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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

995 replies

barkingtreefrog · 12/12/2014 21:42

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

  1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

  2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

  3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
    a) weewee
    b) poopoo
    c) foofoo
    d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

  4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
    a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
    b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

  5. Is R2D2:
    a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
    b) the source of all evil.

  6. Number of pets?

  7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

  8. Lesbian crush?

  9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    b) Over 100 quid
    c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

  10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

  11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

OP posts:
badb · 04/02/2015 17:44

Ironidiff is such a great word. Erica, that's so weird - I just heard the same story, about a friend of a friend. I'm hoping that my tendency to fall foul of Murphy's Law means that I will fall preggers just as the big monies for the investigation tests are withdrawn from our account. But I guess that's unlikely. But one can dream. Also, I too think take the job.

Let us know how you fare keeping away from the old cup'n'sticks, barking

blue, I'm so glad it worked out! Men, wha'?

Beside my office, there's a room that is rented out to drama students. They are currently doing projection exercises that involve extremely loud animal sounds. Not helping productivity. Also, I'm so hungry. I had lunch at 11.30am because of all my lunchtime meetings. However, I am chained to the desk for another hour at least while I wait for a US colleague to get back to me about Important Document. Or should I say, as is becoming increasingly pervasive around these parts, while I wait for him to "revert" to me. Or "reach out" to me. blood boils

Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 04/02/2015 19:41

Hags, give me strength. This is approximately the conversation I just had with DCW:

Me: I want to test early.
DCW: I'm going swimming tonight.
Er, did you hear what I said?
sorry, what did you say?
I said I want to test early.
^^
I want to know if I'm pg, I'm going insane.
When do we go to the clinic?
Saturday
What time?
7.30. It opens at 8. The later we get there the longer we wait.
I want to test early.
7.30 is early
No, I mean I want to test earlier than Saturday.
I thought our appointment was Saturday?
Yes. But I want to find out before then.
I didn't think they'd give you an earlier appointment?
No, I mean I want to take a test.

A pg test. A test that you piss on and it tells you if you're pg or not.
Oh. I didn't think you could do those early.

Arghhhhhhh!!!!!!! Tell me how I got through that conversation without losing my patience!!!!!

OP posts:
Fabuluce · 04/02/2015 20:19

Erm, does he know ANYTHING about this process?? Ah the blissful ignorance! Has he been aware of any of it before or is it your dark secret that only us hags know about? Oh and get that cd out and listen to it pronto before you maim!

Fabuluce · 04/02/2015 20:52

Oh god I just made the mistake of looking up 2ww on the boards. Error. All these women 'desperate' to get pregnant in their first month. Makes me want to stab them in the eye. Not their fault I know, but still.

EricaJ · 04/02/2015 21:18

Another pregnancy announcement. From a woman who was pregnant when I got my first BFP and is now 5 months gone with her second.

cherrycoconut · 04/02/2015 21:21

Barking just argh, sometimes our menfolk are so obtuse. How they escape the battering we take from the mullet of menkul I'll never know. I would be so tempted to test tomorrow but knowing I'd have to go to work after, whatever it brought would be well off putting. Denial might be the lesser of the evils in these circumstances even though I'm desperate to know too

Great move Fab and yay for Saturday's EC, all slotting nicely into place. Rooting like hell for you hag!

Bloody hell Blue your tale is agonising, my toes are curling for you! ROCH also has the spaff test tomorrow, third time lucky he'll be able to produce this time. You'd think he was having the damn thing removed the stress there's been over this. I might be heartless but I'm not sure I'm getting the issue. Yeah it's a bit shit, no you prob wouldn't choose to do it but really? He looked well put out when I said I wasn't coming to support. Erm no, sorry, I'm at work. He genuinely seemed to have forgotten all the lone trips I've made to the hosp to be scanned and fiddled with. Gah. They just don't withhold this info hey? No wonder we have to be the masterminds behind this stuff.

Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 04/02/2015 21:57

fab step away woman, what the hell were you doing there?! That way madness lies!! I'd go as far as to say batshit crazy (my new favourite phrase).
I love the dramatic 'I've thrown everything at this cycle, I don't know what I'm going to do if it fails.' Er, try again? You've only been trying 2 cycles including this one, idiot. I wanted to wade in with very thinly disguised sarcastic sympathy but in my head it had already turned into - You've tried everything? Really? Let me tell you about trying everything. You don't know you're bloody born! I've been playing this merry game for over 3 years and I still haven't tried everything. Grr.

Erica have a cod of condolence. One rubs our face in it. Two is just rude.

cherry fingers crossed for third time lucky! Roch is getting no sympathy from me either! They have it so easy in comparison! DCW seems to be blissfully unaware of any of it. Either he's putting on a bloody good front, or he really is clueless. I never did the 'testing together' thing. I had countless bfns in our first year of TTC, (ever hopeful, and pre temping so hadn't tuned into the LP and being able to predict seemingly random cycles) and never told him I'd tested. The first bfp got a decidedly underwhelming reaction (I'll get excited when we have a baby in our arms) so the second bfp I kept to myself for 24 hours until I got a stronger one. It's not as if he's not seen a pg test before though!!!

I worked out tonight while relaxing with woo needles, that last iui I had the trigger shot 20 hours earlier. This potentially means that this time I ovulated 20 hours later. So 12 dpo tomorrow might not equate to the same stage as last time. Let's ignore the fact that I then started to panic that it wasn't going to work this time as it was too much of a gap between sperm and egg, and focus on the strong decision to not poas tomorrow. I may cave on Friday. But not tomorrow. Must. Stay. Strong.

OP posts:
Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 05/02/2015 06:25

Fuck. I've been awake for hours. Spent ages reading reviews of pg tests. Argh.

OP posts:
Fabuluce · 05/02/2015 07:45

How are you feeling now Barking? Did you get up and wee straight away so you could poas??

Fabuluce · 05/02/2015 07:45

Couldn't not could. Fail.

Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 05/02/2015 08:22

I was so close Fab. Even had the pot in my hand. But I resisted.
Might not be so strong tomorrow.
Please someone find that fucking time machine and drop us all off just before our easy labours.

OP posts:
Fabuluce · 05/02/2015 09:55

Well done Barking - STAY STRONG!!! The most important thing to remember is that by testing on Saturday you will have the weekend to deal with the result (obviously this will mean running around like a loon whooping, then stressing, then being happy, then stressing and repeat - that's a BFP result by the way Wink no such thing as the innocent bliss of the newly diffed instadiffer). Only one and a half more days of the 2ww and then you'll be able to find out. Have the strength of the sabertoothed blenny.

Fabuluce · 05/02/2015 10:55

I sooooo can't be bothered to go out of the house today - feeling bleurgh and very heavy follicled, everything is an effort and all I want to do is stay in bed and catch up with all the silent witness episodes I haven't seen. Is it wrong to blow out a tentative lunch date with someone who blew me out in Monday for this???

TheRainDrops · 05/02/2015 11:09

hags, I've just found out my lovely lovely friend went in to labour on Wednesday. After 24 hrs of labouring his heart rate was dangerously low, they had to do an emergency c section as he wasn't getting any oxygen, and has also swallowed meconium. He has been rushed off to Gt Ormand, Dr warned her he may die on the way and brain damage is very likely as they couldn't do brain cooling treatment as he was so sick. She's been left at her hospital with het partner, didn't even get to hold him. No idea what's happening now. Why is life so fucking fucking unfair.

Blue2014 · 05/02/2015 11:34

Oh god rain! Oh, I am hugging you virtually (even though it's not BESH allowed!) I don't pray but I will do whatever it is my mind can do for your lovely friend xxx

(Haven't read all other posts - will do laterThanks)

Fabuluce · 05/02/2015 11:38

Oh fuck Rain how horribly scary and awful. All thoughts are with you and your friend and their family. There are times when hugs are allowed and I think this is one of them.

EricaJ · 05/02/2015 13:27

I am so sorry Rain, that is terrible. Life is very unfair indeed. Sending you hugs.

Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 05/02/2015 13:40

If ever a group hug were called for. rain words don't describe how horrific that sounds. I hope your friend has had some positive news by now, even if you don't know yet. Thanks

OP posts:
badb · 05/02/2015 16:06

Oh, rain - how awful. Your poor friend. I'm thinking of you all.

Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 05/02/2015 16:17

Been going to the toilet lots today, and not needing much of a wee when I got there. Started getting paranoid. Then the receptionist at the gp surgery called. I need to go and give another sample as the last one 'didn't show an infection but it wasn't clear'. Wtf does that mean then?

rain hope you've had some news from your friend.

OP posts:
Fabuluce · 05/02/2015 17:15

Well that's it terrible helpful - can you ask for the doctor to give you a call to explain what that actually means? And why they've taken so long to decide this??

Fabuluce · 05/02/2015 17:23

I thought all they needed was a dip test for UTI's - you might as well ask them to do a pregnancy test too while you're there!

Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 05/02/2015 17:27

Fab that did cross my mind! Grin
This is the 2nd sample, from when I went back on Monday. The gp dipped it, but also sent it off to have a proper look to 'check there weren't other bugs'. It seems there might have been something?? At least they're not saying 'no infection' and then shrugging their shoulders and ignoring anything else. Surgery closes at 6. Hoping I can get there in rush hour traffic before it closes...

OP posts:
cherrycoconut · 05/02/2015 18:13

Howdy hags, nice restraint Barking, but what IS going on in your bladder? Hope you made the docs for another dip and a preg test

Kinda good news and bad news that the follies are weighing you down Fab. Did you make lunch or were bed and box sets more appealing? I know where I would have been. OMG is it nearly Friday yet? Please stop tormenting yourself with instadiffer freds, not a good place to go. And while I'm at it Barking you can take a tickle with a wet Gurnard too for fuelling the menkul with pee stick reviews.

Rain that's just awful, the stuff of nightmares. I hope it's good news for your friend and her baby.

TheRainDrops · 05/02/2015 18:16

No news yet. It actually wasn't a c section, I misunderstood her original message. It was a normal birth but he got stuck, so she was given an emergency episiotomy (pretty bad one by the sound of it). She was delivering at a midwife led birth unit, so no Drs on hand immediately when things starred to go wrong. The hospital it's attached to have already launched an investigation as (please god) if he survives he will have life changing injuries. Just so shocked by it all - it was only tues that we were all placing bets on when he'd arrive.

To top off this perfect, perfect day a gross old man spat in my face at the tube station on my way home. Was too Shock to react but now wishing I'd turned around and kicked him in the fucking balls. Cunt.

Will catch up properly later when I'm home and have disinfected myself.