ttc after mc- the best shit place to be! #3

[northdownmummy]

looking forward to new beginnings in the new year

Hi all. Not posted in a while but been keeping up with the thread. Can totally relate to over thinking things and asking myself what I could have done differently... Did I have too much caffeine? Was it because I got quite drunk just before I ovulated? Did I do too much? Did I not rest enough? But in the more rational moments, completely agree with you Guy nothing would have made a difference, it just wasn't meant to be.... It doesn't help with the pain and hurting inside, but it's the reality. Obviously there are good habits to get into when you are ttc, but small things like having that extra cup of coffee wouldn't have made any difference whatsoever.

Still in wtf cycle... It's really getting me down. I've been struggling to fall asleep this past two weeks and I replay everything over and over and over in my head at night. I think the arrival of AF will help but until then I am a pretty much a walking zombie.

just reading latest updates it is hard not to think of things we think we did wrong and i think you are right, it is nothing any of us did but tbh for me thinking about what i can do better next time i get my bfp is what will kp me sane in the early days i reckon.

i moved house about a wk or 2 before bfp. i did so much heavy lifting and moving and completely wore myself out. then i got a terrible cold so i like to think was either of those things that wont happen next time.

saw something about hot water bottles below, whats that? i had unbearable back ache mostly in the night last time which was the main reason i poas. it was only hot water bottle n paracetamol that got me through. id already decided if i struggled with it next time id lay off paracetamol looks like hot water bottles no good either?

No there's nothing wrong with a hot water bottle! Is just another thing that I felt really Pataki's about afterwards. Irrational.

I blamed first mc on tablets I was talking for migraines, they are pretty potent pain killers and I was taking them every 3 days due to migraines being so severe. this time round I blame it on not knowing I was pg until it was to late so I didn't eat particular well and drank caffeine like it was going out of fashion. But I agree with guy I don't think I could of held on to my babies even if I had done things differently, obviously they were just meant to be my angel babies

your right mrs evans even the hospital advises us there is no reason it jusr happens and nothing we have done. doesnt make it any easier though.

hopefully we will get some bfps to ease the pain soon!

I'm glad we are all able to think rationally even if we can't help but wonder at times. At my final scan with the consultant I burst into tears... she was horrified that I thought I'd caused it somehow (my weight- I'm by no means humongous but a size 16 with some stones to lose)

When it's time we will get our sticky beans. Xxx

I bottled out if poas today, forgot I had mother in law over for dinner tonight, don't v think I should handle her and a possible bfn in one night. dp has been cautious with me sitter making me cry accidentally this morning and even he asked if I was pg because hormones have been so erratic! still have no signs or symptoms of either AF/ pg yet here's hoping.

chin up ladies I'm sure our angel babies wouldn't want us to be sad for to long. does any one else talk to their angel babies? more when I'm alone I find myself talking to them.

Hi ladies, hope everyone is feeling ok. I have been reading the thread and I agree it's hard not to think about what could have been done differently but it's futile and not good for the psyche (imo)

I'm still getting positive pregnancy tests ':-( hospital were supposed to ring me yesterday with my hcg levels but they didn't and when I chased them they didn't answer. Just want a bfn so I can try again. Maybe next weekend. Xx

epskie . Hope you are sorted soon. It's so hard when you have to keep waiting for it to be over.
MrsEvans I think it's nice if you talk to them if it gives you comfort. I can honestly say I don't do anything like that because for me, it was only a baby until I found out it was a mmc. Then very quickly I saw it as a mmc. Not a baby. Because it would never have been a baby. It just wouldn't have developed. It's probably my way of coping- it's easier because I didn't lose a baby. I was just never going to have one. Of course we still has to grieve because we had spent 6 weeks thinking we were having a baby. But we very quickly accepted that rather than losing it, we were just never going to have that baby. That baby wasn't a real baby. Just a different way of accepting what has happened I guess. It's helped me to think like that but I think it's totally ok for people to have such different feelings. I hope so anyway!
You keep talking to your angels.

Hope everyone is managing to have a fairly relaxing weekend. I am taking some much needed relaxing time with DH

guy im a bit like you in that in the end my mmc was so drawn out and started affecting my health that the baby kinda got forgotten about. when i sit and think about it i do get upset that i lost my first baby and for what might have been but now trying to look to the future.

Similar. It was a very long process (mc Oct 18th.. hcg zero mid dec) that I constantly flipped between grieving desperately for baby.. to it being more about my health.

In our house baby is a star. My 3yo looks for "her" whenever it's dark and she speaks regularly about it. At times I've found this hard... when I needed to forget it to get through the day. But mostly I'm grateful she does because no one else mentions it..as the way things go after time so it feels like the lost bean is validated.

Being first tri "baby" is more my emotional connection to it that what it really was I guess.

In other news. It's my birthday :-D

Happy birthday chasing!!

happy happy birthday chasing
big birthday hugs for you

Gee thanks guys

January birthdays are rubbish lol

happy birthday chasing

happy birthday chasing hope youre having a lovely day

A belated Happy birthday! I hope you've had a good one!

Happy birthday chasing, 2 of my favourite people have January birthdays so I think they rock

It is really interesting to hear everyone's thoughts about things you'd do differently, even if you know logically they had no bearing on the mc. I totally agree that we shouldn't blame ourselves but it's hard not to overthink things a bit. I have a very physical toddler and it would be hard, impossible not to do a bit of lifting and swinging around, it's part of daily life now. But I know if I do get another BFP I will try and be more cautious.

I don't talk to my lost one but I do think about him or her as a baby. I think having seen them on the scan a couple of weeks earlier had given me such hope and made them a real person. I have been thinking a bit more about what happened, I think I had blocked it out a bit but maybe my brain is starting to process it now. I almost feel like I've been in a state of shock for the last 2 months. I think about all of you a lot, this thread/group has given me such comfort.

Happy birthday

I'm not sure if I think of my lost one as a baby, was 10 weeks and nerves saw a scan which I know would have made a big difference for me. I swing between wishing I had that image and being relieved that I don't.

I'm now 5 weeks away from what would have been my due date, and starting to think about how I'll cope. I've had a few bouts of uncontrollable sobbing recently, and I'm mostly feeling angry at the world.
A colleague returned from maternity leave last week already 5 months pregnant with number two. I've had to avoid speaking to her cause I'm so jealous. I can't get pregnant again and she seems to have managed to so easily.

I've got a doctors appointment on Wednesday. I'm stressing a bit about it because it's asmitting to someone that I think there's something wrong.

north down dont panic my friend was just like you and she tried every trick in the book to get her bfp but couldnt. then she stopped stressing about it and found herself pregnant. took nearly a year. her son is almost 2 now. shes probably one of the healthiest people i know.

it happened that way for a colleague too. took them a year after their first mc and then they had two sucessful pregnancies.

what does everyone think about knowing exactly when u got pregnant? i have had a weird experience last nite and think i am but i have been reading about it on here so maybe its jus a subconscious thing from that.

North Down it sounds like you are in a really difficult place right now.. and understandably so. Expected due dates are hard. I'm working the weekend mine falls on. Like most of us here I hope to be pregnant by then. But I know it'll play on my mind regardless.

Ginger.. care to share your "experience" ? I felt like I definitely new with my dd. X

Knew..

(Also despite my mc bfp being a major shock.. I also had that weird dream that led to me fishing the test out of the bin and finding that second line)