Moly!' Texted another friend who responded with 'Wonderful!!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!! I'm superhappy for you' which is more what I needed to hear :)

OPK looks great brenna Mine was never that strong and I must have been ovulating :-)

sundayraspberry Yeah, I'm main/steady breadwinner here too, so am going to be going back to work at about 3 months and leave the baby with daddy :-) Sure we'll both be fine! In a way we're better off than people who absolutely depend on two big incomes and then have to give one up I guess... positive thinking! Hope everything goes ok with your partner's job.