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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Life's a bitch but we keep on shagging! We've stocked up on gin and pics of cats! If your Miroid can't give you the big "O" then LTB and come join us! 50 shade's got nothing on us! It's JS'ing 40!!!!!

999 replies

jellypi3 · 28/02/2015 21:31

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 39 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2306410-Dont-let-your-clits-get-twitchy-and-do-anything-to-avoid-a-boil-in-the-bag-fanny-BFP-wholesale-van-rolling-in-to-deliver-to-all-the-viroids-no-superstition-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-39" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2309233-Well-crap-in-a-Jiffy-bag-Its-the-22nd-JS-Grads-thread" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
gaggiagirl · 14/03/2015 09:53

tink! Yaaaaaay! Welcome back! I've missed you. I was going to pm you but didn't want to look like a stalker.

I'm enjoying all of your sexcapades. I sill haven't had any.

stoat I'm really pleased everything is back to normal!.

honeysucklejasmine · 14/03/2015 10:08

Jelly good luck, don't get murdered.

Poor fallen. Hope it's not an action movie!

Hobbit19 · 14/03/2015 11:10

Knitting, kinky sex and bread! Hahaha love it!
Jelly, hope the crazy cat people don't chop you up into little pieces and store you in their broom cupboard hope you have a lovely day!
Stoat, phew. Hope you are okay Flowers, Cake and Wine for you.
MrsBlackCat, are you next to test?

ZylaB · 14/03/2015 12:06

lil I'm intrigued by the cauliflower! Blitz raw stuff, then microwave for 7 mins, ok but..microwave dry? Or with water (I'm crap I know, but I want to try it!)

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 14/03/2015 12:18
Grin

Can't join in with the "equipment" sex chat I'm afraid. I am easy and Dh sees no need for any assistance! He got almost offended when I mentioned getting a buzzy friend. We went to see 50sog (mwahaha) by mistake and he was bored to tears!

ain can your gp recommend a naturopath/homeopath or maybe a fertility specialist acupuncturist? I've had great results with supplements but would be loath to recommend things to anyone because I don't really know what I'm on about! Might be worth asking..

gaggia I can't remember if I know you're pg from lurking or if I was active on here at the time so no idea if I've congratulated you but mahoosive congratulations my friend! Smile I'm very glad you've eventually figured out which hole is for what and what goes where Wink its a very common mistake, Mr. Tink makes it regularly Wink

lil could you get him drunk then pounce? With Mr. Tink there is a sweet spot (after about 4 beers) when he's easily seduced. Any more than four and he'll shag me, no problem, but getting him to climax is virtually impossible and can start to chafe somewhat. [hm]

Anyone tried pregnitude/inofolic? I'm giving it a bash for a cycle.

honeysucklejasmine · 14/03/2015 12:37

Ha ha ha Tink Grin this is why we missed you.

lildottie · 14/03/2015 14:46

tink dh doesnt drink, hasnt done the whole time I've known him (10years) and for about 3-4 years before that!!

jellypi3 · 14/03/2015 16:45

I'm alive viroids!!!! Talked a lot about cats and nothing about shagging lol. One of the people people decorated the table with a cat balloon and I did have a moment when I thought if we all met, would we decorate the table with penis and fanjo balloons and give buzzy friends as pressies ;)

OP posts:
goodnessgraciousgouda · 14/03/2015 17:03

Ladies have a sweet spot too though!! For me its two glasses of wine with not much food, or three glasses with a proper meal! Four beers sounds quite alot to me!!! I think I would be a fatty bloaty mess after four beers. Then again, I fucking hate beer....

fanjo balloons!!! I died!

goodnessgraciousgouda · 14/03/2015 17:04

Fatty should have been farty but its good that auto correct is showing its fatist nature...

honeysucklejasmine · 14/03/2015 17:04

Fanjo balloons! Oh my god! LMAO!

CountryGal4 · 14/03/2015 17:35

Fanjo balloons Pahahaha. Can we actually do that???

jellypi3 · 14/03/2015 17:35

We should invent fanjo balloons

OP posts:
jellypi3 · 14/03/2015 17:37

Ok this guy has done it

OP posts:
SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 14/03/2015 17:51

My eyes!!! Oh my stars that gave me a shock. What a devlish little grin too!

waves at newbies

Wine and Cake to all. Happy weekend! I've dusted the cape off and it's just like new again. The one with the shiny red convertible has parked in front of my house but I don't mind as reckon the Miroid needed a settling in period (see what I did there?) we are declaring it a do-over.

honeysucklejasmine · 14/03/2015 18:07

Lol Sky claps very clever! Wink

That balloon is horrifying and intriguing all at once.

justtheonethen · 14/03/2015 18:11

That balloon sculpture has made my day!

justtheonethen · 14/03/2015 18:14

jelly i love the idea of a cat group. You're not in london are you?!

Hobbit19 · 14/03/2015 18:22

Balloon fanjo! OMG. Think mn should add a balloon fanjo emoticon.

jellypi3 · 14/03/2015 18:25

just we all met in London in a pub :) Baker Street :)

OP posts:
Lemondrizzletwunt · 14/03/2015 18:42

That fanjo balloon has made my day. I want one instead of those crappy 'its a girl' (or whatever) balloons people bring you when you give birth Grin

honeysucklejasmine · 14/03/2015 18:51

Surely if it were a post birth balloon you need to over inflate it and then let it go a big saggy, then tie a few ribbon "stitches" around it.

Lemondrizzletwunt · 14/03/2015 19:06

Honey Grin

justtheonethen · 14/03/2015 19:13

You mean a day of chatting about my cat was only a tube ride away?

Hobbit19 · 14/03/2015 19:14

Ha ha ha! Perhaps you should get a regular fanjo balloon with a message saying 'Congratulations, hope yours goes back to normal soon!' Smile