The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Just popping by to punch Barking in the kidneys and deliver the soul of serenity.

May the zen lobster be with you, Barking!

Also, thinking of Blue - miss you hag!!

Arghhh! Pg colleague is in (she works remotely mainly) and the bump is now massive. She seems to have doubled in size over Xmas but she's not due until May. Got ages to see it growing yet . I have a
Struggling to keep it . And didn't manage to get a suitable time to talk to office manager yesterday lot anywayabout iui yyso still got that on my mind.
Currently u in the toilets like the strong woman that I am....
She's in this management meeting. I'm going to have to sit in a room with the bump for the next 2 hours. And then another meeting with her this afternoon .
It fucking stinks. pg women can all fuck off out of my world.

Tired and grumpy today. Can you tell?

Woaaahhh! What the fuck happened to my post?! I didn't write all that shit or sprinkle it with emoticons!!!! Who or what is trying to mess with my head and make my day worse?!

Thanks Erica im here, I'm lurking - things still a little ... Urrrrgghh

Will be back though

Am quietly hag-ing in the background ...

Barking did you manage to make it back home without killing anyone??

Blue, nice to know you're still with us

I'm going out to a salsa class tonight it's the first time in well over a year and is what always used to make my soul sing so I'm really looking forward to it!

Yes, Fab, thanks! Safely ensconced on the sofa . Hope salsa is good, DCW and I used to go but when we got moved up a class he threw his teddy out of the pram as he couldn't keep up and we haven't been back .

Still have no bloody idea what happened to my earlier post!

Told selected two members of staff about incoming treatment. All good.

Glad you're having a lie down Barking, serious gremlins at work somewhere in the system there! Well done on addressing work ishoos too, you can chill now about from bloody diffed colleague grr!

We have a tres chipper new grandma in our office who is irritating enough. I feel your pain.

Have fun shakin your ass Fab, sounds just the ticket. I asked ROCH what made his sounl sing the other day and he just looked at me like [hmmm] and told me to stop asking difficult questions. I dunno, that sorta thing is important in my -safe little la la-- world. God knows how we're married!

Any more, erm 'symptoms' Barking?

Sending a hake of hope your way Blue and to anyone else Missing in Action Coop, Fizz and the diffed.manyone know how Fankel is? This must be near her due date?

Doh, emoticon, strike through fail

Not to mention the terrible spelling... I might just go to bed now

Blimey, the typing gremlins are out in force today! barking that sounds like a shit morning. How dare she have an enormo-bump? An ex colleague of mine was like that, and it was all anyone could talk about for months. By the time she went on mat leave it was like she'd had two pregnancies back to back! Hopefully your differ colleague will fuck off back to remote working and not be in the office too much more. And breathe.

Hurrah for making your soul sing, fab! I am thinking of joining a choir because I find singing loudly in the car really uplifting chez I am unsurprised that ROCH gave you that answer. I suspect GFBW's would be similar....

Not much happening here. Have the go ahead to book in for a monitoring cycle, though it will be end of Feb/March before we do it as we are going on hols in early Feb. would love to do a drug-free FET if possible.

Salsa was fab - I danced like a dervish and didn't forget how to do anything, phew! Definitely going back (especially as I left my cardi there so I HAVE to go back now!).

Fizz did you know that people who sing in choirs have a significantly lower chance of depression? Singing is definitely an upper! I love it - I used to be a singing and dancing snob and thought to myself why do people do this when they clearly are crap at it but I was missing the point - they did it because it gave them joy now I can sing along with TWH and my other friends with gay abandon - it doesn't really matter if we sing in tune as long as we have a good time! Obvs it does matter if you're in a choir or on xfactor but that's a different thing

Ooh Monitoring cycle fizz - that's exciting!

Just had a chat with TWH about soul singing and after the obvious - don't understand the question - moment he decided that for him it's when he's dancing club style. He's a bit of a popper and locker on the sly and that's what really gets his happy on. Unfortunately it's also what buggers his back up so it's a bit of a double edged sword

Ah, singing. I looked into that last year when I left teaching (I used to run the choir at school and really miss it) and found two local choirs, both 'singing for pleasure' style but haven't done anything about it. Now treatment is starting again (and will either get me pg or go straight into next treatment or work and then mc) it means I won't be able to get out on my bike regularly as I'll be busy wrapping myself in cotton wool every two weeks and sticking to swimming or walking, so now might be the time to be brave and turn up!

Good to see you fizz
Throwing cockles of comfort towards Blue.

Oh, and chez - no more symptoms, nada. The craziness has passed. starts wondering about the slight breathlessness yesterday when cycling that doesn't normally happen

Blue Hope the uuurghhh-ness fucks off somewhere else, hag.

I am going to need to find a a hobby for the next three months of no-TTC! How will I fill my time????

Salsa, maybe? :)

Was actually considering Bollywood dancing but I am shyyyyy...

Do it, do it, do it!!! If you do some dancing you'll feel the fear, do it anyway and have a brilliant time

Challenge accepted!!!

First Bollywood dancing class booked for Friday next week! Whoop! Aaaarghhhh! Whooop!

Ok, hags. 2.5 months to start TTC again. We have discussed trying naturally for two months and if it doesn't work, look into IVF in May! Scary but feels good to have a plan!

What 'natural'/'home'/'food' stuff do you use to improve chances of successful TTC? Apart from the obvious 'be sort of healthy', 'exercise' and 'don't do crystal meth'. I mean, there are not enough meals on the day to eat all the linseed, broccoli, salmon, brazil nuts, pineapple core (at room temperature) and all the rest the tinternet talks about. Plus I don't think it helps my mental health to obsess over every little thing.

Is there anything you do/eat that you, wise-hags, feel that actually may make a difference?

Whoop! Good for you Erica

We got a nutritionist appointment as part of our ivf package which was helpful and encouraging as she said we were basically doing all the right things . What she said was that we should look at trying to eat 7-9 fruit/veggies a day - the theory being that if you're doing that you'll probably not get that many in a day but you will have a lot more than you would normally. And try to have the full rainbow too. I need to have 50g of protein a day but preferably that should be a mix of lean meat/fish/veggie rather than just meat. Chickpeas are brilliant as they count as protein and veg which is unusual. So hummus, falafel etc is brilliant. I have no problem with the veg but I struggle with the protein intake so I tend to add chickpeas or lentils to everything to help with that! Once I get to the stims phase I have to up the protein to 75g a day so I'll also have whey protein every day too. Ultimately, have a good balanced diet, don't try to lose weight, concentrate on being healthy. Fascinating fact - goat is actually leaner than chicken! A little more hard to come by but does mean you could have curried goat, rice and peas!

Today my diet has been porridge with banana, a chopped up date and 4 Brazil nuts (supposed to be brilliant), lunch of a 2 egg omelette with some red pepper, onion, asparagus and a falafel and a little tin of baked beans and for dinner we'll have Aubergine, chickpea, tomato and tamarind stew (Which is delish by the way!).

Also have a look at your vitamins and make sure you're getting enough omega 3. And folic acid of course. Vitamin d is supposed to be terribly important but you really need to find out what your current levels are so that's worth a chat with your doc. Or your clinic might recommend a blood test mine insists on a blood test for vit d.

Lower your booze intake significantly - aim to be teetotal but don't kick yourself if you have a one or two glasses every so often. Caffeine is also a big no-no and even decaf should be limited to 1-2 cups a day.

I feel like I've written a novel on my phone :/ - does that help at all?

Thanks Fab! That all makes sense and doesn't sound bonkers at all!

I eat lots of fruits and veggies and I love porridge chickpeas and lentils so that's all good news for me! (I also love chocolate and cake, I am not a saint).

Mmmhh... Vitamin D. I should be getting loads considering where I live and all the outdoorsy activities but I will bear it in mind and ask my gyno.

Caffeine though... my one cup of black coffee is the highlight of my day. Going to be difficult to give that one up!

Mmmhh... scrambled eggs!

Happy new year luffly ladies. I am crossing my every appendage for a 2015 BESH cluster diff central.

Loving the positive chat re new hobbies and making your soul sing. Doing something that makes you happy every day is so important. Looking back, I know I didn't do enough or try many new things to distract me from ttc. MG would also be a bit scared and bemused if I asked him what made his soul sing...and I know For. A. Fact that it would not be singing or dancing. Would be something mega geeky. Or football related. I took up sewing this year and have enjoyed making a few basic things. Does that count?

Impressed with your healthy eating and nutritional tips Fab. Erica couldn't you still have your one cup of coffee every day? Maybe just weaker or add milk? I switched to decaf but still have 1-2 cups of caffeine per day, usually a normal tea and a normal coffee. They say 200mg (?) of caffeine per day is fine.

So Chezza clearly I am still here and lurking. I am now 5 days overdue...Ho hum. At least Fanklet won't have a birthday that's really really close to Christmas. That's what's keeping me sane. Ish.

Peace Hags. A bloody great pike of it!

Hey Fankle! Happy new year lovely!

Yup, I think I am going to keep my one coffee a day habit!

Sewing does definitely count. Oh, I am also considering baking lessons, starting in Feb. Considering the amount of cakes I eat out, it should be a good economy and most probably healthier too!!

Go Fanklet Go!!

Oo, Fab is the recipe for that aubergine stew online anywhere? And while we're talking about food, does anyone have a good nut roast recipe?

I'm not going to even bother answering Erica's question as I can't possibly improve on that reply from Fab The only thing I would add is that if you need to boost blood flow (ie to improve lining) then some steak is a good idea .

Ooh, fingers crossed and loads of luck fankle for a smooth delivery .

Ooh ooh I forgot beetroot is supposed to be amazing for blood - it really improves the supply of oxygen in the blood (or something more technical than that). TWH was advised to have it as he's been on his back for weeks so he needs a bit of help with his sluggish blood. Thankfully he's much better and back on his feet again. I'm also eating the dreaded mud food as it's all in a good cause.

Blimey Fankle - soooo close! Wishing you the best of luck

Recipe as requested : www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/nov/15/aubergine-chickpea-tamarind-stew

Not yet found a really good nut roast recipe so am also keen to hear thoughts on that one!

Ok this may sound sad but I got a seeing machine for Christmas! I'm determined to learn sewing...well at least something basic anyway. I want to make some curtains. Omg whatever happened? I used to be a drinking, smoking, partying city girl and now I'm super healthy living housewife talking about sewing!!!! It's a positive thing though right??