The 37th Just Shaggers are on their way! Watch out for accidental erections and bruising injections, polish your perfect ovaries, we're climbing a mountain and digging deeply to get our BFPs!

[honeysucklejasmine]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like <strong>something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 36 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2263704-O-Come-all-ye-Viroids-joyful-and-triumphant-Deck-the-halls-with-Contraband-All-I-want-for-Christmas-is-a-BFP-Just-Shag-all-the-way-no36" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2272951-The-JS-Grads-turn-19-Were-cooking-and-popping-out-our-JSing-babies-with-style-co-ordinated-changing-bags-and-a-healthy-dose-of-humour" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome

Yep, jelly kind of a waste of time. They obvs can't look at motility/morph. Just volume. Dh did one, came up with a strong line immediately. But volume means nothing if they're all swimming in circles!

Jelly I'm good thanks I'm nauseous some mornings but not always.
Still getting used to the idea. Will be better when I get to next weekend as I'll be past when I had the MC last time.
Have booked a private early scan. Worth £99 to put my mind at rest. Can't have that til 7 weeks though so 3 more to go

Gaggia I also think you should LTB

Congrats Stoaty! The DM knows nothing about anything

Lil is Leave the Bastard. Only possible response to such unreasonableness, frankly Gaggia

Congrats stoat woohooo!!!!
Must be a lucky fred, must be a lucky fred, must be a lucky fred (keeps muttering slowly to convince herself....)

LTB!

Thanks Tink that's what I thought, glad we didn't waste £20 on it now!

LTB is hilarious! I think you should Ga ;) Or get him to deposit so you can still use the little egg

Holy crap stoat that's awesome news, congratulations! Love how there was no build up to it either, just a 'oh would you look at this I appear to be pregnant' - just like it will be for me in a couple of weeks actually! Guess you didn't get your cocktails this afternoon then hey!

We tried the preseed for first time last night and holy shit did it make a mess. I think I over applied - basically was being a bit thick with the applicator things and didn't think any of it had gone it so did it again - and I think I must have ended up putting in twice as much as required! Got it bloody everywhere in the end, talk about sleeping in the wet patch!

Congratulations stoat!!! Awesome news

Ha! batfish that made me chuckle!

Speaking of sleeping in the wet patch....

Okay, can't believe I'm going to admit this on t 'internet but.... having had all my sex ed at a Catholic School and been given the impression that 'IF YOU LOOK AT A BOY YOU WILL GET PREGNANT', I have been somewhat careful and always been on the pill as well as using condoms, even with DH. So... I'm not really sure what happens when the man - jizz is, you know, liberated. My DH reckons in his worldly wisdom that is all just stays up there. I reckon he does not have a foof and therefore has no idea/his previous partners were all mega elegant post nookie and knew how to deal with dribbly jizz.

HELP ME!

Hee hee ta very much

oh dear pud, well some nights us viroids have experienced "ghost jizz" where it seems to disappear, other nights it's like it's raining down there. No real way to deal with it except to suck it up

Good luck :D

Thanks jelly can't believe I have made it to 29 without knowing what to do during sex ha ha ha!

my uterus/fanjo/hormones seem to have remembered what they are supposed to be doing at this time of the month now and lets just say it's defo not ib! strange to say but I actually feel relieved it's kicked in properly at fucking last this cycle feel more normal now ha!

oh pud the joys of the jizz dribble are upon you! Sometimes I can manage to lie there and keep it in "ghost jizz" as jelly says other nights I (and I know this is ttc blasphemy) have to run to the bathroom before it literally goes everywhere. tis on these occasions that I am greatful for fat thighs that keep it from leaving a trail from bed to bathroom - sorry for the image! harsh truth! :-/
some morning I wake up like nothing's happened, others like he's had another go while been sleeping! - in fact if he wasn't such a loud snorer and I therefore know if he's asleep i would be convinced! enjoy!

I knew it! DH knows nothing ha ha! Okay, will plan for pants-on-leg-it-to-the-bathroom manouvre if the ttc-handstand-ghost-jizz manouvre doesn't work!

good plan pud these men know nothing of our tribulations in this area haha! and neither does any writer of any sex scene I've ever seen on TV or film!

I believe it is known as the "cup and run"!

The best way to promote ghost jazz is the ensure simultaneous orgasm. The worst thing you can do is come afterwards, as it will cause a jizz removal mechanism (and ruins the sheets!) For ttc purposes, DPs must ensure it's "ladies first".

My little egg has gone so its a waste of time shagging the bell end now.

Sod him! I'm away for a fag and a gin! not really

Tell him your fanny has now gone on strike!!

Wait if you orgasm after the event it's counter intuitive??

Haha that's what it felt like for us batgirl, no real build up. We're cool customers. I had a big burger but mocktails.

I never got to try preseed or any of that ilk, I'd heard they were messy though.

gaggia I have just worn my leather trousers for the last time, possibly ever. Before Christmas, they were fairly generous. Today, they were uncomfortable. Enjoy while you can. Especially the gin.

Regarding the ghost sperm. Yes sometimes it disappears! Other times it seeps out. One time on this cycle, we did the deed, I went to the loo and then somewhere between me getting off the toilet and retrieving my pyjamas from the floor, it made a bid for freedom. DH waved at it and we hoped some of them were up there. It's all so magical isn't it?

A couple of things off the agenda as things stand - London 10k in July is a no go, and NY 2015 not gonna happen. One of my friends texted to ask to come and stay for a night out on the razz, that's going to be a more staid affair! Last year we arranged the same but she got knocked up. How rude.

well after sitting with tears welling up for absolutely no reason other than material girl was on my iPod fucking hormones! honey has well and truly cheered me up! loving the "cup and run"

Haha pud it's a truly sexy time right after shagging - pre TTC I was on the pill and no condoms and would always run to the loo after and get rid of as much as poss! Now I just put my knickers back on and sleep in jizzy pants, it's pretty gross - but at least contains it! I don't go to the loo as feel like I should try to keep it in there. Sometimes it is still very much there in the morning and other times it has been absorbed, bizarre.

Guess I should be trying the preseed again tonight but not particularly looking forward to it, it's just so bloody slippy!!

Oh god. 'Cup and run' was exactly what I was imaging, you have confirmed my worst fears of post - nookie inelegance! Obviously until now I have just fallen asleep with my mouth open lounged beautifully shrouded in white sheets. Seriously though, no post - nookie fun times for me? I thought that might kind of 'suck it up' as it were.

BatfishPMSL at jizz pants. (There is no way I am mature enough to be a parent, I have done a lot of giggling at this Fred!)

Inelegance is a great word for post shag pud. And pre shag come to that - I had ewcm yesterday so had to say to hubby as we were getting into bed 'ooh I better go squirt some preseed' - who needs foreplay! Actually - I don't - thanks to super slime.

Should clarify that super slime refers to preseed not something self produced!