Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 38 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2292480-Jazz-up-your-ROC-Invoke-a-Wankban-Shake-your-Beaver-and-Find-Cupboard-Love-with-the-Just-Shagging-Viroids-Dont-forget-to-Cup-and-Run-its-JS-38?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2299801-JSing-Grads-turn-21-Weve-got-the-Key-to-the-door-cosy-wombles-and-a-drawer-of-dirty-spoons?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

I am feeling shitty again tonight, meaning my normal thinking cap is a bit impaired... I'm sorry viroids. I'm being rubbish. Especially lil, purple and stoat. I really do genuinely wish there was something I could do for you guys. I wish I had something constructive to say.

On a different note (not related to why I'm upset) - I could do with a little help. My friend wants me to be bridesmaid or whatever it is I technically am because I'm married at her wedding. She has found a beautiful dress that shes fallen in love with for her bridesmaids. Only the largest size they have is an 18. It fits me in that I can wear it, but it's tight across my boobs and a little loose at the waist. (I hate my boobs - they make buying nice clothes difficult). Now, I am losing weight slowly but steadily and she isn't getting married til April 2016. I haven't spoken to her about the sizing issue just yet (she asked me to try it on but she lives 150 miles away from me so she told me the shop and I went to try it on), but she really likes the dress, and it is beautiful. It doesn't actually look too bad on, there's a ribbon belt thing around the waist and yea, it's a little tight across the chest... Do I get an 18? Do I go smaller? A year is a long time... But it's also far easier to get a dress taken in if needed than to make it bigger...

I also need to buy a dress for a wedding I'm going to next month. For this one I want something nice, not too OTT formal, but something a bit nicer than my dresses I wear every day. Not sure where to look to be honest. I suck at buying 'nice' outfits.

Sorry for a long post about nothing related to TTC!

I fucking detest 'it wasn't meant to be'. I've had a similar text from a friend. Funnily enough she saw my sister tonight and said 'I think I've upset Stoat', my sister knows her text did upset me and handled it well. I've warned my solution focused Dad that platitudes like at least you can get pregnant/ you can try again/not meant to be will not be well received. Alright Dad, if I get run over and killed, it was meant to be, you still have my sister and you can have another kid if you want, so stop crying. He got it after I said that.

Weirdly the clumsiest insensitive people have been those with kids. It's my friends that are single/a bit younger without kids who have been great.

ainat I would get the size that you are, one less thing to stress about.

Oh gosh. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry that this is happening and that people can be so hurtful with the insensitive things they say. We're all here to support each other though.

Ain go big, get taken in.

Get the bigger size ain. As you say it's easier to get things taken in. And hopefully between now and April you will have gotten pg and had a baby (or could be pregnant but hopefully you will have had a baby by then) so you may not lose a great deal of weight (but still be a yummy mummy ofc).

I moaned at DP about my mental session in sainsbury today. He laughed. Dick. No sex for him tonight.

purple I have to confess to having St least thought "but you know you can get pg" in the past in the depths of my struggles but I can honestly say knowing what I know now I seriously regret thinking it , and I hope to god I've never said it because right noe the fact I was pg is of absolutely no condolence to me. so I seriously apologise!

yes ain I agree get biggest size and have it taken in when you are a skinny Minny.

just smacked dhs hand for saying if I'd married someone else I'd have a baby by now. stupid man! I actually hurt his hand a lot. I am not at all sorry for this!

Hehe. A long way from a skinny minny, but the metformin is helping the weight come off. But yea, who knows where I'll be in a year from now. I think you're all right though. It is easy to get a dress taken in if it's needed.

And lil I can't believe he said that!!! I get that it's a hard process for him too, and from your previous posts he sounded very supportive. Maybe a moment of the stress of it all getting to him? But I have to admit - I wouldn't be sorry either! He's lucky it was his hand if you ask me!

Hope you're okay my lovely. x

I do occasionally have to remind him its not his fault! he was just having a sad moment, we both were together to be fair. I'm a bit he's already saying he's not sure he wants to spend money on another round of ivf, but I think that's mainly because he has renewed confidence in his swimmers with the latest results. but we agreed its probably too early to really know what we want to do. he has been amazing, dishing out please ry of hugs and kisses. and he made me pancakes tonight

glad the metformin is helping too. I feel like whale. need to get back on the diet wagon

Evening viroids just catching up on the posts been mad last few days nan is hospital so the usual running around

Lil, stoat and purple so so sorry to hear ur going through such a shit time genuinely don't know what to say to make it better when I know I can't begin to, but sending all the love, hugs, luck and pma ur way

Ps ignore all the insensitive twats with their bullshit sayings or even better punch them in the gob they'll think twice next time

Ain go big it'll feel awesome when u say can u take it in a bit I've lost a bit of weight

I think the guys always feel so hopeless when we are going through stuff with ttc and pg. my dh would sit and look at me saying 'what can I do?' And tbh hugging was the best thing he could do.

I had soooo many people (even my mum) say 'well at least you know you can get pg' during my mc. I felt :( because I felt they didn't get it so I would stop talking to them about it. I agree that it was the ones with children who'd normally say it!

Will be thinking of all three of you viroids today, let us know any news xx

Morning viroids. stoat and purple I have everything crossed for you today.

Hope you are doing ok lil. Your DH sounds amazing :) and bless him for thinking that. I can imagine it's hard for men, but as you say his swimmers are improving so shagging lots and lots will get you there!

I've not heard from honey or tink in a while. Hope you are both ok x

I left my Clear Blue monitor out this morning with a piss stick in it and my grandparents are coming round during the day haha. Oh well!

I've got this temping thing down to a "T" too, I've done it at exactly the same time every day!

CD11 here. What's everyone else on?

Cd14 here

Morning. Been mostly lurking recently. CD11, nothing interesting happening. No EWCM yet so need to be on the lookout for that.

Feeling a bit of a failure atm as my weight loss has slowed down. It's about 2lbs a week average, but considering i lost 8lbs in first week i have done pretty shit since then. Ok, in reality 1lb per week. And i know that's not actually shit and I'm trying to remain sensible about it. Still, in my head, weight is the thing holding me back so i am starting to think "too heavy, no point bothering this month" and that will be true for a long time. Now, we are still shagging EOD throughout but i don't even imagine it (pregnancy) as a likely result anymore.

So guess I'm feeling a bit shit, for my sake but also for all of us going through the various ways biology is fucking us.

Was talking to a friend on Monday who wants to try by the time she's 32. As a 29 yr old already i suggested she night start trying sooner! Especially as the IVF cut off round her way is 35 and some trusts are moving towards a 3 year wait if no obvious problem.

:( don't feel sad honey. The fact that you are still losing weight is great, even if it's slowed down a bit. Remember your metabolism is adjusting to your new way of eating, so at first you will lose loads and then it will naturally slow down. You just need to focus on the positive side of it. you ARE eating healthier, so you are getting all the goodness of healthy eating. And you ARE losing weight.

And keep shagging, it will happen soon. The more you stress, the less likely it is to happen (and that's coming from me, queen of stressing).

I want to cry but I seem to have run out of tears. I have to to chemist to pick up the rest of my prescription (my up to 12wks of pg one) so yay for that . I just feel so useless atm. I can get rid of what I know is dead inside me and I can't move on and get back to ttc. this is worse than waiting for the ivf to start. sorry, I do t mean to keep bringing everyone down but I just need to get these thoughts out of my head. actually I just found more tears! thanks x

lil you are going through a dreadful time atm. You need to give yourself time and space to get through this and to do whatever it is that gets you through. Crying is good, as is venting. We are all here for you. Be kind to yourself.

:( oh lil that's not good. Are you still POAS daily or have you stopped? It's not fair you are going through this :(

lil you can come on here and say exactly how you feel anytime you need to. Please never feel like you should hold it in. It's shit and unfair and I can't believe other people are trying to play it down for you. Rant away, cry away, whatever you need we are here for you

Oh Lil that's just shit. I don't know what else to say lovie
Hope you get answers soon

Been to EPU and had a scan. All ok in there, one baby and we've seen the heartbeat. Panic over for now

thank you

Good news purple. That's so great that you heard the heartbeat.

Any news from stoat?

I agree lil, say what you want on here, we won't care.

Sorry lil x-posted there. Enjoy your accupuncture.

Oh lil, it's so bloody shit. You're not bringing everyone down, it's part of what the thread is for. If this was all a breeze we wouldn't need support threads in the first place!