The BESH are cheating on Luck with Irony, all Hags aboard for the ironiclusterdiff of the decade (for the B's and the none B's!)

[Blue2014]

You know the drill by now ...

Rules of Entry - must be over 30, TTC no. 1 for over a year, be suitably evil and Hag like, willing to shout Cunt at the moon on regular occasions, consume extra gin when our fellow hags are unable to, and to get the nipple tassles out for any successful Hag ...

No admittance without a complete BESHtionnaire - see below.

Sounds like a plan Blue.

Hags, woke up convinced that I will never have babies. I will just carry on trying and failing and occasionally miscarrying and I will be bitter and sad forever.

Can someone slap me, give me some hope or throw some fish at me? Have not slept very much or very well and feel really really low...

oh Erica, dreams and nightmares are bastards but remember they aren't real and they aren't a predictor of what will happen . Toe holds for you my Lovely Hag.
Remember the PESH and the CRESH - the ones who believed this would never happen either. It happens Hag, it happens

Thanks Blue. Feeling a bit better now. This is really hard because, unlike many other things in life, it does not matter how much effort you put in, it does not guarantee success = baby... but you always feel that you be doing more.

Sigh. Bit fed up with life right now. Can you tell?

Yeah I know Hag, me too (baguette)

Hello hags - just thought I would stick my nose in and offer some halibut of hope. I'm so sorry to read of the utter shitness that has been happening to you all but in case it helps, after 5 years almost to the day minifizz arrived a few weeks ago, despite month after month of pointless sechsing, 2 ectopics, 1 'regular' mc, endometriosis, low egg reserve, crap lining and 2 failed IVF rounds. Like you erica I used to dream that it would never work and we would never succeed. Or dream that it had worked only to wake up and find it hadnt. Not sure which is worse to be honest. I say this not to boast but to say that it can happen and it does happen. No BESH left behind!

blue I totally get where you're coming from in terms of IVF. After my second ectopic, which took out my remaining Fallopian tube, it was almost a relief to think that all I could do was let the professionals get on with it. Being declared utterly barren at the age of 32 was a complete headfuck but it did at least give us a break from the monotony of fruitless shagging, and the doctors certainly did a better job of getting me updiffed than I could ever have managed by myself.

I am howling at the moon in solidarity with you all at the moment. It's all so fucking unfair and none of you deserve it. But the ESH are legion and they are mighty. Here are some wotsits and a massive vat of gin to keep body and soul together.

Fizz !! Good to see you, hag! Thanks for popping by and and congrats on minifizz!

This is just what I needed: a reminder that I am not totally delusional and that it can actually happen to us.

That and the vat of gin :)

See .. What did I say about the ace PESH and CRESH
Hi fizz you know I stalk the PESH Fred sometimes but congrats again CRESH always welcome here for the dishing out of hope

Howdie ladies,
Another BESH of old dropping in to show solidarity and to say sorry to hear of all the shitness, it really is the shittiest of shitness at its very best. I'm now a mum too after starting ttc in 2009. Our little superstar arrive through adoption last summer, a 6 year wait. IVF fucked with my head and my body more than I ever thought possible and we ditched it after the first failed cycle in 2013.

Have been where you guys are now, trying to picture the future and just being utterly overwhelmed by the shitness and uncertainty of it all. I offer twiglets and more gin x

Droid is here!!!!!!!
Only took it 77 fucking days to arrive .

Had a scan and blood test this morning. They will call tomorrow, but all being well I should start stabbing in 3 weeks to downreg. In a freaky coincidence the dates are currently lining up so that 14 days post ec will be Easter Monday. Exactly the same as the ivf last year, to the day. Weird. And unsettling.

blue totally get you on the shagging vs ivf. I remember DCW coming out of the planning meeting last year and saying 'and we don't even have to have sex'

Erica mentally I've moved on. I've almost convinced myself I don't want a baby, it would just be a hassle. I have a constant mental image of me, DCW, the dog, and our adopted child (aged around 4-5). In our new house (don't even ask how that is going), with the child at the local village school.

And then I tell myself that there's no point doing the ivf because I'm so convinced it's going to fail its a self fulfilling prophecy. If all this stuff about positive mantras and visualisation is true then I'm effectively mentally ensuring it fails.

Nice to see some old faces in here!

I would hang around longer and say hello to everyone but I got up early this morning to go swimming (in the pool for 6.45. Was feeling very virtuous until I saw how busy it was) so I'm already in bed and my eyes are closing.

Just popping in to offer sympathy and hope. It's tremendously shit but it does happen sometimes, eventually. I have a DS after FET (arrived 4 years after starting ttc) and am rediffed with another FET. I do prefer FET over fruitless shagging. I went slightly mad during fresh IVF (I'd say antidepressant might have been helpful, just didn't think to try) and I went properly mad during many, many fruitless rounds of IUI with a mc thrown in. I second the calls for therapy. It made me sort of sane again after my first mc.

Raspberry and Lemon, thanks for popping by, hags and congrats on the eshelets! Feeling more hopeful today. Ultimately, we will be ok, whatever happens.

Barking Glad the droid finally arrived and that it is all go now for you. I remember Easter last year. Jesus.

I am having my thyroid rechecked today. Tests have come back normal so far but I have lost a lot of weight in the last 6 months, seemingly for no reason. Yes, I have been feeling crap but it has not interfered with my appetite so my consultant thought it was a good idea to check. Maybe some new ailment will be revealed... I got the endo, the trombophilia...will this be my third lucky??

Just briefly popping on.

Hello barkings droid! Very good to see you again what took you so bloody long glad it's here Barking glad to see a droid?! What's going on with us??

Lemon and Raspberry, thanks fruity Hags. I love a good ol' BESH success story me.

Hope all works out however you need it to Erica, sorry to hear of the weight loss

Morning hags,

Thyroid came back normal. Apparently for "optimal fertility" TSH should be between 1 and 2 and mine is 0.9 but I am going to try and not obsess over that...

Oh I don't really know what that means .. I'm sorry it's a stressor though

Hi Blue! Thyroid issoos are linked to rmc. Since I already had a diagnosis for trombophilia (and treatment for that did fuck all to prevent my last mc), I was pretty anxious about finding another problem.

But it is looking ok, apparently it is when the TSH goes over 3 that you may have to worry.

Barking how did yesterday go, hag?

Erica being over 3 is definitely worse, so 0.9 is fine.

Blue I did as you advised last weekend and read a book! Terry Pratchett. Also knitted two hats. Still injured and want to pack boxes but the house move is all very much going to shit right now and rather than moving on Monday (as originally planned) we have no idea when the far end of the chain will be ready. And in the meantime our buyers are being twats and our house might well be backbone the market this week.

Scan and bloods were fine. Stabbing starts in two weeks. Just need to try not to stress about house shit. Simples.

Yes Barking, I am training ruining you! I feel like I owe something in return ... I ran round the living room with my mums pup, does that count??

I start stabbing in 3.5 weeks so not far behind you (also not that far behind you in the house move stakes, hope your move gets better soon, bloody process!)
I'm a bit bloody scared actually Hags. My first time IVFing. I've no idea what I'm doing. Can I use your amazing brains to steal the info I should already know? You remember a time when the Hags used to post about pineapple core etc ... Am I supposed to be doing some of that stuff? Can I steal the tips? So it's pineapple core at aid implantation (like I just go buy a pineapple and eat the middle? Why??) and warm feet? Is that it?

Blue it's the anti inflammatory properties of the bromelain in pineapple, so eat it around et. And woo wisdom says keep your feet warm.
Have you had your stabbing lesson yet?

Thanks Barking.

I don't get a stabbing lesson, I think it's why I'm so terrified. I've no fucking clue what I'm doing. Just ordered my meds, mainly on Gonal F which I've been told comes in one form but I've no actual idea. All I've got is utube videos!

Pen form, not one form

You'll be fine Blue, gonal f is a piece of piss as you're not messing around with syringes and vials and powder and mixing stuff up. You literally put a tiny needle on the end, twist the pen, stick it in and press the end down. Very straightforward. The needles are really fine and go in really easily compared to other injections I've done since. The first one will be by far the worst as you won't know what to expect so it's just nervous apprehension. Once you've got the first one done you'll wonder what all the fuss is about, promise.

Hi Blue,

I think my clinic gave me a USB with a video... if you PM me your e-mail address, I can try and send it to you?

Hags, BFN today! Whoop! I know, headfuck.com but it last time I needed two very dramatic D&Cs because the levels would not go down so I am pretty pleased.

So Barking and Blue, it looks like you will be IVF buddies. I have not yet quite decided when we will start but it looks like April-May... aaargh.

Commisération on moving woes. We are looking into moving too....

Thanks so much, you are both ace.

Erica I'm almost always on the app but I'll pm you as soon as I'm on a computer. Congrats ?? on the BFN. Sorry it's happening but grateful it isn't being made worse for you

Oh bloody hell Erica, I changed my password when there was the whole security fuss on MN and now I don't know what it is to log in and send you a PM (and I can't figure out how you do it from the app!) genuinely not avoiding you, so you know, I'm just too irritable to spend time trying to remember the very secure password I set.
On the plus side they emailed me with an instruction leaflet today so am feeling a little more settled about it.

No worries, Blue and yes to the instructions leaflet!

Seeing the IVF consultant on Thursday, mainly to see what she would suggest in terms of preventing another mc. Glups. Need for the droid to show up before I start thinking dates but I am thinking May, latest. So fed up with everything already which is probably not helpful.

Back to suspecting that anyone who is not drinking alcohol/coffee/is wearing a loose top may be pregnant, thinking that if everyone keeps having ALL the babies, there won't be any left for me. Also resenting anyone who is pregnant and smiling, ie. not constantly tortured by fear.

I used to be a nice person, I promise!