Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 38 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2292480-Jazz-up-your-ROC-Invoke-a-Wankban-Shake-your-Beaver-and-Find-Cupboard-Love-with-the-Just-Shagging-Viroids-Dont-forget-to-Cup-and-Run-its-JS-38?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2299801-JSing-Grads-turn-21-Weve-got-the-Key-to-the-door-cosy-wombles-and-a-drawer-of-dirty-spoons?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

(Maybe it's because you are pregnant Ain?!)

Sorry, couldn't help it!!!!!

We all get the crazies ain. Don't stress. I've been surprisingly nonchalant this month. We have been shagging lots, but I'm not dwelling on every symptom or worrying over the lack of peaks on the monitor. I'm just taking my temp to the sounds of Ed Sheehan every morning and shagging every evening (and some mornings).

Please remind me of this when I am 5DPO and spotting like a nutter

Oh god jcandy I can't believe someone would say it isn't a real miscarriage - I luckily have not experienced mc so can't imagine the pain but still know it must be absolutely heartbreaking at whatever stage of pregnancy you are at. It is really sad that people don't try to understand.

Congrats pig!!!

I've just sloshed piss all over myself ARGHHHHhH

Btw congrats pig

Jcandy i missed your post. Thank you. Your friend sucks.

country lol!

Thanks everyone, yeah I hope she doesn't have to experience it herself but that would probably be the only time that she would understand!

Haha country!

Still ongoing
I don't want to bring this thread down as this is not the place but if you want to know how I am I will update on the night owls thread in chat xx

Stoat please do update us in here, it is definitely the right place, we care about you. This Fred is support for all of us, no matter what you're going through. It shouldn't have to be JSing related to be relevant or appropriate. And anyway, we hate appropriate

Sorry to have been crap with the Fred recently. I have a week off and have been lurking, but not posting. Am pleased with the quality of my shagging recently, it has been excessively dirty! (I'm going for quality this month, not quantity ) am feeling positive though, by complete chance I managed to catch a pos OPK this month at roughly CD8 (although I'm not really bothering to count)...my cycles are normally 30-35 days though, so I'm not sure when to expect AF or test if she doesn't show? Does your LP change length? I always forget which one it is that stays the same, and which one it is that can vary...

Lil I'm so sorry to hear about your crap time as well. For what it's worth, I think you and stoat are both so brave. You're so strong, even in the face of your struggles, and I've been thinking of you lots. You remind me to be grateful for what I have, even if I want more.

Well the bleeding has started. I'm holding up. Being well looked after

Are you at home?

Do you have chocolate and cuddles?

I'm in hospital. I'm on the medical management route. I have a DH and DSis and a brew.

Oh Stoat How are you feeling right now?

Glad you have DH and Dsis though. almost as good as chocolate!

How long do you have to stay? (sorry, I don't know anything about the medical management options...)

I'm in a weirdly peaceful place. I accept my baby came and changed me but had to go.

I don't know how long. I came in at 8 and some ppl would be finished now but it took me a while to start. They may send me home to finish but it depends on pain and blood loss.

I'm glad you're getting some peace.

I don't know if it helps or comes across as insensitive (and I really don't mean it to be), but I once read that when we conceive, each embryo is made according to a unique blueprint that has never been tested or used before. Obviously this means that sometimes nature makes mistakes in our genetic makeup, and the cleverness of human biology means that the cells begin to die. This is biology gearing up to make you your very own, positively perfect child, and it will happen when the time is right. It doesn't take anything at all away from this experience; if anything it illustrates all the more that pregnancy and conception are miracles, and that with exquisite happiness also comes heart-stopping sadness. This baby was just as important as the one you will have.

I'm going to stop now, I really don't think I'm explaining myself well.

What nightie did DH choose you in the end? Are you clad in cartoon character motifs? Or something pink and fluffy?!

I think that's lovely. In the nicest way I hope it's happening but I am trying to trust that my baby will make it's way out there and that my body will help.

DH failed on the nightie front! There were none in town but my friend went to sainsburys and got me a purple and white striped one that I am rocking and a butterfly one for back up.

Please do keep posting on here, stoat - you're not bringing the thread down. If problems and loss weren't part of the process then we wouldn't need threads about it in the first place, we'd all just breeze our way into sticky, healthy pregnancies. I hope things are as easy on you as they can possibly be. Thinking of you and your baby a lot today.

Lol! I have images of you looking like some kind of Cadburys criminal in purple and white stripes

It's a milka shade lemon

It's happening anyway, I can't look but I can feel. DSis is checking on it.

Ooh Milka is just as good, if not better!

Does it hurt?

I was having contractions and they did hurt but am on pain relief. They are not convinced the blood I am losing is a lot so I will likely be sent home. Although maybe gravity will do it's thing when I go to the toilet, I am scared of what's to come if they think I have a long way go

That's just not on that it hurts physically as well as mentally

You say you're scared of what's to come if they think you have a long way to go...are you bleeding a lot?

stoat keep talking to us or anyone. I found it really helped to talk about it. I dont know why, its weird really but...a problem shared and all that.

I'm bleeding steadily, it's like a heavy period lemon
The pain was tolerable and if I thought it was only going to be that bad that would be acceptable. I'm just scared of worse pain.

gaggia it is helping and if you don't mind I'll keep posting. I'm emotionally okay and it is good to share.

I don't know what to think. I've come home now even though the job hasn't finished. I could stay in on my own and they weren't that keen or be at home with my DH, DSis and now my dad.