The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

fab, I'm so sorry to read this. Sending love to you both.

Fab, I'm so sorry. Lots of unESHly hugs for you.

So, so sorry fab. Much love and hugs to you two.

Oh Fab I am so sorry to hear this. Such rotten news. I know youllbe feeling shit so sending hugs and head strokes. Be kind to yourselves.

I'm so sad for you today Fab ; what gut wrenching news, my heart goes out to you. Sending so much love right now. Bastard universe. Take care of yourself, feel free to vent your anger and sadness here. Arm rubs and hugs are the order of the day xxx

Oh Fab that's the worst. I am so so sorry for both of you. Am howling at the moon on your behalf and sending you as many unbeshly hugs as you can manage.

Hags thank you so much for your kind and wonderful words. It means so much from you guys most of all as you truly understand the headfuckery of it all.

I can't even speak out loud at the moment - I feel like I have nothing left in me. I know this too shall pass but it currently feels as if everything has passed by me and I'm left behind. Fucking universe. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. TWH is being amazing and just holding me when I need it (practically all day). And I can't even get drunk and eat stuff that's bad for me yet as the headfuckery continues with the lets leave it until Thursday to test again.

Oh Fab we do indeed get the headfuckery . I'm so glad TWH is being good. Just look after yourself hag .
Thursday will be here soon enough, then you can drink ALL the .

Just got in from work. I'm so, so sorry fab :(

fab you are of course right that you will get through this but in the meantime please do use us to vent if it helps. TWH sounds like a great guy and I hope you're both able to comfort each other this week.
I'll be quietly wishing for a late implantation surprise on your behalf.
Be kind to yourself lovely hag

fab, I've been thinking about you all day - as others have said, cry, rage, vent if you need to. If you can't in real life, do it here.

We are just back from the clinic. Everything seems normal, hags, according to doc. Progesterone at 5dpo was 31, AMH also 30. Himself's spaff looked ok - high count, motility in normal range, 6% morphology (which doc didn't seem concerned at because of the hight count, though I've seen differing opinions online...). Doc suggested getting the dye test to check tubes, so I'm going to look into that. We are off on holidays next week, so giving everything a break till we come back (still trying of course, but hopeful not obsessing).

I don't know how I feel. Of course, am googling and freaking myself out. The doctor was very unconcerned, just stressed it was normal to take a year or more. Obviously I'm glad there's nothing big, but I had sort of hoped for an explanation, if you know what I mean.

ahh bad - welcome to the weird and not wonderful world of 'unexplained' infertility! I know exactly how you feel. Is the tube test he suggested a HyCoSy? I had one of them, nothing too dramatic, just the indignity of having half a dozen medical bods staring at your foof while they pump it full of liquid! I got my random bfp a few cycles after that, I still wonder if it cleared some sort of egg hindering debris out of the way!!

Thanks rain - he said it was a HSG test, which I think is similar. Tis expensive anyway! He suggests getting it in June if nothing has happened by then. I don't know. I kind of just want to get it done ASAP, just to be sure. But by Christ, this investigation business is spendy, even before looking at treatments.

bad I'm sorry, you've probably mentioned this before and I've forgotten, but how come you're not able to do all this through the nhs? Are you not in the UK?
Unexplained is frustrating but it's better than being told you've got a multitude of problems, some of which you hadn't considered and others you hadn't even heard of (happened to a lovely friend of mine, the conclusion was basically not a hope in hell, it's never going to happen)
And as annoying as it is to hear it, it does just take some people longer, but it can still happen. I can quote 4 examples of couples I know who went for testing, nothing was found, but got pg before getting to the stage of fertility treatment. Some took 14 months, others 20 or more, but it happened without help.

Fab still thinking of you and feeling that you didn't get the bfp you deserved.

^

I'm glad TWH is being amazing for you Fab, I really wish there was anything I could do to make it all OK. It will pass but that doesn't stop it being bloody painful right now though. Continued love to you my friend, you are amazing, don't ever forget that xxx

Bad that sounds like progress albeit in a spendy kind of way! These things eat money unfortunately but at least you're in the system and on the wagon. Plans is good!

I'm off to the clinic tomorrow for a scratch and mock transfer. Fingers crossed all goes smoothly, cervix plays ball and that donor progress is such that I can come off the evil norehisterone. If all that comes off that would make it a good day! Strangers staring down your foof aside hey Rain!

OMG Barking, that's bloody quick, get ye on this bandwagon! High five lady. Any idea of protocol and expected EC/TX dates etc.?

This is all thanks to the lovely, lovely nurse who gave me the bfn result for the iui as she quickly booked in all my appointments and even reserved me an ivf spot (they only take on so many a week so I would otherwise have been waiting at least another month if not more).

I'm doing the antagonist protocol, so no downregging needed and it'll all be over within a cycle! AF due 6/7th March, so if it arrives when expected and I respond well, EC potentially 21st ish, and they are aiming to go to blastocyst, so ET around 26th if they get that far, and I'll pretty much know if it's all likely to have worked by Easter weekend .
We get the timelapse camera as well, even though it's NHS. Embryo glue but not a scratch. No 'just in case' drucks as he's firmly against it, but I will be taking aspirin throughout the cycle due to the thrombophilia.
Slightly concerned about being told I'll be awake for the EC, just with drucks to 'make me comfortable'. We have the nurse appointment tomorrow so I'll be asking for clarification on whether he does actually mean drucks that will heavily sedate me please .

So yes, all go. Excited and terrified in equal measure. Haven't told work yet, will do so after the nurse appointment. I don't want to use too much of my precious little holiday time so planning to just take a day for EC, a day for ET, and possibly a day for results day if necessary.

And yes, bugs, it's the menkul I'm more worried about. I was bad enough through both iui cycles (and this is the reason we're not doing a 3rd) but I'm very happy it's antagonist not long protocol, so slightly less time for menkul.

I made it clear to the consultant this was the end of the road when he started talking about learning things from an ivf cycle - anything we learn will be irrelevant, we're not paying for more rounds (although if it fails but we are lucky enough to get frosties I'll have those put in).

DCW said I should not think about this as the end of the road as I'm putting too much stress on myself, we'll just see what happens and then decide what to do. I'm not sure if considering a possible continuation of my current horrible, lifelimiting limbo is a good thing, I'd like to know that one way or the other this shit will be over soon, and I'll deal with it whatever the outcome because I know outcome A = stressful pg but hopefully happy 3rd time lucky finish, and outcome B = bugger off for a trip round the world then come back and start the adoption process. I think my PLAN is less stressful than maintaining our uncertain status quo. But I stayed tactfully silent. We can both think in our heads whatever helps us get through it.

Sorry, rambling on now. Didn't want to go on about it yesterday as it felt weird to get excited about my ivf when proof that the chances of it working aren't amazing are all around me as others have just failed (not just Fab, two couples I know as well , just this week) and it's all coming out in one stream of consciousness now...

Ooh, great news barking - that was so quick! Very exciting! Well done BarkingNurse for being on the ball.

cherry, good luck tomorrow. Come on, cherry's cervix.

barking, I'm not in the UK (but not far away). Nothing is covered here, though private health insurance will partly cover some tests (though no treatments), and you can claim back some tax credits. So yeah, spendy. Though as Himself pointed out, it costs a quarter million to raise a child to 23, so drop in the ocean

chez fingers crossed for tomorrow, so bizarre how excited I get these days about perfect strangers on the internet having their shiz fiddled about with. Perfect strangers who just happen to be some of the most awesome women around that is! Do you get anaesthetic for a scratch? I hope so!

barking your clinic nurse is a total gem, what a result! Just enough time to wrap your head around it before it all kicks off eh? As if! Let the menkul begin - I'll be on standby with a boatload of cockles for you

bad my doc also trotted out the 'normal' line for anything up to TWO years (and I did indeed get a natural bfp on cycle 18, with the aforementioned hycosy caveat). It's been nearly 18 since that one tho and nada. Three years of unexplained is no fucking fun. I agree with barking that in theory it's better than having horrid problems but it's just somfucking frustrating because you can't DO anything. Roll on IVF I say! Hopefully will have our funding approved in the next week or two.

fab still thinking of you lovely hag. If you need a break away from the world of MN that's totally understandable but we're all here for you when you need us, just like the creepy goblins in Labrynth. Xxxxx

badb that's a good way of looking at it! Short term pain, long term gain Good news that investigations are on the horizon. I went through a phase if wishing that we'd had every investigation under the sun early on, rather than finding out one thing after another after another. Now I feel much more zen and philosophical about it liar

cherry good luck tomorrow! Hope all goes smoothly and the scratch isn't too ouchy!

barking omg that's quick. No wonder you are nervous and excited. Sounds like a good protocol and great that you get some 'extras' like embryo scope too.

My droid is due on 5 March so will be phoning the clinic then to book in. On long protocol though so our dates won't quite match up.

Here's a question for you all. I want to do a race for life in June, and am thinking of doing couch to 5k. I'm not a runner - never really 'done running' as a thing though am fairly active and walk an average of 3 miles most days. Would it be a bad idea to start up while doing ivf? Am torn between thinking it might be good for my lining ishoos and worrying that it might hasten its disintegration!

X-post rain - great that your funding should be approved soon. Nearly ready to climb aboard! I hear you with the frustration. And I like your new word - will use it myself . We have a somfucking differ at work. EVERY time I go to the loo she is in there. Gnnnnnhhhh. Thank you to whoever posted that 'pregnant women are smug' song. It's my internal soundtrack pretty much permanently now

Those fucking soms!!