The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

No I find the dates make the porridge sweet enough so I don't need the honey - remember it's dates in sticky toffee pud (yum!). I've never tried putting peanut butter in it but that would be fatal - I love it too much! Dammit, am now thinking how delish it might be with hazelnut butter. Mmmm.

Do you have a woo needles lady yet? She'll advise you as to what's best and what type you are but also if you get Emma Cannon's baby making bible she goes through the different types in there so you can self diagnose and what's best to eat.

Nice to hear about operation life control cherry sounds like a great plan!

rain bet you're glad you didn't make an arsey phone call now! What's the WW wagon??

After hiding upstairs and having a quick cry, I let it go last night in order to avoid further upset. We're seeing the consultant in less than 2 weeks. I'll ask then if there is anything either of us can do to improve our chances - ie diet/vitamins etc. If the consultant says it won't make a difference I'll give up as it's not worth the fight. I just get upset that he's not prepared to do this on a 'just in case it helps' basis given everything I've sacrificed for ttc over the last 3 years in terms of diet, vitamins, acupuncture, staying off the booze, giving up hobbies, my career etc etc and that's before you consider the actual fertility treatment. He has done 'dry January' a number of times, but he won't quit for a couple of months as we give it the very last try?! It's him pushing the IVF, I suggested giving up and going for adoption instead but he wouldn't consider it. So if I'm putting myself through more shit, why can't he do what I see as a comparatively little thing?!

. See how well I dropped the issue? .

bad I was told the warm thing as well. I now drink luke warm or hot squash as I'm not supposed to have cold drinks.

Erica good on you for the work thing. The enforced break we had last year while waiting on the rmc did my sanity a world of good. Felt more like myself than I had done for years.

fab your comment made me cry . I've decided to also leave my own restrictions until we've spoken to the consultant. Given the length of IVF, that'll still give me a couple of months or more before the important stuff happens so plenty of time to start denying myself at that point.

I like porridge and banana, but I do put a shit load of sugar in it...

I'm struggling. I think I'm verging on being depressed. I still don't feel well. Woke up before 3am this morning drenched in sweat and had to get up and change my pyjamas. Also desperate for the toilet which isn't normal for me in the middle of the night. Feeling exhausted, shaky and have bad AF cramps. I feel like DCW is losing patience with me. Not overtly, just that weary look when he comes home and asks me how I am and for weeks now the answer has pretty much been 'shit'. Can't be easy living with an ill and miserable wife, to be fair.
Work was horrible. I was playing meditation tracks through my headphones all day in an attempt to keep me sane. Had a 3 hour meeting with a colleague heavily pg with her 3rd child who kept mentioning things being put into place for her mat leave and I just wanted to cry and run out. I just feel like I can't do this anymore. Feeling ill, sad and fed up.

It can't be easy BEING an ill and miserable wife though either, hey barking. You aren't doing this for cheap kicks, poor you - if I was this poorly I would be fucking furious, send dcw to live with me a few days, he'll soon be grateful for you!

Mr Blue won't do his part of the deal either, sometimes I care sometimes I don't (it's hard for both of us I think considering we both work with super fertile, super unhealthy people) but I also don't do my bit. I'm overweight, I am not eating porridge at 7am! No woo needles so fair enough to him I guess. It is all such an arse though, remember those innocent days when you believed even a little fumble might get you accidently up the duff?i miss those days, I hate 2ww with a passion (I even hate yours hags, I just want to know now how the egglett duo are doing in snuggling into Fabs womble - someone needs to give me psychic powers dammit!)

Lol yes how madly badly were we all lied to when we were told you get pregnant ANY TIME?? All those lies....bastards!! That's so lovely that you're excited about my embies Blue . Today they should be 8 cells hopefully and they should start the embedding process in a couple of days - I don't know what they do until then - do they float around bumping off the womble walls like a pinball or what??

Barking lovely I really think you could do with getting yourself signed off sick for a couple of weeks and getting yourself better. You're clearly poorly and quite frankly your head, as well as your body, needs a break. You are more important than your job, they WILL cope without you and it will be much better for your relationship too if you can just give yourself time to grieve and then get ready for the next stage. Ivf is not easy at the best of times and you need to prep yourself and your relationship, body and mind so that the little things don't become big things when you're menkulling and hormonal. Please please consider this. If you're at home all day for a couple of weeks it will give you that time to grieve on your own that you need. You will also then be in a better position to get your game plan together with DCW and for both of you to state what is important - what is the outcome you both want and what are you prepared to do to get it. And if there are things you aren't prepared to do, what are they and why. But that is a conversation for when you are feeling more like yourself not now. Right now you need time out of everything, a lot of tlc, probably some more antibiotics by the sound of it and lots and lots of sleep. And some box sets. And choc (it's for the happy dolphins ).

On the porridge debate I always used to love brown sugar and a nana but am now totally converted to the date thing. Give it a go I say!

Oh Chez I forgot to say well done on the new plan - how's it going?

And Rain, congrats on finding your letter - woohoo!

Oh my god, you guys are making me salivate with all your porridge talk! I mix frozen summer berries in to mine, which is yum but not sweet enough. Dates sound tasty and peanut butter - someone hold me back!

barking hopefully these dark thoughts are being amplified by the usual shitty pre droid hormone crash. It is a shit old time, and we've all made sacrifices, lost innocence, lost faith and continue to grieve for the thing we want so sadly but have never had but we are BESH and we will endure and at the end of this, by hook or by crook we WILL win. Whether that's in the form of a biological baybee, adoption or acceptance, it is still fucking winning in my book, and we will be all the more awesome and formidable for it.

erica Great news about the job decision. I think my single biggest regret of this whole protracted ttc shizzle is letting things pass me by 'just in case'.

fab I like your woo nicknames! My lady never told me any. Speaking of whom, I guess I should get back in touch with her at some point soon for pre ivf needling. I miss my relaxing meditation hour! Hope those embies are multiplying nicely!

Form is safely in the post now - barking you don't know how close I was to phoning when I found it! Was Quite a confusing form - each field had to be completed with a yes or a no. For some fields a yes/no meant exclusion from funding and yet the questions didn't always either have a yes/no answer or the answer that would have been ok for funding contradicted the way the question actually implied you should answer. Very confuzzling.

RAF is making chilli con carne for dinner, I am bloody starving! It is WW friendly at least this time (WW is weight watchers btw barking)

Whizzing in during today's paper thin gap between work and bed to check in on the hags and leave rotting shellfish and gin to those in need. Except Fab, you'll have to make do with Ovaltine and some velvety hospitable wombleine thoughts for the octagonal embies.

Barking you've had some great advice so far, please take some time but also know that this is the lowest point of the whole damn lot. Worse than the crushing BFN the hormone crash makes the bottom fall out of the world. You will feel better in time but that's slim compensation right now. Arm rubs to you my friend.

Oh, wise hags you are all amazing. The combined compassion and wisdom for each other on this fred is incredible. I ame in awe of our collectiveness. Much love and respect to all, Rain, Blue, Erica, Bad, Fizz and anyone else I've missed.

Fab you are being very wise, and yes, some time off would be good. However, I only get 1 week paid sick leave a year, so I'd basically be taking unpaid leave. Also, no-one else does my job, so it would all be waiting for me when I got back, but more of it. And we're recruiting this week so I've got three interviews on Thursday/Friday and more next week. They'd have to be cancelled and rearranged if I wasn't there. I'm not being a martyr at all, they'd cope if I wasn't there, but it wouldn't be a stressfree break as it would all be mounting up. Also, I want to keep them onside so they cut me some slack over the ivf.
What I might do is consider asking for a couple of days holiday next week though, even though it's supposed to be 4 weeks notice. Or even just Monday off so I get a 3 day weekend.
And chez & rain you are right, I'm in hormone crash and droid hell, I'm not in control of my emotions right now.

You hags are so wise, I'm so lucky to have you all. Apart from when chez persists with the shellfish. I think she's trying to kill me

DCW and I are fine, he's being lovely again.

Another quote:
A bad day doesn't mean you have a bad life.

Oh no, even the hypothetical shellfish Barking?

That sounds much more positive anyway. We just all need to cut ourselves some slack methinks.

Another good quote too. In the same vein It'll all be OK in the end. If it's not OK it isn't over

Loving the woo needle point names Fab. On my last IVF cycle my acu lady hit up some points for me with cool names too, wish I could remember them!
How is your mum doing luffly?

Have a good day hags.

You hags are all fucking lovely!

That's all. Off to work with tampons & tears now!

Scrap that last post, me and DCW are not all fine. He made another pointed comment about my sugar this morning which erupted into a massive row and me saying I didn't want to do the ivf as I was scared. If I'm this much of a mess after iui what the hell is ivf going to do to me with all the extra hormones and the longer drawn out process? He said he wanted our baby so we had to do it. I said what if it was at the cost of our relationship, he said we'd had one row and I was being overdramatic. I'm now sitting in the car in the carpark at work crying hysterically .

Oh Barking lovely . You're in hormone crash droid hell which is the worst time. Any and every conversation you have at the moment is probably going to end badly. Please try all you can to concentrate your thinking on day to day living rather than thinking about the future as it's not going to help you at the moment. If you're not able to take any sick leave are you able to get an emergency woo lady appointment at all? I think that would probably really help to even up your hormone levels and calm your head down. She should be able to put some seeds in your ears as a minimum and that always help relax me (I have some in right now). I've found that when I've been at my most anxious and stressed out (basically at point of collapse) that woo needles were the best thing to get me into a better state of mind.

barking, I don't know what to say. I mean, I can say that the grieving for the lost possibility, the hormone crash, DCW trying to deal with his own emotions in a somewhat ham-fisted way, the terror of the future and possibly feeling like this again or worse, are all normal and understandable - but that's no good to you right now. But you must give yourself a break, lovely. I know that taking time off is not an option and would not actually be relaxing, but maybe look into taking even a day or two holidays if at all possible.

And then, if you can at all, get away: physically, I mean, to another place - somewhere in the country or by the seaside. And maybe by yourself - leave DCW at home. You need some time to recover and begin to gather yourself together.

Thanks hags, I managed to pull myself together, but feeling very fragile. DCW sent me a text saying he loves me, he'll quit drinking if that's what I want and we'll talk tonight.
I'm going to ask for Monday offso I get some extra downtime but going away isn't really an option as I've got a family meal on Sunday that I'll have to travel to anyway. It's more about being able to do nothing! If I feel better I'll be able to go for a nice walk or bike ride or out somewhere with DCW (he's a teacher, he'll be on half term anyway).

bugs I was just thinking about GP's spaff the other day (I know that reads terribly but you know what I mean!). RAF needs to get on a good multi bit regime prior to IVF and I knew you'd had good results with his. Trouble is I can't find anywhere that seems to sell this Menevit stuff that looks legit? There's 30 caps on Amazon for £35 Inc p&p, does that sound about right? Where did you get yours from?

barking just let it all out - half the battle in preserving sanity is letting the crazy out when you need to and not internalizing your doubts and fears where they can fester. Having you lot as a sounding board for that stuff is invaluable but it's also really important that our OHs hear it now and then too. Just be sure to accept it for the fear driven outburst it is and be ready to discuss it with DCW again later when you're feeling more in control.

only if it's not too much trouble bugs!

Very true rain. Couldn't get Monday off as I've got more interviews, and a big meeting to prepare for on Tuesday as well as the backlog of emails from over the weekend. I've booked Wednesday off instead though, so I'll just have two days to work next week then a break then another two days . Following Monday we've got the consultant, so hopefully I'll be calm and ready to take on board the next step by then .

Good to hear you've managed to book some time off even if it's just one day. Something to look forward to!

Lovely to see you hear Bugs, how's life in the CRESH? I'm 2dp2dt and otd is 23rd feb. Sooo far away! Got a fair amount if cramping today - I guess that's the cyclogest doing it's thing? Tooooo early for symptom spotting surely!?!

I remember it well Bugs so my aim is to be strong (plus I'm a total chicken and would rather be in PUPO limbo for a couple of extra days than BFN and all that entails). Have had cramping all afternoon so have curled up in bed with Netflix. Bleurgh.

Oh hags, my goodness so much has been happening in your worlds. It's taken me about a week to catch up as wanted to be fully up to speed before posting.

Barking I'm so sorry your second iui didn't work and you're in the midst of the shitty hormone crash post bfn. And as if that wasn't bad enough, things are not ideal with DCW, work and your health. But it will improve. You know it will. You've been through shit times before. It's so fucking gruelling though and you do need to take a bit of time out to regain your strength, physically and emotionally, and work out the best next steps for you both. wtf is the prob with sugar though...? Doesn't DCW get that you need some sort of a treat sometimes? And alcohol is pretty feckin high in it too!

High fives to Fab for being PUPO with IVFTWINZ! Giant groper of good luck and pike of plump womble lining. COW!!!

Sounds like things are powering ahead full steam for Chez and Rain ...and possibly Barking for the ivf cycles. Glad the ACU are moving quickly for you Barks.
Appendages crossed for everyone. And waves to Erica Rain and newbie badb

I'm sorry I am so out of the loop right now. I have a huge 3 week old baby stuck to my boob much of the day and just getting breastfeeding established has been quite hard work, whilst recovering from the emergency section I had to have. It was a bit hairy and scary but I felt completely comfortable with everything being taken out of my hands in the end. He was 2 weeks overdue so I just wanted him out, and he clearly wasn't for attempting to squeeze his big heid out of my fanjo! Happily he was totally fine despite his heart rate dropping seriously for quite a long time. Not sure why, possibly from him gripping his cord or lying on it. They couldn't say.

I feel pretty incompetent much of the time (why is he crying? He can't still be hungry? why is he so grizzly in the evenings? Gosh my poor nipples! Etc etc) and MG has just announced that work is sending him to London all week next week, so I feel fucking terrified about being on my own for the first time in 3 weeks. For a whole week! That wasn't supposed to happen until March. I'm not happy with his work right now. I have replied on MG so much these last 3 weeks. And we have no family near us.

Rain I was so sad to read about your friend and her baby. I hope they both pull through with a full recovery and no damage to baby.

I'm seriously impressed with all the BESHly support, wisdom and comfort you always offer. The BESH mafia rocks!!

It really is ridiculous that paternity leave has taken so long to attempt to catch up with the times but, whilst it's not timely enough for you Fankle, at least the 4 week pat leave option will arrive here soon. Over the past 50 years this country seems to have reduced the amount of support we give to women when they have babies to a point when they are terrified and exhausted then left on their own with a baby they don't understand just at the point when they are ready to drop. You look at other countries and people move in and do everything for you for the first 4 weeks giving you time to recover from the birth and learn in a less stressful environment how to look after their babies. And how unfair that Mr F has to go away for a week - that's just so unreasonable! Im grrrrrring at them on your behalf!

Rant over, good to see you Fank and hearty congrats on your monster babe you're amazing!!