The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Hello fankle!!!! So lovely to hear from you, and bugs as well
bugs I was warned against early testing most vehemently by Fab, citing you as her example!! I did it anyway

Fankle I can't believe it's only been 3 weeks, feels like a lot longer on this side!

Fab what 'ya watching?

I found an ally in someone I don't even know today! DCW was chatting to someone at work and he obviously mentioned our row this morning. She had apparently taken clomid or something in the past. She told him in no uncertain terms that he was totally out of order as I was likely to be going through hormone hell and he was to go home and apologise to me!! (which he did )

Feeling a lot calmer. He now understands the alcohol thing is as much about solidarity and him giving something up because I've already had to give so much up as the marginal possible gains that quitting alcohol might bring.
Just trying to stay sane until the appointment on the 23rd .

(that did say waggles but my phone changed it and who am I to disagree?)

Barking that's all sounding good lovely

Omg has anyone watch comedy relief bake off this eve? I've been snorting with laughter - the best happy programme to watch during the 2ww aside from this I've watched the secret life of 4 year olds, The Net, Flight (although only about a third of the way through as it's depressing me) Frozen Ground, The Proposal, all of the latest season of Silent Witness and tomorrow I'm going to start The Wrong Mans. It's an eclectic mix! I also think I might see if I can find Top Gun, the Mission Impossible Films and any other golden oldies I haven't seen in years!

Hello hags, how are you all? fab, how's the marathon TV watching going? Hope those embies are making themselves comfortable there.

barking, how are you? I'm glad to hear you found an ally. Sometimes people need someone else to say the obvious before they really hear it.

Sturgeons of salubriosity and groupers of good vibes to everybody!

I had my acupuncture today, and I'm so thirsty. These two things may not be connected. I think I'll start my period tomorrow, by the looks of my temperatures. Hopefully, because if it waits till the weekend, I won't be able to ring the clinic to schedule my scan till Monday. Clinics should open on Saturdays, honestly.

I have to say - although missing out on ttc this month was annoying, I did enjoy not having a 2ww. Usually at this point I'd be talking myself into and out of poas, and then taking to the bed when its negative.

I've just had woo needles as well bad .
I still feel exhausted. I have a headache. I was supposed to be going to turbo training tonight, but I think another night on the sofa/in bed is calling. This is two full weeks since the uti and I haven't had a day of feeling well. I'm not ill, just totally knackered. And very frustrated because I would love to be out and about doing stuff to take my mind off the shit but I just want to lie down...

Can I just say, the panda in the just eat ad can FUCK RIGHT OFF .
What the hell has that got to do Ith takeaway anyway? Are they saying the feel good of a bfp is the same as having a takeaway delivered? Again, they can FUCK OFF.

In other news, I had a decent night despite missing turbo. Takeaway (not as good as a bfp), Great British Sewing Bee and DCW even bought me some Milk Tray! (he must have got over his sugar thing) . Or possibly because he bought himself an ale from the shop and felt guilty (we're both quitting the alcohol from the day we see the consultant but I haven't actually had a drink other than one small glass of wine after the bfn as I felt I should on principle).

It's Friday, BESHes!!

Hope everyone has nice plans! Particularly vigorous back slaps for our hag sista Fab, who's going through the TWW like a champion!

Fankle congrats on winning your baybee and surviving such a traumatic time like an absolute trouper. He must be well worth it all I'm sure. Jeez, those mothering hormones must be amazing stuff to see you through like such a pro though. You're amazing!

So lovely to see you and bugs fanks for dropping by this side of the tracks and posting the vits for jizz recommendations. Spaff test #3 today and it was good enough to freeze, hurrah, but they still want another backup as it could be better. Good 'ole ROCH did a week off the booze though which is a massive effort for him I haven't yet broken the news that he'll be off it till March.

Glad you're feeling a bit more chipper Barking. Love a bit of woo needles Bad. It does help to flush toxins so you are meant to drink plenty of water after, maybe that's what you're feeling? Thank fuckfor Friday Erica. We made it!

COW for Fab, hope you're chillin comfortably and not wishing your life away too badly?

We finally had our followup at our previous FC today for our failed cycle. I have to say the consultant was genuinely lovely. Discussed ways to make the transfer easier - possible hysteroscopy, - explained why he thought the NK biopsy was better than the Chicago blood tests, went through our bloods with us again and talked merits and otherwise of treating empirically with steroids etc. for immune ishoos. If we ever want to pick up the immune testing they offer then the door is open.

Basically we're on the right track, doing everything we can and that he would advise at this stage. He feels there's nothing to prevent our treatment working and every chance that with this protocol, adding in scratch etc. that it could work and that we were ready for some good luck and some good news. So feeling very positive after that. And now we're going out for a curry. Happy Friday hags!

All that sounds marvellously positive Cherry
Happy Friday Erica

I don't feel that ill for the first time in ages. I'm off to circuit training followed by a swim . Then the pub with DCW and all his bloke friends that don't have babies (all the women are having a meal, the one I'm avoiding due to the number of mums plus the 2nd baby bump present, so the dads will all be home with the babies). It is a bit weird that I dump the girls and go to the pub with their husbands as the only woman, but the blokes aren't likely to be talking babies and only those without them will be able to attend anyway...

Yay for the good news!

And to bugs and fankle - hi!!!!! I love when you CRESH come over here, come say hi more often. Fankle, congrats despite the very hard work xxxxx

Yay, great to hear you may be finally in the mend Barking hope you have a fun night out with the boys!

Cherry, yay for finally getting your consultant meeting but good grief that's just a ridiculously long wait you've had! Do they have any reasonable excuse? Thank goodness after all that time you had a good meeting and felt supported. I can't remember what problem you had with the transfer before - what happened? Are they saying they'd do it under sedation this time round or will the do other stuff with the hysteroscopy?

I'm doing ok on the 2ww at the moment but I'm sure next week will be another matter - tis early days yet! TWH worked from home today so I've had to wait until went out so that I can bake him his valentine's present! I know it probably makes me into some kind of saddo but as he's the one shouldering all the stress of looking after us both financially and do major house renovations and ivf and as I don't really have any ready money to buy him something I'm being ultra twee and baking heart shaped biscuits (they'll be like heart shaped nicer versions of jammy dodgers if it all goes to plan!). Then tomorrow he's making dinner and I'm making dessert - Asian aromatic crispy duck with spiced butternut squash, coriander and mint with a lime and chilli dressing followed by raspberry and lemon baked cheesecake. Nom! Does anyone else have any plans?

And another thing (apols - on phone so can't scroll back) yes that panda can go and fuck off. Almost as annoying as the - I'm 2-3 weeks pregnant woman - gahhh!

Oh and no more symptom spotting than constant lower abdominal cramping (not hugely painful but enough to be aware of), lower back ache, headache, pokey nips and I'm sure when I looked at them this morning the areolas were bigger. But as all of that can be prednisolone I'm not getting too excited. But having them also makes me feel comforted too. I didn't have anything last time and just 'knew' from the start that it hadn't happened. I don't feel like that this time so I'm taking the tiny positives that I can and enjoying (as much as anyone can) being PUPO!

Hey Erica - happy weekend!

Yay for feeling better and for Friday nights doing normal non TTC things Barking. We ate lots of curry with good friends, ROCH had lots too much wine to compensate his dry week and has snored like a trouper all night. Ah well, back on the wagon today.

Glad you're doing OK Fab, your Valentine's Day sounds way more romantic than I expect ours to be, sigh! I married the man who will mend my wheelbarrow puncture rather than the one who will remember to do cards, flowers or fluffy stuff, cest last vie!

Still feeling pretty buoyant after yesterday's apt. Fab, last time the transfer took forever because they couldn't get the catheter in. What should have been relatively straightforward turned into a bit of an ordeal, calling in the top bloke (consultant we saw yesterday) and then them doing a procedure where they pinch a bit of the tissue fold and stretch the skin out of your cervix to help the catheter pass through.

Uncomfy, yes but it wasn't so much the pain that bothered me as the fact that so much messing just doesn't put your body in good shape for cozy warm womble feelings to allow implantation. Sedation or not that's still the case. So basically they can do a procedure that widens the canal to give easier access if that's still an issue this time. The good thing is they should find that out when they do the scratch/mock transfer in a couple of weeks time, and if it is then I know what to push for. A bit more messing for my foof, great.

Oh and he also felt we didn't need the immune testing at this stage which puts my mind at rest.

I think I missed the panda thing.

Whoop for feeling better Barking ! And no, I don't think that going to the pub with the men is weird at all. I find myself in that situation sometimes. Frankly, I am not going to stay home like a fucking martyr because all the other women have babies when I don't have a baby myself.

Cherry That all sounds great, seems you have a great consultant!

Mr Erica and I had a chat about IVF last night (I know, on Valentine's eve, how romantic). We both feel comforted by the fact that the option is there and feel it takes the pressure off TTCing naturally for the next few months. I have been doing research and I think I know which clinic we would go to (not in the UK, otherwise I would be asking you hags for advice).

So I am feeling pretty content but weirded out that reading about IVF and filling excel spreadsheets to calculate how many attempts we can afford is making me go all awwwwwwwww ! I know when/if the moment arrives I'll be a mess and it's probably much harder that I think (you IVF hags are hard as nails!) but right now it is exciting!

So enough gooey gooey stuff. Someone I know is posting videos of her bump, showing how the baby is kicking, on Facebook. For fuck's sake, how fucking smug and exhibitionist can you be!

Happy Valentine's Day hags! I am totally not one for this shit really, we never do Valentines normally, but got out of bed this morning to home made american style pancakes and bacon cooked by RAF's own fair and hairy hand (delicious!) AND a big bunch of roses, so I am a total convert even if it is just this one year! fab you old romantic, hope the biscuits turned out well! Roll on TWW part #2!!

Am now tucked up on the sofa still in my dressing gown watching Breaking Bad (I am slow on the uptake with these cult series). I'd normally be dressed and doing something by now but RAF is regrouting the bathroom so then shower's out of action (excuse excuses).

bugs you're the best, thanks for the link! Will be ordering those today.

chez ace news on the appointment, and the spaff freezage.

fank you rock sister! Can't believe its not even been a month since fnaklet made their appearance, you're handling it like a champ so far. Please keep popping in, as blue said its lovely hearing from you guys on the other side of this shite!

bad are you in the UK? I meant to ask this a while ago. Skipping the odd cycle is good for ther soul - we only managed shaggage twice at the relevant time this month so so am sort of treating this one as a missed one. Droid due mid week next week.

barking so glad you're feeling better. Get out there and enjoy yourself a bit now. I definitely don't think a night out with the boys is weird, I often prefer the company of men to women (I'm not particularly girly, and aside from my closest friends and you lot I can find large groups of women quite irritating, event when kid talk isn't involved!)

erica it really IS exciting in its own fucked up way! It's the same sort of anticipatory high that a gambler must feel I think (although not sure the levels of menkul would be the same!).

We booked a long weekend to Budapest in April last week, only stopped to worry after it was paid for that we might be mid cycle then. Really need to start thinking ahead a bit more!

Nice work RAF!! That sounds well lush (don't know why I've come over all West Country?!) !

Loved Breaking Bad - enjoy! We've just started Better Call Saul so that should keep us going for a while. Have you watched House of Cards? It's TV joy - Kevin Spacey really is one of my all time favourite actors :) I'm currently interspersing episodes of Orange is the New Black with Silk and Brooklyn 99. I'm trying to immerse myself so as not to menkul.

Erica I totally get that - we were very excited (to be fair it was probably more me than him!) when we decided to go down the ivf route. It felt like we were doing something and that I didn't have to stress as much about ttc when it was clear that we had a problem so I should beat myself up about it so much. You will manage it too, it's amazing what we can all put up with for a good cause!

Chez TWH peaks and troughs with Val's day. Some years he does cards and flowers - others not so much!! He hasn't bought a thing this year but he has been super lovely and generally spent the day being a good husband and is now cooking my dinner so I can't grumble (much). However, eeeeeek that transfer sounds hideous!! Fingers crossed you can get it all sorted with the hysteroscopy options etc.

Barking how was your night out? Hope you had fun :)

Bad - has the evil metal one joined you?

Cookies went down well although we popped over to friends and took then with us and they kept them - luckily I have some dough left over so I think I'll just whip up the rest in the morning :). The cheesecake looks ok so far so fingers crossed for later!

Ok I'm now 5dp2dt and having worried that is spoken to soon earlier my cramping has increased and my back is really aching. of course I had to google - who wouldn't??? So apparently this could be implantation starting so please join in with me on an Embie chant - go embies, COW! Go embies, COW! God it is a stressy time. Please please work.

rain It's not that a night out with the boys is weird, lots of my friends are blokes, more that I was supposed to be out with all the girls, but cancelled on them and went to the pub with their husbands instead (who are not my mates, they are DCW's mates). From the outside for those who don't know the reason I ducked out, that probably looks a little weird.

Erica Ivf is exciting. I am swinging violently between 'this is it, it's going to happen now we're getting the big guns out' and 'shit, why am I putting myself through this? I want to quit now'.

chez it's the just eat advert. It's made up of lots of little 'get in!' / high five type moments, the first of which is a panda holding a pregnancy test with a bfp.

Fab I don't do valentines I'm afraid. I hope your biscuits were appreciated!

However, I have had a rather nice day. Dropped DCW off for a run with the dog this morning and went round to see a friend round the corner, the one who gave birth to twins the week I mc'd my first. Then another friend showed up with her baby, who I have actually managed to avoid since birth (just realised she must be a year old now). All three girls now toddling around. Made me realise how far behind I am, and jealous that there are so many of them all at the same stage. Anyway, I kept my shit together and we had a nice chat. Another friend and her husband also randomly popped in, so it was nice to see everyone.
Then I went to the wool shop on the way back to pick up DCW and got myself a new jumper pattern and some wool .
Went for a short walk with DCW, the dog, and two extra dogs we acquired for the afternoon. A friend of DCW's then popped in to borrow a drill, and stayed for a coffee and a chat, then we watched silent witness (the last one) before going swimming and then cooking sweet and sour pork together .
A lovely day. I'm in my happy place .

xpost Fab
COW!! COW!! COW!! COW!! COW!! COW!! COW!! COW!! COW!! COW!! COW!! COW!! COW!! COW!! COW!! COW!! COW!! COW!!

Shit, forgot the pom poms.

Oh hags silent screaming going on here, feeling massively pissed off; ROCH and I haven't spoken all evening and now he's gone to bed.

He had a skinful last night which has rendered the day pretty much a write off for productivity. I get home this avo and the rugby's on, the customary glass of wine is in hand. This seemingly despite spaff test#4 in the diary for next Friday because yesterday's effort was barely scraping acceptable and the week befores deemed very poor quality.

So I voiced my disappointment, followed up by my wish that to make the best of this round we should both be off the booze from now. Which is met by a defiant 'a couple of glasses of wine isn't going to make any difference'. I'm so despondent.

No effort to make me feel special today, nothing done around the house unless you count the cardboard pulled out of the garage and now lying getting soggy on the lawn, no commitment to giving this everything we've got and being as healthy as we can be, no appreciation of everything I'm already giving up and putting in to make this work. Since when did scraping the bare minimum become the new normal. Not in my fucking world. I'm so angry. And he won't even talk about it.

Oh cherry I'm so sorry, it's like you're repeating everything I heard from DCW last week . Why/how do they not get the massive, epic significance of this? Why, after everything we are putting ourselves through, can they not just wind their neck in and stay off the booze regardless of whether they think it will make a difference or not, just to show some bloody solidarity?
At the end of the day it's not about what may or may not work, it's about going into it knowing that there was absolutely nothing else you could have done.
And if his swimmers are anything but excellent, why is he not pulling out all the bloody stops for this? He should eating like a monk, teetotal and necking all the vitamins, surely?
I'm so angry on your behalf cherry .

Fanks hags. We've made awkward peace this morning. Too many similarities Barking they just don't get it hey?

Fab -cow cow cow! When is the 2ww over?

Cherry, it won't help but Mr B is the same, I've had to resign myself to the fact that he will never be healthy. I wonder if a printed journal article about spaff would help? Mr B just thinks I'm a nag but he trusts science!

Just been to a Christening with 100 million babies at the after party (seriously there really were 100 million of them - I counted!)

Morning hags,

I have no idea why men feel so 'castrated' for being asked to be healthy for a few weeks... When it comes to it, my strategy will be to ask the consultant about healthy habits that could make a difference, so it's not me being 'irrational and obsessed' but a professional advising, from a scientific point of view, what will improve our chances of succeeding.

Of course, that may not work either and I will be raging here!

Blue 100 million babies, eh? No wonder the BESH are struggling to get preggers, all the babies have been taken and were at this Christening party!

I am having one of those days when I feel like everyone is pregnant, everyone has babies, all the real life friends that were also struggling like me had their baby (or two) by now and I feel completely left behind and that they actually find it a bit embarrassing to talk to me ... I know it's not true that absolutely everyone around has babies already and that I am being paranoid but that's Mondays mornings and the droid arriving for you sometimes.

It was nice not to have a 2ww, wasn't it Badb?