The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Third time lucky for ROCH today; he produced, yay! Not so good it was abysmal quality with insufficient swimmers, boo. So 'I'm alright Jack' is hopefully being shocked into a cleaner regime of not drinking, eating well and remembering to take his vits for the next little while. First week of the six nations and all, this is going to be a struggle. Go number four next week... He better be scared?

Erica soz to hear you've been hit with a double whammy of differ announcements. It just sticks in the old throat hey?

Oh gawd Rain I'm so so sorry. Arm rubs, gin and buckets of prawns for you. And as for the vile old man, ugh! You should defo of kicked him in the nuts and ran. Not that I wold have had the presence of mind for that.

Any jizz enhancing tips from anyone?

Couldn't wait any longer, was feeling physically sick with nerves.

Looks like it failed. Bfn.
Not sure I can face another cycle.

Oh fuck Barking thats shit dude. Would it need to be FMU at this stage? Have the Cahita sucker of condolence, buckets of gin and a massive fucking hug. I'm so disappointed for you.

Just fuck

Oh fuck it barking . Fuck fuck fuck. Is there any chance it might be different tomorrow as this is definitely not first wee territory? My clinic won't do tests until 16 days post ovulation to be on the safe side even though they know exactly when they're putting embies in - there's always the possibility of slower than you think implantation isn't there? Have the sand stargazer of solace.

Rain, Jesus I just don't know what to say. Your poor poor friend. How utterly devastating. And just when you think you've done everything and it's just a case of giving birth so everything must be ok. Just terrible.

And the spitting thing too on top of that day? How utterly gross. Is it possible to go back and find him and kick him in the nuts? What a nasty old man and what a shitter of a day.

frer says >99% accurate on 12dpo and specifically states it doesn't have to be fmu.

Oh bollocks bollocks bollocks Barking. I am totally gutted for you.

So gutted for you. Is DCW around to pour gin and give man hugs?

Well, all the discussion about healthy swimmers and ROCH is having a glass of wine I despair.

Bugger in amongst all this I missed ROCH and his swimmers bit. What's going on with him? Are able to get passed the initial 'total denial and it'll be ok' conversation and down to the 'why won't you do something about this when it's so important to us/me?' one? Why is it so exasperating? We quite happily get on and do the diet changing, have the world and his wife peer into our foofs, have dildocams, sometimes invasive surgery, choose to screw our bodies up with hormones so we are uniquely unable to cope with bad news far more than normal by stabbing ourselves for weeks - we throw ourselves into it all and all we ask is that they drink less, take some vits and wank into a cup. Now to be fair, I'm not saying it's easy for them but it definitely isn't as hard as it is for us is it. There's clearly a mental block about it and somehow you have to be in charge of finding out whatever it is! Do you have any counselling sessions as part of your ivf? Would it be worth going as a couple to see if that might help him understand? Have a sole of sympathy.

I've triggered now so it's a stab free day tomorrow and egg collection on Saturday at 09:00. Just had the bill for embryoscope and chromosomal testing too (heart attack inducing) that need to be paid tomorrow and we don't even know if we'll have enough to warrant either at the moment. So it might be the fastest in and out payment ever.

Ugh barking, so gutted for you. You're not out till the droid turns up but we all know that old cliche isn't worth the iPad it's written on really. Don't go tormenting yourself with thoughts of next time just yet, give yourself a well deserved break and time to replenish.

fab I hope you're feeling a bit more normal this eve and that tomorrow is more comfortable for you. Not long to go now!

chez yayboo to the spaff test (yay for producing it, boo for the results). I've just had words with RAF about him improving his diet between now and the clinic (timed just as he was loading beer and black pudding into the trolley).

I've cleansed myself of old codger spittle, still feeling really about it but I think it's just overspill from the total frustration of not being able to help my friends mc not knowing what's going on (no more news, don't want to bother her with texts asking).

I think we can safely tell Thursday to get to fuck. All agreed? Good.

*and, not mc. My iPad tries to correct everything to stupid things. Fuck off ipad.

DCW doesn't know. I went out to a turbo training session (figured what the fuck) and just got home. First thing he said was he'd had a really bad day and he'd already poured himself a glass of wine. As I tested while he wasn't even in the house, I figured it would be better to say nothing.
I'll test again tomorrow morning because seeing a bfn didn't hurt enough just once, then show him as if it's new to me.
He knows something is up, he's already asked. I just said 'the usual'. Which, to be fair, it bloody well is, isn't it? So no-one in RL knows apart from me.
Sorry, can't even concentrate on other posts right now, apologies for lack of replies and the me me me.

Oh barking darlin why isn't there a fucking love heart symbol with this app?!! I hate that you are alone with this right now, post away about you. I think it's allowed.

Plus -
rain, Ick for the spit! That's horrid!

Fab - tell me about, men are I want to say pussies but like the Betty White quote too much soft when it comes to this. Mr B is currently pissed and has gone to bed - he's stressed apparently

Chez - fertilaid for men gets great reviews, no idea if it works because I got sick of handing them to Mr B like he's my child every day but maybe they'd be good for someone who takes them??

Barking - I have no fish slaps, only hugs and screams of cunt at the moon.

13dpo. FMU. Still bfn.

Hags this stinks. But on the bright side, if this one wasn't going to make a baby I'd rather it failed at this stage than ended up as another mc later on.
Maybe I can get the tears out of the way now so I don't cry at the clinic tomorrow morning while I'm sat waiting for my blood test?

Blue I hear you on the handing out the tablets - I, too, got fed up of saying 'have you taken your tablet?' every day so I stopped bothering. now trying not to see that as the crucial difference between last cycle and this one, we both took then last time and neither of us did this time

Cry all you need Barking, get it out. There's no point storing that shit up to smack you in the face when you least expect it. It's shit. It's not the answer any of us wanted for you and it seems so bloody unfair when you've tried so hard and for so long. For now just let yourself wallow. I tend to think if you really just totally invest in a good wallow then you naturally then find a way out much quicker than if you try to stuff upper lip it and carry on coz we're British etc. Your brain and body need time to get through it. And treat yourself and get DCW to treat you too. Go eat all the stuff you're not allowed to and cycle for 24hours up the nearest mountain (not until you've had the bloods confirmed though please).

And it's not over for you yet Hag. You still have options but don't worry about them at the moment. One thing at a time.

Barking I am sorry and disappointed and fucked off for you. And I YES to everything that Fab said. As I said before, fuck being stoic. This sucks.

Rain How heartbreaking. Life is indeed the pits sometimes.

GRRRRR at the BESH men who seem not to be as fierce as they should at the moment. Chez it may take a few days for the swimmers 'news' to sink for ROCH. Mr Erica has produced decent samples so far, but once he had to wank in a cup two days after a stag do and the difference was shocking. He refused to discuss it for a few days though.

I'm on the run, hags. Sad times at the BESHland today. Thinking of you all.

barking, I'm sorry to hear this. Exactly as Fab says, let yourself cry and rage and punch things. Otherwise it'll sneak up on you. And cry in the clinic, if you need to.

Is DCW in the know yet Barking? I am that we shoulder so much of this on our own. I hope he's stepped up to the mark with the comfort, the loving and the gin this evening. Still so gutted for you. So many options still to pursue but not yet dear hag. Mourn for this one first.

Enjoy your stab free day Fab and fingers crossed for a super dooper haul at EC tomorrow to get you some good ol quality eggies.

ROCH is so far not on the wine this eve but I guess I'm going to have to abstain too and keep a weather eye to ensure there is no defiance in our pact. Shame as I could murder a fucking gin right now. So, vit tablets and some clean livin is the name of the game. Damn you six nations for coming with temptation at this time. In a week, I guess that's all we can do. Worst scenario is ICSI I guess.

I could so join you hags with a massive gin at the moment. I'm entering into the stress zone - will we have enough eggs? Will they be good enough quality, will TWH's swimmers be good enough quality? Fuuuuuck. Someone stop my head please.

Barking, thinking of you.

Rain, any further news on your friend?

Cherry yes the timing stinks - damn you six nations and your fun times throwing temptation at us! Keep it up Hag and fingers crossed that ROCH keeps it up too.

Well, I got through a half an hour meeting followed by a 2 hour meeting followed by a 5 hour meeting, and I only started crying a couple of times and managed to stop myself before I had to speak and anyone noticed...

I think it's going to hit me when I have to tell people in real life. I suppose I'll have to tell my mum at some point...
I'm supposed to be going for a meal next week with all the girls in our social group while their men look after the babies. There will be seven women there who have babies, and one of them is pregnant with her second. All of them got pg since I started ttc. Not sure I can handle it. I'd rather go circuit training with DCW...

Fab don't worry, I'm not hitting the prosecco until tomorrow night, and avoiding the mega bike ride until Sunday.... I can't believe the result is wrong, got a clear bfp earlier than this last time, but have to wait for the blood results to confirm. Going for a long walk in the snow tomorrow with DCW and the dog.

Chez I told DCW this morning. He's currently out for a run. He had to be reminded that he had already agreed to spend the day with me tomorrow, so he wouldn't be going for a run then....

We made a plan. I really don't think I want to go through IUI again. Yes, it worked the first time, but then so did clomid, which then didn't work for the next 5 times. If I'm going through the stabbing/scan/blood test shit again, then I want to do the full ivf marlarkey, with a better chance of success. After that we're done with ttc. If we're pg, great. If we're not, we're both jacking in our jobs/asking for a sabatical and fucking off for 6 months travelling. When we get back we'll have had the required 6 month gap post ivf to start the adoption process.

I like having A Plan.
What DCW doesn't know yet is that my plan involves both of us quitting alcohol until post ivf. If I'm doing the full shizzle I want 100% quality sperm, not potentially sluggish ale ridden swimmers, even if he does 'only drink a couple of pints'.

So, no pressure fab but it's down to you to provide the first bfp of the thread! Good luck tomorrow!

Jeez Barking what a hideous day but well done you for getting through it. And well done for getting A Plan. These are absolutely necessary especially with this interminable infertility shiz. You have to know when the rest of your life will get a look in or there's just no end to it. This is our last round of ivf and probably the end of our journey if it doesn't work. So, no pressure then! I would dearly love to be able to be the good luck charm and finally get us a a BFP but I'm under no illusions either. What will be will be. Sigh and eeeep. A good example of my emotions at the mo!

Don't worry Fab, I ain't having gin either. Worrying about tomorrow is entirely normal but have the warrior shiner of well wishes to see you through. We're all a rooting for you.

Sounds like somewhat reluctant support from the boy Barking, I'm mad for you that he's needing so much reminding of his responsibilities. Your plan sounds like a good 'un though and like you have your shizzle together. Enjoy your stomping and cycling, you deserve it.

Thanks Erica think it's filtering in as well as to be expected. We are having one beer with rugby tonight rather than a small skinful as would be the norm. Small mercies and all that.

They pretty much sum up my emotions ATM too Fab, a bit numb and going through the motions trying not to get overawed by the big shizzle on the horizon. We're also nearing the end of the road. It doesn't make it any easier. Sometimes just remembering to breathe and putting one foot in front of the other without thinking of the consequences is the best way.