The BESH are cheating on Luck with Irony, all Hags aboard for the ironiclusterdiff of the decade (for the B's and the none B's!)

[Blue2014]

You know the drill by now ...

Rules of Entry - must be over 30, TTC no. 1 for over a year, be suitably evil and Hag like, willing to shout Cunt at the moon on regular occasions, consume extra gin when our fellow hags are unable to, and to get the nipple tassles out for any successful Hag ...

No admittance without a complete BESHtionnaire - see below.

I am so sorry fucking. It's so unfair. Fuck it all.

What are you doing today? (apart from shouting CUNT at the universe)

I am so fucking sorry, Not sorry Fucking.

I sent out a distress call from my kitchen floor this morning where I was having a bit of a breakdown and two friends came round. We went for a dog walk then to a cafe. Then I finally managed to speak to DCW as they cycled further over the last few days to get into the town for today so he could get Wifi to call me over messenger. Then I went to pick up another mate and leave the dog with her husband, and she helped me spend all afternoon in a garden centre and spend lots of money on the joint account they are now both coming over to mine to help me plant all the pots and have takeaway.
So I've managed not to howl since having company .

I'm so sorry to read this barking, it's just shit. Howl/scream/wail all you want.

Barking hope that company and the garden centre helped. When is DCW back?

Mr Erica and I had the worst TTC sex/argument last night. I am so fucking fed up. This week end can do one.

That's what I've been telling you TTC sex sucks!

barking, I'm thinking of you, hang in there hag

Sorry erica, we've been there a few times too, it's hateful I know

How's everyone else? Sorry I've been AWOL, real life caught up on me a bit

It seems more and more clear that, in order to save our marriage (oh the drama), we may have to park the TTC for quite a while. Which is terrifying, but not as scary as going through this on a regular basis ...for how long? Another year, another two years? Christ.

How are you doing, Coop?

Oh, Erica I'm sorry. Infertility, the gift that keeps on giving . What's the ky problem, if you don't mind me asking? We went through the 'you're only interested in me for my sperm' phase, and the 'it doesn't make me feel wanted when you say we 'need' to have sex tonight' phase. Oh please, grow up . Why should I go through all this shit AND be pussy footing around your fucking ego at the same time? for the sake of harmony I didn't put it quite like that

One more week and DCW will be home. I will obviously be milking the guilt he feels for leaving me to do this on my own even though it was a joint decision for as long as it lasts

My mates have been amazing this weekend. I've had company at all times I've needed it apart from first thing Saturday morning - but it was probably good to let it all out then anyway.

I was considering having the counselling on offer, but actually I think the benefit of the counselling might be outweighed by the distress caused by going back to that hideous building past the maternity ward and smoking mothers.

'You're only interested in me for my sperm' 'it doesn't make me feel wanted when you say we 'need' to have sex tonight' ... a version of this. Basically, our sex life is crap because of TTC and we both resent it. Well, I am more zen about it, I hope that once we either get diffed or we decide it won't happen, we can go back to normal. But he thinks (and he does have a point) that during our relationship we have had TTC sex nearly as long or longer than normal sex, and where does that leave us, if you see what I mean.

I do think he is being childish about his ego but I do also see that we lost a very important way of showing love and sharing intimacy.

So in between annoyance and despair.

I love mates in these circumstances. I find it easier to let rip with them sometimes, because I know they don't get as affected by my tears and howling as Mr Erica.

Oh erica, it's not an easy one to solve at all. The trouble is, once you've decided you want to have children you can't really turn that bit of your brain off and while that applies to both of you, you're the one with the heightened awareness of what needs to happen in terms of how your body works which is naturally going to influence when, and how, sex is initiated.
I personally think when convos like these occur the impetus should be as much on the DH initiating sex when he fancies it/because he wants to feel closer to you as it should be on us women to try not to just initiate sex in terms of ttc/our cycles.
The problem is tho that by the time these things become problems in the first place, we've all been at it for so long that no one really fancies a shag just for the hell of it anymore. It's a vicious bloody circle!

barking I hope you're getting on alright this weekend. Seen you've been making some fun purchases, definitely a good strategy!

coop how're things going hag? Hope you're alright!

icy I hope you were able to enjoy the end of your hols, are you home now?

Fist bumps to blue, cave

Baseline scan this weds after which, all being well, it'll be on to stimms. AF rocked up on Friday, so fingers crossed should be good to go.

Thanks Rain, you are completely right. It is not easy to say, "oh, let's stop trying". I cannot help it, we are still planning to try IVF but how can I not be aware of the fact that I am ovulating, after having monitored my body for over 3 years? Is it not normal to think "well, isn't a shag worth the (remote) chance of saving ourselves FUCKLOADS of money, not to mention putting my body through treatment?". But I still feel guilty, I can't help but feel that if my body wasn't so fucking annoying, we would not be going through this.

Ok, I have fish slapped myself and will stop going waaaa waaaa waaaa now.

Still, we managed to seks 3 days before ovulation and 1 day before ovulation. It was the "day of" that it all became too much. We could still be super lucky, no? Arrrggghhghgh!! It really is the hope that kills you.

How are you Barking? Are you going to work today? I would consider using the counselling sessions. Once/if we get the ball rolling, I will definitely be using the ones my clinic offers. Any support will be appreciated!!

Rain Fingers crossed for you on Wednesday!!! How are you feeling about it all?

Have you had any of the counselling in the past barking? I guess it depends if it helps or not.

Erica - get him to wank in a pot. I'm telling you, it gets intimacy back on track if you get forget the thrush sticking a plastic tube full of spaff up your hoo-ha cause 4x a month can cause we have done it on a couple of months (you can buy insemination kits online) and it made a world of difference to our natural sex life. It's supposed to work well too obviously not for me but then sex doesn't work for me either Worth considering?

No way Blue! I thought those were a Jennifer Aniston movie myth! Definitely worth a try... and it may help us take ourselves a bit less seriously.

Yeah we bought it online, it's really just a pot and a needle free syringe but it does the job (unless of course he then gets irritated because you don't want him and only want him to wank in a pot which can also happen!)

My ovulation pain is so severe I feel like I could throw up. And yet I can't TTC as I can't get pregnant this month cos of HSG

How frustrating Blue!

I know there are some issues with Mr Blue's spaff but still... crossing my fingers for a Bad style post HSG BFP.

Thanks

The Stork! MN were giving some of them away free a while ago. I guess a turkey baster and a ramekin will do the job too tho? It worked in Sunset Beach anyway...
How are things now Erica? It sounds like you did enough ttc wise this month, so hopefully you can both focus on each other for a bit.

blue I am also hoping for a post hsg diff for you. My ill fated pregnancy was post hycosy, which is a similar flushing effect so I firmly believe it's not a coincidence!

I think barking might be having a wee MN rest, not sure. She's definitely earned a bit of time out before whatever comes next.

Baseline scan yesterday was fine, all quiet on the western front as it were. Started stimms tonight - the mixing is a faff (and I can't see how I can combine this phase with any sort of post work London social life, will have to come home to do it and there's bugger all to do in our home town!). Hermits life for me!
Stim jab is less painful than the DR but harder to administer so far. I drew quite a bit of blood with the DR jab tonight. Totally my own fault. It didn't want to go in so I pulled it back to try somewhere else, then realised it had gone in a bit so pushed back in. Cue pain, swearing, blood and no doubt a massive bruise tomorrow. Might ask RAF to help out next one, he should share in the fun
Back for the next scan next weds, please send lots of COW and COF vibes my way!

COW COW COW!

You are a brave Hag, I am dreading the time when I need injections, been needle phobic all my life but at least I take comfort from the fact that I'm not diabetic and it will stop at some point!

The stork appears to me to be a rip off, complicated and a little shady (I followed the MN thread on it) ours is literally a sample pot and a needle free syringe. It cost a couple of quid. I know a lesbian couple it worked 2nd time for!

I had guessed barking might be taking a rest from it all, fist bumps to you if you are lurking hag (and also to Cherry if she's ever around)

Thanks blue - not feeling especially brave today, I am choosing to blame these ruddy hormones for the fact I keep getting weepy for no good reason today.

Someone on the other thread I use here got a basting bfp, I totally believe it can work! Honestly, if it helps you two get back on track with each other then it's the right thing to do, innit? erica let us know if you decide to give it a go!

It's gone mega quiet in here again, we are few in number these days! No hag left behind tho right?

anyone doing anything exciting this weekend? I am completely not. Got acupuncture tomorrow but that is basically it. I feel so boring at the moment. Made efforts to keep Aug totally clear as obviously all the dates are subject to response etc. but it's kind of TOO clear. I am majorly bored!

Hola hags, sorry I've been quiet, phone's been out of action for a few days and I never go on the desk top site coz I never have any bleeding privacy at work and I've been quite busy with real life..

No real news from me, we're getting on alright at the minute, actually been enjoying sex recently as I've stopped telling him when I'm "fertile" (ha!!) which helps a LOT. Just ticking along really.

Hope everyone's ok

erica I'm with you on the guilty for not trying thing, I am still beating myself up for A) not forcing a knackered self + DCW to seks before he left as I actually had the trigger shot earlier than we thought so if he'd left a sample, then four days later it might have caught the egg and the progesterone and fragmin might have done the trick. I'm ignoring the fact that we would probably not have intentionally done that as we don't want a high risk twin pg, and we didn't know at that point that we were going to lose one embryo and have a shitty one put back in and now I feel guilty for referring to my poor embryo that didn't like the cold as shitty
B) not being arsed to cut and eat the pineapple that I bought to 'aid implantation'. Because of course that would have made all the difference to the embryo quality .

Erica/Blue I did benefit from the counselling last time - but I just can't face going back to that building, or walking back past the maternity wing or the smoking preggos. She didn't really do much but listen, and tell me to give myself a break. I can talk to friends, and I can tell myself to give myself a break.... I'm not dismissing the value of counselling, but on balance I don't think it's the right option for me this time - I need to close that door (as in the last 3 years of appointments and pain associated with that building) and move on to a new place (not being hippy here, I literally mean a new clinic....)

rain jabs are just so much fun aren't they?
I've cancelled all my plans today, I'm going to chill out instead, this week has been fucking awful. I'm going to take the dog for a run and then drive over to see my Dad again. Still in hospital. He went in at the end of May...

cooper good work on the deception. Sometimes you've just got to go with it.

Well, I've we've decided to throw some more money at this. The MiL's money to be precise. Off to the private clinic. Here was me gleefully thinking that at least we won't have to wait ages for everything now, and when's the next appointment? 2 months. Couldn't fucking believe it.

Gah! Just wrote a great long post only for the bloody site to freeze and lose it all

To summarise:

Sorry for absence - planning/preparing HWHNN's birthday BBQ for yesterday took up loads of time, plus a teething toddler to deal with.

Had my referral appointment on Friday, bit of a waste of time as IMHO it could have been done over the phone: I was in the Drs room for under 2 minutes while she basically said "your test results are all back and as we expected so we'll send the paperwork off now". Yet another hoop jumped through so it's sit back and wait for an appointment with the consultant/clinic to come through.

Fish slaps and gin all round for those finding things a struggle: don't let the bar stewards grind you down!

Just popping in to keep an eye on you. GRRR at the universer, liberal gin-application for the others!

Restarting the whole trying thing, for those that don't know me. Drizz, ttc-ed for over three years (including 8 IUIs, a mc and IVF), properly diffed from first FET, drizzly boy arrived June 2014. Going back for my remaining frosties (5) from now