The BESH are cheating on Luck with Irony, all Hags aboard for the ironiclusterdiff of the decade (for the B's and the none B's!)

[Blue2014]

You know the drill by now ...

Rules of Entry - must be over 30, TTC no. 1 for over a year, be suitably evil and Hag like, willing to shout Cunt at the moon on regular occasions, consume extra gin when our fellow hags are unable to, and to get the nipple tassles out for any successful Hag ...

No admittance without a complete BESHtionnaire - see below.

Oh Fab!

I am not at all teary and emotional about how amazing it is that fablet is nearly here, oh no - Hags are too hard for all the soft stuff

fab!! I am excited for you!!!!! Sorry but I am (clearly for the baby, not the shagging!)

Hello, shitty attendance record rain here again. fab so bloody excited for you! Come on fablet, let's get this show on the road!

Totally raging tonight. CD11 and no shagging at all. There's this horrid gulf between RAF and I at the moment and I don't know how to fix it. Not sure if it's a post IVF thing, an infertility weariness thing or a bigger problem. We're not really talking about how we're feeling and I don't know how to initiate it without it sounding like accusations. I feel a bit broken, like I just can't verbalize how I'm feeling about everything. Even trying to write it out here, I don't really know where to begin, suffice to say everything feels pretty fucking bleak.

Elle welcome! Tom H isn't embarrassing is he?

blue how are things with you post appointment??

Always lovely to see you Sargent Rain.

I'm sorry you've hit a shitty point, it must be really hard for both of you and if your man is anything like my man that involves absolutely no talking about it whatsoever.

Honestly, we have absolutely sucked at the shagging for well over a year now, so I'm not the best of hags to offer advice. Do you feel like you can let this month go? Let the ov days pass and try to sex after that so it becomes about the 2 of you again?

Appointment was alright, 7 months til the next one at which point they will refer me onto the 6 month waiting list. I've made a firm decision and am skipping off to Czech Republic early next year

Ola!

Wow icy get you! It has been a long while since we've done twice in one day, so I know what you mean rain and blue - it often feels like it might have become a bit of a chore...used to love a good seeing to when it was just about enjoying it!! How awful that ttc should ruin this for us all. I think for me it's different month to month tho. I say reclaim it!! Like blue says, try sechsing outside of of time to see if it helps? Sorry rain that you're feeling so bleak about it all, have u thought about talking to someone about it all to see if it can help you verbalise how you're feeling? My OH suggested I do that and its something I'm seriously considering although I don't know who / where to start with it.

Great that you have a plan of action blue, I often feel the limbo / waiting / not knowing is the most mentally draining part of all this.

Off to see an osteopath tomorrow as my back has been hurting me down one side for months now, hoping I will be tension free and wonderful afterwards!!

Oh and good luck fab I had not realised til now that you had a fablet on board :)

Gin - that's the cure for you back Elly (taken internally)

Aw rain, sorry you're having a shit time, think it does tend to go in horrible shitty circles sometimes, MrC is equally bad at talking about his feelings and its so frustrating

I don't know what's going on with me lately hags, I've been making plans for next year because I won't be pregnant (because I resisted plans for the past two years and I know I won't be), and somehow I can't feel anything about it. I think I've given up...

Plans are good anyway coop - we've put out life on hold for too long anyway (I bought a family car instead of a two seater convertible sports car 3 years ago because I thought I would probably have a baby soon!)

Fuck it, make plans - all plans are changeable - if I baby comes along then make new plans

Hello Hags! Sorry for the prolonged absence, I've not been on MN much and managed to lose you all

Nothing to report here, after 2 "normal" cycles I'm now on CD31 with no whiff of ovulation

Will try to catch up on all your news, oh and to the New Blood

Thanks for all your lovely messages of luck . I'll let you know when Fablet has landed. Ellie, once a BESH always a BESH so I pop in from time to time to say hello, scatter fish and give shoulder punches. Took us 4.5 years and 3 rounds of IVF but we got there in the end! Think I might be the oldest BESH evuh at 43 but I may be wrong? Didn't leave it too late because I'm a crazed career woman (nod to the Daily Fail) but didn't meet my wonderful TWH until I was 37 and there was no way I was going to attempt motherhood with someone who wasn't absolutely right for me. This shit is hard enough for instadiffers let alone the warrior BESH. We need to be nails and have supportive others to keep going through it all with. Oops did I just roar then? Soz, will get off my soapbox pronto!

Rain, I'm sorry you've been going through the mill post IVF. It is shit. Are you able to get counselling at all? I would really recommend it - it's important you have the opportunity to lay to rest that particular round of hopes and dreams so that you are able to move on. Don't try to ignore it just because it didn't work. You put your all into it and it deserves a good send off. With your lovely DH who's initials I can't remember right now grrrr (is it RAF??) why not try going really simple and doing more cuddles, holding hands etc if you're struggling to talk. Sometimes you just need that little intimacy to show each other that you're not alone in this.

Coop, plans are good and not defeatist. Sometimes having non ttc plans are exactly what you need and it does help stop the living in limbo bollocks for a bit at least!

Cavey- when is your next clinic sesh?

Woohoo it's gin time the weekend!!

fab very many congrats, it sounds like you thoroughly deserve this, sorry to hear of the heartache that went before. your words of wisdom for rain got me all teary!

And plans, yes agree this is the way forward! Would rather be changing plans after happily finding myself upduffed rather than the other way round....aiming to follow this principle, incl currently booking in lots of potentially quite boozy pre-Chrimbo get togethers...keep catching my mind idly wondering how I would get myself out of drinking in case the best were to happen tho and having to give myself a mental slap on wrist!! We have a lovely long haul holiday booked for February which I can't wait for, when I booked the flights I "could" have had a 2 month old....HA! Fat chance of that!!!

Hello cave!

Flashing fucking smiley - so bloody lame that "WOW I'M OVULATING SOON, MAYBE" is a reason for a good weekend. Well done ShitBody. Cue a fortnight of false hope

If it helps I'm also ovulating and have managed to argue with Mr B (it's his fault but still) no shagging for us

Argh sorry to hear that Blue - this infertility thing is such a relationship killer.

Haven't got any suggestions I'm afraid beyond shoulder punch and .

Fertility fuckups is just the shittiest thing, I guess the only upside is being infertile has made me a much better human being. I don't mean Ghandi-better, I mean good old fashioned superior.

If you can hold down, and succeed at, a job whilst living through ongoing and unending emotional fucking trauma, you're better than all the other fuckers around you. Feels a bit like that Kipling poem...
If you can hold down a job
If you can listen to shit "well meaning" (aka 'say something vaguely hopeful but completely irrelevant and hopefully she'll drop the subject') advice without exploding
If you can sit through pregnancy announcements and fake a normal reaction
If you can go through years of this shit and not end up committed to a psychiatric ward..

You'll be a BESH, my son.

Fab poem icy

Blue I hate it when that happens. I had an ugly crying meltdown at HWHNN the other week because we just weren't having enough sechs and it felt like he couldn't be arsed. Turns out he was looking at it from a different angle, he'd been focussing on the clinic visit and hadn't realised that I'd much rather get pregnant before going down the self-stabbing route!

No news on a date for the clinic yet fab, the nurse said it would be late Oct/early Nov so I'll give them a call next week to see what is happening.

That is brilliant Icy!

Cave, I might be a bit like him I'm afraid - just booked first appointment for Czech clinic, and can't seem to motivate myself for the current ov sechs - 3 years shows me it doesn't work naturally so may as well give up and just pay for a baby ?

icy love the poem, we should pin that to the entry criteria as something all BESHees must memorise.

blue when do you go over? Someone I know on another thread (you know the one!) is getting treated in Cz at the moment, it all sounds very good so far.

elly distractions are good, especially if they involve gin. That said, I've had an extremely boozy last couple of weeks and am feeling it today. We're off to sunny Mexico for a fortnight in mid-Nov, and I need to shift the booze bloat before then if I am going to wear my bikini with any sort of confidence!

fab you luffly hag, you made me cry. Funny I should have read your post only just now - I sent an email to the counselling lady at our clinic earlier today. I think I might actually be depressed, but going to explore the counselling first and see how that goes.

coop I think a strong degree of self-preservation comes into play when you make longer term plans. Our minds pull down the shutters so to speak. Definitely agree with fab that making them and not feeling much about the potential impact on ttc doesn't have to mean you've given up.

cave I am wondering if that's what's going on with me and RAF a bit. I should probably ask him shouldn't I? I just can't seem to think of a way to bring up how I'm feeling without it sounding like disjointed rambling, or a heap of accusations. Fucking sick of this shit!

I have to request a form from our GP to get our viral blood screen re-done in December before we start round two in the new year. Do you think I could scam the GP receptionist into also adding my thyroid level and a CMV test, even tho the clinic have not asked for this?

Will the GP not do it without a scam? I have to say my GP is ace and has offered tests the clinic haven't!

Off to Czech 2nd week of December - I'm still a berry Lurker and think I'll be going to the same clinic.

Did you talk bout the sechs?

I was hoping to get the form without needing an appointment - last time I just called the receptionist and said I needed the IVF viral screen bundle and she sorted it quickly. I guess I could go and see him, he's pretty nice, it just takes bloody ages to get an appointment (and is often the locum these days as he's about to retire).

No, no convo about sechs. It seems to bring out PA tendencies in me. Closest I got was this am when I asked him what time he came to bed and then 'jokingly' accused him of trying to avoid me (to which he didn't respond, just awkward silence and then we left for work). I don't know what to do really. I try to think of ways to start a conversation about it but they all just sound terrible in my head and lead to imaginary arguments.

Not long till Dec! Are you living a virtuous life of piety in the run up?

Oh I have no advice re the conversations - I tend to just leap in with both feet and he's tells me I'm far too direct. Thing is, I Hate that 'trying to figure out the best way to say it' stuff so I now say say ' here's some stuff that's on my mind, I love you a lot whatever's, I'm aware I've just dumped this on you so I'll go and have a bath and give you time to think'. I doesn't avoid arguementa but it gets it done (I feel the need to point out that this is after several months of my yelling "I have my best bra on, why won't you sechs me!!!" Then crying and running out of the room.

Dec is just for the consultation, treatment planned for jan. So yes, am trying to avoid the prosecco in the fridge and eat bloody apples instead. I'm not great at this but trying to think it's not forever

Hey hags, feeling low today...AF arriving imminently and v painful, just had to excuse myself from a conversation with colleagues over lunch about the tradition of "push presents" from husbands, ie diamonds etc (alright for some!) when you have a baby...like women are only worth more to their other halves when they can do that... Boooo

Re conversations with OH about ttc, I tend to bottle up, blurt out whilst wailing / crying, make up / talk it thru whilst wailing / crying. And repeat again in another month or two. Seems to work so far for us but I don't think I'd be qualified to offer any advice!

Push presents are fucking idiotic, I don't want one even when/if I do get to push. Morons

Mr B is really annoying me, he wants to know the exact date of when treatment will begin so he can arrange work. I don't fucking know! Fuck work will you, this is more important!!

I've snuck into PeSH chat to ask IVF hags there but does anyone know the answer - if dec cycle 21 day is dec 26th and next period is 1st jan can we estimate my egg collection date roughly from that or not?

Blue that really depends a) on protocol and b) on response to stims (which may vary from cycle to cycle). If your lp, you'll DR only for the first cycle so EC won't be til 6-ish weeks after you start. If it's sp, you'll do everything in the same cycle, so EC should be some time between day 10-18-ish.

I did lp, and had EC about 6,5 weeks after starting, and about cd 16/7ish of the second cycle (and I had short cycles without IVF with ovulation happening invariably between day 10 and 13). Hope that helps a little. And I agrees this is way more important than work, but planning is helpful if impossible. We did the lp fresh round June/July as both our jobs are a bit more calm then.

Waves at all the other hags, and gin and a pile of sushi to be flung around or enjoyed.

Thanks Drizz, that's really helpful. Hope all is going well for you?