The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Ps my sister just baked an apple cake...it's got fruit in it so that counts right??

Ok Hags, I am attempting to be back. Hi

Fankle - eek! Nearly time, nearly time - exciting news

I have no advice re: food. Hags, I'm afraid I'm a chubster (I comfort eat so got bigger as the not getting diffed happened) sorry, it makes me lame compared to you guys who are so amazing. But I'm gonna attempt healthier from now on (but oh how I live sofas and cake and wish I could be barking instead with her love for adventure!)

Same thing has happened to me Fab. I used to go out drinking and ate loads of meat, wouldn't go near a lentil. Now I'm almost vegetarian, drink very rarely and have lentils, chick peas, chia seeds, quinoa and himalyan pink salt in the cupboard! I have a sewing machine, I made my own curtains, cushion covers and wedding dress last year! And I knit. I'm officially the person I would have derided in my twenties.

Hi Blue!!! How are you hag?!
^^

I would say my sense of adventure is only due to me being very easily bored... Although with the 25mph winds outside I have cancelled all cycling plans this weekend .

Hello hags, you've been busy in here this week!
I've had an exceptionally rude reawakening at work this week after 10 days off, it's all been a bit much hence not really MNing much.
I have just finished my first week on weight watchers, fun fun fun! Going to reward myself with a hot chocolate (it's allowed) later.
Aside from work rubbish, this week has generally just been shit. Our lovely, lovely, soft as anything gorgeous cat is really really not well. She's been off colour for a month or so now but has really deteriorated in the last 24hrs. The vets want to Ultrasound scan her on Tuesday after palpating a lump in her pelvis today (blood, stool tests last month revealed nothing) but I genuinely don't think she's going to last that long, she won't eat, her tummy seems to have bloated in the last 12 hours (she's lost so much weight she's basically a skeleton at the moment) so now she can't lie down or get comfy. Going to call their Saturday clinic tomorrow to get some more advice but just don't really know what to do. Have been in tears on and off all day, partly in guilt for going along with the vet who Ive had an off feeling about since the get go, she just seems very disinterested/casual about it all.

Sorry for all the

Oh no rain sorry your cat is in a bad way. It's heart-rending, isn't it? For what it's worth, our cat was similar - really off her food, hiding etc but once she had fluids inside her she really perked up. Your cat might be dehydrated - try pulling up the skin on the back of her neck and if it doesn't snap back that might be a big part of her feeling unwell (google for more sensible description). The vet might be able to give some subcutaneous fluids that can help her feel better quickly. And don't beat yourself up about taking the vet's advice. Our wonderful vet didn't spot renal failure and I felt awful about not pushing harder at the time, but at the end of the day, they are the medical expert and you did nothing wrong in trusting their judgement. hope poor rainycat gets better soon - here's the haddock of hope.

fab thanks for the tip about the beet root! Though I like barking's one about steak better

fankle nearly there! Am I permitted a small squeeeeeee? Come on ESHlet!

End of a long week aaand Friday night acupuncture (oh how very rock and roll middle class) has zonked me out on tonight. I am way too zen to add much more to the conversation than to send gentle arm rubs to you and your kitty Rain. Tis proper shit but not your fault, all you can do is administer many cuddles and take vet's advice, I hope she picks up lovely.

Thinking sneeze birth thoughts for you Fankel, you're definitely shy of Christmas birth dates now, come on wee ESHlet, time to make an appearance.

Avocados, beetroot, kale, broccoli, natural yoghurt and eggs are my nutritionist's must haves. So, Fab is wise in my book.

I genuinely have all these items in my fridge right now. I'm a nutritionists dream!

So sorry to hear about rainycat. Fingers crossed that Fizz's recent cat troubles will be able to help you out and that it isn't anything too sinister. Have an arm rub.

Nice to see your chilled and zen after a bit of needles woo, Chez. That's what it's there for! Mental note to get booked in for some next week and also to get lady garden manicured in time for the upcoming intense rummaging and dildocamming. Eek.

Blue, I'm super healthy but still am a little on the curvyliscious scale. It's very frustrating - my bid just seems to want to hoard at the mo. I just have to go with it and hope that when I've had the OMGIVFTWINZ I'll be running around so much it'll drop off .

Ps Barking yes I think I'd take a great steak over beetroot too!!

Rain so sorry to hear about your cat. It's the pits. Pets rule.

Blue don't be so hard on yourself, lovely. Infertility is so hard and really, with all the stress and heartbreak, it's a wonder we don't turn to worse things than Prosecco and cake.

Doesn't happen here obviously but I hate it when TTC starts to feel like a contest where the most Gwyneth Paltrow-y ones 'win' their baby at the end of it, and the rest of us are left feeling like massive losers that haven't tried hard enough or been zen enough or whatever.

I think most of us do our bit to improve our chances but really, it seems all pretty random and down to luck and/or conditions that have nothing to do with lifestyle choices. I think it was Fab talking about how important is to protect one's mental health and that's still a resolution for 2015!

Rant over.

All this talk about food is making me hungry... thinking of roasted asparagus, beetroot and feta salad with a steak and a glass of really nice wine for dinner tonight. Yum!

Eric's that sounds delish - was it? I must admit I am slightly obsessed with food and fear I've made a mistake over on t'other place by being a fan of Yotam Ottolenghi's page - dear god can the man make wonderful salads! I know that probably sounds weird and wrong but it always looks so delish I want to go and get the recipes instantly. Oh god I'm a food saddo. Sigh.

Yes mental health is definitely key

Ooo, Erica I love feta. And asparagus. Been ages since I cooked any asparagus though, thanks for the reminder! I need to make a birthday cake for my Grandma this morning. Bearing in mind she is an amazing cook and baker, this is a bit daunting, even though I bake loads, including cup cake towers for two weddings (one friend and my brother), I'm nervous about baking anything for my Grandma. (Big cake fan over here blue - after our roasted chicken, rice & veg (including kale) last night we had a massive portion of home made chocolate brownie and ice cream).
I trawled through many recipe books last night, but ended up deciding on the default, easy to make, Nigella Lawson chocolate cake. Which is pretty much what I make every time I make a birthday cake. Oh well.

And yes to the 'winning'. I remember a thread instadiffer (not on here) that then starting telling everyone what she had done to get pg, as if we just hadn't tried hard enough .

rain so sorry to her about the cat, it's heart breaking when you see them in pain (I don't have a cat but my dog is undoubtedly my baby substitute and I can't imagine loving anything more (that includes DCW some days ))

fab I hate beetroot, but the acupuncturist mentioned it as well. Apparently, although it seems strange, most 'red' foods are good for blood flow. Might have to grate it and add it to something - perhaps I need to find a nut roast recipe that contains beetroot and Brazil nuts!

The droid has not appeared yet, which means this cycle has got to a 9 day LP if I start today, or even 10 day if I start tomorrow!!! I seem to remember when I used to obsessively google everything luteal phase related that 10 is borderline 'normal' and women have got pg with a 10 day LP. I don't know whether this is a good thing or not though. It will raise my hopes of a natural bfp if all the iui/IVF doesn't work, but once I've had three 'artificial' cycles it might all be screwed up again. Or a mc could screw it all up again. Or I might even come out the other end with a 14 day LP!
Or the artificial means will get me upduffed and none of this counting days of my cycle and pissing on opk sticks will ever be significant again!!

Anyway, I shall finish my essay and get out of bed. Cakes to be made and birthday presents to buy!

Barking, dude, a chocolate cake is ALWAYS a good choice! I bet your Grandma is super chuffed.

LP - 10-11 days is normal. Basically, anything that would allow for implantation to take place, which is typically 9 days. You used to have shorter LP's, didn't you? I think for them to become longer/more regular is definitely a good thing.

Erica 7 days, occasionally 8. Tried vit b6, vit c, wheat free diet, acupuncture, Chinese herbs.... nothing shifted it. Not even clomid.

Chocolate cake in oven. Killing time in the kitchen as I daren't start doing something else in case I forget about it and don't hear the timer...

Mmmhh...did you try progesterone? For me, it made my LP as long as needed/wanted. The droid would not arrive until 24-48 hours of stopping it. I would take it after IUI, for instance, to have a 'perfect' 14 day LP.

Not saying it's the same for everyone though.

Must confess I know nothing about this as what I do have is a textbook length cycle. Still can't get diffed for love nor money but that bit of me works ok so it's not something I've had to look into so I now to other hags greater knowledge.

Save us from instadiffers 'knowledge' about getting pregnant. Jeeez it pisses me off when they smugly say they did this or that old wives tale and get pregnant straight away or didn't get diffed until 3 months so know exactly what it's like waiting each month. And then proceed to tell you what you've been doing wrong because clearly you must be doing it wrong . My SIL, bless her, must have told me every single old wives tale and things like, did you know that what you need to do is find out when you ovulate - those sticks you can get are really good......REALLY??? I had no idea!! Grrrr.

Has anyone ever baked a hummingbird cake? I'm considering that for my next baking adventure

*bow not now - tsk

All this talk of cakes is not good for motivating my healthy eating, I've tidied up a few stray Christmas choccies this morning already! I am strictly back on the wheat/gluten free wagon though, in the thinking that it will help inflammation from the autoimmune in prep for trreatment. I'm a little at my wits end as to how to motivate ROCH to stop pickling his swimmers in white wine, brrrr, but you can only do what you can do.

Fab I was reliably told by SIL that reflexology would fix POF and all my fertility probs, she got diffed both times after only a couple of treatments, don't cha know. I respect that it probably helped her but also made me a bit grrr!

Barking note to self, NEVER try to add beetroot to a smoothie. I love beetroot but this was grim!

Nooooooooo!!! Sticks you piss on and tell you when you are ovulating?? What sort of sorcery is this? And while we are at it, what is ovulation? I've spent the last three years of TTC in cave, you see. With no access to the internet, books, doctors or human contact. No wonder I am not pregnant!!

Gah. Still. They mean well I guess. I may have said some daft things if I weren't in this situation. I imagine you don't know until it happens to you. And then everything sucks.

Exactly Erica, exactly!!! Sigh.

Barking how about this one for you then: blog.myfitnesspal.com/gluten-free-cranberry-walnut-loaf/?utm_source=mfp&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=recipes20150105&mkt_tok=3RkMMJWWfF9wsRoku6jIZKXonjHpfsX67OQkWKKzg4kz2EFye+LIHETpodcMTsJmN6+TFAwTG5toziV8R7DBLM153N8QXRTg Worth a try and is totally lacking in bad crap!

Ta for the link Fab
On the app at the moment and it's not come up as a link so I'll take a look later on the browser (stupid app doesn't let you copy text).
Birthday cake went down well
Taking almost 4 hours to drive home as the A1 was closed overnight was less fun.

Erica I argued for the progesterone last iui, and I'm getting it this time as well. Not been allowed it for use outside that though although miss h kindly sent me her surplus and should none of this treatment work I'll be self medicating

Ooh that looks good Fab, when we have a kitchen again it's my mission to get to grips with gluten free baking. Ignoring the low GI-ness and therefore minimal sugar I should be consuming. Pah!

Yay for the birthday cake Barking, thinking about it no matter how good a cake you know you can make yourself, it's always even lovelier when someone makes the time to bake one for you. Bah to closed roads though!

That makes a lot of sense Erica shhh! Can't beat a good bit of self medicating Barking if the need arises. I'm sure I know more about HRT than any GP I've spoken to.

I love my lazy weekend mornings, must get off the sofa now though to get some stuff done before we're back in the craziness of the week and I'm looking around thinking of everything I could be doing if I wasn't wrapped in that.

Hooray for lazy mornings chez. I had a lovely lie in then went for a long dog walk and a natter with a friend, then an impromptu pub lunch .

But head is whirring. 11 dpo. cd28. No sign of droid. . What the fuck is happening hags?