smack those rats, sniff those drugs; we dont care how, but we will get our babies and we are BROOKING NO ARGUMENT

[keepitgoing]

roll up roll up

Bfn
Fuck fuck fuck

Oh Keep fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. So sorry. What a big pile of shit this whole thing is. X

:(

It really fucking is, imps

loopy I'm not here so much as v busy these days, the app has gone, and tbh I don't have much to say. I have no hopes of a natural bfp.
Otd is wed, at 11dp5dt so I'll see when we can do a fresh round

I really thought with 3 frosties we'd get a baby :(

I have everything very very tightly crossed indeed that a BFP appears on Weds. X

Sorry for the bfn keep. What day did you get a bfp last time? Have been reading a lot about hcg and tests and my conclusion is most people don't get their BFP's as early as the makers of frer would like us to believe. 18dpo is the normal point by which most should get their bfp apparently...no way I will be able to hold out testing until then. Didn't do one today. Might crack open a frer tomorrow or the day after. Sticking my head in the sand this time.

Oh Keep I'm really sorry it was a bfn. Ivf is such a cruel lottery. It's probably just bad luck as we know you make great embryos, it's just a case of keeping going till you get one that sticks. Do you have any idea when you will be able to have a fresh cycle? thinking of you X

Sorry I've not been around much. The stupid bloody dad sec thing has had me change my password/locked out lots. I also usually use the app as I post on my phone so it's a right pain having to do it this way!

Sorry I've missed so much. I'm completely out of the loop. Lots of love to Imps, Beedle, Loopy and Molotov. We are off on holiday on Wednesday morning so will make an effort to catch up when I get back

The equivalent as today last time round. I think with ivf it's different as you know dates exactly, so I'd expect 14dpo equivalent to give an accurate result

Good luck for tomorrow

imps I know, it's bloody annoying when you have to miss a month! When's your next round again?

Bloody hell we've had a hard old time in here recently

beedle you'll be DR soon I think? X

Ooooooh yes Beedle you must be DR by now??

We have had a tough time of late but we're Brookers and WE WILL REIGN SUPREME.

We're going to start our next round in January - could have started next month but a) I want to have NK cell testing first and b) Jan is the start of the new holiday year at work and I want to take some mornings/days leave for scans, EC and ET. It's too damn hard to fit into a working day. Esp ET - I was late for my appt last time as I got caught on a call. Waaaaay too stressful.

The equivalent of 14DPO doesn't mean it's an absolute cert of a BFN Keep, but I know it's prob easier to assume that it is rather than holding on to hope. Feels so pointless, doesn't?

I looove custard donuts...

Yes, feels pointless. It is easier than last time round as I have kip though.

I HATE not knowing the reason. I have never had a natural bfp

Sorry about your BFP, keep. There is no logic, reason or sense of 'fairness' in conceiving. You either do or do not become pg that month. So, you could get pg even though everything feels very negative right now. There is always hope - and that's true for everyone on this thread. Sending big hugs to you all xxx

And in reply to Imps earlier question: aside from DH, only my DM and DMIL knew about our problems conceiving dd2. My DM is usually very supportive with everything, but watching us (me) suffer through having secondary infertility was too much for her and she often let me down when I needed her.

I don't blame her for anything, though. I know she didn't mean to let me down, and as she had difficulties conceiving me maybe this bought back painful memories from her own past. I'm still her child and I think it must have been very difficult for her to witness. She's the one who is supposed to fix things for me but couldn't fix that.

DMIL was supportive but didn't really understand so there was a limit to how much we could discuss.

I would have been mortified if my friends had known - I don't know why. I just did not want to talk about it. At all. I'm a very private person IRL so it would be very unnatural for me to talk about that kind of thing. Then when friends became pg (especially with their second dcs), that was too much. I broke down in front of one of my friends who announced her 2nd pg during a play date (her dd1 and my dd1 are the same age). I spilt all the beans because I had to as I'd cried when she told me she was expecting. Not a nice reaction! Fortunately, she's a very nice lady and was extremely sympathetic.

I was in denial, I think. If I talked openly about it, that would have made it real (?) But in hindsight, I should have talked; perhaps to a counsellor from the clinic or something as they are professional and objective. DH, DM and DMIL were all too close to be objective.

Mol don't underestimate the power of MN for offering support and understanding through the battle of TTC. I can say with all confidence that I would have struggled enormously over the past 5 years without this lovely lot to offload onto. Brookers rock.

Am using a digi ovulation thing for the first time this month. Had two days of flashing faces but not peak yet (despite today being CD21 ). Poor Mr Imps is in a bad way after his bike crash - am pretty sure he must have fractured his collarbone. He's really grumpy about it too - so the chances of The Sex when I get my smiley face is small to zero. Oh well, c'est la vie.

Hope you're doing okay Keep.

Beedles hope you're okay too. And everyone else for that matter :)

I'm OK imps, called in my bfn today and have a fu appt on the 22nd so hoping we can do a fresh cycle soon

beedle where ARE you? Hope sniffing is going OK

mol i think you will have to be like i am trying to do and focus on what you have, and try not to get too caught up iin it all

loopy bfp yet?

this digi ovulation thing has got me soooo confused:

Sunday: lots of fertile pant snot; digi says "you're not fertile"

Monday: some fertile pant snot; digi says "you're a bit fertile"; ovulation pains

Tues: not really any fertile pant snot; digi says "you're a bit fertile"; ov pains

Today: non-fertile pant snot (ie thick and not clear); digi says "you're a bit fertile"; no ovulation pains.

So I am certain that I ovulated on Tuesday, but didn't get a peak on the digi at all, which went as far as to say on Sunday that I wasn't remotely fertile.

Who fucking knows. . Even the easy bits end up being so damned difficult.

So I've got a peak this morning - BUT NO PANT SNOT. WHERE IS ALL MY FUCKING PANT SNOT?

Just smack that rat anyway!

So it doesn't appear as though you can buy jizz-friendly lube in Boots/Superdrug or anywhere. Oh well, will just have to hope there's something egg white-like up there.

I'm sure you can buy conceive + in boots!

I didn't see any in the Boots I went to earlier but it was a smallish one. Will go to the bigger one in town.

Blimey, look at me getting so organised for ovulation.

None in the big Boots either! What is a girl with no pant snot to do?

Enough about me and my cervical mucus crisis though. How is everyone else?

Keep you should be able to start a fresh round ASAP shouldn't you?

I'd have thought we can start soon imps but I don't know what their wait is. None for FETs but who knows with ivf. Appointment in 2 weeks anyway

Where's everyone else?

AF is signalling she will be here later with some horrible cramps...

Waiting for my follow-up consultation. Already more than an hour late. Bored now.

Best. Follow-up. Consultation. Ever.

So I asked Lovely Consultant about tests for clotting/NK cells, and she said "well you could pay for those tests to be done...or we could just assume that there might be the problem and give you the treatment for those issues anyway..." So we're throwing everything at the next cycle -

from now I am taking super-strength folic acid;

In December I will have a hysterscopy (I forget the abbreviation) which will act as a scratch at the same time, given that they will do a biopsy;

In Jan, when the treatment starts, I will start on low-strength aspirin and something else (begins with an "f" I think...). They will start me on a higher dose of stims in an attempt to get more eggs (she said that i clearly am not at risk of OHSS, so she is quite happy to up the drugs). I will also have an IV-drip (for NK cells), prednisolone and clexane as well as the usual progesterone.

We will have IMSI rather than ICSI (in IMSI sperm is magnified by 6000x rather than 200x so they can find the very very best sperm) and they will put 2 embies back, rather than one.

Mr Imps is having a DNA fragmentation test to see if his jizz really is past it, or if there is hope.

It was reassuring to know that out of our 7 fertilised eggs, 3 of them became blastos, although the two that weren't put back were not particularly good which is why they didn't freeze them.

I think all of these extras will cost about £1500 all-in, but I think it's worth doing. I couldn't believe how keen Lovely Consultant was to just go with these extras - it was entirely at her suggestion and we didn't even have to ask.

Loops I asked about the Coventry biopsy and Lovely Consultant said that it is quite basic and doesn't give the full picture. The NK cell testing they recommend at Bourn Hall is £2,000, but as she said, the treatment doesn't do any harm if there isn't a problem, so why spend the money on the tests when you can just pay for the treatment? Are you far from Cambridge? Perhaps it's worth getting having a consultation at BH - Lovely Consultant was so willing to help and didn't discredit NK cell testing at all. Just a thought.

So bring on final natural attempt in November, then it's all systems go for December and January!

imps that's great news! You'll deffo get knocked up with a sticky one. (But as you're private I can't see why LC would have said no to the extras..)