The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Hi!!

Just in case you were wondering: drinking ALL the wine on a Monday night, when you have to be out in the field all day on Tuesday, in a very hot and dusty slum, is a very, very bad idea. I am too old for this. But hey, I did it so you hags don't have to!

I have just about recovered.

Fab, same as Badb, I would say don't symptom spot but I've bee known to google 'nose bleeds, pregnancy' so...

Chez Exciting news!! Go go go!

Rain I've been feeling a bit delicate but I will be giving the cheese, honey and coffee combo a try tomorrow. Will report back.

Badb Mr Badbs story is hilarious. Poor guy!! :)

TTC starts again in 6 weeks!! Eeeeeek!!

I know ages away but you know... it's next month now!

Well done for taking one for the team Erica. My drunken self is living vicariously through you at the mo - seems like forever since I was even slightly drunk!

Also apols for missing Mr Bad's spaff test hilarity! Brilliant story

Fuckit, boobs have suddenly stopped hurting and cramping has ramped up. Menkul begins in earnest.

Oh Fab, proper menkul inducing! I spoke to my clinic the other day about time off over TX. They said time off is good but ONLY if you have enough to occupy yourself with. The nurse also said she thinks a Google ban should be added to the protocol as standard!! I guess you're taking so many drucks, how do you know which symptoms are related to that and which to being diffed wiv twinz?

Loving Mr B's spaff test story Bad. Just brilliant for us to chortle at; the stuff of nightmares for fellas everywhere! ROCH is convinced all staff test rooms are designed by women.

Thanks for the cheerings on hags. Feeling nicely normal for now apart from the crazy baby dreams long may it continue.

Thankfully I've booked in time with friends for the next few days which should keep the googling at bay for a while at least. I know that the first week I need to be by myself and hibernate a little (totally!) and it's the last few days that I need to keep myself occupied. I've just driven myself mad overnight as I completely couldn't remember whether I took my last estradiol of the evening last night then was stressing whether I should or shouldn't take another one late last night. Decided yes was better than no so then stressed I might have done the wrong thing and ruined it all. As I said. Menkul!!! I'm pretty sure I didn't take one though so I think I'm ok. Will now have to mark the blister pack so I know what I've taken - I've done really well so far but I think the tiredness confused me yesterday. Gaah.

fab, it's good that you have plans for the weekend. You can drive yourself mad analysing symptoms.

cherry, not much phases Mr Badb. But the whole set up is so bizarre.

So, post dildocam: the technician was lovely, and explained everything. I did find it a little uncomfortable, and she had to poke about a bit to find the left ovary. But it was ok. No cysts or fibroids, that she could see anyway. At least 11 follicles on one, and at least 13 on the other. So unless she missed something massive, I feel a bit calmer.

I think I might be getting the flu - feel awful today

Excellent follie count Bad - that's a really good start

But buggeration about the oncoming flustorm. Fingers crossed it passes you by.

Good plannage Fab, I think you've done an amazing job of staying sane. I'll be looking to you in a month's time for sure!

Sending fuck off flu vibes to you bad, glad you survived breaking your dildo cam duck. Sounds like positive news.

Off to take my drucks... So much remembering to do Fab, such responsibility. I'm sure you did the right thing.

Ok people who are young enough to be my children are now having children (when will I learn to avoid facebook?!) what the fuck is THAT about?

As you were Hags .....

Oh yes that will fuck with you Blue!!

Chez, you'll be ok - have a gentle shoulder punch and a squeezy Sarcastic Fringehead of solidarity (proud fish moment). I've been fine with the druck dishing out so far it's just the bloody estradiol that's a 3 times a dater that wants to trip me up. Grrr.

Hags I have cooked an amazing dinner today (brilliant recipes rather than my ability to cook btw!) and had to share - it's perfect for fertility as it covers all the good things, is rainbow coloured and is bloody delish!! I did www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/butternut_squash_with_55612 alongside a breast of this (didn't bother with the wrap though) www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/ras-el-hanout_chicken_68989

I have also baked a batch of viennese whirls and some cheesy scones - it's amazing what you can do when you need to keep yourself occupied

Wow, have the guppy of gastronomy Fab, that'll do the twinz the world of good. Continued COW for you. Not long now till OTD I'm impatient for you!

Hags I've had a tough couple of days, life seems to be coming at me in all directions, my lack of ability to cope I think compounded by the progesterone which is making me crampy and teary. Roll on Wednesday.

Are you able to go and spend some quiet time with the coconut horse this weekend Cherry? It's a tough time for you with everything coming at the same time. Be nice to yourself (and have an unBESHly hug on the sly).

Sorry hags, been busy. Been reading but not had time to post. Actually fell asleep trying to write a post last night!

bad DCW will not be drinking at the stag. I think he knows it would be all or nothing, and even he realises that a massive drinking session is a no go. I am tempted to email one of his mates and tell them not to egg him on to drink unless they want to be responsible for our divorce... Too far?!
That sounds like loads of follicles on the dildocam!

rain the waitrose thing was nothing interesting, just made me . There is a waitrose near my office that opens at 8. I googled to check they had a pharmacy and left home early to get there at 8 to get some canesten as I wanted to start using it asap. The pharmacy was shut. Apparently they open when they feel like it. If I'd known this I could have gone to Boots, but by then I didn't have time. I went back after work at 5.30. The pharmacy didn't have the canesten I wanted but she showed me where it was on the supermarket shelves...

Coffee and cheese? Wrong. Anything to do with coffee is wrong in my book though.

Erica well done for drinking all the wine. I had one small glass of wine with dinner on Wednesday and it was a great disappointment. You know when you've been really looking forward to something? It tasted of vinegar. Still managed to drink it all though.....

fab so close now! How's the menkul? Good job on the cooking/baking

Forgot to say Fab, Sarcastic Fringehead is a genius fish. Nicely done hag!

You know usually life balances out so that when one bit is shit the good bits help to cancel it out and you can cope? Everything is side swiping me at once at the mo, hence the wobbliness methinks.

ROCH is still coughing and the nice day out we had planned this week was brought to an abrupt early close on account of the black dog rearing its head and him being too anxious to enjoy it and then being physically ill. Which is fucking terrifying as we were hardly pushing the boundaries of daring days out; it freaks me out that something slightly different from the daily sofa dwelling is enough to do that. And he will barely discuss it, says he wants help but will do fuck all about it. So of course it makes a day about something else all about him. And I am being the strong one. Again. Because he is incapable of offering emotional support when all he can think about is himself.

Work is frantic, I'm having to do quite a bit this weekend and go in tomorrow to prep for some big stuff coming up this week. I'll be squeezing in some time with the coconut horse, though he is fractious and frustrated too on account of his field being like a rice paddy so getting limited turnout time. Whether our time together is fulfilling or just coping with his needs, who knows.

And no the hormones are not helping. Sorry for a mememe post but it feels better writing it down. I'd be sunk without you guys and my amazing mates.

I know I'm not the only one to have a rough time of it, Barking you're definitely having your share. Though I am well jel of the carefree spontaneous, fabulous evening out you described. You definitely deserve that.

Fab I'm ready to grapple you with Barking on a kidney assault. When please?

Oh chez I really feel for you, my ex had the black dog a lot and it's so frustrating. You know they need help, they have accepted they need help, but they're still not in a place where they can actually get up and find it. This is really not the time for you to be shouldering more pressure and responsibility, you need to be able to support each other right now. Are his family supportive/aware? Could they be the ones helping him get some support? Sometimes you're just too close and too emotionally involved and it needs to be someone a step away. When I got worried about my ex I would call his best mate or his brother, and they would step in and talk to him.
Have a babagarei fish to slap the black dog with.

Oh Chez that's just exactly what you don't need at the moment. The black dog is certainly a bastard and can loom greatly but man can his timing be fucking awful. It just seems so unfair and quite frankly selfish! You have all these major life issues that you're dealing with - it should be you getting all the support rather than giving it. Come here and rant all you want lovely - you know we'll all rally around you. The BESH is a perfect place for a rant.

Barking - yay for improving general levels of happiness and random fun activities but buggery bollocks to continued health crap. Piles and zits?? What a combination!! Have you been back to the GP at all? It really sounds like your body is terribly run down. Is there any chance you could see a nutritionist with a view to getting back to optimum body health?

Back off the kidneys Hags, I'm not ready yet!! OTD is tomorrow and I'm officially scared as fuck. If I could get away with not testing then I would - just leave me to hibernate for another month and I might consider it. This is officially the end of the line for me - our last go at ivf - and it all boils down to a pee stick tomorrow morning (or more likely when I wake up in the middle of the night for a wee as that seems to be the routine now). If it's a bfn then that's it, game over, nada, no more, end of an era. The end of 4 years of trying. If it's a BFP then obviously it's potentially the beginning of something exciting (but obvs I'm too jaded to be able to be excited like the instadiffers and I'd have to be in my 2nd tri before feeling safe) but right at this minute it's 50/50 as to what the answer will be and it's well and truly scary.

Fab I'm incredibly excited and nervous for you in equal measure, as well as terrified because I'm going to be exactly where you are before too long and it scares me to death!
I'm feeling quite healthy, just a little ok very uncomfortable in the nether regions. I'm sticking my head in the sand and hoping it goes away. I tried to get a gp appointment on Friday but they didn't have any outside work hours, so I'll try again tomorrow if I'm still in pain. I did manage to break myself yesterday by going on a 4 hour bike ride (including through a snow front then a hail storm) and when I got back and just wanted to collapse and die I somehow managed to drag myself off the sofa and go to swimming coaching for an hour. I'd like to say today will be spent in bed but I've got to cut the dog's fur (it looks good long but it brings in more mud than I can handle as he loves rolling it in), meet my mate for a two hour walk, then bake a cake (bought the ingredients last week and haven't had time to make it) and clear stuff out (DCW has been on a purge this week and took 5 bin bags of general stuff to charity yesterday. 5?! He now wants me to do the same).

Fanks lovelies, I'm so lucky to have an amazing support network, you hags included. It's what ROCH needs and doesn't have so much. Not because he's unlikeable but because he's isolated himself over the last few years and hasn't cultivated it. I'm kicking myself that I didn't see this coming and didn't push him harder. He's a bugger for sharing and is making out to his family that all is fine. Most of his friends and family are kind of wrapped up in their own life and troubles which doesn't help.

Oh Fab, turbots of trepidation for you, tomorrow is a big deal; I totally get why you want to head into hibernation for another month. Deep breaths, fingers in ears, la la la, what OTD?

Are what ifs and plans a good thing for you or is denial a better way forward right now? Sending all the luck in the world for positive news.

right, Fab in the middle and squeeeeeeeze!

fab just reading your post gave me a gut-squeeze of nervousness! I have so many appendages crossed for you it's unbelievable. I really really want this to be your turn! COW!

barking what a PITA all this health stuff must be for you. I second Fab's suggestion of tackling through nutrition - your body must be pretty depleted given what you've gone through.

cherry massive (((((hugs))))) to you. Ahem, I mean manly shoulder punches, of course. I don't have much in the way of wisdom to offer, but in my darkest days it helps me to repeat the phrase 'this too will pass'. There will be brighter times ahead. Hope you get some good r & r with cocopony this weekend.

Hey, hags, what are you trying to say about my diet?! UTI/thrush/piles, do you think I am getting all this punishment for eating the wrong stuff? I do high fibre, get loads of vegetables, cook everything fresh, keep up the fluid intake, haven't baked my usual cakes for ages... my acupuncturist said there were no changes she would recommend. I'm not sure a nutritionist on top of the acupuncture and the hypnotherapy (have I told you about that saga?) is affordable. Or whether there's actually time for more of this shit. I used to do fun stuff every evening, not fit in appointments to try and fix myself .

chez I'm so glad you have a good support team in RL for yourself (as well as here, obviously!). So much to deal with, and I don't have anything useful at all to add I'm afraid other than to give you a huge squeeze and some eels of endurance.

fab I am so nervous on your behalf right now, keeping every last limb and digit crossed for you for tomorrow and will be yelling COW every hour. Are you due at work tomorrow?

barking just when I think you're about as hard as someone can be, you up the ante again! Cycling for 4 hours with piles!! Jokes aside, I am sorry you're getting illness after illness right now, hopefully just an unfortunate side effect of winter combined with all the stress you've been through recently. Your diet sounds great to me! Good luck for tomorrow, hope you get a good plan put together.

bad how are you feeling? Hope it wasn't the flu!

erica weeknight drinking is always a danger, I try never to do it but inevitably fall off the wagon now and then and suffer the results for days afterwards

blue you what? How young are we talking? That is scary, but m assuming based on you having had kids when you wouldn't have been much more than one yourself?
I don't know if any of you ever play the 'what if' game with yourself about having tried for kids earlier, I definitely do but even with all of our ttc woes I don't think I'd trade my current situation for having been a mum at 21 or something like that. I still feel like the pros of being independent and free in our twenties was worth it. Maybe when I'm 45 and still childless I'll feel differently, but not for now!

Right, time to go and get dressed!

Marking my spot for news tomorrow. Everything crossed and the will of the ESH are behind you Fab

Popping in to scream COW and send sticky thoughts for fab tomorrow! Plus an early PUPO!

All the other BESH, I'm keeping an eye on you, still hoping for the clusterdiff to keep me company over in desolate PESH land!

Awwww Hags you're all awesome if it was possible to be pregnant purely on positive vibes then I'd be showing off my omgivfquads scans in a few weeks for sure!! I'm trying not to think about it (cue maniacal laugh) as when I do I start having a bit of a panic. What would I do without you lot? Shoulder punches all round (whilst surreptitiously wiping a bit of dirt out of my eye). Last few hours of PUPO and I shall shortly be popping out to see some friends and then going out for dinner with family so that should kill time nicely. I dread to think what my sleep is going to be like tonight...

Barking - no worries about the diet then - I was just wondering if there was anything you could do to help things as your body has been so run down with illness. Maybe a 4 hour cycle ride isn't going to help the piles though