The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

cherry, you've got a lot on your plate, no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed. Your gran's and sister's anniversaries must be tough, never mind everything else. Have you spoken to anyone at work about what's coming up, even generally - like, "I might need to take some time off at short notice for medical reasons, so it might be better if my March diary was lighter"? Would someone be able to step in and help with your appointments when the time comes so that you don't feel you are leaving people in the lurch?

On a more banal note, having suffered stress-related sleep disturbances before, I find getting out in the fresh air every evening for some exercise - even a half-hour walk - really helps. I listen to an arts podcast and just stop thinking.

I didn't know that about the . either!

Well that is random about the AND omg I can't believe I've only just found more emoticons on my phone! The shame of not having even tried to swipe across before...

Cherry blimey there's just so much going on for you at the moment. I can't believe it's a year already

So I finally got the call at 12:30. Out of the 9 we had 2 immature, 2 midway between immature and mature, 2 abnormal and 3 mature. Of the 3 mature 2 were fertilised. As there are only 2 fertilised there's no point in waiting for them to grow anymore we just bung them back in ASAP so that will be tomorrow afternoon. Feeling pretty gutted at the mo that we've only got 2 and we have no idea how good they are. Previously this was the bit we could achieve and it was the in utero bit that was the problem so right now I'm feeling like we're running out of luck if I'm honest. But we do have 2 which is better than some have and IOTO right? And at least we can get £3,500 back for not using the embryoscope or the chromosomal testing. Must admit I'm struggling with the positivity at the moment. I suspect it's going to be a long 2ww.

fab so sorry it wasn't the amazing news you were hoping for, but you do have two! That doubles your chances compared to 1! And there is no reason to believe they are not both tip top quality. You could yet have twin BESHlets!
There is still extra shit you're doing compared to last time, so no reason to expect the same outcome.

I can't sugar coat the 2ww though. Yes, it will be shit, but you are strong enough to cope and we're all here to listen and sling the fish of your choice .

Oh Fab, so sorry to hear this, it's a blow for sure but try not to lose heart. Two is still two and they're best off nestled in your womble to do their thang ASAP. Barking is right,you have all the extra drucks to help them get as comfy as poss. I've got everything crossed this works for you. Not gonna lie this is going to be the longest 2ww ever for you. We're all here for you.

Thanks for all your comments hags, gonna ring the clinic tomorrow and pin them down a bit, get some holiday in the diary and do some delegating, jobs a good un. Let's hope!

Thinking of you today Fab
chez hope you get some helpful info and can at least sketch out a provisional timeline.
rain hope you've heard from your friend and she's somehow coping ok.

Hope all goes well this morning Fab getting those TWINZ on board, thinking chilled out relaxy thoughts for you. COW!

Barking giving you much strength to face the day again. Buckets of festering prawns to all for Monday and what it might bring.

Any news Rain?

Hope it goes well, fab - firm but encouraging looks to the two egglets to get cosy and settle in.

barking, how are you doing?

How much do I hate Mondays? Quite a lot. I have to lead a five hour meeting with only two short breaks, and I'm freaking starving thanks to my acupuncture person's insistence that I eat porridge before I leave for work at 7am ?? Normally I'd have breakfast at about 9am which would get me through the first break, but I wasn't hungry for anything at 9, and now I'm famished! And Ive already eaten my second break snack. Gah.

chez I've told you before, will you quit it with the prawns!!!

I've just had a call from the gp. The third urine sample I did last Thursday still had traces of blood in it. They want me to do another. It's a good job the surgery isn't miles out of my way or this would really be pissing me off. It's no bloody wonder the iui didn't work, my body hasn't exactly been a healthy, happy place to be in the last 2 weeks. And today I'm still full of a stinking cold .

Fab still thinking of you.

bad Mondays .

hey hags, sorry I've not been in - was away for the weekend with my friends, just back and catching up now.

fab two is great and the £3.5k you've saved will come in handy for all the extra stuff you'll need for TWINZ

barking sorry you're still so under the weather. Sounds like the nurse at your clinic is a bit of a gem tho, that is super quick work.

Thanks for asking about my pal. She's doing ok, although they tried to move her onto the ward with all the new mums + babies on this eve - WTAF goes through their minds?!?? She's up at GOSH now and baby is ok for the moment. He's in a special ventilator thing to give him time for his heart and lungs to strengthen, at least 10 days of that. Brain damage risk is still very high but they won't know for sure till he's recovered a bit more. So, not out of the woods by any means just yet but both improving bit by bit.

Hags, how long would you leave it before pestering gynaecologist for our IVF referral form? Her assistant confirmed she had completed all the paperwork ten days ago and said it'd be in the post as soon as she had reviewed our test results, which were also all present and correct. nothing in the post yet, I know I'm being impatient but I can't help it!!

Hags,

I'm back.

Rain Glad things are ok for the moment. Someone quite close to me went through something similar and the first few months were agony ... but their now 5-year old is completely fine. Fingers crossed.

No idea how long you should wait, sorry.

Fab Thinking of you today. And you Barking, you deserve lots of looking after and rest and chocolates!

Cherry Please, please, arrange some down time. I've gone through my mum's passing anniversary twice now and even when you think 'I'm fine', it always hits you and you'll need some time to grieve and reflect. You don't want it to hit unexpectedly in the middle of IVF proceedings.

Badb Yup, Mondays suck.

Waves at everyone else.

Re: The BESHmen. I don't know. Mr Erica has explained over and over again that ,if he seems disconnected from the whole TTC drama, it's because he wants to be strong to support me. But I don't feel supported, I feel lonely. Which makes me feel like spoilt cow. I don't know, I guess it's complicated and ultimately, if you are with someone, it makes sense to believe that whatever they do, it's with your best interest at heart.

On the other hand, no one will ever convince me that putting our bodies through all the treatment doesn't make us more sensitive to the outcome. It's just so personal, isn't it? You are doing stuff to your body to 'make' it do something, if it doesn't 'comply' how can you not feel (as wrong as it is), that your body is somehow failing? I have friends who are going through IVF because of their partners non-active swimmers and they still feel the same.

Oh, that was cheery come back message!

Hey, it's February, we can start TTC again next month! Erm, hooray?

Rain, keeping everything crossed for your friend's little chap - sounds like he's a fighter already though. Keep it up little fella - the BESH are routing for you

What Erica said to Cherry - please be gentle with yourself.

Barking your body seems to be very unhappy at the moment doesn't it. Time to be gentle for you too I think before you get back into your hardcore training.

Rain I'd give them a call tomorrow, no point in waiting indefinitely and it could well have been caught up in other paperwork and calling them might give them a needed nudge!

I am now officially PUPO I had 2 very good 4 cell embryos put back in a very smooth transfer this afternoon so all is good. I've decided to take on board all the positive comments from you lovely Hags and be as positive as I can about it all. COW!!!!! And come on embies, time for you to nestle in and burrow down in my lovely snugly womble!

My nipple tassels are out for you Fab!!! Whooop!!!

Come on Fablettes!!

rain keeping fingers crossed for your friend.
Personally, I'd wait 4 more days, then you can call and say you were under the impression it was being posted 2 weeks ago so wanted to check it wasn't lost in the post...

Erica I agree. When it's your body everything is happening or not happening to, it has to be more immediate than someone who is equally keen for the outcome, but not physically living it.
And you're right, I do deserve chocolate .

Fab COW!!!!!!

Having just dropped off my 4th urine sample, I'm wondering if I was a little hasty skipping the 3rd iui. I feel like the last one didn't stand a chance in my currently diseased body. Too late to start now though, and not cancelling the ivf appointments .

Hags, I am sooo tired. And feeling . Going round to a friend's house for dinner tonight so that will be nice. Not planning to do any exercise all week unless/until I feel a lot better. Not even cycling to work and back even though sitting in the stationary traffic that I usually cycle past is very frustrating

Chez any luck with the clinic?

DCW just asked if I wanted to book a taxi to go round to our friends' for dinner so we could both drink. I said no, I wouldn't be drinking. He said he would be, and a glass would probably do me good. I said we were approaching our very last try and I wanted to make sure I'd done my best. He basically told me to not even go there, he ate healthily and exercised and a few drinks wasn't going to make any difference. And if I was going to start on that silliness I needed to look at my sugar intake.
I'm struggling not to cry now. How can we see this so differently?

Oh Barking, his defensiveness doesn't do himself any favours. I'm sure it's just a thoughtless comment because he wants a drink but it still only serves to highlight the lack of connection between cause and effect our menfolk seem to observe. Can you give him and you a week's grace to get your head around it all and then start the clean living with avengeance at an agreed date to get him on board? ROCH is always best with clear dates and relief points. The pure correlation on the end goal is somehow not tangible enough.

I'm taking back the prawns by the way to add cockles of comfort. I hope you manage a relaxed night and some down time.

Whoop Fab, that's great news, so glad you had a smooth transfer to get the TWINZ on board. Glad you are embracing the positivity. COW!

Good to see you back Rain and Erica. Thanks for all the good fishes. You're right, I need to cut myself some slack. Operation life control has officially commenced today. I've booked a couple of days off at some pertinent points over the next couple of weeks, delegated some bits effectively, called the clinic, pencilled in the time off over treatment and cleared the diary. Feeling a lot calmer for it.

Treatment schedule has slipped a bit later than originally planned. Now heading for EC more like 13-16 Mar, transfer 18-21. Though none of the nurses are exactly clear on my protocol as apparently it's anything but normal! Still my diary is now clear so silver linings and all that.

Hungry Mondays are the worse sort Bad. What's the reasoning for porridge at 7? I always have my breakfast at work at about 8.30am while reading emails and dodging the boss who's pet hate is breakfast at work

It was here all along! Found the letter mixed in with assorted junk mail that had come while I was away, so that'll be off in the post tomorrow. On to the next phase of waiting now...

• COW! Sending you plumptious Ishigarei of Implantation.

chez glad you're feeling like you're getting a bit back under control. As others said, you have a ton on your plate right now so it really is important to just be easy on yourself and also not be afraid to prioritise yourself when trying to deal with so many things at once.

bad I hope you got something to eat in the end. I eat breakfast at 7 but have to have a snack around 11 or I keel over. So glad I missed Monday this week, although I have loads on tomorrow. Have arranged to wfh in the afternoon so I can get my notes for this event I'm speaking at soon sorted out plus I have a hair appointment

barking i echo what chez said. It'd be great if our men could just stick to their few, simple tasks on this ttc journey but I'm betting DCW is probably just dealing with the BFN and the impending IVF in his own way, aka with beer. Not ideal, but none of us are perfect!

Speaking of which, I have totally fallen off the WW wagon due to these two recent weekends away. Going to have to crack down again this week I love cake! And wine! And cheese!

Glad it turned up Rain, how fortuitously rare not to have to chase round the houses for it. Go go go, fast forward to assisted conception!

barking, I hope you sorted things out with DCW - I agree with the other hags that he is trying to find his way through it. That doesn't excuse unkindness to you though - it might be worth sitting down with him and having a big heart to heart when the dust settled. I hope you were able to enjoy your night, in the end.

cherry, the porridge is to warm me up - according to Chinese medicine, women need to be warm for fertility. Basically my diet was all cold foods (fruit, salads etc) until dinner time, plus I didn't eat breakfast till three hours after I got up - so she recommended porridge to start, and soup for lunch. I don't know yet whether I think it's hocus pocus, but I'm willing to try anything once.

How is everyone else doing?

Rain Wine! Cheese! Cake! I feel you, my lovely hag! Such lovely, yummy things...

Barking Sorry you had an argument with DCW last night, hope you made up. Everyone here is giving you excellent advice. It's hard, isn't it? Feels like we have to do EVERYTHING ourselves sometimes... Do have some more chocolate!

Badb I also heard the thing about being warm. I like porridge so I don't find it hard. I used to eat pineapple core first in the morning, because the bromelaine is meant to help with implantation. Stopped because a) it wasn't too pleasant and b) it never worked. Give me porridge with fruit, honey and cinnamon any day of the week!

Betacarotene is meant to be really good for fertility, how about some yummy butternut squash and carrot soup? Or baked sweet potatoes? Getting hungry now

Cherry 21st of March should be around the next time we get the chance to TTC so we can be sort-of-buddies!

I am doing well. I think I am going to accept the full time position at work, it feels right. I must grudgingly admit that a break from TTC is doing wonders for my mental health, I feel like myself again, it's given me headspace to concentrate and get excited about non-baybee related stuff. That and the therapy. I hope I'll be able to keep some of the sanity when we start TTC again, fx.

Hope that didn't come across super smug and preachy. Please don't quick me out, BESH, I will do wither and die among the baby dusters!!

Good for you Erica - sometimes we just need A Plan to keep us going rather than living the indefinite life of 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. Not sounding smug at all

I hope you're feeling better today Barking. Please don't forget it's only a few days ago since you got your bfn, you've not got rid of your mystery uti plus you've got a streaming cold. Now I'll admit I probably wouldn't fancy a drink with all that going on but if I did? I think i'd treat myself to a cheeky gin . You are already treating your body as a baby temple and even my nutritionist said in the run up to ivf that having a couple wouldn't hurt. Please please don't be too hard on yourself. Remember you are amazing, (yes you are!) but even hags need to be nice to themselves too sometimes.

Fab Loving the sound of your breakfast!! Do you add honey? I used to add organic organic peanut butter and it was delicious but my thighs started to show it pretty quickly so I cut back.

How do you know if you are a hot or cold type? I know it should be obvious but I rarely feel super cold, in general (like, I don't need lots and lots of layers of clothes in the winter) but my feet, hands and nose are often freezing.