The BESH are cheating on Luck with Irony, all Hags aboard for the ironiclusterdiff of the decade (for the B's and the none B's!)

[Blue2014]

You know the drill by now ...

Rules of Entry - must be over 30, TTC no. 1 for over a year, be suitably evil and Hag like, willing to shout Cunt at the moon on regular occasions, consume extra gin when our fellow hags are unable to, and to get the nipple tassles out for any successful Hag ...

No admittance without a complete BESHtionnaire - see below.

Found you!! Missed you all, but with lack of android app I got slack at posting, and then you dropped off my threads I am on list and I wasn't in a head place where I dared scroll through the conception board as I might have got the rage at stupid people tearing their hair out because they'd been trying two minutes and they couldn't wait for their bfp any longer.

I have dutifully read through the last three pages since my absence but I think replying individually to each post is frankly a little beyond me right now (and did I mention there's still no android app?) so apologies for the collective responses rather than me flicking backwards and forwards trying to work out who I'm responding to.

TTC sex is shit. Really fucking shit. Our sex life is crap and the bottom line is that I lack the motivation to do anything about it. We're on holiday for a week (fly home tomorrow) and we've had sex once. That pretty much says it all. Not ttc sex though, so I suppose that's progress of a sort - we had sex and we didn't even have to! other than we're on holiday and if we can't manage it now then really what is going on?

I'm sorry for all the stupid comments BESH have been receiving. I am very blunt in my responses most of the time. Don't know if it helps but it makes me feel better .

Who cancelled Christmas? I did that. And we're doing it again this year. Doesn't happen. And I haven't sent a single Xmas card in years.

Great poem icy, I think we need to extend that

I'm in the middle of what DH states is absolutely our last attempt. He had a bit of a breakdown this week, all these feelings of failure over the last almost five years of TTC shit. There's no male factor identified though, so it's not a literal failure on his part. He's turned into a negative person though. He always used to believe everything was going to be alright, and little things wouldn't even register, he'd just shake them off. Now he doesn't think everything is going to be okay any more. He used to be sickeningly optimistic about everything, but not now .

Anyway, currently downregging. Back off holiday and back to reality with a baseline scan on Monday to see if I'm suppressed yet.
I shall try to be a better BESH.

Hi El, barking here. I'll have been TTC 5 years in Dec. Very barren, very bitter. 6 x clomid, 2x iui, 1 x ivf, 1 x fer, 1 x perished embryo, 2 x mc. Now on last chance private ivf.

blue just to confuse things I'm on long protocol this time. Day 21 was last Sunday for me. Ec is predicted to be w/c 16th Dec, so essentially around day 16 of the main cycle. Obviously it will totally depend on the scan, and when I start stimming, and how I respond.
And whether my total failure to manage to keep the suprecur below 25'C while travelling round Morocco has any bearing on my downregging...

Just lost a year of my life there. I've been ttc 4 years, not 5...

Epic fail with suprecur injection at the airport, dropped the vial onto the tiled floor fortunately it didn't smash but it almost rolled out the toilet cubicle whilst I sat there with my trousers round my ankles .
Now waiting for the droid which needs to arrive in full flow by tomorrow or I'll have to cancel the scan on Monday and all timings will be fucked . Last cycle 27 days, cycle before 25 days. Currently on cd 30 .

Shit barking, you are not having an easy time of it! Sorry to hear it Hag, I hope the hols gave you the tiniest bit of respite (although all Morocco gave me was food poisoning but you are hardier than I, I suspect)

Thanks for the IVF info too. Spent the day with the family and the new nephew. Gee sometimes it's hard to pretend to be a genuine hag (that's one who hasn't been desperate plotting for a baby for 3 bloody years)

Ach sorry Barking to hear how shit it all is. Although you fumbling around a toilet floor with your naked arse in the air has the makings of a comedy sketch. There is definitely a gap in the market for a BESH black comedy show.
I know what you mean about the conception boards making you want to scream. I want to rip my face off every time I see a basic bitch being fertile. Cunts.

Eating a crunchie at my desk (will double up on metformin... That's how it works right?!) was incredibly restrained at weekend, drinking 3/4 bottle wine on sat and probably about the same yesterday. With food over long time period. Feel guilty but it makes me feel better at the time and more relaxed. And as everyone says, "relax and it will happen". Solid advice.

Reading in the Times today a piece about IVF postcode lottery. What about IVF being banned if one partner has a child already. He's had a kid fine, but I don't and it's me with the problem?! Justice, I guess I am evil and selfish so I guess I deserve it. Children are a gift not a given. Tempted to enlist help of a gay friend (who won't qualify for shit either) to pretend to be my husband. We can swap the spaff... Not sure how the birth certificate would work. Oh hark at me! Being all positive! When the reality is I'd do all the fakery and conning and fraud and it would still fucking fail.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck

Right. Better pretend to do some work.

As an aside I'm considering a career change into a luxe travel agent. A friend of mine's bf is one, he gets paid pretty much peanuts, but they don't care bc she makes enough to pay for their living expenses and by virtue of his job they milk the benefits and get between £80-120k worth of holidays per year FOR FREE. this is my back up for when I'm officially a childless barren cunt for life. At least I can lie on a beach in the Maldives for 6 weeks of the year.

Icy you are a plan making genius. You also have a wonderful use of the word cunt. I'm sorry things are shit, fuck it - if wine helps, it helps. It's not like being healthy is making a blind bit of difference to any of us!

Well, my cycle has been cancelled. Was supposed to be my baseline scan today to see if I could start stims but AF never showed. Got a bfp instead.
Nurse thinks the suprecur triggered my hormones and the combination of the scratch and the intralipids helped implantation. Still a looong way to go before I can get even a little bit okay about it though. Been here twice before.
I was hoping to get a bfp on a heavily medicated cycle, but I'm on CD 33 and only today started the prednisalone, fragmin, and progesterone. Booking another intralipids infusion for next week. Had a blood test instead of the scan today and hcg is 92. Means nothing on it's own, hcg was fine last time. Have to wait another week for a second blood test to see what's happening.
So, there you go. Totally numb. And insomnia is my new friend.

All you need to do folks is go on holiday. But not a relaxing one. One where you cry about ivf and your husband falls apart and you have to inject in random places and stress about temperatures and keeping medication cool. That's the way to do it.

Oh Barking fuck me hag! Finally a sniff of positivity! Completely understand that you're a million miles from relaxing, but am so pleased for you.

Clearly relaxation isn't your friend, so just keep on fretting?!

Great news :-)

Fucking hell Barking !!!! You snuck that one in, I almost missed it! Oh Hag, that's amazing news. I know you must still be anxious considering the past, but as icy says, fretting has worked well this month. Oh Barking a genuine ironidiff! Bloody excellent news

Barking I'll not get the nipple tassles out just yet as I remember well what it feels like at this stage. But I'll hold my breath a bit, grab hold of a toe and hope for the best if that's ok? Each day passed is a day closer to that scan date, that golden deadline of 12 weeks etc, etc.

In other news Fablet has arrived and is a blue one! He is now 4 days old and we are totally in love with him. Fairly traumatic birth - no such luck for me to think I could have a lovely natural birth experience after a highly medicalised life start and closely monitored pregnancy but he's here and is healthy still in hospital and hoping for the third time to be discharged today - wish me luck hags!

So in a couple of weeks time is our 5th wedding anniversary and also our TTC 5th anniversary. Proof that there is a potential for all the TTC/IVF bollocks to work out at some point even when all hope is gone!!

Much love to little fablet, Fab

Ah - congrats Fab. Glad he's safely with you.

What a happy day for the BESH.

Oh - fab from what I've heard - bace yourself for "when will you have another" from fucking idiots

Oh, not been on in a few days, happy times for once!! fab, congratulations on blue fablet, hope you're home soon, so happy for a fellow BESH

And barking, talk about shock! I'm so pleased for you, wasn't expecting to read that at all, I guess it just proves the whole thing is so down to luck. All of my crossable body parts are crossed that this is a sticky one

Talk me down. I'm symptom spotting, day 11, and thinking "things come in threes - 2 bits of good BESHnews so maybe, maybe" when I KNOW nothing is any different from a usual cycle. Nothing. I have the same pms acne on my chin and pms twingey tits and pms IBS. It's all pms, I know this, I'm not letting myself get my hopes up, except I am.

Went out for a curry and had a bottle of wine last night. So I know I'm not but I still keep hoping. FUCKING hoping!!
At least it's Friday so I have all of Saturday and Sunday to spend obsessing.... Urgh. At least no commuting on the weekend. Thats a positive,

I'm better than this. Fucking drugs and operations turned on the hope again.

Sorry for the headfuckery icy, I have no useful advice though unfortunately.

How are you doing barking?

Hope is a fucking buttwipe, I hate it. Sorry to hear you are suffering from a bad case of it.

Hags, I'm sorry I have to share this. There is a thread on AIBU about a women who has a friend who is triicking her husband into having children. Let me tell you how she achieved her first pregnancy with him ... He came in her mouth, she went to the bathroom and spat it into a moon cup and inserted it. Fucking hell!!! How is that possible?!!! I can't get diffed with spaff placed exactly where it should be but she can do this? She's like the Virgin Mary! I'm doing it wrong, I need spaff in my mouth or a stable with a manger

I'll apologise in advance for any ramblings and mistakes - am
Half way through a bottle of prosecco (I never really drank before the TtC shit, now I need it!)

Oh my god to that story blue, sounds a bit like bullshit far fetched to me though.. Enjoy your prosecco

Nothing is bullshit impossible for me anymore, while I've been TTC I've seen pregnancies one "just once", withdrawal, "one missed pill", depot contraception, the coil and a vasectomy. It's actually very easy to get diffed - unless you are a hag ...

Thanks hags, still unable to celebrate, just numb, and in denial. I couldn't handle waiting until Monday for a blood test as it's a crazy day at work so I went in yesterday. Hcg was 357. Nurse said she was looking for over 1000 on my dates. It has not doubled twice in 96 hours but isn't miles away, should be 372. So the rise is the low side of normal. Still feel like this could go the way of the others. Scan on 19th, almost two weeks away. Another intralipids drip on Tuesday. Jabbing fragmin every day, stupid fucking thick, blunt needles and ouchy liquid shoving utrogestan (sp?) up my fanny three times a day and taking prednisalone, metaformin, omega 3, pregnacare and calichew tablets. And weekly woo needles.
Still not sleeping.

Fab lovely news, was your bfp really 8 months ago?! Hope you're now home with fablet .

Cooper luck + thousands of £'s on tests which led to me having the intralipids drip + scratch fucking painful, took three of them to get it done, they had to call the consultant in to help + suprecur injections. And now a shit load of drugs to try and keep this one alive.

icy it's 12dpo now, a frer should give you an answer?

blue dangerous game that, he could easily claim it wasn't his if he knew he was taking preventative measures and leave her. That's some fucked up game she's playing. Would you want her life?! But yes, 'this very fucking easy for some people. Seemingly always those least suitable to be having children. sits comfortably in her judgypants

Aw, sorry barking, I didn't mean luck as such, none of us have any of that , more irony I guess. Sorry for the awfulness of drugs and waiting, turbot of time-passing-quickly(?)

Barking it must be so stressful for you. Was going to say "I can't imagine how you must feel" - but actually I get that line off sympathetic friends all the time when they're saying unhelpful shit, and I just think "well how about fucking try to imagine. Put yourself out a bit". So whilst I don't know how you feel going through such immense stress, I am remembering the most stressed and sick and worried and tense I've ever felt, and I know that doesn't even begin to cover it. Awful shit to go through. My bad case of The Hope is subsiding for myself, but you can have the spare vibes if you want them (I won't be offended if you don't like!)

I'm going to talk to OH about the spaff-in-gob-in-vag method. Sounds promising.

Hello. Can I join? Not sure if there's a hazing ritual or not but here's my BESHtionnaire:

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

Yes. Hendricks a particular favourite, with own damson gin second and Bombay Sapphire a close third.

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

Gold digger

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use: a) weewee b) poopoo c) foofoo d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

D. This may explain why we're having no luck

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

Is this a trick question?

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

See answer to 4)

6. Number of pets?

2

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame? Former Spad to Michael Gove, Dominic Cummings (google him, he looks like Poindexter).

8. Lesbian crush? My former yoga teacher.

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?

a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
b) Over 100 quid
c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks
d) I have an extra expensive lick on a stick gadget which also appears to do arse all

D.

10. Which of these sentences is appalling: a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!! b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx c) both of the above

C.

11. How barren are you? a) childless and TTC for at least one year b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

A.

Christ, just read back some of the posts just before mine. Feel like I just blundered into a pretty sensitive conversation. Massive sympathy for anyone going through tough times with IVF and especially worries in early pregnancy. On a less flippant note, I'm 36, TTC #1 for just over a year, one MC and a fibroid the size of Mars. Hoping for good news for everyone on this thread

I'm very happy to welcome you just because of your amazing name!
Back again soon to catch up properly - welcome new hag

I feel bad asking this as such a n00b on the thread but please can someone talk me down? I am symptom spotting like a mentalist despite only being about 2dpo. I've got that same manky taste in my mouth as I had when I was (briefly) updiffed earlier this year; it's just as easily attributable to gum disease or an incipient cold but knowing that doesn't stop the crazy. Can someone please throw a bucket of water over me or something.