The BESH are cheating on Luck with Irony, all Hags aboard for the ironiclusterdiff of the decade (for the B's and the none B's!)

[Blue2014]

You know the drill by now ...

Rules of Entry - must be over 30, TTC no. 1 for over a year, be suitably evil and Hag like, willing to shout Cunt at the moon on regular occasions, consume extra gin when our fellow hags are unable to, and to get the nipple tassles out for any successful Hag ...

No admittance without a complete BESHtionnaire - see below.

How are you doing barking?

How is everyone else?

It's bloody freezing out there

Okay so I don't know whether I fit in here as have only been TTC for 2 months but I'm loving reading the posts and am finding some comfort in all the hilarity. Some of you strike a chord, especially Icy with the age difference between you and your OH. For what it's worth this is me:
Age: 39
OH: 54 (just)
TTC: #1 for 2 mths
ORT (April): LH: 5.2; FSH: 5.7; estradiol: 177 pg/ml

Obviously "time is of the essence" (thank you wonderful NHS technician) so I opted for another round of tests which included AMH and an ultrasound. Techie said that my ovaries were active. Just awaiting results and flapping like a snowman...ermmm snowperson...in the sun.

Feel free to eject me from the BESHness. I will just skulk off elsewhere and slurp gin in a corner...dribbling...

Ooh I'm sorry city, it's not like me to boot people out as I love fresh meat but I don't think you can really understand or be part of the Besh at 2 months in. Feel free to come back in 10 months if you need to though

Ok Blue. Understood. In my head I've been trying for years but the ex wasn't "ready" so to me it feels a lot longer than 2 months. Best of luck to all you guys...gals...hags

Good luck - in the nicest way, hope you don't have to come back

I'm struggling Blue, need some fish slaps.
Feeling very sorry for myself and can feel a rant aimed at DCW coming on, but don't know if I'm being unfair.
I went to the scan this morning on my own. There was no suggestion from him he was ever coming with me, didn't even mention it (always has done in the past). He didn't say 'good luck' or anything this morning before he left the house, or send me a text before the scan. I texted him with the results (all clear by the looks of it, waiting for blood results tomorrow). When he called at lunchtime I said the nurse had got me a cancellation with the consultant tomorrow at 4pm. He's really busy at work tomorrow so I'm going on my own. I knew this would be the case, but he didn't even agonise over it before saying he really couldn't do it.
I know he's really struggling, but pretending it isn't happening just makes me feel like I'm going through it all on my own.

city no offence, but in 2 months you haven't even started trying yet. I've been on this shit journey for 4 years. 6 rounds of clomid, 2 rounds of iui, 1 ivf, 1 fet and 3 miscarriages in the last three years. This thread is full of women in a similar position who understand the anger I feel at the world. It's really hard in real life when everyone gets pg, this is why we have the at least one year ttc rule on this thread, so people don't pop in, get a bfp and then sail on. There are loads of different groups on the conception boards, I'm sure you'll find better support elsewhere from people at a similar stage in their journey .

Hmm, whilst i feel duty bound to fish slap a hag when she asks, I think the slaps may be better aimed at DCW. Bloody fool that he is. It's a lot to ask you to go through this alone, I realise denial may be his way of helping himself and that's fine but the unfortunate thing is that you don't have that option. This happens to your body and when your body has medical appointments you have to go along with it, you don't have the option of denial. Sorry if I made it worse and should have just slapped you with a scallop

The next appointment is soon. How are you feeling about that?

Soz City, what the others said. I do remember being in floods of tears and panicking at 4 months, I always knew "something" was wrong, but at that stage I didn't have the anger and living with ongoing fear and sadness and starting to think about the Plan B. I know where you're coming from, but ultimately as Barking says, there's every chance you'll get pregnant in a couple of months. Looking at the stats, most women bloody well do. And my reaction is to think "fucking of course they do the sodding cunts" which isn't normal. Or nice. Age differences are tough eh! It's not great for a kid to have a grandpa for a dad but it's not great for a kid to be one of 5 by 5 different dads [insert whatever chav nightmare]. Good luck in your ttc thing , hopefully our paths won't cross again ;-) now fuck off and get pregnant in a couple of weeks and join the legion of sodding cunts!

Barking - I was going to say can you get some counselling but I imagine asking OH about that and i know he'd just say ... No. I don't know what to say/suggest, but I've been thinking about you. He should be supportive of course he should, but I guess he's reacting in his own way. I have a close male friend IRL, he and his partner have a daughter and trying for 2nd. (Already I'm a bit like :-/ on the basis "don't be fucking greedy!" But I can't alienate every last fucker I know...) She had her 2nd mc in about 6 months, and despite him telling a few people about it, I was the only one who said "how are you coping". I'm not at all suggesting that DCW has no support - I don't know - but from my chats with him, the reaction to grief is different for men, women. He and his gf have been rowing for months and months. They're back to trying again now. It's horrible how hard I find it to be truly sympathetic, and it's one of the few times I've felt honestly bad about how bitter I am. I love my mate to bits and of course I want him to have a happy life, but that niggly bitter bit of me just...

But back to DCW - it's only been a few days, maybe give him a bit more time, but if you do really need him... I don't know. It's just so important your relationship doesn't implode. I'm just so sorry you've got all this shit.

On round 8 of clomid, sweating away, and making plans for IVF in jan.

The whole reason I wanted to join you lot is that you make me fucking . There are loads of threads that are so serious, speckled with babydust etc, that I just wanted some hardcore honesty. Maybe I will be back in 10 months time, who knows?! But for now I shall just fuck the fuck off! Good luck all.
BTW OH is far from a grandpa. He wants to DTD all the bloody time and its me that can't keep up!!!

Barking - did you kill DCW and bury him under the patio ? How are you?

Icy - you are a very wise one for your young years

I accidentally drank too much wine (soz Besh - I'm actually a light weight) and now I'm really really sad that everyone else gets a baby but me (and my Besh) talked to Mr B about IVF practicalities last night - he turned to me sadly and just said "but why can't we just make a baby the way everyone else does" ? Because we just can't Mr B, we just fucking can't

And now I'm watching Teen Mom!! Why am I doing this to myself?!

(It's alright - I learnt, cried and then turned it off)

Ugh Blue Teen Mom?! Turn that shit off and stick on the SATC box set. Good drinking - I'm doing that today. Am also ovulating, and have OHSS so in major aches cramping pain and haven't shat for days. Delightful.

barkinng how you doing?

Woman at work moaning about how having babies ruined her figure. I said "well it's worth it you have kids. It could be worse, you might not e able to". No one suspects I'm barren cause am unmarried and (relative) wippersnapper.

Also her figure isn't ruined - she's still v petite and slight. Size 6 I reckon. Cow.

Tell her to fuck the fuck off! (That's still professional right?)

Blue you have questionable viewing habits .

Icy tell her to stop whinging and do something about it .

I didn't kill DCW but I did tell him why I was upset and he apologised and said he'd been a twat. I was magnanimously silent.

Saw the consultant. Long story short, need to wait three months for my body to recover before I can do ivf again. 40% chance I'll have another mc if we're lucky enough to get a bfp. Marvellous.

How you feeling about the wait Barking?

And yep, I always have shit taste in TV. I did actually watch it before the whole being barren thing. I faked being cool to get into the BESH ....

Oh Jesus Barking that's just shite. I'm so sorry. Putting my 'research the fuck out of it' hat on, are there any charity/research things that are open atm for mc research? putting my BESH hat on - what's the deal with wine in the meantime?! How did they get to 40% as a stat? Being positive, flip it around.. IVF success rate is 25% per go (or whatever), so 60% chance of success.

It's so hard. I don't know how we fucking cope. Well. I do. Nails.

In the spirit of TMI brace yourselves for this one: the clomid seems to have more and more of an impact on my ovaries. They've been swelling up like fuck. Couldn't sit down any way apart from gingerly. The day before ovulation day I literally couldn't wipe my arse without the pressure of the wipe pushing from my bum, through my bowel and onto my swollen OHSS ovaries. Not that much arse wiping was required, given was constipated as hell. Also - not helped by taking senna tablets... which seemed to get the bowel active higher up, but no action so to speak.

Anyway, got the old solid smiley, and magically next day I could shit, wipe and sit with no pain. Small gains.

Have 0.01 expectation of this working, so having a few glasses of red today. I'll deal with potential FAS later, but risk of being diffed is so fucking small...

I'm always v good at paying my consultant's bills when I see him. £120 for the last sesh back in sept. I paid his £120 and another £100 to the private hospital (which in the end I got refunded - I didn't read the bill, which was 'for a scan' which I didn't have). Anyway, Doc's secretary sent a 'you haven't paid' reminder. Fuck you, bitch, I bloody have, and this is SECOND time they've done this. It's not a problem, I can send them the proof of payment, but I'm just fucked off. It's bad enough I have to pay the geezer £120 for less than 10 mins, but don't be so fucking incompetent. I even reference the payments with the fucking invoice number. Send me helpful stuff in the post, not fucking unnecessary chasers.

Right. Strictly with OH's Kids, then they can bugger off to bed and going to enjoy The Bridge season 3 (BBC4, it's amazing... i'm half scandi though, so the whole nordic noir thing is my bag). Rocking Saturday.

Icy the probability of me getting pg through Ivf AND not having a mc (0.25x0.6) is 15%. That's fucking depressing. Pretty much just going through the motions so we can't ever turn round and say we wished we'd tried once more.

My mate got really swollen ovaries on clomid. She ended up pg with triplets. Lost one very early on, but gave birth to twins.
Just sayin'.

I still haven't had a glass of wine, or gin. Three month run up to next Ivf and determined to do everything I can.

Blue really pissed off about the wait. Was hoping to get going a lot quicker .

barking, sorry to hear it's still shit how're things with oh?

icy, I'd be annoyed at that too, like this isn't a sensitive enough topic? I hate incompetence

AF is 3 days late, no signs of it either, apart from 5 minutes of cramping yesterday. No pg symptoms either, and my body has done this before - (I checked my diary and it was May,) so preparing for a crash next week when it arrives.

Everybody ok..?

Sorry life took over and I fell of the thread

Did you piss on a stick coop? Is 3 days plus normal for you?

No, it was a couple of years ago, my periods took forever to get back to normal after the pill, but they've been fairly stable for 18+ months now. I don't have any piss sticks in the house only about a hundred ov tests from the time before

How're you?

Think someone is feeding one of my cats. She isn't coming in for dinner when I get home & call for her, and she's getting a bit podgy. I only feel them both twice a day, iams only and rarely give them treats or titbits. The other one isn't overweight at all.

It's bad enough being fucking barren without someone trying to fucking steal my child-replacement.

Going to put "my mummy can't have children, so I'm her baby. Please don't try to lure me away by feeding me - I'm all she's got" on her next ID tag.

So I did a cheap pg test when I got home from work, negative.

Where the fucking fuck is my period then?!