RESPONSE Trial for Recurrent Miscarriage - Thread 4

[Vicki272]

Thread for all ladies on the RESPONSE trial - all stages welcome, for a bit of well needed silliness and good old fashioned all round advice and support!

How many dpo are you Vicki? There's still time. I think you're going to get lucky this month

sorry about bfn Vicki you have ages yet though so try not to be too down, says me........chin up lovely

thanks for your replies last night, dh & I both want the same thing he just doesn't want to spoil our lives trying to get it if that makes sense. I will have to look into counselling I think, I just can't switch off about it all.
thank you for your lovely words march I would love a hug
maybe stepping away from ov testing will help once trial ends but depends if I can do that, it would be difficult but they aren't helping at moment anyway.
gosh I don't know but I do know I cannot continue like this

waves to everyone hope your all okay xx

.

Thanks ladies...

8dpo today so not anywhere near standing a chance of a bfp I don't think? It is demoralising, the constant testing i mean!!

When trial is over, i am deffo not ov testing anymore, i can't cope with the constant poas to be honest...

How are you feeling today Claire?

What about you Kazz?

How is everyone this morning? xx

hi...sorry I went awol the weekend. needed to give myself some time away from thinking about it all especially with testing coming up.

Kazz my heart is breaking for you and how you must be feeling now. Fingers crossed that the lack of clots is a good thing and that you will get good news.

I started testing yesterday. I'm on the clearblue ones but both negative so far. Literally inspecting it in minute detail to see if there is the faintest of lines but there isn't . I feel like im getting symptoms though, restless sleep and waking in the night, dodgy tummy, slight feeling of heaviness in my boobs. But then i think am I imagining them. AF due Saturday so just praying I get something tomorrow. How sensitive are the clearblues compared to other brands, anyone know?

Claire i feel exactly like you, mc have taken over my life, it's all i think about. We decided this weekend we're going to start looking at moving house. We're in a 2 bed now & went to look at some new 4 beds being built. We got so excited by it and planning it all and if we can afford it and then a few hours later I was crying saying what's the point in a 4 bed house if we'll never have any children to put in it. It just makes you question everything for the future. Don't even get me started on wanting more than 1 child and having to go through this all again.

The one thing that does get me through this though is at least i'm not in this alone. I've got others to talk to who know exactly how I feel and don't just say 'it will be different this time, i just know it'

Claire your dh sounds EXACTLY like mine! I think it's because they're watching it from the outside and can see what it's actually doing to you! And how much time you're spending researching etc. you don't see it yourself.
I was advised counselling but to me it felt like failure. No offence to those that had it, I know it's actually the opposite!!! But I didn't want to speak to someone, I didn't even speak to dh about it most of the time, I'd just have a bloody good cry on my own.

Kazz if you do pass anything, yes try and keep it for testing. I put mine in a tissue in a takeaway box (sounds awful!) Turns out what i passed wasn't anything to do with the baby, maybe uterine lining. That was the cycle and same day they found the sac/yolk, I'd already passed what I did hence she said it may have been a twin.
Have you heard anything? Xx

Don't blame you little - sometimes you just need a break. Sorry for BFN - how are you feeling?

I know exactly what you mean - i am already imagining all the signs again - i don't know why i do this to myself every single time!!!

I also feel like i should just stand there with a magnifying glass - looking for those lines!!

Claire - I really feel for you, we have all been there, sometimes it is really difficult to keep pulling yourself up again and again!!! Hang on in there... do you have any friends you can talk to about it? Perhaps someone completely removed from the situation? to help with some perspective... try the counselling too. It might help to get that "professional" acknowledgement that you aren't losing your mind! (we all know you aren't but sometimes it helps when it is official).

I am having a bad day today... have bitten everyone's heads off this morning, feeling utterly grumpy!!!! I feel like if this doesn't happen before september and we don't make the trial, i need to make some sort of change! I don't know what yet but am so fed up of babies being all that i can think of...

xx

I don't really talk to dh about it either choccy I talk to my twin quite alot although she hasn't been through anything like it she understands how much it means to me. I'm not sure if counselling would help me as I'm not one for talking to a stranger, I'm more concerned about how down it all gets me. I spend more time looking stuff up on Google than anything else.

vicki it really does take its toll testing early, big hugs, maybe vent on here if needs be?
if I didn't have ds I definitely think we would just have 1 child. I hope you with no children yet don't think I'm being inconsiderate, I know how lucky I have to have a child I really do.

kazz Thinking of you x

Talk to us then claire! we know exactly how it feels...

I totally don't think that about having kids already.... it is a horrible thing to go through regardless... i think for me it just makes me more determined than perhaps i would be. I mean, i might be less willing to put myself through the heartache... who knows though? it is easy to say but until you are in the situation you just don't know how you would react.

How are you kazz? xx

Sorry for the lack of responses ladies. I've been into school to keep myself occupied but had a tow with a shit staple gun so I'm heading shopping instead!

Sadly the miscarriage has been confirmed. My trial nurse rang this morning to say my hcg levels in my blood was only 9. it was 31 on the day I got my very faint bfp. Gutted but ok atm. Nothing I can do. it's totally shit but i can't do anything about it so hey ho.

I do want to stay on here though to see how you ladies are doing if that's OK. I just hope that I had the placebo and that our heartache contributes to the development of a new drug that will prevent the same for 1000s in future

I feel ok, i'm hit with moments of nothing will ever work to it will work eventually, i just need to keep positive. Keep getting the BFN is so hard at this point & i really sympathise with both Claire & Vicki. Before it was a piece of piss to fall pregnant, the keeping it was the hard part. And now i can't even get bloody pregnant!! i just keep thinking what have I done differently this time, why has is not worked yet. My mom keeps saying maybe this is a good sign and it's my bodies way of picking the best and strongest so that everything will work out

I spent an hour earlier googling how good clearblue tests are and if there is anything better thats shows earlier, or if people have found they aren't very sensitive!! arrrghhhh.

Claire i really don't think you're been inconsiderate at all, absolutely no body should have to go through any of this regardless of what they have or haven't got.

Oh Kazz, i'm so so sorry for you. Sending you a huge virtual hug x

Oh kazz - big hugs lovely! I am so sorry.

I think i speak for all when i say that we would love for you to stay... vent at us if you need to, whatever it takes.

little - i am totally with you on all of that! i alternate all the time... the ladies here swear by first response early response... clearblue only pick up 4 days before af.

Where are you dates wise at the moment?

x

so very sorry kazz. it's so bloody shit and unfair you are going through this again. I hope it's over and done with quickly as I know your holiday is a couple of weeks. hope dh is bearing up too.

little were exactly the same falling pg was so easy last year now I just can't seem to fall. how long ago was your last mc again?x

hope you stick around kazz, I don't know what to do come oct as won't be on trial . x

Same here claire - i was hoping i might stick around too? What are you thinking? xx

I will probably stay if that's okay, I want to hear about the trial babies . x

Im tempted to go and get some first responses & give them a go!

AF is due Saturday so currently 4 days before. I never got a positive ovulation this month, but out of 4 months i've only had 1. Dr says that i'm more than likely ovulating as AF is as regular as clockwork but i had the test last friday to see if I had....will prob get AF before i get results though!

Last MC was December last year Claire, then got on this trial in April/May so this is 4th month. All other pregnancies I caught 1st time. I do wonder if all the testing has a negative effect on us, the most planning i did last time was an app on my phone which estimated a week I might ovulate in.

Kazz FUCK!
I'm so sorry sweetheart. If you need to rant at us rant!! Life is so fucking unfair :'( xx

So sorry Kazz, life can be such a bitch. Do stick around, I feel like we're all friends now and it'd be sad to lose you.
Fingers crossed we get some bfp's soon and they're sticky babies xx

Oh Kazz, I'm so sorry. That is crap, totally crap.
It's always been a numb feeling for me to start with, then the upset, then chin up and on we go again.

I can understand not wanting to stick about here, but as others have said, if you need to let of steam, we are all here.
Also some of these guys can offer great advice on other routes of testing etc.

Hope you two can take some time out, have your holiday and get some time without other things on your mind.
Bigs hugs xxx

Oh kazz, I'm so so sorry to hear your news. I was really hoping that it would be ok. Totally shit and unfair that it's not. Do stick around (only if you want to), and of course the rmc board. Big hugs lovely xx

So sorry to hear this Kazz! Big hugs to you lovely xxx

Did you take the plunge little?

How are you feeling kazz my lovely? (silly question i know...) but i always think it is much, much worse when people don't ask...

Trying to keep myself busy this eve... Feeling really tired today, again, trying not to keep thinking that these things could be symptoms. I did that last month and look where it got me!!!

xx

I did Vicki. First response test showed a huge bfn! I hadn't been to the toilet since 12ish so should've been a decent sample & at 4 days before AF so I would've expected a hint of a line but nothing. We've resigned ourselves to the fact that this month won't be our turn. My phantom symptoms have disappeared too.

I wish for good news this month for you Claire & Vicki.

And sending a load of love to Kazz. This is nothing compared to what we all know you're going through. Hope you've been able to treat yourself to something naughty and can look forward to your holidays x

Oh no little - I always think at that point at least I know and can move on from there...

I know, this pales in comparison to kazz... hope dh is on hand for cuddles and tissues. Treat yourself to some ice cream and try to relax.

Maybe even try some colouring? It might not help but could take your mind on to something else.

I have almost resigned myself to the fact that I won't be on the study... just don't really know what to do next. The gynae just says to keep trying...

xx