The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Tommys is a lovely charity, I sat next to their chief exec at a function earlier in the year and was bowled over by the work they do and how much they care. They're amazing. Good call

Breakfast at 11.30 on the other hand... words fail me. I can absolutely imagine similar with my family in law though. Universe revolves and all that. I'd take the dog walk and fuck 'em.

Is it wrong to admit that I had breakfast at 11.30 today?
Seriously, though, they sound like a bunch of entitled twats. And who cares about a black mark.

fab glad you're feeling better!

Had a fun day yesterday with GFBW's family all here for lunch. There was an 8 yr old, a 2.5yr old (the one due on my due date) and a 3-month-old. Fortunately the baby was good natured but boy, the toddler was NOISY! The cats looked about as relieved as I felt when they went home...

Breakfast at 11:30 is totes fine if you've been lazing about in bed or out for a big night the night before it's not ok if you've been up for ages and could have had breakfast hours ago! Pffft

Good luck all you back to work BESH! Wishing you the best for a fab new year

Nowt wrong with breakfast whenever you want it fizz!

Just stupid SiL being deliberately awkward as usual (or at the very least just paying no consideration to what anyone else might want to do with their day as obviously the most important thing is meeting up with them so we'll fit in...)

I think next time I'll suggest we all meet for dinner then book a table for 8am .

Yay for reclaiming your sanctuary house Fizz! Lovely to see them, lovely when they leave too?!

I've survived first day back but with a threatening tickle at the back of my throat. Fuck off cold! Have necked vit C and zinc, paracetamol and echinacea and now laying on the sofa hoping to kick it into touch with a bit of R&R and comfort food cooked by ROCH. Any other suggestions to knock it on the head appreciated!

Glad you're feeling better Fab all ready for treatment. COW thoughts with you.

Chez Lemon, fresh ginger and honey tea works wonders for me.

Due to work stuff, looks like we won't be able to TTC until March... So. More waiting. This is starting to feel that one of those never ending videl games.

We must have been very impatient in a previous life to get all this karma waiting bollox. Soz to hear it Erica.

Yep, I concur with the hot honey lemon and ginger. No necessarily a remedy but will soothe the aches. TWH also adds half an orange into the mix for some vit c and it also masks the vile flavour of lemsip if you want to turbo charge it. Fingers crossed you don't get the lurg that I've had Chez - it's vile.

Tsk and sigh to the waiting. It's just so frustrating isn't it.

That's shit Erica, just waiting, waiting and more waiting. Same old story.
I really think the combined brains of the BESH could overcome this issue for you though. If the only obstacle is distance between you and the necessary swimmers that seems but a mere inconvenience compared to what you've already gone through. I'm thinking turkey baster, courier delivery in a thermally insulated box... Work with me here ladies...

I need some wise advice. AF due this weekend. When I call the clinic I'll have to go in for a scan the next day to start iui. Then the regular visits will start. The hospital is only 10 minutes from work. If I queue outside the clinic from 7.30 I should get in shortly after it opens at 8. I can be at my desk by 8.30 which is when I start. However, after loads of lateness (before my time) the company implemented this stupid rule that everyone has to be in the building 15 mins before they need to be at their desk. I am not going to be in the building at 8.15. It's one big open plan office. It looks bad if I start arriving just before 8.30. However, the office manager doesn't start until 9 (so he's in at 8.45). He won't even know what time I arrive. Same for the boss. What do I do? The person I work closest with is the one in charge until the office manager arrives, so I could just tell her (she knows my history) and ask her to keep it to herself? Or do I just tell the office manager given I'm going to be asking for a day's holiday at short notice for insemination day and results day anyway?

So far so good I think. Opened my eyes with trepidation this morning but I seem to be intact still. Bit of a sniffle but holding back the tides so far. Def getting some honey, lemon and ginger down my neck to add to the concoction!

Barking that's a tough one. Whoop for getting back on the wagon! I think I'd come clean with both bosses and then you can be stress free and breeze in and out whn you need to. They'll respect your honesty, hopefully admire your dedication to the cause for not letting it affect your work and everyone's a winner. You've also got your back covered then if you get held up any.

Loving the logistics proposal Barking. It's how they do it with horses! Yup, straws of frozen semen wing their way all over the world by courier for artificial insemination. Could you get Mr Erica registered as a stallion before he goes?!

Hi ho, hi ho, have a good day peeps.

Yep I'd echo Cherry's comments Barking - being upfront about it will reduce the pressure, the last thing you need is to be worrying about being late or being caught being late.

Tentative good news Chez - still keeping fingers crossed for a cold free day.

Am fascinated by this new BESH business proposition - now to crowdfund?

I am with Chez and Fab, Barking!

I think it'll save you a world of stress, I think!

Never mind that, Erica, what do you think of my solution to your problem? Worth a go?

I babbled incoherently in my last post, apologies. What I meant to say, but clearly didn't, was that even if I tell the relevant people in management, I'm worried it looks really bad to everyone else who will just see me swanning in late at 8.30. Repeatedly. The other option is to switch to the 9 - 5.30 shift for a couple of weeks but I don't want to do this as it means staying an extra half an hour when I won't actually be missing any work hours.
Anyway, office manager was v v busy today, as was I, so will try and get hold of him tomorrow. Or tell all of management on Thursday as we have a management meeting (I'm management as well).
Why is this never simple?!

Hope everyone is feeling fit ad healthy. I spent 2 hours cooking healthy food tonight, but at least I managed to make enough to freeze the main part of three more meals. Always good to have something in reserve in the freezer to stop you reaching for the crap instead when you can't be bothered cooking!

Mr J the stud muffin, how do we make this happen? Crowdsurfing funding you say Fab? is this an Internet startup or are we looking fora dragon as well?

Barking I would sod the rest of your team. As long as you know in your heart that you are doing your work quota and hours I would hold your head high and do what you gotta do. Management have approved it and you don't have to justify yourself to anyone else.

I'm 7dpo and feeling very droid like. I thought I'd managed to move ov earlier (+opk on cd16 & 17) but it seems it's just dragged the cycle shorter. Was 30-33 days, surely this cycle isn't going to be 24 days?!! wtf?
And I have nothing with me if it does appear .

Ha ha Barking! I am happy to take one for the team and be the first Guinea pig for the experiments!

Kickstarter, anyone?

Barking if your team are doing their work, they shoudn't have time to be checking when you come in. So there.

Going to also try to get into a bit of a healthier, zen-er mode after some pretty debauched Christmas and New Year. Knowing we can't TTC for another 3 months wasn't exactly motivating me to stay away from the Prosecco....

Ooo, processo... Erica you're not helping!!!!

I spent the best part of two years teetotal while authentic start of ttc. Now I really can't be arsed. It's had fuck all benefit so far, just means I'm still not pregnant and not able to have a nice glass of light bubbles either .
Given two drinks is pretty much my maximum on any occasion, and I'm usually happy nursing just one all night, I don't think I'm putting any imaginary baby in any imminent danger .

I hear you Barking. I'm on 4 years of mostly non-drinking. Occasionally I'll have a blowout (when ivf didn't work etc) and my body conspired against me having any boozy fun over Christmas too. It's just really boring. Most of the time I'm ok with it and it's healthy etc, but sometimes I just fancy getting drunk and that's always in the 2ww period so I never feel like it's the safe thing to do. Having said that thankfully I haven't wanted any booze since I got sick - just totally lost the taste for it at the moment. I think it may be my multivits though as they generally make me feel a bit queasy. All day. Tsk the crap we go through eh??

Ok, me again. Fish slaps aplenty required for the crazy lady in the corner.
Droid has not arrived. I am now convinced it must be implantation cramps and I have ironidiffed. The cramps are definitely not connected to my need to go to the toilet multiple times today. No, no, no. Clearly the only logical explanation is a baby brewing.
And I felt a little tired this afternoon. It's a bloody obvious sign really, nothing to do with staying up late last night, oh no.

For the record though, all experts agree that 3 months is perfect planning and prepping time for your bod as the eggs that you will be using will be entering into the loading bay and be prepping themselves for ovulation during this period so healthy living is the way forward. The baby making bible is pretty good for giving you a good idea about what to eat.

Just noticed a random autocorrect in my previous post - where the fuck did the word authentic come from??!

Fab are you healthy again yet? [asks apprehensively]

Have the crayfish of calm barking. When are you due the droid?

Yeah, I read the baby bible. Which is why I was in a major mood with DH when he got rat arsed before Xmas. I'd already explained to him that the 3 month thing applied to both of us..

Droid due anytime - haven't been tracking for months, but the last two have come early - 27 day cycles. One before was 30. If it's the same as the last two I'd be due Sunday, but that would give me a 10 day LP, which has never happened and this is probably the cause of my hopefulness

Hmmm bugger that'll fuck with the brain. Guess there's nothing for it at this stage but to commence hopeful menkul while we all fish slap to keep the status quo. Good luck!