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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

995 replies

barkingtreefrog · 12/12/2014 21:42

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

  1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

  2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

  3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
    a) weewee
    b) poopoo
    c) foofoo
    d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

  4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
    a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
    b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

  5. Is R2D2:
    a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
    b) the source of all evil.

  6. Number of pets?

  7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

  8. Lesbian crush?

  9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    b) Over 100 quid
    c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

  10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

  11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

OP posts:
badb · 16/02/2015 08:49

Hi hags! I've been AWOL on a little jolly for the weekend (not for Valentine's Day, which we do not acknowledge, and not with Himself anyway). Just been catching up.

Cherry, I'm glad your appointment went well. I'm sorry that ROCH is being difficult - it's so annoying, I can't understand why they won't just get on board for a little bit. Himself hasn't quit drinking (but then again, I haven't yet either - though I've cut right back), and he has his first spaff test this week. It'll be interesting to see how it goes. Though, knowing him, he'll have the super-sperm of a man ten years his junior. However, if we need to get any treatment, we'll both be quitting to give it the best possible chance. I'm hoping the huge financial outlay will convince him.

Rain, we are not in the UK, but not too far away. All treatments are private here, so if we have to get treatment we'll be saying goodbye to (at least) one year's savings a our house deposit.

barking, you sound much more positive. I'm glad. The babies thing is hard. I'm dithering over whether to go to this spa weekend thing some old friends have organised for the end of next month. I haven't seen them in forever, but they are all mothers and half of them are pregnant. And seriously, all they talk about is babies. And, some of them are really insensitive and keep going on about how "lucky" I am and what a great "lifestyle" I have without kids. It's also really patronising because in the same breath they will bang on about how their lives are so much better and more meaningful now. And also, this spa weekend will mean a three hour drive for me, because it has to be local for them because of the kids. I'm in a bit of a grump about the whole thing.

Fab, I'm shaking pompoms as I type! COW!

Erica, it was great not having a 2ww, but now I realise that I did in fact have one, but I just didn't know it. I ovulated later this cycle, so we did actually have a shot this month. However, I'm 100% getting my period today (negative test yesterday, massive temp drop this morning, tearfulness, some - um - digestive issues). So I'm a bit pissed off, because I had thought we just missed out and that was ok, but now I realise that it was yet another unsuccessful cycle, and I'm more worried than ever that something is wrong.

Typically, of course, my cycle would fuck up the month that I go for tests. This means that my progesterone test was done earlier than 7 days before bleed (though still after ovulation - I think you all said as long as it was post-ov, that was ok?).

UGH, Mondays. I've done zero prep work for the seminar I am leading this morning. I very nearly called in sick. I keep thinking of my bed and how much I want to be in it.

barkingtreefrog · 16/02/2015 13:37

Blue DCW said he'd done his own research and it all said unless you're an alcoholic it doesn't make a difference. Grr.
He had two pints on Friday night and two pints yesterday. If I can keep him to a max of 3 this week, then next week will be quitting time so that's probably the best I could do and it'll be at least 6 weeks before he needs to do his bit. I said the consultant appointment would be the cut off. I haven't touched a drop though .

It's so frustrating though, he turned round to me in the pub after my uncle offered to get him a beer and said 'am I allowed?' Angry. Makes me the bloody funsponge Angry.

OP posts:
badb · 16/02/2015 16:38

And...period. Ah well, knew it was coming. Off home now to eat a naughty and calorific pasta dish for dinner, which I will surely regret tomorrow.

EricaJ · 16/02/2015 17:11

Badb I've been eating cheese with raspberry jam all afternoon. I look semi-pregnant. Not fair! If I'm going to be barren, can't I at least look slender?

Barking I would get really 'pissed off' at the 'am I allowed' thing... I haven't had this particular problem yet but Mr Erica sometimes makes this sort of comment, as if the baby thing is MY thing and he's kindly humouring me... I told him it really hurts me and doesn't do it near as often anymore but still.

EricaJ · 16/02/2015 17:12

Along the lines of 'I know we are supposed to have sex tonight, but can I go and watch the football with the guys beforehand?' - what the hell am I supposed to say to that 'yes, but make sure you are in shagging mood once you are back'? - if you know tonight is seksy night, make your own decision, don't ask for my permission, ffs!

FizzyFeet · 16/02/2015 19:08

Wotcha hags - sorry for the silence, am just back from hols. Ugh for all the general shitness there has been recently and grrrrrrrr about the menfolk and about patronising comments about how "lucky" we are, cos infertility is a really fun lifestyle choice, isn't it? Bah!

TheRainDrops · 16/02/2015 19:50
TheRainDrops · 16/02/2015 19:50

fizz how were the hols?

badb · 16/02/2015 22:45

So, I just learned what a transvaginal ultrasound entails. There was me thinking it was just the old cold jelly on the stomach malarkey. Oh dear. clutches pearls

I realise of course this is just the thin edge of the doctors-poking-about-in-fanjo to come.

Blue2014 · 16/02/2015 22:52

I HATE the lack of responsibility taking! It worries me for when a baby actually comes along,will I always have to be the boss then too? And Erica - yes! Mine asks for permission at baby making sex time too!

Barking - maybe us hags should write our own since journal and the infiltrate his computer with it? Grin

Badb - Angry to your droid

Blue2014 · 16/02/2015 22:54

Rain... Coffee on cheese??? Really?

Hi, fizz (I had a urge to say yo instead of hi but couldn't quite make it work)

barkingtreefrog · 16/02/2015 22:55

bad my dear, you need to get up to date with your terminology. You are referring to a dildocam. And it's nothing, really. The nurses have done hundreds of thousands of these. I'm a pro now, knickers off, legs akimbo, bum shuffled down and making small talk with the nurse while they put the condom on the dildo and put it in for a rummage. Nowt to it. Grin

fizz did you have a lovely holiday? I was quite jealous of DCW being on holiday this week (first teacher holiday he's had that I haven't since I quit. He pointed out that I could be at work, or I could be spending time with his mother (that's where he is right now). That actually made me quite glad to be at work Grin .

Well. DCW is back tomorrow. I have booked Weds off so we can spend the day together. It's shag week. I think I might have thrush Angry .

OP posts:
barkingtreefrog · 16/02/2015 22:58

blue and Erica yes to the asking permission to skip/defer sex during shag week. And does anyone else have to hand vitamins over as if you're trying to get medicine down a toddler?

OP posts:
EricaJ · 17/02/2015 05:36

I accidentally got rather trashed with an ex-colleague last night. Whoops. So may not have much of an upper hand in terms of demanding that Mr Erica stops drinking just right now.

Off to try Rain coffee on cheddar recipe. Yum yum. I like the strongest cheddar I can get with some raspberry jam or honey on top. This coffee thing could just take it to a new level!

Blue2014 · 17/02/2015 19:46

I'm the unhealthiest thing in the world, I also don't take my vitamins. I need a wife to look after me!

FizzyFeet · 17/02/2015 20:28

badb welcome to the wonderful world of the dildocam. Like barking I feel like a seasoned pro now. In fact it's all I can do to remember to keep my knickers on when going to any clinic, for anything! Even if it's just a sore throat Grin

The hols were luffly, thank you for asking. We went to a sunny country that is famous for wine, so neither of us were on good behaviour wrt drinking. I disapprove of the amount that GFBW drinks, but only on general principles rather than ttc ones. His spaff seems fine, and we've done the embryo bit, just got to get the buggers to implant! He did say at one point that if I get diffed he will only drink what I drink for the duration, but I have to confess I'm a bit sceptical. Similarly with vitamins, he was never great at taking them when we were actively ttc and now we have both fallen out of the habit. Which reminds me, I must dig out the frolic acid.

What is all this talk of coffee on cheese? Have you gone completely mad?

cherrycoconut · 17/02/2015 21:56

Wowzers, sure you guys aren't already diffed with all this weird food combo talk... What will the cravings be like when the pregnancy hormones start circulating? The mind boggles Wink

There is strange comfort in knowing I'm not the only one struggling with keeping the manfolk teetotal. To give him his due he's been exemplary since 'the incident' but I'm still not sure the longer term message has hit home. Keep at it hags. My response so far has been 'show me the research that says alcohol is good for swimmers and then we can talk about it.'

Ah yes, the dildocam Bad, you'll be blasé in no time, don't you worry. Barking is right, you'll soon be adept at whipping your kegs off, quick rummage and back on again without a break in the small talk. The padded versions in theatre that they strap you in to are a little more alarming. At one point during my tricky transfer IVF #1 I had three doctors, a nurse and an embryologist gathered round for a rummage.

COW Fab hope you're hanging in OK there?

cherrycoconut · 17/02/2015 22:06

Sounds like a holiday of pure bliss Fiz, glad you had a good time. I'm rattling at the moment with all the drucks, vits, sups etc. I'm taking - but exciting news; we are officially over the start line on our protocol for lucky IVF #2. Yup, yesterday saw the start of the yucky norethisterone hormone hell for a week or so but luckily short lived until I can get into the super human doses of oestrogen. Oh yes.

A tricky week in many ways. Tin hat ready hags, hope you are also weathering the storm.

barkingtreefrog · 17/02/2015 23:18

Fab still got the pom poms out!! COW!!!! Hope you're not going too batshit crazy in the 2ww.

cherry Wow! it's all happening!!! Grin
Hope the hormones aren't as bad as last time.

DCW has realised that between now and his contribution to the ivf, he has a stag do. Hmm I pointed out that was more of a reason to quit completely. There is no way in the world he could have a 'couple' of pints at a stag do and stick to it. It's all or nothing. And if he drinks it all, the ivf is fucked. That group of friends, and a stag do, it's a very messy situation Angry.

I was going to have a massive thrush related rant about Waitrose but I'm too tired. Night hags.

OP posts:
Fabuluce · 18/02/2015 09:32

Whoop Cherry you're back on the ivf bus!! There's something very positive about getting back on it, wishing you the absolute very best of luck!

Bad welcome to the land of the dildocam! The first time I must admit to being a little bit on the petrified side (having had an horrific coil fitting episode previously) but my consultant is one of the nicest Docs around and said if it ever hurt it's because someone wasn't doing it right and to tell them off! It's been fine ever since :) and yes as previous hags have said it'll become weird not to whip off your knicks as you walk in the room and throw your legs into the stirrups whilst carrying on a normal conversation with your doc and your nurse!

Gaaaaah about men and their spaff tests. It's just so astoundingly frustrating. I had a big chat with TWH about it all and to cut a VERY long story short he says the best thing to do is to manipulate the men in to wanting to have the best spaff ever rather than thinking they are failing and being cajoled into getting slighter better jizz. I guess the best example of that was Bugs whose husband took the Ozzie vits and then came back with mega jizz results - imagine boasting about that to your mates at the stag do?? 'I've got to amp up the jizz potential boys so no booze for me this weekend, I'm going for winners!!!' Of course that depends on how open you're being about your fertility probs but it's worth a shot maybe?

Now this cheese thing. As hard as I try I just can't quite get to grips with the coffee thing. And would it work with decaf?? I love cheese with most things (peanut butter anyone?) and can totally do the honey thing but the jury is out for me on the coffee...will ponder it some more...

9dp2dt for me and getting by with the most excellent pompom waving from you hags :). Strictly speaking I could test today but my clinic says to wait until 16dpo which is next Monday. I'm just not ready to end it all yet so I'm keeping my head down and hoping for the best whilst preparing for the worst. So talking to my embies daily whilst job hunting for roles that I wouldn't do if pregnant. It helps keep me grounded. Meanwhile I've been really good at avoiding the lurgy from the family....and then TWH came down with it yesterday. FFS! So fingers crossed it doesn't jump over to me. Not not not what I need!

badb · 18/02/2015 09:54

Morning, hags.

cherry, it's all go! Exciting. Many fish of fingers-crossed.

Fizz, sounds like an amazing holiday. We're off soon as well, and I am actually crossing days off on my calendar.

barking, what was his reaction to not drinking on the stag do? Did he seem up for it?

Fab, don't test. Enjoy your weekend of being pupo (an aside: I'm loving all this new terminology. I could not get on board with the dtd and the baby dancing and the af on the other site. Cringe. These are so much better, thanks hags).

Thanks all for the reassurance re the dildocam. I involuntarily cross my legs every time I think about it, all the same. But I'm quite prudish about stuff like that. My mother says it's cos I is a lady, but really it's just ten years of convent school. Thanks, nuns.

Himself had his spaff test yesterday. There was a TV with some helpful material, but when he was finished, the remote wouldn't work and he couldn't turn it off. Apparently it was frozen at a rather inopportune moment, and he couldn't find the master button on the TV either. He had to plug it out, in the end. Haha!!

Guys, I can't get on board with the ground coffee on cheese. I love a good strong cheddar, the strongest I can find, and I can take it with relish, honey, quince, chutney etc. But coffee?

Fabuluce · 18/02/2015 14:23

on another note I seem to have developed a new weird thing. After eating this morning I got all shaky and light headed and couldn't stop bumping into things so I laid down and have just had a 2 hour nap! That IS weird.

Ooh holidays Smile

Fabuluce · 18/02/2015 15:08

Apparently that can be a progesterone side effect as well. Hey ho.

badb · 18/02/2015 15:30

Fab, that sounds interesting. I'd tell you not to symptom spot, but I once spent about an hour reading up about excessive sneezing and early pregnancy, so...yeah.

TheRainDrops · 18/02/2015 16:51

just popping by briefly to wave my Pomona at fab COW!!!!! Definitely avid the piss sticks for now.
Also yay for chez!! exciting news!!

also, just to say stop over thinking the cheese, honey coffee combo and GET IT IN YOUR GOB. Grin

back properly later, off out with the MIL Confused

ps barking - waitrose and thrush?!? I am intrigued!!

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